If your girlfriend is still talking to her ex that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason right?
However, if our girlfriend is still talking to her ex-boyfriend that is most likely going to brew up some trouble.
We are going to look at…
*Signs your girlfriend isn’t over her ex.
*What to do when your girl is still communicating with her ex.
This will give you the expert information you need to make sure you act sooner than later and avoid getting your heart broken. Nobody likes to go through that.
Let’s get started…
Signals Your Girlfriend Really Isn’t Over Her Ex
All Women’s Talk has some excellent indicators your girlfriend is still feeling something viable toward her ex.
Maybe she just never got closure?
Perhaps she wishes she never broke it off?
Usually there aren’t clear-cut indicators your girlfriend has feelings for another guy. But it’s important to be wary of a few common factors just so you don’t wind up in a sticky situation.
Her mind just doesn’t seem to be focused
If a girl is still feeling something for her ex, chances are she’s pretty confused, perhaps even distant with you because her focus is not on you.
When you ask her what’s wrong, chances are pretty good she’s not going to be straight up with you. In fact, she may even be confused herself about what she is thinking and feeling.
There is so much truth to the saying, “You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”
If she happens to run into her ex, she might act and look very uncomfortable, in a weird way
If it looks like your girl is juggling “excited to see him” and “jumpiness,” she might still have feelings for her ex.
When he leaves, she might keep on talking about him. Or perhaps ramble on about things they did together. And if you catch her smiling to herself, you are going to have to sit down with her and have a serious talk.
She’s hanging onto past memories
If your girl is talking about all the amazing things she misses about being with her ex, on a regular basis, she’s just not over him yet.
If she talks lovingly about him or acts like he is still her best friend, you best be careful.
The comparison game
Sometimes, this is done unconsciously, where she really doesn’t know she is doing it. Other times, she means to hurt you and when that’s the case, you know she isn’t ready to give you all of her.
Girls pull this all the time. If they are pissed with their current boyfriend, they will pull the “old boyfriend” card. So lame but true.
What this is telling you is that she still isn’t over him, no matter what she says, and you need to accept this and deal with it.
Newsflash…If she was over her old beau, she sure as heck wouldn’t be hurting you this way.
Think about it for a minute.
She keeps contacting him
If any relationship is truly over, both people usually just stay away from each other. Truth be told, it’s very odd for couples to remain best friends, according to The Modern Man.
Regardless, if your girlfriend is texting or calling her old boyfriend, you need to pay attention and have your alert on.
If she still loves him, no matter how much this hurts, she won’t be able to stay away from him. Of course, that’s totally not fair to you.
The small things are remembered
When a girl is remembering the small things from a past relationship, that’s a fairly strong signal she isn’t ready to move on with you. This means she hasn’t been able to erase the past from her mind and it’s still her focus right now.
If she is remembering the small things, that other guy is in her brain and that’s not good news for you.
For instance, if she is humming old songs or talking about the favorite restaurants she used to go to, her heart just isn’t yours.
She doesn’t like that her ex has a new girlfriend
Why should a girl care about what her ex is doing, unless of course she still has feelings for him? Pay attention because if she gets all negative when she hears her ex is seeing someone else, that’s an indication she isn’t over him just yet.
All you need to do here is observe. If your girlfriend seems to care at all when the conversation comes up about her ex and another girl, then you need to please tread carefully.
Perhaps you are that dreaded rebound man?
Girls have a tendency to get sneaky from time to time and your girlfriend just might be using you to try and make her old boyfriend jealous.
Be careful here because you don’t deserve to be the rebound guy no matter how many years you have lusted over her.
She seems crazy happy to chat about him
If she is always talking about her ex, whether with her friends or just you, that’s not a good sign. Simply put, if she is always wondering about where he is and what he’s up to, that’s just trouble.
Time for you to think about what you truly want, need and deserve.
Your girl is trying to meet him
Perhaps, she might tell you it was an accident but she might very well have planned to bump into her ex. Maybe she knows where he tends to eat and hangout and happens to show up there frequently.
Keep your mind open here but play it smart.
She wants to be his shoulder to cry on
If your girlfriend feels she is obligated to be there for her ex-boyfriend, that’s seriously not a good sign. If suddenly your girl wants to be friends with her ex because he has nobody else, you need to keep your guard up.
If she’s telling you he’s such a nice guy and there’s no reason you can’t be friends, you might want to think about your relationship with her and seriously lay the cards on the table.
Ask yourself if you really think her love for you is the real deal?
Sure, she might tell you she loves you but is she really showing you that? Because if she is talking about her ex, that’s really not showing you she cares about your feelings.
Don’t let her use you just because she is afraid of being alone. If she is showing you with numerous signals she wants to get back with her ex, you’ve got to cut her loose.
The ex-boy toy is trying to get in contact with your girlfriend
This is definitely a disrespectful no-no.
If your girl is letting her ex contact her via text, email, or worse yet a phone call, then she’s barking up the wrong tree. That couldn’t be more wrong.
She might try and pretend she has nothing to do with this and she just doesn’t want to hurt him more. But you’ve got to pull your socks up and not take it.
What about your heart?
Seems like she is suddenly extremely moody
This is where she might seem distant and moody after she sees or hears from him. She might also prefer to be alone and happy with the thoughts in her head. The final straw is demanding some space for you so she can figure herself out.
That is the reddest flag there is.
You can have patience and understanding but you need to know where to draw the line.
What you need to do is have an open and honest conversation with her. Tell her what you are thinking and feeling and see what she has to say before you jump to any conclusions.
Here’s What You Should Do If Your Girlfriend Is Still Talking To Her Ex
Being honest and jealous-free is a fantastic thing. But rarely does it ring true.
The issue is, if any ex-dude is in the picture, you’ve got problems.
Truth – You never ever completely fall out of love.
So true.
Many people get comfortable with their relationship and when it’s over they want that security, right or wrong, too afraid to let go and try again.
Another issues is that we tend to look at our past a little more positively than it might be, likely because when you distance yourself from the negative, it naturally seems more positive.
Remembering more of the good than the bad doesn’t help when a girl is trying to move on. Just makes it ultra difficult.
Time To Set The Precedent
You need to show this girl that you are the hunkiest, toughest, hardest or most-sexy crazy guy ever. If you do then she is going to want you because you are “better” than her ex-boyfriend.
If you don’t show her this right in her face, then you really don’t have a chance. You’ll be the one sitting on the fence.
Drama and emotions aren’t always fun but the more a woman goes through it with you, the better. This means she is vesting herself in you and more likely to stick around.
If she’s had years of ups and downs with her ex, that is not good news for you because it means she obviously found meaning in that relationship and that’s tough for anyone to throw away.
So if your girlfriend talks about fighting crazy with her ex and oodles of drama, you need your “spider” senses on red alert. It means she has deep REAL emotions for this man and might very well still have them.
Truth…
*If a woman doesn’t feel a man is worth it, she will leave him at the first sign of drama.
*On the flip-side, if she stays with him, her brain has reasoned he’s worth the effort to push through the drama crap.
Logic and emotion do not physiologically mix. So if a girl is emotional about a guy, she might not make any sense.
So how do you stop it if your girl is still stuck on her ex?
First off, woman have friends for social reasons, security, convenience, and ones that might be potential partners.
If an ex is still in the picture he gives her these 3 needs…
1-He is the key to security
2-She is intimately connected and that’s a natural human intrinsic need
3-This guy is a potential mate because he has already been her boyfriend or boy-toy
Here’s what it means if her ex is still in the picture, on the outside looking in.
Seriously, Why Is Your Girl Keeping Her Ex In The Picture?
Well, it’s definitely not because she can’t find other friends. Trust me on this one. She has specific reasons and you need to pay attention to each one.
1-Simply put, she doesn’t want to move forward without him. This could be because she knows he is committed and invested in her and he’s security if all else fails. In other words, if she doesn’t find someone better, he will take her back with open arms.
2-Your girl really isn’t looking to replace her ex just yet, or ever. This could be a tough pill to swallow. Think about this for a minute. If a girl is really ready to give up a guy, she’s not letting him back in the door in any shape or form, right?
She’ll drop him like a load of rocks and move on “without” him.
It’s all about choice. She can be hung up on the past or open to moving forward with new. Perhaps you might need to call her out on this one just to get it done pronto.
3-It’s obvious no guy is as “everything” as her ex. This one is just plain scary. It’s not fair for your current girl to compare you to her ex, not one bit. If you feel like you are always center stage and being sized up to her “fabulous” ex-boyfriend, you obviously got some serious thinking to do.
That’s just not fair no matter how you slice it.
Newsflash – The reason she is keeping her ex in view is because she seriously believes one day they will be reunited – Period.
Think About How Her Ex Influences You
Here are a few routes your girlfriends ex influences, by being still in the picture, according to experts at Global News…
1-Shortened time-frame for hopping into the sac. You need to sleep with her faster than he did. So if she slept with him after date 3, you better make it happen by date 2.
The faster, the better here if you are serious about getting into the heart of this girl.
2-Be wary because your window to impress has shrunk – You have less time to impress by default. Your girl doesn’t feel she needs another man because her ex is still around. This means you need to captivate her fast and furiously.
Make her totally forget about her ex and you’ve got a shot. Balls in your court now.
3-You need to raise the stakes. You know there’s a guy in her life she already has hook, line and sinker, her ex. This means you are being compared and you either rise to the challenge or slink away with your tail between your legs.
Think about it for a minute and take action.
4-Your girl isn’t really committing fully to the union. Doesn’t matter how you want to slice it. If your girl is still connecting in any shape or form with her ex-boyfriend, then she is not really committing to you, as much as that might hurt.
Having a girl with just one foot in the relationship is not a good thing. Her simple actions will show you straight up she is really not as “into” you as she should be.
Half-hearted is not what you deserve. Take action and believe in that.
5-She shows you straight up she is hard to control, within the boundaries of a relationship. If one person is calling the shots it’s just not going to work. And when a girl knows she has a fallback guy she’s going to use this confidence to tell you how things are going to work.
Rather that figure it out between the two of you, it’s going to be her way or the highway. Eek!
6-Infidelity is definitely on the docket. Sure, you can take every precaution in the world to prevent a girl from cheating on you but ultimately you really have no control.
You control you and nobody else.
And if your girl has an ex on the side, the chances of her falling back into his bed in time is of serious consideration.
Ex-boy-toys are trouble and they introduce a threat no guy should have to face. Just think long and hard about this one please.
So How Should You Deal With Gals That Are Connected With Exes?
The answer is not to go beat the living crap out of the guy. You shouldn’t get defensive and tell him to stay the beep away from your girl.
FACT – You can’t control his actions or the actions of the girl.
Yes, you can influence your girl but ultimately you can’t make her decisions. She has to do that all by herself.
Here are a few pointers to protect yourself when your girl is close with her ex.
1-If you are going to fall head over heals for her, just don’t please. If you know how to have fun with a girl without getting your heart squashed, then go for it. On the other hand, if you are going to seriously fall for this girl, you need to not open that door.
Bottom line…Most girls that are still in connection with their ex, are going to eventually break your heart.
2-If you decide to bite the bullet and get involved with her, you need to be okay with her ditching you at any moment and moving on. It’s fair to say that if your girl is hanging out with her ex, eventually she’s going to ditch you and hook back up with him.
If you can accept this, if you are okay with this, then by all means fast forward past go and collect the 200 bucks if you wish.
Nice guy or not, you will finish last here.
3-Let’s assume you are already extremely into her – Be understanding that she is really not yours and you will have to let her go and not chase her.
Sure, you can always hope that in time she will totally cut her ex off and hook up with you 100%, but that doesn’t mean that will happen.
Back off on your effort, disconnect as much as you can, and if she comes running to you with open arms, you’ve got a chance.
Final Words
Most of the time, there is nothing good about your girlfriend talking to her ex.
What you need to do is step back for a minute and think about how much you really feel for her. Understand that if she is still feeling for her ex, you will never have all of her, as much as that hurts.
You need to take action and take care of you.
*Listen to what she says.
*Look at what she says with her body cues.
Put two and two together.
You deserve to have a girl that loves you for you. Understand that and accept that, and make the decision you need to make for YOU.
Bottom line…you deserve!
I dont normally leave reply on blogs, but after reading each word, I have to say thanks. Thanks for simply speaking about what actually happens. I know I am a “nice guy” simple at heart, very supportive, deeply loving once you get to know me. but my last and current gf has “taught me” women dont really want True love, they want their love, what matters to them. And it hurts that men have to suffer the consequences. yeah
like
I am currently going through the same thing… So much heart ache…Amber I’m deeply in…
Unfortunately, we are being affected by this “problem” due to society evolving the way it has. Morals and Values are long gone, pretty sad.
Stay away from women that have a boyfriend. Don’t even talk to them. Especially if you always cared for them for years. There’s a reason y’all ain’t together. If y’all been talking for 3 weeks and you ask if there’s anyone and she says well there is some guy I’ve been seeing off an on for 3 years. And you have already fell for her. Cut it off. It’s not just some guy she seen for 3 years. Now she will talk about him and she will play the victim. And you will fall for it. And once she gets what she wants you’ll be side meat. I don’t care how good you eat pussy or get her in the sack. Your side meat. And you’ll end up with hpv or a baby you’ll never get to raise. Go find a real woman that has her life together. It’s common sense
This real happened to me this year, i have a bby with this other girl n niw she wants her ex boyfriend to raise my daughter as his n am deciding to let it go mina i will only support my child n dont care abt what she says
And bloggers be like’ Please, let us know how useful this article has been to you.’
Me: Very Useful!. Thanks! Guess I know where to go from here.
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exactly how it feels here thanks but I guess a relationship like this is harder than I think sometimes u think about u loosing her cause u love her that much but u know her ex still wants to come back and she is like should I give him a chance after what we have shared together and the one she just meet she might think either negative or positive about him cause they haven’t really shared much together and later she said she needs time to think about what she wants either her ex or the present one which the present one is depressed and she is confused but her ex dose he really feels that way or he just need her back because he lost the other girls lolzzz sometimes it hurts for u to lose especially when u really love her
Are you retarded? Use punctuation. No one knows what the hell you’re trying to say!
I’ve been talking to this girl for a about a month. While talking to her last night, I asked what she does to deal with stress she told me that she gets drunk and calls her ex. When I asked when was the last time she called him she never responded through text. What should I do? Is it a big deal or am I tripping?
Yes you’re tripping but no your not tripping either. I’m sort of in a similar situation man. In all words, it’s not worth worrying about. When a woman is still involved with her ex, it just spells TROUBLE. Regardless of how good of a person you are, you’ll still get hurt or be disappointed in the end. It’s not worth the stressing over because at the end of the day, your self worth is more important than that.. But hey, I’m drunk myself writing you this response lol.. Best wishes my friend. Peace!
I have been dating a girl for exact one year and we met couple of times. It really clicked for me and I thought she is the one. But, after doing my side of enquiry, I got to know that all this while she was also in touch with her ex with whom she had a 7 year relation (she told me about her relationship but not that she was still in contact). The guy got married 3yrs back and has a kid too, however this girl is still in contact with him makes me think twice. I confronted her with proofs and she agreed, apologiesed and said there are no feelings for him. She is only a well wisher and that they haven’t met for last 3 years. Then she messaged him my details (salary, company name, designation) to which she said she only wanted to make him jealous that she’s got the right man too. Despite knowing all this, I am still wondering does she deserve a second chance and I am overthinking OR I have known too much that may affect our future if we carry on?
Since she wanted to make him feel jealous, only means she still has feelings for him. She’s most likely still hurt or bitter about their break up. Think twice if you want to continue your relationship with her.
Hi I’m pradeep from India but now I’m in Zambia I like you you looking so much beautiful
Struggling big time at the moment. Had an idea my partner for three years to this day started drifting back to her old ways. In which she had Bing nights with her ex. they have just been talking emotionally cheating which I can forgive. But she’s struggling why she is feeling like this? got to be feelings their still, or is it her way of saying I’m not rdy to move on from that life. she was in a bad place when I met her. We were doing great until I had a shitty dream. Came home one day, bloke was washing her hair. I was like wtf. and he walked past me and as I looked at him walking away he had his bum out, puling a moony. She wants to be with me. she loves me as stated, she said she wants to be with me not him and doesn’t understand why she has these feelings are in her mind.
Please help
Many thanks
Looks like she has still feelings for her ex. She needs to figure out who she really wants.
hey
i see you seem to be replying to a lot of people and i need a lot of advice at the moment this might get a bit long-winded.
ok so me and my gf have been together now over two years kinda…
so she just recently took a job on in a kitchen as a chef and the first two weeks she hated it she then met this boy and everything changed she started wearing makeup to work everyday! she also seemed to just love being at work and it seemed like she would stay longer than she needed to on purpose, at this point in our relationship we were kinda drifting apart we were living in a little room together and it just seemed to start getting boring, we then broke up she had enough and she left me. 2 weeks later she started seeing this boy from work they went on 2 little dates to a pub and then they went on a proper date a week later she then stayed over his that night and they had sex.
he then moved back to where he actually lives 2 days later and then told her he wasnt actually looking for a relationship he then didnt contact her for a while, at this time she had blocked me on facebook i think she done this to move on with him however when that didnt happen a few weeks later she unblocked me, maybe a month and a half had passed by now and we started talking again we started hanging out and going on walks together she always seemed not to sure if she wanted to go on a walk but she always did (most of the time)
her and this boy now haven’t spoken for a month!
we started to sleep together again now only a hand full of times mainly saturday nights neither of us drink so no alcohol was involved, after a few weeks of this we decided to get back together and give it another shot, however the whole time we were doing all this she was still loooking him up on facebook everyday 3-5 times a day normally and clearly still had feelings for him.
ok so we have now been back together for maybe 2 weeks and then the night before v day she broke up with me however i feel the causing of that was he messaged her and i feel it stirred loads of feelings up again so she left me maybe 3 days later we got back together again but he started messaging her again a week or so ago and he asked her for money!!!
she said yes to this and transferred the money to him hes expected to pay it back at the end of this month, however after this contact again they now occasionally talk on facebook and they also have phonecalls mainly talking about work etc but im not to sure what happens on the phone calls i hope nothing bad, however she is still looking him up on fb everyday whenever she gets a chance she does seem to be trying in our relationship now but i just feel like crap constantly worrying she will leave me for him again the problem is he lives on the otherside of the country and i feel thats whats stopping her i know he doesnt have the same feelings for her and i think she knows that aswell but it just hurts so much to know she cares so much about a guy who basically f..ck and ducked her and is now using her for money and she still seems to let him do it he was in her life for maybe a month and i just feel like he means more to her than i do and i just really dont know what to do i love this girl so much she has helped me through so much and i just dont ever see myself without her i dont want to see that! I just need some opinions on the situation anything will help but guys please just be reasonable with me im very delicate at the moment haha thanks
Hi Jake,
Seems like you are a second choice for her. Would you really want to be with someone who would rather be in a relationship with someone else? She would probably dump you again if someone better would come along. Who wants to come in second in love? You deserve better.
I know its way too late for my reply! but let the ones who are in the same position as you read and benefit from this!
YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOUR SELF! this girl clearly has no respect for you and your feelings! WHY?! you might ask, BECAUSE, you are a f**king NICE GUY!! you keep forgiving and you keep KISSING HER ASS! you need to stop! there are better ones out there for you! YOU MIGHT SAY “she doesn’t know what she is doing and she will relies it with time that she was wrong”. NO!! you have given her her chance a second time! YOU ARE F*CKING AMAZING AND YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT!!!
Even a songs strikes her to reach for her ex.
Hii, i have been dating a guy for the past 3 mths. I am 37, he is 33. When his ex gf found out we were dating she started messaging him & calling him, then he started to do all the calling & messaging on a daily basis, I found out when she called his phone as I stayed at home from work. I asked him to see his phone, and found out he was also sending decent photos to a girl on fb.. he was also asking other girls for their pics.. I also gave him my phone to go tru because I don’t have anything to hide. I have been really good to him & I do have strong feelings for him but I am wondering if to give up on this relationship or give him a chance. He said he was sorry & he will stop these things, & has actually done so during this past 2 weeks by not calling but he did let her know he’s in a relationship but I’m really scared to get my heart broken. What should I do?
If he has stopped talking to his ex and other women, perhaps give him a chance.
I hope you ditched that guy or else the last year has been miserable.
Hi, Thanks for putting up this article and giving me some pointers about the potential red flags to be aware of in my current relationship in less than a month.
I am 43 and she is 45 and met online like most people except she was supposedly my age and later admitted she was older after we decided to be committed – yes I like it go since it’s only 2 years difference thinking it an acceptable social norm.
We have been seeing each other two, three times a week promises to keep each other inform where we are at through messages. So far so good except when she started to tell me about why her past relationships even though I said at the beginning let the past be past not to discuss it to start anew.
There were four exes, first guy start after university wanted to marry her but she rejected for her career. Second guy lives with his parents was to immature in her view with no savings and no planning for the future with her. Then there is third guy who was ex-military and a control freak which obviously didn’t go well in the end. Fourth one broke up 3 years ago had a long 7 years relationship are still friends despite he already with someone still comes to her help do repairs in her house. Apparently the story goes he insulted her feelings when she pick the engagement ring that he thinks was more to show off to her friends.
I asked if she’s over and it’s only been a year from the past three years since she totally forgot about the break up. I told her I will feel jealous as I have feelings too and she seems to understand. For my part I have completely cut off with my ex and my current girlfriend do agree that we lost time in our youth and not wanting muck around if we find the right person.
We lived 45 minutes drive apart which is fine by me, but properly too far in her mind. But I think distance is immature if it still in the same city.
Am I just being the guy for her to fulfil the lost in her past? Should I be upfront and insist she should cut off her contacts with her ex or I will just move on? She kept telling me they phoned her to see how she is occasionally and that she has nothing to hide. Should I trust her that she know her boundary when repairs are done at her place by her ex? Is she just wanting everything her way? Thanks.
Hard to tell. Is this an occasional thing or do they talk regularly? How often does she see her ex?
I have found this article interesting for sure.
I have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now. Throughput the time I have discovered that she has been communicating with an ex. She has explained it’s all him and she just replies to be nice. I asked her to respect my wishes and if she’s going to communicate just let me know. She messaged him and told him that they shouldn’t talk. She showed me the message and I discovered all of the text have been deleted other than her statement and his reply. I feel like I’ve been played for a fool…
I don’t know if I should believe her now with the so called communication just being one sided. Why would they all be deleted then? It’s really confusing and I am a bit flustered by this. Should I be looking for more truth or just move forward? I’ve been down this road before and this keeps coming up. I’d just like her to be forthcoming to me so we can talk about it and get some closure. I don’t know if I can expect the truth to there relationship which has been hidden from me.
Yeah, seems a little suspicious since she has deleted all of those messages. Perhaps, the conversation between her and the ex got too personal and she didn’t want you to see the texts. Also, you don’t really know now how often they communicated. If it was once in six months or once in a year, then it’s fine but if she communicated regularly, then you definitely should be cautious (unless they have a kid together and need to communicate.)
I don’t know for sure but she might still have some feelings for him. You should talk to her about it. You’ve been with her for 2 and half years so you deserve the truth.
No kids together. And not ‘friends’. It’s really strange. Even when I ask her I don’t feel I get honesty back. It’s very difficult when I’m wanting to trust her but the flags are right in front of my face.
If she’s deleting messages it’s pretty blunt that there is something to hide.
I have 1 choice I feel at this point. Ask her to speak to me further about this communication hoping she will be honest with me, providing me with some sence of understanding in order to communicate forward.
It’s just difficult when I don’t feel I will get the true information. I hate having to follow my gut…lol
Yeah, that’s tough. I would recommend you to talk to her and see what she has to say. Based on that, you have to decide either you trust her or not.
Trust her or not? This article is complete bulls**t. If you love someone (2 and a half years is not a short amount of time) then you have to trust them. If not, remind yourself why you picked such a person to be with. Why would she be with you for 2.5 years if she had feelings for someone else? What if she hid those messages because she knew you would feel hurt looking at them and she was trying to protect you? What if you don’t know the whole story? Or are choosing to see only one side because you want it to fail? Women are emotional and hormonal. If you love her, love all of her. After 2.5 years you should know better.
Hi, I’ve been with ny fiance for 2 yrs,she is legally separated from her husband of 13 yrs but still has contact,as i type she has been talking to him for oh about 2 hrs now n tellin me she will be back to me when she can, we’ve had all the talks n stuff yet she is doin this,so idk how to approach her her about it or how to feel
@Jamie (10/08/2018, 7:30 pm):
She’s legally separated from he ex-husband of 13 years, and spends 2 hours on the phone with him?
Sounds to me like she doesn’t really want to be your fiancee. You should break off the engagement until she decides on what she wants.
Here’s some cold-logic: The reason she’s doing all of this is because she doesn’t respect you. If she respected you, would she still be doing this? Think about that for a few minutes. You are close to marrying a woman who DOES NOT respect you.
Women don’t waste time on men they aren’t interested in. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. Go out and meet women. Give them your contact info and see how many do contact you.
Personally, I wouldn’t bother waiting for a woman who doesn’t even want me. And I sure as hell wouldn’t marry her.
There are literally millions of single women waiting for men to talk to them. Don’t be insecure. Take the jump. Just go for it.
my problem is my new girlfriend communicates with her now ex husband, all day every day, phonecalls, text messages, he comes to her house before his shifts and after his shifts. they will talk all the time even when im around on the scene. my guard has been up for months now but ive reached my limit now, all i ever get is ” we are talking about the children” yeah right at 5 am , 10 pm like is said even when its our time, i have to listen to her talking all the time about him, ive tried to reach out and explain but i get accused of jealously and ive been told i have to learn to deal with it or we are finished. i cannot for the love of me understand why they need to talk all the time, they call between 7 to 10 times a day, its crazy. this is having a massive impact on me i cannot and will not commit to her, we’ve been together 2 years but just cant take anymore. has anyone else had these issues with an ex partner????
not normal man. All kinds of red flags. Seems like you’re just there for security. Sounds like she devotes more time to him than you, nobody deserves to be a second.
I am a lesbian and my girlfriend and i met when she was still in a relationship with another woman. She nevet cheated on her with me. We just knew that we had feelings for each othet so they broke things off and a couple months later we got into a relationship with each other. We have been together 8 months now. We had an argument last night and she tells me that she contacted her ex just to see how she is doing. I am finding the timing of her communication a bit strange. Been cheated on twice and am very untrusting in relationships. Wondering if this is another red flag and i need to run. My girlfriend was honest with me about their communication but i am wondering why she felt the need to contact her. Anyone have some thoughts on this?
Perhaps, after the argument, she was hurt and wanted to talk to someone. Or she started doubting if she made the right choice for breaking up with her ex. We don’t really know. These are just speculations. However, we do know that she was honest with you and that’s a positive sign. It might have been an innocent conversation. However, if she starts communicating with her on a regular basis, then this would be a red flag.
Hi Kate,
Me and my girlfriend have now been together for 7 months and I have always got the feeling that she is not completely over her ex. I have had some problem with insecurities and don’t know if fetching to far on this one. She broke up with her ex because she didn’t see him as more of a friend. He did not want to take no for an answer and was still in touch with her. I told her that I thought it was inappropriate and she cut off her ties with him. Now he reached out to her again and asked to meet up. I am currently in Sweden and won’t see her for a month and she says that she wants to meet up with him because she wants to be friends with him again. He recently blocked me on social media and a common friend to all of us asked if he wanted to meet up with all of us four and he said no because he did not like me. To me it is obvious that he wants her back, but I do not know if it is my insecurities coming back. She asked for distance because I was too “pushy” when he reached out to her and she demanded space. I gave her, her space and she came back. She is still not certain what she thinks but I know she loves me(100% sure). She does not get jealous at all because she is not that kind of person which doesn’t make her understand my situation.
Please tell me how to deal with this and approach this. My gut tell me to let her go, but I want to be in a longterm relationship with her and we have a great thing.
Seems to me that as soon as her ex comes back in the picture, she wants space from you. She is probably not completely over her ex.
She not jealous cause she is doing wrong so she wants u to think it’s ok and if she don’t get jealous she don’t truly love u
So this girl I’ve been seeing for the past 4 months. She was dumped by her ex about 2 months before we started going on dates and cut her out of her life and deleted all of his social media but now they are back in contact with each other and she says they just only talk and were good friends before their relationship. I know she see’s him once or twice a week and hangs out with me quite more than that I’d say 5-6 times a week and yes we have sex and she says she’s only having sex with me but does not want a relationship at the moment. Which I can clearly see why because she’s been talking to her ex and does not tell him she’s been sleeping with me(thinking it would probably make him stop talking to her even though he’s taken out other women in that 2 month period). Also we have to keep this kinda of hidden considering we work with each other as well but I don’t really know how I should go about this girl. She trusts me enough to be around her child ( the child is not from this ex but the child does like this ex quite a bit since he’s spent 2 and a half years with her) and tells me to try and build a relationship with her but I don’t really know if I should invest my time into this relationship since I do love her and I don’t want to end up hurting her or the child because of this whole ex problem. I’ve never been in this kind of position in my life so I don’t really know how to go about it. I know I want to see her still but the ex constantly makes me paranoid because I know she still loves him and the only reason he broke up with her was because she had a problem with his drug use. Do I continue trying to work my way to boyfriend status or do I just leave her alone? I’m 100% sure I want to be more than friends with benefits but I’ve never had to be in this kind of zone for 4 months…. care to give me your thoughts on this Kate?
Seems like she has still feelings for his ex and she doesn’t take you seriously at all. It’s up to you if you continue this relationship. If I were you, I would move on.
Hi I really appreciate your blog. I’m extremely comfffused in my current marriage. There were so many red flags that I completely over looked. My wife as had on and off emotional relationships with her ex, emails,live chats,phone calls and when I was away she was actually staying at his place. We are currently married and she still is in contact with her ex. She refuses to make friends with other healthy women and will only be friends with her ex and others that she may have been involved with in the past. When I try to talk to her about how this may hurt me,she accuses me of being jealous or bitter. I’m at a lost for words now because I have so much invested.
Hello, i really appreciate this.
I’m having an issue related to this ex thing. Myself and my girl have been dating for 2years plus and it’s been good and bad.
Then something happened. She was hanging out with a married man. Then she told me about the chat and i told her to stop. She told me she had.
Then one night, she just came up, crying and begging. Telling me they made out. It was hard to forgive. She promised heaven and earth. I forgave and was trying to build the trust.
Then within a month, she told me her ex is begging for a come back. She said they saw but she wanted a closure (this would be the second closure).
She promised nothing was going on that she can’t go back to him. While we together in the same hotel, this ex was calling so she blocked him right before me.
On my travel to my state cos we ain’t in the same state, i asked that they don’t talk anymore. She said they don’t talk anymore.
So i did a tech digging and found out they were chatting. This ex even asked her to wait that he wanna call her and she said he should in the next 5mins. I’m so broken. Trust i was building just shattered the more.
Two days ago, i called and asked why she still talking to her ex and she said she don’t know.
I love this girl and I’ve gone deep with her… I don’t know what to do. Help me please
It’s hard when you are so deep in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same for you. If she’s talking to her ex and other men, then seems like she doesn’t have enough feelings for you. It’s all up to you if you continue to be in a relationship with her or not. She would most likely not change her ways so you would have to be okay with that or you would need to move on.
Hello thanks for this I really appreciate
So me and my gf started dating like a month and 2 weeks now she’s back with her ex which she told me they where together for 5 years when she was telling me about her ex I’m really in love with this girl she older and I’m really confused I don’t know what to do she do upload things about him she do ignore some of my calls she just suddenly changed since when she’s with him and I really fell for her I caught her several times but I do forgive her later I noticed she do sleeps at his place though we not close its like a distance relationship I don’t know what to do pls I need advice.. Thanks
Seems like she has still feelings for her ex.
Hi, myself & my ex were together for just under two years, our relationship started to change shortly after her birthday. Previously before getting with my ex she was dating a guy who she was close friends with… but he decides to date some else at the time they were together. My ex partner told me this during our relationship & I’ve disliked him ever since even tho I wasn’t on the scene at the time. During our relationship he would continue to like her social media which made me feel anxious at times. During our break up my ex told me she wanted her life & friends back, which I never took away from her. Since the official break up my ex has started to follow him back on social media & they are meeting up & talking again. It’s been under two months since I made the difficult decision to break up with her. But I’ve alwaysed had a gut feeling about him & now they’ve started to meet again I feel like I’ve been used because she’s never stopped having feelings for him. Anybody else been in this situation???
You are rebound guy and probably not the only one she’s done that too. If it makes you feel any better, he will probably treat her far worse. And she’ll keep running back for more.
Hi,
i need help basically, ive been dating this girl almost four years now i never suspect any changes between the two of us. however, she started working about 2 years still nothing, she lives far away from me we only see each other almost every weekends but 2 week back she used to be uncomfortable with her phone when ever they is a message coming in switch off data to her phone, accidentally i saw that she still talking with her ex sending nice messages. two they is another guy texting message on watsup to say “i guess this is the way you express your love”, next day say i love you but she doesn’t reply to this messages it doesn’t show whether they chat or she delete i don’t know , the guy always call her they work together. when i asked she said she do nothing with this guy. so now i don’t know what to think anymore plz help.
She’s cheating on you
All I can say is thank you, any man going through this I can say this is horrible for any man to go through. I’m going through this right now and this is breaking my heart. This post has helped me communicate to my girlfriend exactly how I’m feeling.
hi i am currently in a relationship with a lady for barely an year. But i have a feeling i might lose her back to the ex. The last time we slept together she cried out that she missed that guy so much and kinda they are still in touch with the guy, they talk. I really feel horrible at the moment. what should I do? quit the relationship or confront her over the matter,, please advice appropriately
Sorry to tell you this but that was your signal to get out as fast as you can. This isn’t even borderline. Get out. By showing some balls now you might even become the object of her desire. But you have to push her away to make this happen.
My girlfriend just told me that she still has feelings for her ex. She told me she loves us both and doesn’t know what to do. Her ex emotionally messed her up. They dated for 3 years. Everyone in her life has walked out but I don’t want to walk away because I love her and I want to show her that she deserves happiness. But I feel so sad. She’s been in contact with her ex. I’ve expressed to her how that makes me feel but she is still in contact with him. She accepted his friend request on social media. I don’t know what to do. All I do is cry. I’m tired of crying but it just comes out.
She’s not your girlfriend
Thanks so much for this wonderful message am a victim in this situation my girlfriend checks my phone everyday when we meet but one day I tricked her and asked her when I was away for work in Dubai did you sleep with anyone in the run she told me the name of her ex boyfriend it got me sad but I never showed her after some days I check her phone she is still speaking to that guy and me after reading this I will act and see whether she really loves me because honestly me I don’t speak to any one called my ex which hurts me the more I love her with all of me but when I think of that honestly it hurts because I love this girl so much but I might be forced to let go
I have been dating this woman for 3 months and we fell head over heels for each other. Suddenly a few weeks back she started responding to text messages slower and stopped calling me as much as we lived 4 hours apart. The weekends were awesome and we connected every time but it seemed once we both got home she started getting cold. Well just recently I had an opportunity to peek at her phone and I found back and forth messages with her ex boy toy who is 16 years younger. Nothing suspicious about the conversation but just general chat like we do. He lives 12 hours away and she actually replies to him in the middle of the night sometimes. I moved close to her so we can see each other but even though we talk of plans to move in together she acts distant sometimes. Is this guy still on her mind in a way that she’s keeping him on the hook? She hasn’t mentioned anything about me and her social media has her friends list non visible. Im wondering if shes hiding posts from either of us if something is going on here in her head.
But she has included me in her sons life and we do have a great time together and it feels like a future is more than going to happen. What to do????
thanks so much for this information for sure this is happening to me each time I try to speak to her about her ex’s she tells me how she can’t give up on them because they are her best friends it breaks my heart everyday because I deeply love her but ladies don’t want true love they want always to be used and move on but I pray I don’t get that bad heart because I hate it so much when I love and just continue to get hurt