There are a ton of single moms out there. In fact, the latest statistics I could find was that there were 10 million single mothers in the U.S. in 2013 with children under the age of 18 – source.
Therefore, whether you are looking for a single mom or not, you may just meet one who has all the traits you are looking for in a woman.
If that’s the case, and you are a single guy with no kids, you need to understand that dating a single mom is a little bit different than dating a woman with no kids.
And even if she seems to be the perfect woman, there may be some aspects about dating a single mom that you are just not willing to deal with.
5 Things To Think About Before Jumping Into A Relationship With A Single Mom
You may want to try. You may give it your best effort. But sometimes the issues that can come with getting into a relationship with a single mom may be too much to deal with.
Don’t get me wrong, it can be very rewarding to date a single mom. But I’ve seen a lot of people get into a relationship like this, not know what they should expect, and have it end very badly when issues simply cannot be worked through.
In short, if you are on the fence, it’s better to think about the possible negatives (and decide if you are willing to deal with them if they come up) before things get too serious and it becomes extremely hard to leave the relationship.
1. There May Be Baggage
Many single moms have been used or abused and then left to fend for themselves. This can cause them to go one of two ways: they become stronger women or they become weaker women. It doesn’t really leave them unchanged.
Stronger women will learn from the experience and not be willing to accept any guy who treats her poorly into her life anymore. She will stand up for herself and her kids and let you know what is acceptable or not.
Women who have grown weaker from the experience will have lower self-confidence, trust issues, and a hard time having a normal relationship.
If there is a lot of baggage, you may be taking on a lot more than you want.
You can spot a lot of baggage by unhealthy behavior. For instance:
- She may not want to open up to you about anything
- She may be weirdly jealous, even if you just started dating
- She may need a lot of reassurance about whether or not you really like her
- She may give you too much control over her kids too fast
Those are just a few examples.
If you find that there is too much baggage for you to deal with, and you are not willing to have patience as she works through that baggage, then get out before things get to serious. It will save you and her a bunch of pain.
2. You Have To Be Patient
Because she has kid(s), things are not always going to go as planned. A date may get canceled last minute because a babysitter canceled last minute. Or, if her children are older, unexpected behavior problems may get in the way of her being able to go out freely.
If you want to date a single mom, your patience meter is going to have to be dialed up a bit. Things are not always going to go the way you want them to, and if you are resistant to that fact, your relationship is going to have a lot of struggles.
3. The Father Might Still Be Around (Even If He’s Not Right Now)
Most single moms try to keep the father involved in some manner. But even if you meet a single mom whose ex has vanished, you have to be prepared that he may come back at some time and be a part of her life again as a co-parent.
I’ve seen some single mothers hold on to relationships with complete jerks, just because they are the father of the children. It is instinctual to want your kids to have a relationship with their father, and if you are not willing to put up with him being in your lives, then a lot of conflict is going to follow.
Also, an ex might have more influence over a mother than you will be able to deal with. The fact is that there once was a romantic relationship, and there still may be feelings there that cause her to defend or protect her ex in a way that is uncomfortable to you.
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4. Discipline Is Not Your Place
If you do make it past the initial dating phase and get introduced to her kid(s), you are not going to have a big say in how her kid(s) should be disciplined.
In fact, most single moms will make it clear that you are not allowed to discipline until you have earned the respect of the child or children involved.
In addition, unlike a relationship where you learn how to discipline together, you will likely not have any influence over her methods.
That can be a hard pill to swallow when you see a child being disciplined in a manner that goes against your way of doing things. Therefore, get to know the mother and her beliefs around discipline before you get too serious.
5. It Will Take A While To Become A Family Unit
If you love the idea of adopting an instant family, then dating a single mom may seem like the perfect solution. However, it is important to remember that it may take a while for the whole family thing to happen. In fact, it may take years for it to happen (or it may never truly happen at all).
Kids are often resistant to seeing the new man in their mother’s life as part of the family, and they can often be uncomfortable with certain types of affection.
Earning their trust, being a compassionate and kind person, and treating their mother well is going to be a constant requirement in order to create the cohesive family unit that you want.
Can You Look Past The Above Points?
The above points may not seem very negative to you. They may seem like a part of life, and you may welcome them if it means being with a woman who fulfills your every desire. If that’s the case, then great! You are likely going to have a great relationship.
But, many of the above issues can cause serious conflicts in the relationship, and hindsight is not something you want to rely on when it comes to time, energy, and happiness. If you feel that issues are going to arise, they probably are. Be honest with yourself and with her and you will be happier in the long run.