When it comes to emotions and logic, they just don’t physiologically mix. Emotions can come out of nowhere and throw your sound thinking way off track.
And when it comes to getting a person out of your heart and mind, it certainly isn’t easy.
Here are a few expert pointers that will set you on your way to emotionally detach from that person you cared so deeply about.
When you detach from someone, it doesn’t mean you are shut-off to love. It just means you can still love but don’t expect it in return. This means you can give and receive love freely in a healthy manner and let go of your love to move forward openly.
Fact – If you are over-involved emotionally with someone you become so focused on them, it transforms unhealthy.
What can happen with this?
It can lead to…
It’s important that you know how to create enough emotional freedom to make space between the two of you so you can make the best “logical” decisions for you. They shouldn’t all be based on emotion.
How To Emotionally Detach From Someone
Pointer One – Take action to heal yourself, not get back together with your ex
Experts believe if you want other people to have love and respect for you then you must love yourself first. This means you are going to have to make changes that are going to make you smile inside-out for real.
Perhaps you need to start working out?
Maybe you need to find a new hobby and friends?
You need to restore your self-confidence if you want to find out who you are again after a breakup. Think about who you were before the relationship and find your way back to you. It’s not going to be easy but the quicker you accept the fact you need to do this, the better for you.
An excellent route to do this is write down what you want, what makes you smile, and the take-action steps you need to get there.
Pointer Two – Step back so the both of you can breathe
Smothering is never a good thing in any relationship; whether you are together or just broken up. I can’t tell you how important it is to take a step back from your loved one even if your insecurities are telling you to run toward them.
Pay attention to the teeny-tiny voice inside your brain telling you that you need to step aside and find your own way through this hurt and pain.
Accept the fact that if your relationship was real and mattered, then it’s going to hurt when you aren’t together.
It’s tough to do when you are emotionally vested in someone but you need to do it regardless.
Don’t think about this one please, just act like Nike and do it.
Pointer Three – Be objective when you are thinking about your relationship, be realistic
Chances are you threw your heart and soul into the relationship. Perhaps you were boyfriend and girlfriend for a year or maybe you were married for ten or more. Right now, it doesn’t really matter because you need to pry your mind open and think with your brain and gut, not your heart’s emotional vulnerability.
Ask yourself the tough questions.
*Would you be happy if your daughter or sister were in this type of relationship?
*Do you believe this person was the perfect one for you and there will never be another?
*Did your ex give you everything you wanted, needed and deserve?
If you were going to turn back the clocks and do it all again, would you pick the same man?
Be honest here.
Each of these questions are going to help detach you from the emotional and push you towards the logical and practical, which of course you can take control of.
Use this line of thinking to push yourself away from this person that is obviously not right for you. Stand strong and shift forward honestly and positively and you will be just fine; no matter how much it hurts in the now.
Pointer Four – Truthfully figure out why you are still attached
This is a tough one but the best way for you to detach is to face the facts as to why you are still attached. It’s not right or wrong, it just is.
Think about why you are having trouble detaching and the unhealthy effect it presents to you.
Perhaps you are still dating this person you know you need to be finished with because of comfort reasons. Maybe you are managing to hang on because you just can’t stand the thought of being alone?
The first step in moving away from someone is pinpointing why you are still hooked up with them.
Are you happy with your partner right now, exactly as they are?
Are you selling yourself way short staying with this person?
In all honesty, sometimes it’s not worth it to detach and throw in the towel. If this is the case, then you both need to agree to work on your relationships and get the help you need to work through your issues.
Every couple is going to run into relationship issues. Some you can work through and others just aren’t worth it.
Figure out the truth and you can create a plan of action to detach in a healthy way and move forward positively in time.
Pointer Five – Pay attention to other people in the same boat who have figured out how to let someone go
If you open yourself to learning from others and listen to the relationship struggles they have battled, you can pick up on the subtle steps you need to take.
There’s something comforting when you hear about people in the same boat as you.
When you can relate, you don’t feel so depressed and sad about your own situation and more open to figure out what you need to do in order to detach.
Something to think about.
Pointer Six – Pain is always short-lived in detachment
You need to remind yourself that the pain and loss of emptiness you are feeling right now is just temporary, it won’t last forever.
You will learn to trust and love again and need to believe it.
Sure, the process will take some time but the pain and hurt will fade. I promise you that.
All Women’s Talk delivers expert tactics to separate your heart from a loved one as quickly and painlessly as possible.
It’s tough when you are always with someone and suddenly everything comes to a halt. No doubt, it will hurt but there are proven methods to make it hurt less and speed up the healing process…
Pointer Seven – Make a point of grieving the loss
It’s important to be real here and if you seriously cared about your ex, then you are going to be hurt when it all comes to an end, regardless of the circumstance.
This cycle of grieving is normal, whether you lost a loved one or the love of your life. And you need to give yourself permission to be sad and move forward when you are ready.
It takes time to build a meaningful relationship and that means it’s only fair to take some time to break it down.
Pointer Eight – No contact is the route to go
You need to understand this is something vital you must do. If you ever want to heal and move forward to find your smile again, you are going to have to use the “no contact” rule. No matter how badly you want to text your ex or meet for a coffee or whatever, don’t do it.
All this is going to do is stall the healing process and hurt you more.
Do you really want your heart to keep breaking over and over again?
I think not.
If you reach out to him, you are only going to feed his ego and that’s just wrong. It’s also going to make you feel crappy too.
Just don’t do it and it will get better – Believe.
Pointer Nine – Stay away from his friends and family at all cost
All this is going to do is make you hurt worse and question whether or not you should be distancing yourself from your ex.
Not a good thing any way you slice it.
You can’t let yourself be swayed by outside influences right now. You broke up for a reason and exes are exes for a reason.
If you are with his friends or friends you share together, you are going to be tempted to ask about him and see what he’s up to.
That does not help you heal – Period.
Add to that the fact if you steer clear of your exe’s friends and hangouts, you are less likely to run into him face to face. And that’s never a good thing when you are trying to emotionally detach from him.
Pointer Ten – Understand that a friendship just isn’t in the cards
It doesn’t matter how hard you try because after you breakup with someone, it’s just impossible to be friends; in fact it’s just plain silly to even try.
Even if you ended the union on neutral terms, that doesn’t give you the green light or a friendship. After you’ve crossed that line from friends into lovers, there really is no going back.
The only way you can truly become friends is to give each other the time and space to heal and move onto another relationship. Only then do you have the chance of becoming friends. When you are both in love with another.
If you make the mistake of trying to force yourself into a friendship for comfort and convenience, out of sheer fear of loneliness, you’re headed for disaster.
Pointer Eleven – Take off your happy glasses
Sometimes when you want something so bad, your logical judgment is clouded and you find a way to ignore the bad things and focus on the good and that’s not okay in a relationship.
Often when couples break up, it isn’t until after the fact they start to notice the great things about their relationship.
Too little too late.
You’ll forget about what a prick he was most of the time and all the destructive arguments you had for no reason at all.
It’s understandable you might slip into this zone or mode of thinking, but you need to nip it in the bud and make sure it just doesn’t happen.
Let’s go the old-fashioned route here.
Get out a pen and piece of paper and write down all the things you can’t stand about your ex. Seeing is believing. Post it on your fridge or beside your bed if you want. Just make sure it’s going to be in your face while you are struggling through the detachment process.
You need to consciously remind yourself of why he is now your ex and that it’s in your best interest to keep it that way. Stay strong, you know you can.
Pointer Twelve – Run from those little things that remind you of him
You can burn them or run from them, depending on what they are specifically. What’s important is you do your best to steer clear of anything and everything that’s going to remind you of your ex.
It’s not healthy for you when you are trying hard to get him out of your heart and mind once and for all.
Go through your place and throw out anything that was given to you by him; jewelry, a pair of shoes, whatever. Do the same with your car and any messages or notes you might have in your phone.
Newsflash – If you keep reminding yourself of him, it’s going to be harder to forget and that just means more pain longer for you. That’s not what you need or deserve.
Cutting emotional ties is tough and that’s why it’s so important to get rid of any triggers that will make you miss him or remember him.
Pointer Thirteen – Take action to find a new focus
This doesn’t mean jumping into the arms of another man. What it means is you need to get off your butt and find new things to do.
You might want to take a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to visit.
How about calling up old friends and reconnecting?
Maybe you want to volunteer for a charity organization or find a new passion?
It’s going to be hard but this is a necessary evil if you want to successfully detach from your ex completely. Think of all the things you wanted to do, but maybe couldn’t because your ex wasn’t interested.
Now is the time to dive right in and get them done.
Will this be hard? Yes, it will.
But you need to give yourself the chance to build a new life without your ex and you deserve to do it with a smile.
Sometimes there are more serious reasons you should be detaching from your ex completely.
Here are a few warning signals that you are involved with an emotional manipulator and you need to detach fast:
Mail Online experts uncover important pointers you need to be aware of that signal you are dating or your ex is a dangerous emotional manipulator and you need to end it fast.
*Do you feel like you are always the one apologizing?
*When they hurt, you are you the one that feels bad and accepts blame?
What emotional manipulators do is take advantage of your soft spots and use this to take control of you. Before you know it, they will have you in a destructive cycle of apologizing, promising change, and starting all over again.
Here are a couple of key signals the man you thought you loved is taking advantage of your emotions.
1-He is a pro at minimizing how you are feeling and always makes you feel like you are overreacting to the things that matter to you in your life. Emotional manipulators don’t take responsibility for their actions, ever. They place blame and cleverly justify this with something you have done.
A little piece of nothing that helps them validate their feelings. That’s just totally nasty.
2-This man has no issues putting you down in public, particularly in front of your close friends and family and never explains themselves. Emotionally abusive people like to belittle people and never have the balls to back it up.
They love making you feel like you are less than them and make sure you know that you would “never understand” if they told you.
On the opposite side of the coin, this person will flip out if you can’t meet them and satisfy their needs whether you know them or not. This kills your brain making you worry if your next step is going to upset them or not.
Definitely a strong signal you need to detach from this basket case as fast as you can.
3-When they are behaving badly they find a way to turn the tables on you. An emotionally messed up person has this innate ability to always find a way to place the blame on you, or rather make you feel like you are to blame when they are the ones in the wrong.
This is a sneaky tool uses to weaken your defenses and give you control over them.
Please be cautious of this one and if you see it, you need to make your break solid.
4-They never actually step up to the plate to explain themselves. Always telling you that you’d never understand them anyway. One trait of an emotional manipulator at his worst is to never ever stop and explain things to you. They cleverly scoot around the issue and just tell you that it’s not worth their time, because you will never get it anyway.
Call them out on this one and if they can’t explain their wants, needs, desires, and irrational actions, you need to kick them straight to the curb and hope the garbage truck comes fast.
5-He always challenges you and when you are having a crappy he makes sure you know his day is worse. Always having to one-up you isn’t healthy.
FACT – Emotional manipulators only care about themselves, nobody else.
This is another clear-cut example that they will never ever care about you and your feelings. Repeatedly, they are just going to make you feel bad about trying to communicate your feelings.
6-When you have reached your limit and have had enough, your partner temporarily changes his ways to “nicey-nice.”
These manipulators will only temporarily change their behaviors when they realize you are done and set to leave them.
In other words, when they have pushed you to your limit, they will back off just enough to make you question yourself and perhaps try to hang on.
This is a sneaky mean way to keep you with them and you need to be wary of it.
Truth – Emotional manipulators do not change so don’t let your mind wander to “Perfect Land” and think you will be able to help them change their horrific ways.
You can’t and it won’t work. Accept that now and get out.
It’s never easy to detach yourself from someone you love. Doesn’t matter if they are an emotional manipulator or just someone you feel out of love with.
*There is no easy way.
You’ve got to give yourself the time you need to work through it using these expert tips and strategies to hopefully make the process a touch easier than it would be otherwise.
Best of Luck. You CAN do it!