How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

How to get out of the friend zone? Ahhh…one day you’re friends and then suddenly out of nowhere you start wanting more. Going from friend to boyfriend or friend to girlfriend isn’t always easy.

Experts from Psychology Today advise there are steps to take if you are going to smoothly reconfigure your relationship into “boyfriend or girlfriend” status.

Stepping out of the friend zone can be downright scary but it can also be exciting and lead to something truly amazing.

Where there’s a will there’s a way.

Without risk there’s no reward.

Here are a few simple techniques that will help you make the transition easy.

First, Let’s Define What “The Friend Zone” Is…

In a nutshell this is where one person in a friendship decides they have stronger feelings for the other person and would like to take a crack at becoming more than friends.

BEWARE – It’s very difficult to reverse back to a simple friendship after you’ve crossed the line. You may think you can do it but saying and doing are totally different here. Remember that emotion and logic don’t mix.

Often the other person doesn’t have a clue that the friend desires to have a sexual relationship and is completely happy with just a friendship. And because of this, the person that wants more can’t get out of the friendship zone and into the full speed ahead of romantic relationship department.

Of course, this is downright frustrating when you want more. Whether it’s “friends with benefits” or a “real” relationship that’s wanted, it’s a tough spot to be in.

Pointers On How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone And Into The Light Of Romance

First, you’ve got to understand that relationships are all about negotiating. What you might ultimately want is to re-negotiate your current status. You want to push your relationship forward and are likely already putting too much effort into things simply because you want more.

Balance is key here and you need to try and get the ball back in your court – Level the playing field a little.

Pointer One – Pull Back Your Big Picture Interest

Wanting the other person more than they want you, naturally creates imbalance. It’s time for you to take a ginormous step back because “needy” isn’t sexy. When you show you are desperate, you lack confidence and that’s a turnoff no matter which way you slice it.

If you want to hold the power card, you need to talk yourself into walking away if you don’t get what you want.

People always seem to want what they don’t have right?

One way or another you’ve got to jump in and swim or sink.

Pointer Two – Get Busy

Men’s Fitness relationship experts suggest spending less time with your “friend” will help.

Often we don’t realize how important someone is to us until they are gone…so true.

This means, don’t immediately answer every text they send and find other things to do in order to keep yourself busy. Make yourself unavailable simply because that creates a need. They are going to start missing you and perhaps this will help them understand they would like to be more than friends with you too.

Loss is felt when someone isn’t around to take care of things, to lean on when a crisis arises.

If on the flip side, they don’t seem to care too much that you aren’t around as much, then they aren’t for you and it’s time to move on.

VIP – You’re best to find out sooner than later.

Pointer Three – Raise The Stakes

How about throwing a little competition into the picture? This doesn’t mean you’re going to jump into someone else’s bed but it does mean you should go make more friends or just spend time with other friends.

Use your other friends when you are talking about the friend you want to capture hook, line and sinker. When you are hanging out with other people, you’re encouraging a friendly jealousy to develop and if this friend wants more of you, they will realize it’s time to transition out of the friend zone.

Understand, this can also backfire so proceed with caution. If you aren’t seeing any signals of jealously or renewed interest, they probably really aren’t into you. Disappointing for sure but it’s certainly not the end of the world.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on positively.

Pointer Four – Ask And You Shall Receive

According to WebMd, when you ask people to do things for you, they are more likely to appreciate your connection. This doesn’t mean they are going to jump into your arms. It does suggest they will like you more when they do favors for you.

This is referred to as the Ben Franklin Effect if you want to get technical.

The more you get them to invest in your relationship, the better. Just means, you will mean more to them and perhaps this will help push the two of you out of the friend zone.

Essentially you need to stop being the “doer” and start asking.

It’s worth a try.

Pointer Five – Appreciation And Reward

Nobody likes to feel unappreciated or taken for granted. All that does is steal confidence and create uncertainty. Be good to your friend and always treat them well, lift them up and remind them you appreciate them.

When you shown them attention when they’ve done something you want them to do, you’re simply communicating to them you want that behavior to continue.

Be careful this is a two way street. One sided relationships in any shape or form are disastrous.

Now What?

Using these pointers are going to help you establish equality in the relationship and open the door, perhaps your key to get out of the friend zone.

You need these pointers to help you raise your individual value in the relationship. When you mean more, they are hopefully going to want more.

After you’ve established your solid platform to push your relationship to the next level, you can ask directly or indirectly if they want to be more than friends.

Should you go in for the kiss or just ask them out on a real date?

Bottom line – It is possible to establish appreciative balance in a relationship and open the door to more than just a friendship. Just remember you deserve what you want and don’t settle. You want to hold your confidence but don’t be afraid to draw the line and walk away if need be.

If the feeling is mutual, you’ll know.

What If They Just Aren’t Interested In You?

Don’t Get Used – Signs They Aren’t Interested In You – Perhaps Just Passing Time

It’s human nature to want to be wanted. I know I’m made excuses for unloving behaviors of people I’ve wanted to love me. Safe to say, we’ve all done it.

When you think you are in love with someone, the blinders go up and red flags get run right over. We choose to ignore our gut feeling and often won’t pay attention to friends warning us of a bad relationship.

Sucks but it’s true.

You need to protect your heart and self by consciously recognizing when a guy or gal really isn’t into you. They have a decision to make. Either they are in or out.

Woman’s Day experts emphasize the fact you should never sell yourself short. You deserve to be loved and love – The End.

Red hot signals they are just passing time with you:

They Rarely Contact You

This one is pretty self explanatory. If you’re into someone and they aren’t really giving you the time of day, it’s time to shift gears and move on pronto.

You Feel Like An Option

You feel what you feel right? If you are trying to capture the attention of someone and they make you feel like a nobody, like an option, it’s time to pack your bags and open the door to what you deserve.

Non-Committers

These are the yahoos that like to sit on the fence and don’t seem to have the ability to commit, to shout out to the world that the two of you are a couple. This just shows you how important you are to them – you’re not really and once again you need to vamoose!

Transmissions Blown And You’re In Reverse

If your relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, or worse yet, you’re going backwards or stalled, you need to accept this as a clear-cut sign it’s over. Sad but true.

You Are Top Secret

This one really sucks. If your partner is hiding you from the world and doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family, that’s another signal you deserve better.

You’re On Speed Dial When They Want Something

Relationships are give and take and if you are always the giver, there’s a problem. It could be attention, money, sex, or just a ride to work they want. Doesn’t matter because if you are always giving, you need to either level the playing field or call it quits.

Afterthought Plans

If it seems like everything is last minute and you feel like you’re an afterthought that may be a signal they don’t value you for you. This is along the lines of using someone and what you should do is not be available.

Drama Creators

If they try and create drama so you will be the one to call it off, you might want to step up to the plate and hit a homer right out of the park. Just make sure, they are attached to it!

After The Breakup, They Still Make Sure You Know What They Are Doing

People break up for many reasons. And one thing I’ve learned the hard way is an ex is an ex for a reason. Just promise me, you aren’t going to feel flattered they are calling you and they might be interested in you again.

It’s not true and you don’t deserve to be hurt anymore. Move on please.

They Get Active When You Are Moving On With Someone Else

This is exactly what you should be doing after a breakup; moving on with someone magical when you’re ready. Your ex really has no say so tell them to butt out fast. They may be attempting to interfere just because they are control freaks or they don’t want you to be happy with anyone else.

So lame – Ignore them and find your happy.

Playing The E-Mail/Text Card

If your ex tends to texts and emails that you eagerly respond to, and they take forever and a day to reply back, they aren’t into you.  Sure your heart may flutter for a minute or two but you need to ignore it.

This is just a half ass effort to try and play you. Don’t fall for it. You’re better than that!

They Aren’t Calling It Quits With Their Partner

If this person expects you to be with them but they aren’t breaking up with their partner, you need to get the beep out of there fast.

Think about it for a minute. If they wanted to be with you, they would show you. They would make the decision to make you their one and only, no questions asked.

Divorce In Limbo

If the guy or gal you are into is just separated and not taking action to get legally divorced, they aren’t into you. As much as you think you might love them, it really doesn’t matter. If they aren’t returning the favor by showing you, it’s time to move on.

Excuses Galore

If they are always making excuses; breaking dates, missing the bus, broken down car, these are red hot signals they aren’t into you.

Excuses get you nowhere fast, trust me.

Lack Of Effort

If they seem to be making no effort to see you and make you happy, this could be a sign they are just using you to pass the time. Particularly, if they don’t pick up their socks the second they feel they are going to lose you.

Tell them to take a hike – Need I say more?

Flip Flop Red Alert

If they are continuously changing their mind about how they feel about you, it’s a wise-owl move to pinch and release them. Playing ping-pong with emotions isn’t fun for anyone, particularly when you’re on the receiving end all the time.

It’s All About Them

Been there done that with this one I’m afraid to admit. When the girl or boy you are interested in never stops talking about themselves or they keep interrupting you and flipping the conversation, they really don’t care about you or your feelings.

This is a tough pill to swallow. What you need to understand is you are better than that. You deserve to have someone by your side that is totally head over heels for you and can’t get enough of you.

Believe it and accept nothing less.

They Profess Their Love For You But Aren’t “In” Love With You

This screams non-committer to me! If someone is making excuses and saying they aren’t good enough for you or you deserve better, you do! Mademoiselle relationship gurus say, you should take the bull by the horn and move on pronto.

Players Be Gone

There are exceptions to just about every rule but not this one. If the person you are with is sleeping with other people or even entertaining the thought, they aren’t for you. Holy crap! Have a little belief and confidence in yourself please!

If you are “the one,” your partner isn’t going to want to sleep with anyone but you.

It’s All About Sex Baby

If your relationship is based on late night booty calls and always features sex, you better give your head a shake and rethink this relationship. Now, if you just want sex and nothing else, it could work.

However, if you are looking for a solid healthy relationship that progresses, perhaps till death do you part, then you need to walk away from this one fast. They aren’t into you the way you deserve.

Too Much Time For The Followup

If you go out on a date and have to wait days for them to follow up, call or text you, that’s a signal they are not putting you first.

Never wait more than a day or two for followup communication after you’ve gone out with someone. They should want to get in contact with you sooner rather than later if they are into you.

They Are Power Freaks

Relationships are give and take and if this person isn’t willing to bend a little and meet you part way, it’s a surefire signal you need to call it quits.

Nobody wants someone telling them what to do all the time and this scenario reeks of it. Just hightail it out of there please.

They Don’t Respect You

Everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect and if you don’t believe that you’re off your rocker. Respect and integrity are two key factors in any healthy relationship, friendship or otherwise.

Make sure you don’t bend here. Stay strong and go after what you deserve. Walk away if you must, it makes you stronger for it.

They Are Pleasant With Everyone But You

Once again, behind closed doors is when a person shows you who they truly are. Worse yet, if you are out in public and being treated like crap, that’s a rock solid indicator this relationship has to end right now. Before it even began in some cases.

Don’t fall prey here please.

They Show Narcissist Characteristics

If they are manipulative, jealous and controlling, these are signs they are definitely not interested in you. Those 3 factors have no place in love and don’t try to convince yourself otherwise.

This type of person doesn’t have the ability to have a healthy respectful relationship. It will just be loaded with pain and hurt.

Get out now.

No Time

Sure, life gets busy but if you want to be with someone you can always make time for them. Even if it’s just a quick coffee, text, or phone call on occasion. Relationships don’t work if you aren’t spending quality time together.

What that shows is your priorities are messed up.

If someone truly has a genuine interest in you, they should be showing you on many different levels. They should be respectful and understanding, interested in you, wanting to make plans and spend time with you, happy to share you with friends and family, and ultimately care about you.

Make sure you respect yourself and go after what you want. If the person you are interested in isn’t doing their damnedest to make sure you feel loved and appreciated, then as hard as it is you should move on.

Just don’t sell yourself short and accept someone just because you are afraid of being lonely or you habitually need someone by your side, right or wrong.

Final Words

How to slip out of the friend zone really can get quite tricky. You’ve got to gather the factual information in front of you, stop making assumptions, and don’t be afraid to follow your gut.

This isn’t to say you’re going to make mistakes and steer yourself in the wrong direction from time to time because you will. But with these signals and tactics, you’ll arm yourself with the information you need to confidently take action to find and keep that special person you deserve to build a relationship with.

Now it’s time for you to tap into your confidence and get answers to the questions that have been keeping you up at night. Doesn’t matter whether you use the direct or indirect route.

Just make the choice to get your answers and move forward positively with a smile.