Is your significant other communicating with another person? Is it something that could threaten your relationship? Finding peace and feeling secure in your relationship again can be difficult if you have reasons to believe that your boyfriend or husband is communicating with another person in secret. Here’s how to know if he’s texting someone else, and what to do about infidelity and trust issues in a relationship.
Infidelity and Emotional Affairs in the Digital Age
Technology makes it easier than ever before to communicate with people and find new dating prospects. It’s easy to text, use dating apps, or connect with people on social media.
Those options are changing how couples meet and can become problematic when it comes to remaining faithful. A man who is thinking about meeting new people can easily download a dating app, and someone who is developing a romantic interest in a friend can easily reach out to that friend with a text message.
Cheating seems easier than ever before, but a relatively small percentage of married individuals cheat. Among married men, 20% admit to having cheated on their spouse, and that percentage drops to 13% among married women. Among cheaters, only 10% say they met someone online.
Cheating exists, but it’s not as common as one would think. You might suspect your significant other to be in touch with another woman, but they might not necessarily be cheating on you with that person.
However, technology is facilitating another type of infidelity. An increasing number of people in relationships are engaging in emotional affairs.
An emotional affair happens when someone spends their emotional energy outside of a relationship. It’s difficult to establish the line between a friendship and an emotional affair, but most people would agree that emotional cheating occurs when a person keeps a friendship secret from their partner or shares intimidate information with a friend.
Emotional cheating is a lot more common than other forms of cheating. Forty-five percent of men have engaged in an emotional affair, and 35% of women admit to an emotional affair.
Signs that he’s Texting Someone Else
If you’re wondering how to know if he’s texting someone else, you probably have a gut feeling that there is something going on. It’s not a feeling you should ignore. Think back on the things that caused you to become suspicious and wonder if there could be another woman.
One of the telltale signs that your partner is communicating with another person is a tendency to hide their phone or computer screen. They might protect their devices with passwords, avoid leaving their phone unattended, or always make sure that you can’t see their screen when they write a text message.
Your significant other might receive text notifications and wait to open the messages. They might spend more time than usual on their phone or social media, and you might notice their behavior change when they are on their phone.
You might also notice that your boyfriend or husband is experiencing emotional changes for no apparent reason. If they are involved in an emotional affair, receiving a thoughtful text from the other person can cause happiness or excitement. On the other hand, feelings of guilt about the emotional affair or being ignored by the other person can cause them to feel bad.
A boyfriend or spouse who is directing their emotional energy outside of the relationship will be more distant and spend less time with you. You might notice that you talk less or feel that you don’t connect anymore. Your significant other might avoid conversations for fear that you will ask questions and bring up their texting.
Is Your Relationship in Trouble?
If your partner is communicating with other people or forming a strong connection with another person, there are probably other signs that your relationship is in trouble. Your boyfriend or husband might seek an emotional affair because the relationship doesn’t satisfy them, or the emotional affair might be the main cause of your relationship issues.
Here are some signs that your relationship is in trouble:
- You feel that your partner isn’t putting any effort into the relationship.
- You don’t make any plans together.
- You don’t spend as much time together as you used to.
- He might be avoiding to contact you or text you less often.
- He doesn’t seem interested when you spend time together.
- He cancels plans often.
- He seems distracted when he’s with you.
- There is a lack of interest in sex.
- He doesn’t bring you around his friends or family anymore.
- He spends a lot of time on his phone or computer when he’s with you.
- He’s adding new contacts on social media, especially other women.
- He seems in a hurry to leave when you’re together.
- He avoids discussions about the future.
- He doesn’t talk about his feelings for you.
- He talks about a friend or colleague of the other sex a lot.
- He stopped talking about his friends or coworkers and avoids questions about the topic.
- He spends more time at work.
Is Your New Boyfriend Texting Someone Else?
If you recently met someone new and started dating, it’s natural to have questions about whether you can trust that person. You might be wondering how to know if he’s texting someone else if you notice that your new boyfriend spends a lot of time on their phone.
There are two scenarios to consider if you have a gut feeling that your new boyfriend might not be trustworthy:
- They could have a significant other and use you to cheat on that person.
- They might have commitment issues and always try to meet new women without ever getting into a serious relationship.
There are some clear signs you will notice if you find yourself caught in one of these scenarios:
- Your new boyfriend doesn’t seem ready to commit to anything. They might avoid anything that looks like a serious talk about the relationship.
- They disappear for a few days at a time without contacting you.
- They spend a lot of time on their phones but don’t text you often.
- They cancel plans regularly or seem peculiar about when and where they can see you.
- They are secretive about their phones.
- They don’t want to connect with you on social media or seem reluctant about posting pictures of the two of you together.
- They never talk about what the status of the relationship is.
- There are no plans to introduce you to their friends and family.
- You notice that they tend to lie to other people, even when there are no apparent reasons to lie.
Should You Snoop on Your Partner’s Phone?
Checking your partner’s phone to read their text messages can be tempting. You might also want to check if they have any dating apps installed on their phone, or open their favorite social media apps to see if they have been sending messages to other women.
Snooping on your partner’s phone could help you find proof that they are cheating or communicating with other women. However, checking your partner’s phone would be a major breach of trust in the relationship.
If you don’t find any evidence, you might feel better for a while, but your gut feeling will eventually come back. If you find some text messages between your significant other and another woman, you won’t be able to address the issue in a healthy manner because you will have to admit that you breached their trust.
Spying on your partner sets an unhealthy pattern for the relationship. You need to establish some boundaries and respect each other’s privacy if you want to build a healthy relationship.
The best way to approach the situation is to tell your boyfriend or husband about your gut feeling and talk about the situation.
How to Bring up the Topic
Don’t wait if you have a gut feeling or notice that your partner is secretive about their phone. Resentment and other negative emotions will build up if you wait.
Take the time to ask yourself why you have become suspicious of your boyfriend or husband. Is there a specific behavior that is causing you to worry about the relationship?
Be honest and open with your significant other. Tell them that you would like to talk about something that has been bothering you.
Describe your side of the issue. Explain why you think that there is something going on. Tell him how you feel about the situation. You can talk about how his behavior is making you feel insecure, that you worry about the future of the relationship, or that you feel angry that he would betray you.
Give him a chance to share his side of the story and explain. You might find that your significant other didn’t realize that they were getting emotionally involved in a friendship, or that they have been texting another woman because there are issues with the relationship.
Express how you would like to resolve the issue. Let your partner know you would like them to be honest and that you want the texting to stop.
If you have a healthy relationship where you can talk about anything, your partner will probably open up and let you know what is going on. They might offer to show you the text messages, or decide to stop texting the other person.
However, someone who has issues with commitment might avoid having a talk about this topic. They might deny any contact with other women, become angry, or even accuse you of cheating on them. Those behaviors should be red flags. It will be difficult to build a healthy relationship with a person who deals with conflict by avoiding it or becoming angry.
Pay attention to your partner’s attitude after you bring up the issue. Do they seem to spend less time texting? Did they stop being secretive about their phone? You should re-assess the situation if you feel that your partner’s words and actions don’t match up.
Trustworthy and Untrustworthy Partners
Texting with other people in secret can damage trust in a relationship. It’s important to ask yourself if your partner texting another woman was a one-time thing or if it’s a pattern.
You should ask yourself whether or not you can trust your partner. Some people aren’t ready to commit and will sabotage relationships, for instance, by texting other people. Your partner might also rely on attention from other people to feel good about themselves. In this case, committing to a person will never be enough for them.
Think about your relationship and ask yourself if there are signs of deeper issues with trust and commitment. If you’re dating an untrustworthy man, they will probably contact other women in the future, and you might never be able to build a healthy relationship.
Here are some signs that your partner might not be worthy of trust:
- They tend to deny everything when you confront them.
- They avoid some topics or give you the answers you want to hear before quickly moving on to something else.
- They exhibit passive-aggressive behavior.
- They seem to take more risks than necessary.
- They lie a lot, even if there are no reasons to lie.
- There is a lack of communication in the couple.
- They don’t open up about their feelings.
- You don’t see them changing their behaviors or working toward your common goals.
- There is a history of cheating in their past relationships.
- They are very different from one day to the next. They can be the perfect boyfriend or husband one day and ignore you the next.
How to Fix Your Relationship
If your partner admitted to an emotional affair or tried meeting new people, you need to ask yourself if you can fix the problem and rebuild the relationship. It’s true that having your significant other maintain contact with another woman can be hurtful and that it will change the relationship, but it doesn’t mean you can’t fix the issue and be happy together.
You have to commit to fixing things and need to make sure your partner is willing to do the same. It’s a good sign if your boyfriend or husband acknowledges that he developed an emotional connection outside of the relationship. It’s also a good sign if they are ready to apologize for their actions.
The next step is to figure out why your partner felt the need to text with someone else. You might find that there is a lack of communication and closeness in the relationship, or that your partner has a fear of commitment.
You and your significant other should identify your feelings about the situation and talk about them. You need to forgive your partner so that you can move on and build a better relationship together.
You should think about setting some new rules for the relationship. If your partner engaged in an emotional affair, it could be a good idea for him to stop communicating with the other person completely. You can also agree on boundaries for what you will share with friends.
It’s also important to consider what happened between your significant other and the people they communicated with. Did they develop a close friendship with another woman, or was there an emotional component they were aware of? Did they consider cheating on you with that other person?
The intent behind communicating with another woman can help you figure out what needs to change in your relationship. A friendship that slowly turned into something more might not indicate any serious issues, but you should re-evaluate your relationship if your significant other approached another woman with romantic or sexual intentions.
Building Trust in Your Relationship
If you had a gut feeling that your partner was communicating with another woman but turned out to be wrong, you might have trust issues. Trust issues can also appear if you feel that your partner betrayed you by getting close to another person.
If you want to fix your relationship, one of the things you should focus on is building trust. Here are some strategies you can use to get over trust issues:
- Rethink the way you communicate. Can you open up about your feelings and feel accepted?
- Do you always share your concerns with your partner? Do you tend to lie and hide things from each other? Why do you do these things?
- Learn to listen to each other. Use active listening and create an atmosphere where you feel accepted and can talk about anything.
- Do you always mean what you say? Make an effort to be more truthful when you talk to each other, and hold yourself accountable when you say you will do something.
- Acknowledge that opening up to a partner can make you feel vulnerable.
- Learn to communicate in a healthy manner and never to judge each other when you talk about your feelings.
- Look for compromises so you can resolve your conflicts.
- Respect is very important in a relationship. Do you respect your partner and feel that he respects you?
- Give each other the benefit of the doubt. You have to make the assumption that you’re not lying to each other and that you’re faithful to each other for the relationship to work.
- Talk about how the breach of trust made you feel so you can process it, forgive your partner, and move on.
Dealing with an Untrustworthy Partner
Being untrustworthy should be a deal-breaker. It’s difficult to build a happy and healthy relationship if you feel that you can’t trust your significant other. You will always have a gut feeling that he’s thinking of someone else, and might find that you can’t open up and share your feelings with him.
If your boyfriend or husband cheated or communicated with other women, take some time to think about their behavior and the relationship before you decide what to do.
If the relationship is very recent and you find that your new boyfriend already had someone else when he met you or that he’s been communicating with multiple women, don’t expect him to change for you.
It can be painful, but you need to accept the fact that your new boyfriend will never commit. They might tell you that they will stop talking to other women and build a healthy relationship with you, but the behavior will probably return in the future. It might be best to get out of the relationship now to avoid heartbreak in the future.
If you are in a long-term relationship, you probably feel that you have a lot invested in the relationship and that there are some good things worse saving. Assess how bad the breach of trust is and what you want to do about the relationship.
It’s possible to fix a relationship if your boyfriend or husband is a great partner but let a friendship turn into something more. Forgiving them and working on fixing the relationship is probably the best thing to do in that scenario. Make sure he’s ready to commit to changing and working on the relationship and that you won’t have to worry about other breaches of trust in the future.
If your partner cheated or if there is a history of emotional affairs, there are probably deeper issues with the relationship. You should have a serious conversation about the relationship and take some time to think about whether or not you can fix things.
You should also consider that connecting with other women is a way for your boyfriend or husband to deal with the fact that they see the relationship as being over. Some people have a hard time dealing with breakups and would rather damage the relationship beyond repair rather than breaking up with their partner.
If you think that your partner is texting someone else, bring up the issue in a non-confrontational manner, and find out what is going on. Figure out why they feel the need to communicate with another woman, identify any relationship issues that you should address, and ask yourself if this breach of trust is a sign that you should end the relationship.