If you want a better relationship, you can’t just sit around hoping things will change or expect your boyfriend to do all the work. By being the best possible girlfriend that you can be, you can create happier, healthier, and stronger relationships. Use these tips to learn how to be a better girlfriend.
Always be Honest
Honesty is the best policy in a relationship. Many people respond with passive-aggressive behaviors or avoid having tough conversations because they don’t want to come off as the bad guy. Directness and honesty are much better. If he asks you what’s wrong, tell him what you think and need. A conversation is the only way you can reach an agreement. Never make him guess what’s wrong.
Remain Loyal
Perhaps this tip is a bit obvious, but relationships require loyalty. Never flirt with his friends, lie, or take another side. Get sexy just for him and show your loyalty when it counts.
Trust Him
Trust is everything. No one wants to have a suspicious significant other. You have no reason not to trust your partner, and even if you did, you can’t live by searching through his phone and questioning him daily. If your relationship has lost the trust, you need to find a way to build it back up again. Otherwise, maybe you’re just not with the right person for you.
Stable relationships have trust and faith that the other person has your best intentions at heart. Remember that what you have together is more important.
Stay Focused
When you start a new relationship, it’s tempting to wrap yourself up in it. You dive into their world and become so focused on creating a life together and how exciting that is, until you realize you forgot to focus on anything else along the way.
Don’t make your relationship the only thing you focus on. You still have a life full of people who love you, hobbies to work on, and dreams and goals of your own to aspire. These are the things he probably fell for in the first place. Rather than stop working on all these things, stay focused on what matters in addition to your relationship.
Don’t Nag, Complain, or Demand
Behaviors like this won’t help you. It seems like you sit around looking for faults and mistakes people make because you have nothing better to do with your time. Nagging only makes people tune out on what you have to say, making it a complete waste of time for both of you. Instead, talk about things in a friendly way or find other techniques for approaching difficult conversations healthily.
In a relationship, you love your partner and want the best for them. Talking to them and supporting them will provide positive energy rather than steal their shine.
Be Attentive, Not Clingy
There’s a fine line between being attentive and being straight up clingy when you’re in a relationship. Most of the time, whether a person is one or the other depends on how much you like them.
That said, comfortable couples don’t need to prove themselves to the world constantly; they enjoy their time together and miss each other after spending time apart. You want to have a life with hobbies, and you want your partner to have one outside of you too.
When you’re attentive, you’ll notice things about your significant other by being in the moment. You don’t watch too closely, but you listen and pay attention to notice small things about the person. Clingy is when you ask for too much of their attention, and it comes off as needy.
A clingy person will make you the center of their world. Clingy guys in a new relationship might text you back much faster than you text him, and with messages that have less substance like “LOL.” Elite Daily has an excellent article on the difference between a guy who’s clingy and a guy who’s just attentive if you’d like to look at specific real-world examples.
Respect His Space
Along with respecting him, you must respect your boyfriend’s space too. And not just in a physical way. You should always respect his belongings, as well. It’s emotional too. Many guys don’t want to talk about their feelings all the time or constantly accompany you where you go all day every day. Don’t be clingy, but don’t pressure him into talking about his problems with you all the time either.
If you push too much, you will only push him away. He will talk to you when he’s ready. Be patient and allow him to initiate additional hang out sessions or deeper conversations. The relationship will develop naturally.
Allow Space and Freedom
No one wants to feel tied to a cage, and sadly, many clingy relationships can feel this way. With space and freedom, your partner has time to miss you while they’re away. A balance of alone time is essential for everyone to process their thoughts and feelings. They may even choose to spend more time with you later, and you can be sure they’re doing it because they truly want to.
Providing space and freedom in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re having relationship troubles, either. Don’t let anyone tell you there’s something wrong with your relationship. Space and freedom are necessary boundaries every healthy relationship needs.
Inspire Him to be His Best Self
Don’t try to change your partner, and never stay with someone who you want to change. You hear women all to say often things like “He’s great, except for his alcoholism” or “He could be the one for me if only he would stop gambling.” If this is the case for you, you don’t need to learn how to be a better girlfriend. You need to learn to choose a better person.
If you like your man for who he is, inspire him. Help him become the best version of himself he can be by lifting him, encouraging him to work toward his goals and strive to do the same for yourself.
Don’t force anything, though. You can’t make anyone do something if they don’t want, and you can’t create the people you want them to become on your own. However, you can be a role model and inspire him to transform. You must accept and love both yourself and your partner for who you are first.
If you want your partner to grow into a more successful person or change a personal habit, the only thing to do is show them how hard work, self-discipline, diligence, and patience pay off. Practice these virtues yourself and then help him master them when he’s ready.
Appreciate Your Boyfriend
What makes you fall for your boyfriend or the things you like about him are often the easiest things to appreciate. Everyone wants to feel appreciated and loved in a relationship, so acknowledge the things he adds to the relationship and show him your thanks in a meaningful way.
Actions Show You Care
Make him feel special and show you care occasionally. In a relationship, both parties want to be treated right. They want to feel special and properly cared for, and what better way is there to show how you feel than through giving.
It doesn’t have to be over the top. You can show your appreciation in small ways that help your boyfriend feel like the winner he is. Try to see the intentions behind his actions, and when he does something that makes you happy, tell him. Write him a cute note and stick it to the bathroom mirror, buy his favorite snack at the gas station, or any other ways you can show him you care.
Do Things He Enjoys
Do you know what your partner likes to do for fun? Long-lasting relationships all have one thing in common: an element of fun. Couples do things together that they enjoy, and sometimes it may be a hobby or his more than yours. Whether or not the activity is the definition of fun for you, be willing to do things he enjoys. Try new hobbies, go on adventures, and have the time of your lives.
Gain (and Keep) His Respect
To truly learn how to be a better girlfriend, you need to earn your partner’s trust and keep it. Don’t demand his respect without gaining it on your own, and you can do that in a super-easy way. All you must do is believe in yourself. Allow your personality to shine and show off what you can do. The best partner will respect you for who you are.
Look Your Best
While your appearance isn’t everything, you want to maintain a clean and attractive appearance. Continue to take efforts to look clean and nice for your partner to continue admiring you. You don’t have to dress for him, but you can wear that sweater he gave you for Christmas or dress in something you know he likes to see you wear for date night.
It’s not about expensive clothing, makeup, and shoes. And it’s not even about how attractive you think you are. Rather, looking your best helps maintain life. No one wants to watch you slowly give up over time.
Act Like Wife Material
Girlfriends come and go all the time. Wife material is the one who got away or the one he never let go of, and these women know their worth. It’s all about being mature and responsible, understanding that your partner is your priority but not your universe. She’s the one who will take care of your future home, children, you, and even everyone else around her.
Don’t Offer Advice He Doesn’t Want
Women tend to offer their opinion with ease. When you care strongly for someone, it can be tempting to want to fix all their problems. However, when you offer advice for every single issue, even when he doesn’t see a problem, he doesn’t want to know what you think. Sorry to be so blunt, but most guys will ask for advice when that’s what they want. Save your advice until he’s ready to hear it.
Avoid Acting Over Critical
You might not think the advice and opinions you doll out are critical, but he might. Sometimes an off-handed comment can register in his mind like a condescending or negative comment. And the more he feels like you’re critical of him, the more likely he is to find criticism in what you say. It’s a downward spiral from there.
Instead, avoid coming off as over critical by rephrasing your opinions. Use words and phrases that are encouraging and show your support. The less judgmental you seem, the better. Stop passing judgment when you notice you’re doing it and try to understand their point of view. Accept and love your partner for who they are with curiosity rather than judgment. Communication will help you get there.
Have Crucial Conversations in Person
Put down the phone. Every crucial conversation is better made in person, particularly when you feel angry or hurt. It’s much easier for people to send a quick snarky or sarcastic text than to say the same thing to a person’s face.
Never send aggressive or passive-aggressive messages. Wait to talk until you are in-person and alone together, where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.
Take a Walk When You’re Mad
We all argue and get into disagreements sometimes. When this happens, don’t explode. Never call the other person names or say things you can’t take back. If you resort to pointing out another person’s deep insecurities or call names, they may never forget the disrespect. By doing this, you only lower someone’s self-esteem and cause resentment. Both of which will come back as a reflection of you.
Reacting in the heat of the moment will only lead you to say things you regret or don’t mean. It’s much better to take a break to allow your adrenaline to work its way through your body and slow your system back down before you react. No matter how angry you feel, take a step back.
Excuse yourself calmly and take a walk around the block. Time and distance can help you gain perspective, and it provides the ability for you to calm yourself until you can think about the situation reasonably.
Understand He Already Has a Mom
Women are nurturing and loving by nature, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But in a relationship, you should avoid telling your partner what to do all the time. In most cases, they probably already know that they shouldn’t smoke or that ten shots of tequila are not always a great plan the next morning.
Doing so will only come off like you’re his mom, and he already has one of those. He’s grown. Let him be.
Listen Attentively
Everyone wants the people around them to listen when they talk and feel interested. That’s not always the case, however. Couples who listen attentively to each other feel adored. When you listen more, you notice and remember things about people you hadn’t before.
Fix Problems, Not Him
Again, you don’t want to change your boyfriend. If he’s bringing up an issue he wants to discuss, help him find solutions. If he falls ill, bring him soup. But don’t make him feel bad for having the problem in the first place. Support him without changing him. It seems like nagging.
Contribute to Your Happiness
If you want him to be happy, you must make yourself happy first. No one else’s emotions or state of being is your responsibility. He must do things that make him happy, and so do you. The easiest way isn’t to nag at him to make you happy, but to focus on your happiness. Maintain a positive outlook. He’ll follow suit in time.
No one can be happy all the time, either. When depression hits, make sure you tell your partner that your state has nothing to do with them, and they haven’t done anything wrong. All you need is some time to deal with your emotions, and then you can come back swinging. Also, make sure to be understanding when your partner needs some space to deal with their mental health.
Spend Time with His Family and Friends
Couples should spend time with family and friends as well as alone time. There was a time before the two of you become a couple, and there may very well be a time after too.
Always be polite to your partner’s family. Make a good impression by sending them birthday cards and bringing over a side dish or dessert when you visit their home for dinner. Take small steps to show that you care and respect them.
Then, you need to hang out with each other’s friends too. Your significant other has a friend group who has seen each other through thick and thin. They have a strong foundation, and if you want to have a healthy relationship that leads toward marriage, you need to continue nourishing these relationships after you fall in love.
Don’t Compete with His Friends
Never, ever compete with your partner’s friends for their time or attention. Many girlfriends will isolate themselves from their partner’s friends because either they feel like they don’t belong or don’t like their friends.
Remember, he chose his friends, and they are a constant presence in his life. These people are a vital piece of who he is. They’re going to be around a lot, and if you want a good relationship, you should want them around too. Accept his friends, and never make him pick between his friends and you.
Stay Out of Drama
Don’t get mixed up in a fight between your partner and his friend or family member. You’ll only put more strain on your relationship and force him to choose sides. The best girlfriends would never want to divide their significant other from their loved ones and would never place an ultimatum on the relationship. It’s a horrible situation.
Fit the Conversation to the Room
If you’re talking to your boyfriend, he might not want to talk about the same things you may discuss with your close friends. The chances are that he doesn’t care who your coworker Nancy started dating last Friday that happened to also sleep with your friend Jenny a few weeks prior, and now Nancy and Jenny are at odds because they’re both madly in love with this guy. See? Boring, right?
Save the girl talk for your gal pals and attempt to make the conversation fit your audience. The people you talk to should feel engaged in the conversation too. Otherwise, conversations become one-sided. The easiest way to do this is to read the room. Pay attention to other people around you when you talk and if they seem uninterested, consider changing the topic by asking them a question to show interest.
Learn His Triggers and Love Language
You can better understand your partner by learning more about triggers and love language.
A trigger may set off a set of bad or traumatic memories, but there are smaller triggers too. Little things you do may drive him crazy because of something that has nothing to do with you, and if you know what these triggers are, you can avoid them in the future.
Love languages are vital in a relationship too. You can learn to understand love languages to apply them to your life and create a strong partnership.
Keep Him on His Toes
Be willing to try new things sometimes. Send him sexy messages to let him know you still think he’s attractive, explore sexual fantasies, and take the weekend off for a romantic bed and breakfast getaway. Stay open to new experiences together. Building a long-lasting relationship is about remaining vulnerable together and exploring new things to keep the romance alive.
Don’t Look for Perfection
People aren’t perfect. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and it’s not a big deal. Mistakes are embarrassing enough without a partner who makes you feel dumb for doing something silly.
