Getting played can hurt your pride more than your heart. We all think we can spot a player before we get caught in his web of lies, but unfortunately, it happens far more often than we prefer to admit. Don’t let a lousy relationship ruin your life. Let us show you how to get over a player.
Accept It
Most of us spot the signs of being played early in our relationship, yet we fail to pay attention to them. We don’t want it to be true that the guy we’ve fallen for is terrible news. Even when your friends or family point out the truth, you ignore it – until you can’t anymore.
If you want to get over the turmoil of a player, you have to accept that it happened. It’s not a sign of weakness that you fell for his bullshit. He’s spent years perfecting his craft, and it has worked on plenty of women. And it will continue to work until he meets his match. It is not your fault that you fell for him.
Forgive Yourself
If you want to move on with your life, you have to forgive yourself for not seeing his true colors. Some men have been playing the game for so long that they’re experts at this point. He could spot your pure heart a mile away, and he wanted to experience your kind of love.
You were not naive for believing in him. Why should you have doubted his sincerity? When you’re committed to someone, you have faith in them. You trust them to treat you right, as you would them. This expectation isn’t something you should have to voice. If a guy is playing you, it means there’s something wrong with him – not you.
Erase Him from Your Life
If you want to get over a player, you have to erase him from your life. Delete him from your social media. Scrub him from your pictures, your phone, and your house. Throw away anything that belonged to him, no matter how sentimental. If you don’t feel comfortable tossing it, mail it back to him or donate it to a charity.
Block his number and make sure everyone in your life knows that you are over. You don’t want someone to invite him along on a group outing or bring him up in a conversation. Stay away from places where he likes to hang out. And avoid having any contact with him. A clean break is an easy and fast way to get over a player.
Fall Apart
When you go through a breakup, it’s natural to fall apart. Even if the relationship was built on nothing but lies, you could still be upset that it’s over. For you, the emotions were real. That makes the betrayal twice as bad because he has continued with his life unfazed in the least.
Cry about everything. Spend an entire weekend in the same ratty pajamas eating ice cream and binge-watching Sex and the City. Drink a whole bottle of wine and spill your guts to your friends. Lose your shit – temporarily. Feel better now? Good. Time to move on.
Pull It Back Together
Once you’ve had your breakdown, it’s time to get your life back together. Pick up a new hobby. Learn a foreign language. Take a trip. Learn how to cook Italian. Or maybe you have a hobby that you gave up for your ex. Get back in touch with your lost interests.
Maybe you want to make a significant life change like going back to school. Some women like to make a career change, mainly if the relationship occurred in the workplace. In some cases, you may want a complete overhaul of your life, so you move to another city or even state. It’s drastic, but if that’s what it takes to put your life back together, hit the road.
Reinvent Yourself
Another great way to get over a breakup is to distract yourself. Make physical changes in your life to reflect your new independence. Redecorate your house. Spend a few days at the spa and get a makeover. Purchase a new wardrobe. Get a tattoo or a new piercing.
Make internal changes too. Think back on your relationship and see where you were messing up. None of us are perfect, and we have to admit what we need to work on before we’re ready to get into a new relationship. Grow as a person and focus on self-love for a while.
Be Happy
Now that you’re single again, your new goal should be to be happy. Put the past behind you. Let go of the could have been and the what if’s. If you don’t feel like dating for six months after your breakup, that’s fine. But if you decide to jump back into the saddle a few weeks after being played, well, that’s understandable too.
Do whatever you need to do to be happy with your life. Don’t listen to your friends, your family, your co-workers. Listen to your heart – to your head. Sometimes you have to let go of old things to make room for new. Appreciate the lesson in everything and use your accumulating knowledge in all your future experiences.
Move On
Moving on can be the hardest part of getting over a breakup. It can be difficult putting ourselves back out there after getting played. You may not trust yourself to make the right decision when it comes to men. You may be scared of getting hurt or played.
But you can’t live your life in fear. Heartbreak happens to all of us. You’re going to get tricked. You will get hurt. Things aren’t always going to go as planned. And people won’t always be who they pretend to be. You have to put it behind you so you can move on with your life if you want to get over being played.
How Do You Know When You’re Being Played?
No matter how good a player is, there will always be signs that he’s up to no good. You avoid noticing these flags because you don’t want to see the truth. But hindsight is 20/20. If you sit back and think about your time together, you probably saw classic player signs without even knowing it.
Signs of a Player
So, what should you watch for if you’re worried you’re hooking up with a player?
● His Cellphone is Glued to Him
His cell phone is a natural extension of him. It stays on vibrate or ‘do not disturb,’ and it’s never out of his reach. If he leaves the room, it’s going with him. And on the off chance that he does leave it lying around, it’s going to be screen down, just in case a text from “Pizza Hut” comes in.
Even if you wanted to look at his messages, he’s not going to let you. He’ll hide it or keep it password protected – he deserves his privacy after all.
● He Goes MIA
It’s not uncommon for you to go a few days without hearing from him. It’s almost like he’s fallen off the face of the Earth. He’s around, just not around you. A player has to have his free time to engage in extracurricular activities. If a man is committed, he’s not going to go more than two days without contact.
● He’s Hot and Cold
At the beginning of the relationship, everything is fantastic. You get tons of attention and praise. You feel special and amazing, and like you’re the only one for him. But without warning, the script changes. Now he has started shutting you out. He got what he was after with you. Now he’s on to his next target.
● You Talk to Him on a Schedule
It almost feels like you’re on a schedule when it comes to talking to him. You already know he’s not going to call unless you’re just completely ignoring all his texts. But you’ll deal with sporadic texts throughout the day until the rest of the world goes to sleep. Once he’s bored and no one else is paying him attention, he’s all about you.
● He Doesn’t Take You On Dates
When you’re just a plaything, a player isn’t going to take you out on dates. If you go out together in public, it’s in a group, or it looks platonic to bystanders. He doesn’t do PDA, and he’s not keen on being out on the town. To him, a great night is Netflix and chill at your place. It’s easier for him to control when the date ends when he’s a guest.
● He Calls You By Your Name
In private, you may be bae or boo, but in public, he’s sure to address you by your name. And when it comes to introductions, he’s skipping labels altogether and just supplying your name. You may think you mean something to him if he can remember your name. But in reality, by keeping it formal, he’s establishing that nothing is going on between you. There is no intimacy.
● He Doesn’t Mingle With Your Crew
If the guy you’re dating doesn’t hang out with you and your friends, you have to ask yourself why. Are they too different to get along? Maybe they don’t know each other. Or it could be that they have a history.
Get to the bottom of why your significant other doesn’t chill with your friends. If there is no logical reason, it means he’s not planning to be in your life long enough to establish new friendships. Or maybe he’s worried your friends will see the neon signs that you ignore.
● He Has a Bad Reputation
From the getgo, you’ve had people telling you things about the guy you’ve fallen for head over heels. But you ignore all of it. They don’t know him the way you do. But maybe it’s the other way around. Perhaps you don’t know him the way they do. They could see the real side of him you don’t. If more than one person is telling you the same things, it’s wise to start listening.
● He Avoids Talks About the Future
Plenty of men get antsy when you start talking about the future, but a player takes it to a whole new level. In most cases, you’ll have trouble getting Casanova to agree to go to a concert that’s in three months. Let alone get him to talk about where y’all might be in two or three years. If your significant other doesn’t discuss the future at all, there’s a good chance you aren’t as serious as you think.
● He Works Late A Lot
A playboy’s favorite excuse is that he’ll be working late. But that aching pain in your stomach is telling you there’s something else going on. And wouldn’t you know, your friend just happened to see him sitting at the bar with a few friends. You may decide to let him slide with the lie, but you shouldn’t. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last. If he can’t be honest with you, there is no future.
● He’s a Flirt
No doubt about it – your boyfriend is a lady’s man. Women are always hitting on him, even if you’re right next to him. Some men can’t help it. They have a charismatic personality that attracts people. But if he’s flirting right back with these girls, you should get suspicious. A real boyfriend won’t entertain other women at all. A player enjoys all the different attention.
● He Doesn’t “Do” Labels
If you’re involved with a guy who refuses to define what your relationship is, there’s a good chance he’s a player. He doesn’t want you getting false hope of a relationship because he knows you’re not the only female he’s chasing.
● He’s Too Confident in His Game
When you like someone, it’s reasonable to get nervous. Especially if you’re changing the playing field by going on a serious date or having your first kiss. If the guy you’re interested in seems to have balls of steel, you can bet he’s a professional player. He doesn’t get nervous because he’s done this a thousand times. You’re no different than any other chick he picks up, so why should he be unsure of his actions?
● He Has a Bad Memory
When you’re involved with a player, you may have to repeat yourself a lot. He may end up telling you the same stories time and again because he can’t remember which chicks he’s told them to. He might not be able to remember your birthday or where you work. He’ll swear you haven’t told him. But you have, and he didn’t care enough to remember. The only person players care about is themselves.
● Your Relationship Revolves Around Sex
If you’re hanging out together, he’s not going to wait long before he’s trying to get into your pants. The only goal of your date is to get some action. Turning him down could cause an early night because he has to get up early in the morning. This excuse is code for you need to leave, so he has time to find some action elsewhere. There will be very few times that you are together, and he isn’t trying to get laid.
Trust Your Gut
You may doubt yourself after falling for a player but stop and think about it. How many signs were in your face that you didn’t want to accept? How many times did you get that cramped feeling in your stomach when he wouldn’t answer your texts? Yeah, you know what I mean.
Falling for a playboy isn’t the end of the world. Even the smartest, most careful women can get caught by a player. You can’t be too hard on yourself that you trusted him to be an honest person. As much as it sucks to admit it, the world is full of shitty people who have no problem taking advantage of a decent person.
Consider It a Compliment to Yourself
If you’ve caught the attention of a player, you should consider it a compliment. You should run like Hell if you’re trying to find something serious, but if you’re down for no-strings-attached fun, a playboy will show you the time of your life.
Players have their pick of women, so the fact that he targeted you means that you have something good going for you. It might not be enough to keep him around long-term, and you should be okay with that. Let’s face it. Who wants a guy who has eyes for anything with breasts and a pair of legs?
Learn Your Lesson
Breakups hurt, no matter how serious the relationship was. It can leave you doubting yourself, but you shouldn’t. Sometimes, things don’t work out. And if you were involved with a player, the end of your relationship is a blessing in disguise. Each obstacle in life will teach you something if you pay attention.
Now that you’ve experienced a one-sided relationship with an egomaniac, you should know the signs of a professional playboy. You’ll be more prepared in case another one comes along, which let’s face it, happens quite often. There’s a lot of players out there who think it’s more fun to play the field than have one person to rely on every day.
But you’ve also learned what you don’t want in your future boyfriend. Think about the things you did like about your ex. Maybe you loved his cockiness or how he made you feel attractive. Look for these qualities in your next partner. Now think about the things you hated that he did. Does your new crush do any of these things? If so, maybe you should keep looking for Mr. Right.
Don’t Rush
Each failed relationship changes you – for better and worse. You may have trust issues now because you got duped in the past. But you still have a good heart that wants to see the best in people. You’ve become more cautious, but not closed off. It can be hard to get past a bad breakup, especially when you’ve been used.
Get on with your life at your own pace. Find things that will make you happy. Don’t feel that you have to get right back into the dating scene to get over your ex. Most of the time, a rebound relationship will only make things worse. You need time to get your life back together before you decide to move on to another relationship.
Getting involved with someone before you’re ready can cause both you and your partner, to be hurt. You could end up settling for less than you deserve because you don’t want to be alone. Or you could end up hurting a great guy who’s interested in you because you’re not ready to trust anyone after what you experienced with your ex.
Start With Honesty
Never play with someone’s emotions. If you’re unsure what you’re looking for, get it out upfront. Be honest with potential relationship material about what you’ve been through and what you expect in a relationship. You’re giving your new partner a chance to decide if they are willing to put in the effort you need before you start getting attached.
If he’s a player, he’ll immediately start putting distance between you when you make demands. Bid him a good day and move on to the next choice. There are plenty of men out there. You don’t have to settle down with a snake. It’s better to be by yourself than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely and miserable.
Life Will Get Better
It may not seem like it at the moment of your breakup, but life will get better. There is a guy out there who is tired of the games just like you. And when the time is right, the universe will put you into each other’s paths.
You may have experienced a taste of Hell from being with a player, but the experience will make Heaven feel that much sweeter when it’s time. Until then, use these tips to help you get over a player so you can move on to enjoy a happy life.
