Some relationships last forever, but they are full of misery, leaving both people wondering when ‘death till they part’ is going to come. Ever wonder what ingredients make up the type of relationship that is truly happy and lasts a lifetime? When you boil it down, there are 5 big aspects of a relationship that lasts and stays happy.
1. Be Friends
My husband and I were friends before we were married, and we are now best friends. I know that friendship is the bond that helps you look past tough times and stick with the relationship when that intimate feeling goes away for a while – and it does! Sometimes you can look at your romantic partner in anger or hurt or hormonal chaos and see everything but lust and attraction, but the friendship is what keeps the tie strong until those feelings pass and attraction and sex come back into the equation.
My wife treated me like a husband, but not a friend. She had lots of friends that she hung out with on weekends, which meant that I was left alone with the kids many nights. I missed hanging out with my wife, but when I confronted her about it, she just told me that she wanted to hang out with her friends. It was obvious she didn’t consider me a friend. She’s now my ex-wife! – Jason
2. Not Needing To Always Be Right
The saying, “You can be right, or you can be in a relationship!” is dead on. Having to always be right means that you will spend time being angry and hurtful trying to prove how right you are. The thing to remember is that everyone has a different way of relating to the world, and while some ways are clearly wrong, most ways are just different.
I met a perfect girl who grew up in England. I grew up in Canada. When we started dating, she used different words to describe things, and I thought that she sounded ridiculous. I spent so much time trying to prove dumbass things, such as french fries shouldn’t be called chips or cookies shouldn’t be called biscuits, that I ended up driving her away. I learned my lesson! I don’t need to be right about the little and, sometimes, even bigger things. I accept women for who they are and where they came from or I don’t date them at all. – Steve
3. State Your Truth
Just because you don’t need to be right all the time doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be true to who you are. Your partner should know who you are, what you like, what your dreams are, and what you want out of life. If they can’t accept your truth, chances are it’s not going to last. But, if a woman accepts you for who you are in the beginning, then she will accept you as you change into who you are going to be.
My friends and I liked to do live action role-playing. It is a part of my life, but I figured my girlfriend would not like it so I never told her about it. Turns out I should have. She found out, accused me of trying to escape my real world with her, and no matter how much I explained that I was doing it long before her, nothing helped. She made me so happy, and I always regret not telling her the truth about who I was. – Shawn
4. Make Them Feel Important
Everyone wants to feel needed and special, and it is an important part of creating a bond with someone else. Making her feel important can be done in a number of ways. For instance:
- Calling to check in when you are away
- Leaving little notes that tell her how much you love her
- Complimenting her on her cooking, hobbies, or anything else
- Making her feel attractive
If you want some more ideas, this article can help. It is geared towards spouses, but the truth is these are things you can do in any relationship.
I had to travel a lot for work. My girlfriend was initially fine with that. But over time I noticed that she was becoming less enthusiastic about me getting on a plane every month. She actually became less enthusiastic about our relationship. It took a while, but she finally admitted that because I didn’t call or text her every morning, she felt like she wasn’t important to me. I couldn’t see it then, but now that I get a message to her every morning, she appreciates the thought I put into it and our relationship has become much better! – Chris
5. Don’t Let Issues Go
- You have a fight, and you let it go.
- Your partner makes you feel bad, and you let it go.
- You don’t like the way your partner flirted with someone else, and you let it go.
All of those things have the potential to cause hurt feelings, anger, jealousy, and fights. It’s the secret ingredient in unhappy relationships.
And, if you or your partner does not express their issues, then it could even lead to permanent breakup.
If it is important to you and your relationship, tackle the issue right away. Don’t let it add to the reasons your relationship is not going to last. And make sure your partner does the same.
I use to call my girlfriend fat. I know how stupid that sounds, but I did it in a joking way. She wasn’t really fat, and because she laughed, I thought she thought it was funny. Turns out she didn’t. One day she burst out in tears and told me that she couldn’t take how mean I was to her anymore. She broke up with me on the spot and wouldn’t give me a chance to make things better. – Gary