Have you ever been on a great date with a guy you’re completely attracted to, only to get to the end of the night kiss and find out he’s a horrible kisser? Ah, it’s one of life’s biggest disappointments. If you don’t want to end up being the lousy kisser in a similar tale, get ready to read our expert guide on how to kiss a boy.
Why is kissing so important, especially among new relationships? When we kiss someone, we’re allowing them into our personal space and agreeing to a certain openness and trust. According to Psychology Today, one line of thinking among psychologists is that the kiss may be a means of seduction and sexual stimulation.
A chemical reaction also occurs in your brain when you kiss. You get a dose of what some call the “love hormone,” oxytocin. This study done in 2013, found that oxytocin was a critical factor in helping men stay bonded to their partner and remain monogamous.
Another hormone released in your body as you experience new love, cuddling, and kissing with your partner is dopamine. Dopamine is released when we do pleasurable things like kissing, and it can make you feel euphoric. That’s why feeling “the sparks fly” as you kiss someone for the first time isn’t all that far off from real science.
If you want to know how to kiss a boy and have him thinking about you for days, read on. Before we jump into how to’s, remember to choose your partner carefully. If you try any of these expert tips on the wrong person, you might have wasted your efforts!
Signs He Wants to Kiss You
Before you go puckering up and bouncing on your date, be sure he wants to kiss you. There are some easy and not so comfortable situations to read when it comes to being able to tell if he wants to kiss you. For example, if it’s the end of a date, it may be apparent.
If you’ve been possibly getting some vibes that a long-time friend or acquaintance is into you, it may be a little more confusing. Consider these signs he wants to kiss you.
- You’re feeling something between you – most of the time, you can trust your gut instinct on this one. If you’re feeling a little spark between the two of you, he may be feeling it too. If he’s not as outgoing or seems reserved, he could be waiting for you to make the first move.
- You catch him staring – we tend to give clues into our thoughts by the way we watch people. If the guy you’re into is watching you with longing eyes and paying particular attention to your lips or mouth, there’s a good chance he wants to kiss you.
- There’s no personal space – people who don’t want to engage in any physical interaction tend to keep their own space. If you and your guy have been getting up close and personal, he’s giving you a non-verbal clue that he’s into you.
- Physical touch – men and women use physical contact in subtle ways to clue each other in when they’re interested. If you’re hanging out with this guy and he gently touches your arm, pushes your hair behind your ear, or touches the small of your back to motion you closer, he’s probably up for a kiss.
- There’s (good) silence – silence can be a powerful tool when it isn’t awkward, of course. There’s a big difference between awkward silence and meaningful silence. If he stops talking but holds your gaze, he could be gearing up for the right moment to kiss you.
- He’s making intense eye contact – eye contact is another tool people use to clue us in. It shows that we’re interested in what someone is saying or doing. If a guy is looking into your eyes, and neither of you is talking, he may be waiting for the right moment to kiss you.
- His nerves are showing – if a guy seems nervous or awkward around you, it’s because you give him at least some sort of feeling! If he’s not able to play it cool and smooth around you, he likes you. Even the slickest guys can become bashful around a girl they like.
Now that you know some of the ways to tell a guy wants to kiss you, you know if it’s appropriate to jump in and kiss the guy! If you see one or more of these signs when you’re with the guy you like, it’s safe to go for the gold and kiss him.
How To Get A Guy To Kiss You
There’s always the chance that the guy you like isn’t showing any signs that he wants to kiss you. That’s okay too; not everyone moves at the same pace. Kissing can be a very personal and romantic thing. Some people will go 6+ dates before they’re ready to open up and kiss someone.
If you’re interested in a guy and think he likes you back, but he doesn’t seem ready to make the first move, there are some things you can do to make him want to kiss you! Like there are signs a guy gives that he wants to kiss you, you can give him signs that you’re interested, which might give him the spark he needs to go for it.
Try out these tips for letting a guy know you’re interested and make him want to kiss you.
- Smile – of course, you may be smiling when he talks and seems genuinely interested, but some guys need a little more than that. If you find the right moment to lean into him with the faintest touch of an inviting smile, he may pick up on your “kiss me” vibes.
- Look at his mouth – this one sounds weird, and it’s easy to do it all wrong, so watch the way you go for this one. The moment has to be there, don’t do this when he’s telling you how upset he is about the death of a friend, that would be bad. If it feels right, naturally, let your gaze fall from his eyes to his lips and back up to his eyes again. He will know exactly what you mean by this gesture.
- Touch him gently – We’ve all done this charming girl trick, haven’t we? When he says something funny or witty, laugh and touch hand or arm while responding to his joke. If you’re walking along outside and there’s a chill in the air, you can say you’re cold and grab his hand. Take whatever opportunity arises to touch him lightly in a way that shows your interest.
- If all else fails, come out and say it – as much as we believe in the guy we like, sometimes they can be dopey about the whole situation. Don’t be afraid to spell it out for them in a wise way. You don’t want to go saying, “Why won’t you kiss me?!” But you can start a conversation about what you like about one another. When it’s your turn, give him a few things you want about him, but mention his smile or the way his lips look so soft. This is a clue he can’t miss!
Now you’re familiar with the signs he might be giving you that he wants to kiss you, and ways to get him interested in kissing you. The only thing left to do now actually kisses him! You could spend ages worrying about whether the moment is right or if he likes you back or not. But what it boils down to is trusting your instinct that the moment is right.
How to Kiss A Boy
If you’re ready to learn how to kiss a boy, let’s jump right in. The first kiss can be thrilling, awkward, amazing, or end all hope of a romantic future for those involved. Reese Halter for ABC Science writes, “over 90 percent of lovers, irrespective of age, can remember exactly where and when it occurred.”
The where and when aren’t necessarily key to a great kiss, so don’t fret. But a first kiss is such a memorable event for the vast majority of people. If you think you’re ready to take that next step and create a memory that could last a lifetime, let’s get started!
For starters, the first kiss doesn’t have to be the magical one. For example, say you’ve known this guy, or you’ve been out on a date or two that didn’t lead to a kiss. If you want him to know that you’re ready for the kiss, give him a peck on the cheek at the beginning of the next time you see him.
Aside from this kiss, save the other kind of kisses for their respective “right moments.” There’s also the quick peck on the lips, a short tongue kiss, a more extended romantic tongue kiss, and of course, you can’t forget the hardcore-make-out-kiss.
We’ll leave the type of kiss up for you to decide at the moment. Before you jump into kissing, make sure to remember these things:
- Make sure you’re fresh, your breath is fresh, and you’re feeling great
- You don’t have to go for the predictable route, be spontaneous
- Give the kissing time and attention, kiss him slowly
- Give him the chance to kiss you back (don’t end the kiss too quickly)
- Keep your eyes closed; you don’t want to make it weird
- Savor and enjoy the moment
- You can move the kiss to other places than just the lips
- Whatever you do, don’t rush it
Now that you’ve got the quick run-down, we’ve got it all broken down into the perfect guide of actionable steps. If you’re ready to get your smooch on with the guy you like, follow these steps for kissing bliss.
Preparing to kiss someone for the first time goes much further than just making sure your breath is fresh. If you’ve had an awful day, you aren’t feeling your best, or whatever the case may be, it may not be the right time. Of course, a first kiss can happen at any moment, and it might be the kiss that brightens a terrible day.
But before you go out, find your groove and get into it. While you’re getting ready, listen to music, and dance around your room until you’re feeling your best self. Make sure you’re wearing something you feel great in! If you’re feeling comfortable, you’ve got your breath fresh now and gum or mints in your bag for later, you’re good to go!
On the fresh breath note, try not to eat anything super weird or odiferous on your date before the kiss. Even chewing gum or eating a mint won’t help cover the smell of certain foods like garlic or raw onions. If you want to remain fresh and ready, be mindful of what you eat.
Have you ever had an awkward kiss that felt more like you were kissing a mannequin or a robot rather than a warm-blooded human? Yeah, we’ve all been there. It’s not fun and pretty much puts the cap on any future kissing ideas we may have had. Take our word for it, you don’t want to be the awkward robot in that situation, so remember to keep kissing light, fun, and spontaneous.
Your kissing doesn’t have to follow the perfect sequence when you’re in the moment. Let the speed and direction flow freely. You can use your hands to pull his hips close, touch his neck, or hold his hands. The kiss may start slow and pick up the pace and then dial back. It’s all in the moment, so do what feels natural and let happen.
Of course, a kiss like this typically happens with someone you know well or have been dating for some time. A first kiss may turn out this well, but many people keep the first kiss a little more concise until the trust and comfort between the two people are there. Whatever feels right to you and your partner is just fine.
Take Your Time with The Kiss
Depending on the moment and the situation, ending a kiss too quickly can make your guy feel like you weren’t into it or aren’t interested. Take the time to kiss him slowly, or follow his lead. Even though kissing can feel like time is slowing down, and it’s going on forever, in reality, it may be much shorter than you realize.
When you’re in the throes of passion, it’s okay to let the rest of the world melt away. Take your time to savor the moment with your guy. Whether this is your first kiss or your third, if it speeds up, take the time to slow it down.
An appropriately timed slow-down and pull back can leave him wanting more and ensure there are many more kisses to come. Even though you haven’t spoken any words, you’re communicating with him that there is more interest and desire to keep things going in the future.
Letting Him Kiss You
In this day and age, women are bolder than ever. It can feel liberating to make the first move, and we won’t lie. Many men appreciate a woman who takes charge and goes after what she wants. But when it comes to kissing, even if you’ve made the first move, remember to give him the chance to kiss you.
So, if you started the kissing session, remember to pull back and let him have some of the glory. Some guys love the traditional roles, especially in the passion department. This doesn’t mean you have to be inauthentic to your true self; it’s just letting loose on the reigns so that both of you get to enjoy the passion.
You’d be surprised to how positively your guy responds at the opportunity to do the heavy lifting during the first few kisses. Follow his lead. If he pulls back some and you’re feeling confident you can take the lead too, before falling back.
Keep Your Eyes Closed
We’ve all fallen prey to a kiss gone wrong before; it’s not fun. First kisses can be notoriously awkward if the moment isn’t right or either partner isn’t feeling it. The biggest romance-killer is leaving your eyes open. Some people even consider it to be rude!
Although we’re sure you’re not trying to be rude, remember to keep your eyes closed. It’ll be more fun and in the moment for all involved. In case you open yours a moment too early, close them again and pretend it didn’t happen. We’re sure everything will turn out fine
Savor and Enjoy the Moment
When you’re kissing the guy you like, a million things could be running through your mind. Don’t let that deter you from enjoying the moment. You could be wondering if you jumped into the first kiss at the right time, if your breathing is okay, or if he’s enjoying the kiss as much as you are.
You might also be critiquing his kissing skills, stop doing that! Be present, be in the moment, and let the kiss take over. If you struggle to be present, and let your anxieties take over, try practicing some grounding techniques.
Grounding techniques are meant to help you bring your brain back into focus on the here and now. Before you jump into the kiss, try taking a big (but subtle) deep breath and letting out slowly. If your mid-kiss and struggling to focus, try counting backward from three to one. Be careful not to let your mind wander and miss the kiss entirely. You want to remember this moment for a long time to come.
Move The Kiss to Other Places
Okay, your mind doesn’t have to go straight to the gutter here, we’re keeping things mostly innocent. Kissing can be a delicate exchange between two partners, but it doesn’t have to be planned. Just like we talked about earlier with spontaneity, let the kiss flow naturally.
While things are moving along, you might kiss his cheek, his forehead, his ear, or his neck. If it feels right, there’s no reason not to go for it. Of course, depending on the time or place, you should already know what feels appropriate and what might be saved for a later time.
Don’t Rush Things
Some people feel so anxious about the kiss happening that they rush it so that it will be over with! Don’t worry, our nerves get the best of us, and these things happen to even the coolest, calm, and collected individuals. If it happens to you, don’t sweat it. If you can help it, don’t rush things.
Pay attention to the signs your guy is giving you while your kissing. Is he pulling away or seem awkward? It might be okay to end the kiss and try to move on from the moment. If he’s giving you positive vibes, stay tuned and go with it.
If he has his hand on your hip, wrapped around your waist, or touching the small of your back holding you in place, he’s enjoying the kiss. If this is the case, it’s okay to linger. Sometimes kisses can be two-fold. If you pull back and you’re both looking into one another’s eyes and neither of you seem to want things to end, it’s okay to lean back in for another.
Kissing a new partner is as much a learning experience as getting to know them, so don’t rush things, and most importantly, have fun!
When thinking about how to kiss a guy, the conversation can go a million ways. Sometimes it’s best to forget all of the above, go with your gut and have fun. Most of us have the innate ability to feel when the time is right, and things are okay to progress forward. If trusting your gut isn’t your thing, that’s okay too. Keep our guide handy and skim it from time to time until you feel comfortable going in for that kiss!