Easier said than done. Chances are if your ex recently broke up with you, it’s quite normal to be still thinking about them. Your brain might be telling you to text or call him/her because you miss them and the security of your relationship.
Sometimes the pain of missing your ex might interfere with your life on many levels.
*Perhaps you can’t concentrate at work?
*Maybe it’s causing havoc with the relationships you have with your friends and family?
*You might be trying to mask the hurt by drinking or getting into drugs?
Experts agree that time will heal your pain but the longer you let it simmer the worse off you will be.
Many people don’t realized how difficult breaking up is until it happens.
There are all sorts of different routes to end a relationship. And yes, some people can breakup and remain good friends. Just understand that’s more like the exception to the rule and not the rule.
Ask yourself if you are truly trying to forget about your ex? If you aren’t on board with this totally, well, it’s just not going to happen.
Beware there are certain instances where you ex will creep back into your head and you need to be ready to accept, understand, and take action to move on.
How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex
Compulsively texting your ex
If you are constantly texting your ex and checking for messages, you need to stop. This is a dangerous behavior because it can turn compulsive fast.
You need to resist the temptation and if this means handing your phone and computer over to a friend for a few days, just to get out of the habit, then do it.
It’s going to be hard but you need to do everything in your power to end all communication with your ex. Mind over matter.
Your’e a social media stalker
Social media seems to make the world go round. It’s both a blessing and a curse. This platform allows you to keep in touch with as many people as you like on your own time. It’s a great way to get support and make connections.
However, when it comes to a breakup, it’s just too easy.
It’s too tempting to take a peak at their social media profile to see what they are up to. That’s just not going to help you get them out of your brain.
Take action to get busy so you aren’t thinking about your ex in any capacity. Go for a run, join a softball team, or hang out with some friends. Anything that’s going to keep your mind away from your recent breakup, is all good.
There comes a time after a breakup where you need to stop moping around thinking about your ex, and get back out there.
Nobody knows how long it’s going to take to completely forget about your ex. But you might as well get started because the sooner, the better so you can get on with your life.
Hop in the sac with another
This is a tough call for many people because the hurt is so fresh. However, experts agree one route to move on faster is to get connected with someone else.
This doesn’t mean you’re jumping into another long-term relationship because you’d be silly if you did. Slow and steady wins the race; and make sure the guy or gal you are sleeping with knows your situation.
There’s no need to start breaking more hearts with miscommunication.
Surround yourself with potentials and set yourself up to pick the cream of the crop. A ginormous step forward in moving on and forgetting about your ex.
Constantly replay all the bad times you had together
When you do this, you’re forcing yourself to focus on the negative and this will bury the positives fast. The mind is a powerful thing and if you don’t consciously acknowledge the bad times in your relationship, they will fade away and all you will be left with is more hurt because of the good things you had.
Stop it now please!
Think about how your ex upset you and all the times you argued over the dumbest things.
This will help your mind close your ex off and open the door to a stronger and more loving relationship. One step at a time please.
Go out with your friends and family
Chances are if you were in a committed relationship, your friends for sure suffered some neglect. Now’s the perfect time for you to step back in and catch up.
Go out for a few drinks or head to the beach. Whatever you and your friends love to do is where your focus needs to be right now.
With these new opportunities, you will see that your ex really doesn’t deserve one more second of your life.
Hit the gym hard
This is a perfect route for you to blow off a little frustrating steam and feel good about yourself. Now’s the perfect time to work on getting your body smoking hot for the next potential candidate.
Get active and keep your sorry butt off the couch. Slowly but surely your thinking will change and soon you will realize you deserve so much more.
Get sexy because it’s only going to help you move past thinking about your ex.
Take the no contact rule very seriously
The only way you’re going to get your ex totally out of your brain is to cut out all communication. This means blocking their number and emails and unfollowing them on social media. That’s just to start.
Don’t let yourself get sucked back into the destructive circle of trying to track him down again.
An ex is an ex for a reason!
Remind yourself this is very real
Don’t try and convince yourself this is just a temporary split and you’re going to get back with your ex shortly, because you’re not!
Shut the door to the past because that’s the only way you can open one toward the future.
This is one instance where you can’t let yourself be hopelessly optimistic. An ending is an ending and you need to draw the line in cement.
Chill on your belongings
One of the worst moves you can make is to use your belongings as a means of seeing your ex again. Please don’t do it!
Leave your stuff and if there are things you really need back, just have your ex box it up and send it to you. Never invite them over and never go pick it up yourself. Unless of course they are at work and the box is sitting on the step.
You can also have one of your friends go pick it up for you. Just stay away please if you want to really stop thinking about your ex.
Burn everything that reminds you of your ex
Well, you might not have to be that drastic but you know where I’m coming from. Get rid of all the pictures of the two of you around your room. Donate the jacket he bought for you to charity.
If he bought you valuable jewelry, you might want to take it to a jeweler and either exchange it for something else or maybe have it created into a new piece.
When you get rid of the items he gave you, then you are one step closer to never thinking about your ex again.
Step your business up a few notches
To get your mind off your ex, you should do all those things you’ve wanted to do but never did. Go join a baseball team, work a little bit more, and find new hobbies.
You never know unless you try!
There truly are a zillion different things you can do to get over your ex. Make your list and take action with it right now.
Don’t go for the bottle
This is a pretty popular move when couples break up. They try to drown their sorrows in alcohol. Now if you want to go out one night and drink up, that’s your choice. However, if it becomes a daily or nightly ritual, you’ve got a whole new set of issues on your plate.
Don’t be afraid to reward yourself
Stop and think if you are making the best decisions right now to move on with your life. Stop thinking about the past and envision the future instead. That’s where all your energy should be directed.
If you are making progress and love to shop, reward yourself with a new pair of shoes! This is your opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and shine. Try new things and bask yourself in the glory of having the freedom to make the best choices for you.
Understand the clock doesn’t stop ticking for anyone
It’s okay to feel sad and mad for a few days after a breakup. But if you mope around for day or weeks, it’s only you that is hurting.
People can’t help you if you don’t want to be helped.
You have to make the choice to move forward with a smile, because you’re friends can only take so much. Make the decision to stop thinking about your ex and it will happen, just give it a little time.
Literally snap yourself out of it
This one is taking the tough love route. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about your ex, just snap the rubber band you’re wearing on your wrist. What this does is help you to consciously de-program your brain from wandering into ex territory.
You need to be in control of your mind and this is one way to actively do it.
Flip your negative to positive
If you are emotionally overwhelmed about your ex, this is going to weigh you down royally on your path forward. Be open and positive and treat yourself with love and respect. Do the things in life that make you smile.
When you get angry, let your emotions out in a positive way. Teach yourself to find the positive; and the negative crap about your ex won’t seem so big.
You are not to blame
It really doesn’t matter the circumstances surrounding your breakup. Do not blame yourself. Take a stab at blaming the relationship itself and not you or your ex personally. This will give you the window of opportunity to move on and not feel any guilt at all.
Nobody goes into a relationship looking to break up. It happens and you’ve just got to deal with it and move on. End of story.
Talk about it with someone you trust
When you talk about what you are thinking and feeling with someone you trust, you will feel much better. Often just having a good sounding board works wonders in letting go of your ex and moving forward with a positive outlook.
This trusted person will be understanding and supportive and that’s exactly what you need right now.
If you ever want to move on with someone special, you can’t let the hurt of your past interfere with this. You deserve to smile and this means you are going to have to work through your emotions top to bottom.
A good friends can help you do this.
The dog-and-vomit analogy really does work!
This is totally disgusting but you need to stick with it. This pointer is all about addiction and recover. That said, when you are thinking about sad thoughts in the past constantly, that’s the same thing as a dog going back to his own puke.
“As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.”
When you tap into this visual analogy, you’ve see it’s rock solid concrete and just makes sense.
What you need to do is repeatedly tell yourself you are not a dog and you shouldn’t keep going back to your own vomit.
Just stop obsessing please.
Understand the grieving process
No doubt it’s important to understand the grieving process and if you want to heal completely, you just can’t skip it. It’s important to learn how to grieve and more importantly give yourself permission to go through the process.
One surefire reason for not being able to get passed your ex is because you have ignored the process. You need to learn to accept and let go.
It’s not just death that you need to learn how to grieve. You also need to learn how to handle the hurt caused by losing someone who was once special in your life. It’s okay to grieve and better yet, it’s something you need to do.
If you don’t know how to grieve, you will always be obsessing in some capacity about your ex. Learn the process and you will get past this – Believe it!
Slip not one, but two new activities into your life
Take a gander at a few fantastic tips to get your ex out of your brain for good!
*Take a trip to Hawaii.
*Volunteer for the Cancer Society.
*Volunteer in your Church
*Take a cooking class.
*Move to a new place.
*Find new friends.
*Get face to face with old friends.
*Train for a marathon
*Take rock climbing classes
*Take a class and learn a new language
*Sign up for dance classes
Check out Meetup.com for other ideas for activities, classes, and groups near you; and meet up with them.
Honestly, it really doesn’t matter what newness you bring into your life, just do it. When you create strong external focuses ,it’s much easier to get the past out of your brain for good.
Practice makes perfect so never give up on this one please.
Take care of your spiritual and emotional well-being
Life is a journey and it’s important you don’t focus too much on any one aspect of it. Stop and ask yourself how and why you get obsessed about things; and how to stop it. Do you need a man 24/7? Do you have an addictive personality? Do you feel empty inside if you don’t have a partner?
In order to heal yourself emotionally and spiritually, you need to accept your strengths and weaknesses and learn how to heal yourself.
When someone is obsessing about an ex, it’s often because they aren’t emotionally healthy themselves. Not a bad thing but something that needs to be acknowledged.
Bottom line…Heal yourself first and then you will be able to stop thinking about your ex.
Create a rock solid scheduled time to feel anxiety and regret
After which you need to cut yourself loose. If you are having trouble not thinking about your ex and the breakup, give yourself permission to do so. What’s important is you have a set timeframe in which to do so.
Maybe you want to schedule 10 minutes in the morning and at night where you can think about your ex.
After this, you need to consciously put your ex out of your mind.
In time, you will find this time you spend reflecting and obsessing totally useless. When you realize this, you will see that it’s time to move on. Full speed ahead to be happy.
Ease up trying to stop pondering your ex after the breakup
There’s no question, whatever you try and resist will persist. So if you force yourself to stop thinking about your ex, that will ultimately be the only thing you can think of. Weird but true.
So stop obsessing and just allow yourself to think about your ex. Let the thoughts flow through your mind and don’t try to interfere with them. Accept the thoughts and replace them with take action steps to get past them.
Is this making sense to you?
You need to have self-control and determination to control your thinking but you can do it if you choose to.
Take control of your thoughts so they can’t override your best interests and make you obsessed about your ex. They need to be in the past and the past should stay where it is. You deserve to move forward happily.
It’s definitely not easy to help stop thinking about your ex and move on.
Overcoming obsessive thoughts about your ex isn’t unusual. What you need to understand is you will move on with your life in time and you will find an amazing partner.
When you can’t stop thinking about your ex, you are stuck in a very destructive pattern that turns habitual fast. Stop it before it does.
You need to realize you aren’t helpless and alone; and you most certainly aren’t trapped.
If you are ready to stop thinking about your ex, you need to simply take action to break the habit. This takes a lot of effort up front and you need to be fully committed to your cause. When you learn how to stop obsessing, your life will get back on track fast.
There are oodles of different strategies that do help. When you take both emotional and practical tips and combine them, you increase the chances of forgetting about your ex, once and for all.
Keep trying until you figure out what works for you. Stick with it until you are free and clear and can move confidently on in your life to bigger and better.
You can do it and using these expert tips, tricks, and proven strategies is only going to help you get there safely.
Time for you to take control and go find your true happiness.
Best of luck!
Everything made sense except for jumping in the bed with another. Heartbreak and possibility of bad situations will only become of such, transferring your feelings on to another. Just grow and learn on your own
Agreed. The jumping into a new relationship seems very unhealthy, as it has also been warned against by psychology experts on relationships.
Maybe. I think there is a certain point – like years – it is a good idea to at least try.
I know my ex is never coming back, even though I am not really over it. But I don’t want to be alone forever so I will try to date even though I still can’t get over my ex. He’s over me – as if I were dead. So why do I need to wait to “get over him?”
Honestly I think lots of people are walking around not over their exes. They are lonely and realistic that the ex is not coming back.
I spent 9 years with my partner, we had been looking at wedding rings. It took him 20 seconds to tell me it was over and would not answer my questions-the usual why. Only when I asked if there was someone else did he react. He turn around and walked out the door. I had 3 days of uncontrollable sobbing and sending text after text, with no responses. Then I got angry, and deleted his number, blocked him on Facebook, changed my relationship status to single. Wrote a list of what was wrong with our relationship, so when I start to miss him I read my list. It’s the thinking about him I find hard and I am so not ready to meet up with anybody new. I am following the ‘ love yourself ‘ advice does work. I am walking the dog like 8-10 times a day just to keep busy. That does help. I used to think he made me happy, but that’s a job I need to do for myself.
It has only been a week. Time does not help, you have to decide when to stop. I have given him enough time. The hurt stop….NOW.
Reading this helped so much. Hope you have found your happiness and I hope to find mine.
That all makes sense to me, I miss him so much, but I have to find me again, I am beginning to know my own worth now.
Anonymous ya right. My ex put my mind in a position, to think we would last. And, ended it with me like it was nothing. I blocked her on all social, but I still pained a while. For the most part, I’ve gotten over her. But, the dreams are a Bitxh… So I’m fixing to get my azz up, and go to the gym. Fuxk that noise, I don’t deserve to keep hurting. I deserve and demand better.
Totally agree – f**king around is as bad or worse than drinking/drugs. Instead of healthfully addressing pain, dealing with issues and investing in yourself, you’re using humans to numb your pain.
Really stupid. No wonder the person is single if this is something they’d do.
This looks like pretty good advice. My situation is a little different. I got dumped by my dreamgirl 23 years ago, but I never really got over her, I just moved on. In the back of my mind she was always there on this pedestal above everyone else I dated. There was something special about her that attracted everyone, men, women.
Anyone I wound up getting married (to someone else of course), three kids, divorced three years ago (we had a few tough years, I had a lot of physical issues that are now in the past). Things are pretty good in my life even if I don’t always recognize it. Anyway, a month ago, out of the blue, I received a facebook friend request from my dreamgirl (who I hadn’t spoken to or seen in like 22 years). At first I had the misimpression (fostered by someone else) that she might be interested in exploring a relationship again, though now I think it’s more just a friendship thing.
Anyway, this experience has just rocketed me back to being a brokenhearted, dumped 25 year old, as if the 23 intervening years had never happened. And I desperately want her back in my life (I know, desperation…). I never went thru the process of grief all those years again, so I find myself trying to weasel (nicely!) my way back into her life and see if she would still have any interest. Sigh…
Mike, the problem here is you didn’t grieve. It doesnt matter what happens, but you need to grieve regardless. You need to remember that 23 years have passed, and a LOT happens in 23 years. They might make it out like it was “just like yesterday” but actually – personalities, mentalities, jobs, families, outlook, approach ALL change a person and their perception. The person she is now is NOT the person 23 years ago. Shes completely different. She has different goals, dreams and anxieties. Just think what happens when you need to deal with those!!! Then what! Then all the beautiful things you thought about here is gone. The real problem here is you are in love with a CONCEPT FANTASY that you made in your head about her. You actually have no idea what she would be like with your children, with you, what happens when things go wrong or go bad. You will assume its rainbows and butterflies. Shes a totally NEW person – treat her has such. If you can’t it will not work – just seek to boost your ego and nothing else.
Do take this advice, it’s very true and it would be sad to get hurt again.
I guess this solves my issues. thanks for this.
My case is somewhat similar to yours. But the thing is that I am married. And after 15 years away from my ex, we reconnected and that brought back memories. We never really got over each other and that is affecting my marriage because my focus has shifted totally. But now, I am in the process of letting go totally and facing my new life.
My Ex acknowledges my position but maintains that we still be friends. What do you think?
Thank you. There is some good advice here – things that I am trying already & some I haven’t tried. I wish I had a Mute button or a Stop button to turn off the sound track that keeps playing over & over in my head, & the visions that I keep reliving. The man I have loved for 11 years is unfortunately a Narcissist and has just discarded me for the second time to go back to the same ex-girlfriend. He is able to do it so coldly & unemotionally with no regard for the hurt he’s causing me. Just stood there looking at me & said nothing while I fell apart. I know of course I am better off without a man like this but I am desperate to stop replaying the scenarios, thinking the thoughts & feeling the hurt. I am doing what I can – hitting the gym, new haircut, going out with friends, riding my motorbike, dating, keeping busy, etc, etc and I guess time heals all. But the hurt & pain & emptiness inside is still so real and I wish I could get thoughts of him off ‘loop’. Anyway, thanks for the advice. I’m trying the ‘Snap out of it’ elastic band thing. Can’t hurt.
I understand how you feel, it’s the visions I see when I close my eyes. It’s been about 2 months and I know now she is a narsassist and just not a good person and I’m better off without her and all the horrible crap she did and lied about. And God forbid I have a sexual thought it immediately turns to visions of her and I cant take it. We have a small son together so we still see each other but I’m trying so hard to just be civil to her. I am so filled with anger I want her to pay but at the same time I know that’s not healthy and she is still the mother of my son. I just want to be free of her and I find myself still ruled by her.
What about if you work with them? I do, and it’s torture. 4 years it’s been since it ended, and it only last 6 months, but was my first ever love at 32 years old. I can’t quit my job as I’m on a visa, and if I do i have to return home, which I don’t want to do. Also can’t change jobs as the visa is tied to my employer. I aad a year of counselling about year after it ended. And even met the person and discussed what happens after 2 years. For a brief time after things were OK. But then it just felt like it doubled down. Getting closer to give years later now, I feel I’m in a deeper hole than I was before. Blocking them out and ignoring them only does so much. Time hasn’t helped and distance hasn’t been an option as every day I face seeing them, And when I do, I usually end up a blubbering mess in the office bathrooms. It’s literally on my mind every second of the day I’m in the office, before I go to sleep and when I wake up. Even having dreams about it. I’m really at a loss as to why I can’t just let it go and move on.
I am in the same situation. I work with my ex who I am still deeply in love with. It’s so hard to come to work everyday, but being strong is what we have to do to get over everything. Be professional and try to change different routines and routes at work so you don’t run into them often if you can.
The exact same thing has been happening to me for about 3 months now. I think about my -ex in the morning, when I wake up, throughout the day, and when I go to bed at night. It’s all consuming like an intense drug that you’re body has become dependent on. I notice I only sleep well about 3-4 hours a night and at work I (where I have my own office space) become an emotional sobbing mess where you feel like something is squeezing your chest area around your heart real hard—these pangs or moments happen once or twice a day; at other times once every two or three days. You’ll stop and ponder if the outside world has any idea what you’re going through as you join others for meetings at work or extended family gatherings.
I’m in my 50’s now and honestly I’ve only gone through this “pain of separation or loss” once or twice before in my entire life. When I started to grief in my 20’s over similar breakups, the “rebound” approach was the most practical method considering that marriage was not being even remotely talked about when the earlier breakups occurred. Back then, the rebound effect DID actively stop the sense of grief and pain almost immediately upon sexually consummating with the new girlfriend but I noticed for me that only worked because I was lucky enough to realize or “pretend” that my new lover was somehow much more attractive or a “better catch” than my heartbreak ex-girlfriend. Today, I stop and think about the both of men from time to time but without the pain or nagging questions as to “why this” or why that.
Today’s pain for me has taken on more intense proportions. The online dating is brutally insensitive to folks over 50+; so unlike my 20’s this has been no easy escape with a new lover here or there. Moreover, as you’ve certainly been reading most folks are discouraging the “rebound” approach these days. In fact, now some folks are trying to link the withdrawal pain caused by a sudden and prolonged breakup (or romantic attachment) to childhood trauma or “abandonment issues”. Honestly, that is a little “out there” for me but I’ve certainly considered the idea that my painful breakup is more excruciating than it otherwise should be because it has “triggered” some early childhood trauma having to do with attachment. I am starting to lean more towards the idea that it hurts much more or that you enter ‘grieving’ when you had “illusions” or “dreams” of a fulfilling future with this person; goals and expectations for the future with this person. I say this because I personally had flings or FWB or other “situationships” in the past where—-and this is the thing—despite lots of sexual intimacy and spending 5 out of 7 days living with that partner—-the relationship ends or you end it and there is NO grieving involved. Why?
I’m starting to understand that if there were no expectations for the relationship other than just “hanging out” and “doing it” every other day then there follows very little ‘disillusionment’ and subsequently very little psychic or emotional pain when it ends or you drift apart. This is despite the favorable ‘status’ that either partner may enjoy or possess. Its simply a frame of mind.
In conclusion, in my case I convinced myself several years ago that this woman was the MOST beautiful and youngest woman that I had ever touched; she was 17 years my junior and very pretty and voluptuous. Add to that the “complex” or attitude that I would or could never do better than her (“self-esteem”); add to that I’m getting “older” and losing some of the confidence I once had as a younger, well-built charming and handsome lady’s man—and that was probably the ‘recipe’ for the psychological and emotional demise in my present situation.
It may be the SUM TOTAL of several issues going on in one’s life that make you FEEL more vulnerable and perhaps we end up investing or ascribing A LOT OF VALUE to that ex- ; that may be why the obsession of them having been a part of our insignificant lives has us perpetually heartbroke and grieving. Just a thought…
It’s so hard!!! Like every moment every day every time his name is in my head, Andy it’s stuck like it won’t get out!!! I need some help!!! I’ve tried ignoring him and blocking him on every thing, but it doesn’t help at all!!! I think I might need some therapy to get over him! Please someone help me!!! I’m in desperate help! And finding someone else isn’t helping at all!!! Just someone help me!! Please! I walk. I work. I sit. And he’s there in my head. He won’t effin’ get out!!! Ughhhh!!! Please help!!! Nothing has helped me. If someone could give me some tips or anything it’s not helping. And neither is alcohol 🍷 So please help. I can’t stop chasing him!!! He’s every where I go!!! Help me please!!!😞😥😭 We’ve also dated like 3 times. The first one lasted 6 months long. The second lasted 2 1/2 months long. And the third lasted about almost 2 weeks. So someone help me get over him!!!
Amira, I found out that I am codependent partner. I am learning to heal and break this dependency on another person. Helen Mia Harris really helped me. I watched her YouTube videos and ordered some of her books. It’s a problem of self. It is shocking to me how one person could shake ground under my feet. I always was happy and independent in a good way. We have to rediscover ourselves, love ourselves. Check Helen Mia Harris. She is very helpful, when I heard her talk I felt like she knew me. I hope I helped you at least a little. And know that you are not alone, and you will heal.
Amira, Options suggested in this article may work for few and may not for others . If none of these options works for you , in my personal opinion TRAVEL . Travel to some unknown place , without any plans , without any schedules . Just pack your bags , and then head out.
Most of the times, we must have felt He/She is the only person for us in this world , so called Right Match . However the truth is there cannot be anyone who knows about you , your likes, your feel and ofcourse your love – other than you.
Time and Travel will expand your mind , heart and makes you forget all those sad feelings . In a population of 1.2 Billion , we cant be vesting all our happiness on single individual .
So Travel and you will eventually find your most lovable person in this which is YOU . Good Luck .
The article has some really good advice. Personally I’ve gone through all the stages of my breakup, disbelief, denial, hoping to get her back through a letter pooring my heart out. Anger (why has she done this to me!) Eventually getting to the acceptance stage, or so I thought. I’ve badly drifted back, and over three months later i think there’s still a chance and she’ll knock at the door and we’ll live in love happily ever after, although I know deep down this will never happen and it’s over, thoughts of her are in my head more than ever.
As a way to hopefully move on I’ve just finished my first therapy session, so that combined with practicing some of the above, I’ll get over her and move on.
Amira I feel your pain too – I thought I was going crazy until I have found all the replies to this and found a little comfort I am not a weirdo with an obsession !
I dated in and off for the last 3 years and know he cares still for me, but he is a free spirit and does not want a relationship- that is so hard to take, we were making plans for the future one day and the next it’s all over as it’s it what he wants. I have to accept it this time as it’s japoended too many times now , but I miss him and now find myself texting him saying so – loser ! I hate myself each time I do
I’ve been with this girl for the past four years. We actually just had our 4 year anniversary a couple of weeks ago and we were planning to move together soon. We’re both almost 26. Everything seemed to go well, but a few days ago she sent me some facebook messages telling me that she’s not feeling anyting for me anymore, that she feels stuck in this relationship and thinks she’ll be better off single for now. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her messages. After 4 years, I think I deserved at least a phone call.
But the internet is a wonderful place and you can find great advice from people with tons of experience. I am not sure if I’ll manage to cope with this as good as I hope in some moments, but here’s my plan:
1. Tonight I will go out with some friends to a stand up comedy show.
2. Tomorrow, my parents will visit
3. On Sunday I will go to a colleague’s place and there will be other colleagues as well.
4. Next week I will go out with an old friend and on Friday I already have an appointment with a therapist
I am sure the worst is yet to come and that I will feel like crap for a while, but what I am trying to do is understanding that these things happen. They can happen to anyone, at anytime. It’s life. Everytime you decide to ‘sign up’ for a relationship, you take a risk. The risk of your heart getting broken. There is nothing you can do that could guarantee the fact that you won’t get dumped at a certain point. Also, I’m trying not to judge my ex-girlfriend. She probably couldn’t find the power to have a face to face conversation or she was afraid that I might convince her to do something that she doesn’t want to, which is to continue the relationship. She decided to do it on Facebook, but even if she said it to my face, the outcome would’ve been the same.
I’m trying to be as positive as possible about this and it feels kind of ok so far. Good luck to everyone who’s going through this kind of things. I wish heartbreak to no one. You never realize who much it sucks until you it happens. Stay strong, go to therapy and do as much stuff as you can, specially if you are young. Take advantage of your independence, go visit other countries, make friends and there is a small chance that you will get lucky and you’ll find the one who will stay and you’ll get old together.
Man, feels good getting this off my chest.
Hey man, I’m a random stranger but ur words actually helped me a bit, 2 days ago the love of my life, so I thought broke up with me with no apparant reason. Saying that we just not meant for each other and she doesn’t see us together in the long run. We dated 7 months
I was devastated I don’t know how to cope. How long did it take for u to get over this hurt?
Also when my friends dug a bit deeper to find out what really happened all she told them was I know I hurt him, I didn’t want but I had to….. It’s like she was forced? Her mother has a big influence in her life and she was busy studying for big exams while dating me. Perhaps she had to choose between education and me? Also she is a gamer and she started a clan about 2 weeks back. Now she’s constantly onlin gaming as well. I don’t know what to believe because I never got proper closure.
My heart tells me to move on because I’m broken, but my mind sais she might realise what she lost and come running back
Well,, my case is different,,i am married man but was never in love with my wife ,,we got together due to certain family obligations,,,after 5 years of marriage i cudt take it anymore but with kids in the picture i cudt leave now,,,i met this amazing girl in the office and things started as having fun and going out for coffee and sports ,,3 months after i fell in love with her and so she did ,,,it was hell of a love ,,we loved each other so much,,,but the fact i was married always got stuck in her mind,,,she wanted to have a family of her own which i understand,,,we were off and on couple of times but always get back to each other with even stronger,,,,4and half years after we had an argument while texting ,,,and second day she send me a msg its over,,,at the beginning i accepted it knowing that she deserves to have a life of her own and family ,,,but 2 weeks after i just cudt take it anymore,,,and things started to go crazy in my mind ,,,i am following her on IG with fake profile that she dost know about,,,i think about her every second,,,not a single moment pass without remembering her,,and them i made up my mind and sent her en email asking her to marry me ,,,i decided it is her or no one ,,,but as i expected she didt reply and most probably she didt even read thee mail as she blocked me in every single way ….now i am stuck in a very dark place,,,i even went and slept with this girl who was always flirting with me which made things even worse bcz of the guilt ,,,i can talk to my friends as they will pass it to my wife more can share with anyone,,now it is been one month and 20 days ,,,since we met,,,i have not slept more than 3 hours a day since,,,i am going crazy,,,what ever i do no matter what she pops up in my mind thinking i wish she was here,,,i dont know what to do,,,i am stuck in this dark place totally alone,,,the other day i tried committed suicide by driving 180 on the high way with my eyes closed ,,,but then i realized i might got someone else hurt with this,,,now am again going into this mood and trying to figure out way to end my life without ppl realizing it is celebrat ,,,i need help,,but sont where and whom to go,,,,
Please seek some help. Do you have any therapists near you? It helps to talk to someone who is trained in the field and can help you through this. You can also find therapists online, you wouldn’t even have to leave your house. Moreover, online therapists often are much cheaper.
. Whilst I empathize your emotions however we call it as KARMA. KARMA in simple terms is nothing but a reminder of our past actions . In your example, you dumped your wife by falling in love with another girl and that’s exactly what she has done to you. If she would had the same love for you , she may come back to you and even if she comes back , Are you certain that she will stay for long ?
This insecurity willnot allow your relationship to last longer hence the best suggestion is to focus on your children and start believing that its your KARMA which is now teaching you lessons for your betterment.
If you want to get out of her memories, Seek out a new job and take on new challenges. If still her memories haunt, Take a trip to some unknown places for a while , you will learn that this world is much bigger and there are many like you who have failed in their love life and have successfully moved on .
Suicidal thoughts – Its very natural but being a human make your life meaningful and useful for others . Make that girl to feel that she missed a good Humanbeing and that’s the spirit .
Life is too short bro and there are many interesting emotions in Life than Love. After 10 years , all this mourning and suicidal acts will be much of fun to think about . All the best and crack on with your new life.
K. J. says
I agree. I don’t agree with jumping in the bed with someone else because that will also prolong your healing. Also, part of having ex to early can lead into infatuation and feelings of what is not love and you’ll be back in the same situation you are trying to get over. I would say do a gummi bear or something but do it legally.
I totally sympathise and empathise with everyone on here who’s been dumped. You’re not obsessing, you’re just trying to make sense of something traumatic that, even if you had hints, was a hideous shock so please don’t punish yourself if you’re failing to just ‘snap out of it’ in a few weeks. A lot of people now recognise some break ups as creating trauma. These articles are helpful because of the support from real life comments more than the sometimes simplistic advice. I was dumped by text by my bf of 15 months, a few weeks before my sister’s wedding. We’d spent time with each others families and friends, gone on holidays, spent Christmas and new year and he’d wanted me to move in. I really thought, in spite of some stresses from jobs and families, I’d finally met my partner. At first I was in shock, then I realised how much he must have disliked me (while I was totally in love with him)and I felt ill. He’d written ‘not a quick decision but I don’t want to see you again, I’ve given it a lot of thought’ This meant he’d been deceifully planning to finish it but didnt think I was worth even a call. I felt totally powerless which was probably the point. We’d never argued but I realised he’d been bitching behind my back and I felt more betrayal. Then I understood he hadn’t needed words to show me rejection and disdain: his face, body language and silences had all been pretty effective at that and I’d been absorbing it for months. It seems ridiculous now but I felt like a hateful unloveable person who hadn’t deserved perfect him. I tried taking all the blame and it was pretty grim. I’d also lost trust in my judgement so I almost felt I was going mad. Other days I’d just start crying uncontrollably as I got flashbacks to conversations and incidents- every memory only underlined how much he’d mistreated me but was it another piece of the jigsaw. Thank god I had some great friends and my parents, talking to them I started to realise the relationship had damaged me. I started reading articles and blogs and discovered I’d had the full narcissist treatment. I also discoveted that I can be co-dependent even though I am very independent and seem strong. With time my thinking changed, from emotional to more rational. I saw that things we had in common were superficial and we didnt really share beliefs and values. I saw the cold, selfish arrogant side of him. I began to believe I deserved better. I had some counselling, joined the gym, saw my friends and looked after myself. I did have a bit of a relapse (its a marathon not a sprint!) when I saw him from my car 6 months after the split: I naively texted telling myself I was just finally drawing a line under it all but it gave him the chance to suggest a drink and a talk. I knew it was a trap, then he totally ignored my friendly response so it was obvious he was trying to control again and had been even since we split.- it threw me back into confusion and pain for a few weeks. Finally, I saw him 3 weeks ago to get my things but I’d prepared and stuck to my script making it brief and showing him I was successful and happy without him and that felt really good. Now it’s the new year it’s a brilliant opportunity to look only forward. He is going to come into my mind sometimes but I am free and I have learnt so much and finally feel confident again.
That’s a nice way of handling things !!! Forgive that poor guy and move on . There are many people in this love who are yearning for love and sincere partners. Its a loss for him . Keep going and he will face his KARMA for dumping you.
Reading all of these comments/experiences from real people is very helpful. I was dumped for more than a month now from an almost five year realtionship. I never thought this is as painful as it is. Feel like healing wont be with me. By the way, this is a same sex relationship. I was dumped for a someone he mer for a one night stand. I caught them. Sad thing is the moment I caught my boyfriend, he was very angry and even hurt me physically. Where did i go wrong? He even asked me for a second chance because i wanted a quit but he begged because we had a planned vacation together so because I was stupid enough, I gave him a chnace. After the trip, he blocked the other guy in facebook so i was confident he was sincere BUT he memorised the other guy’s contact number and they have been foolin me for more than 3 months. Saddest thing is, they were already officially commited 2 days before my BF broke up with me! And that is 19 days before our 5 year anniversary!
I was so devastated, i thought im okay now but it keeps hanunting me. I cant forget him since we are collegues. And he even know where i am staying now now that he keep on visiting me! He is stupid! Can someone here help me move on?
Alice O'Farrell says
This is one of the best articles i have read on this subject
It is so helpful reading all of these comments from real people. I was not in a relationship for that long but it has been over a week since he ended what we had and I am literally in pieces. The feelings that come from rejection like shame and embarassment, the fact of the matter was I still wanted to try and he said no. Things were bad between us and this was the right thing. I took time off work because I was sitting there hoping he would come to my office (i blocked all forms of contact -not that he would contact me as he sticks to his decisions)I could not bear being at work and seeing him not come to my office. Its the ‘hope’ that I want to get rid of desperately. I also broke my virginity with him at 31 years old and I am just devastated basically. I try so hard to block the memories out but it is impossible sometimes. I could be in the middle of doing something then suddenly I am being tormented by the memories of staying over at his place etc and it just hurts so bad. I know he is not suffering like I am and that makes me feel worse. I just want this to stop. This article was good not sure about the sleeping around part, I think this would not be healthy for the more vulnerable like myself. I hope all you who have commented have healed or are healing and sorry you are going through this. I might try the rubber band method. How do I accept and stop the hope ?! And I even fantasise about him coming back its so awful to be in this place
Ive been dating a girl for 6 months now, and was still letting my ex come in and out of my life,
I CHEATED one her with my ex multiple times, just yesterday my ex decided to send my (new) gf everything, she left me and I feel broken over it. maybe its the guilt? I cant eat I cant sleep I cant function at work, ive sent a million texts and she wont respond is there anything I could do or should I just move foward
Hey Taylor , not sure what your situation is now since you messaged on here?
If still the same and you are still contacting her then please STOP. You are not doing yourself any favors. Especially if you still have feelings for your ex. Let her move on, she must be absolutely heartbroken. If you manage to get in touch and get back with her you will do the same thing. Let her move on please..You clearly don’t love her..hope you are feeling better. To be honest best thing to do is not be with either of them. Be strong..recover and forgive yourself..do what you can to not get yourself in these situations again..
i need help
I’ve been dating a girl for over an year now
we had arguments at some point like normal relationships but we solved them all
two months ago the girl started acting weird but i didn’t know why after having constant arguments for a month she tells me she had had a crush on a boy and i knew that had caused her change in acting
i couldn’t handle it coz i even never knew if they were dating or not
and instead of her telling me exactly that she blamed everything on me saying we were not same and didn’t match and all. it didn’t make sense to me because we had dated for almost two years how comes it’s now she realises that
we ended things but i couldn’t handle it
i was so broken and i texted her and begged her to be back in my life
she said she believed she wasn’t good at loving and that she needed some time to prepare Herself and all
i did give her the time
and we talked and all
i do love her even after a lot of mean things she’s told me
i texted her last week and just like that i got a very mean response
i was so broken and hello
i didn’t know what to do
i cried whole day and ate nothing talked to no one
i just breathed and cried
i am always hopeful of getting a text which doesn’t happen
i need help
i even get suicidal thoughts now
I found this article very useful. Some like other comments i also disagree with the sleeping around option.
I was in the 4 years relationship with a man I adore and looked up to. We started our relationship in London. I was single for over 2 years and met Richard for a drink and got found of him very quickly. We get along very well and we had an amazing attraction between us. we also share the same goal. We both wanted to move to Barcelona. Nothing prepare us for such a difficult experience. I moved here first and he joined after. In 6 months we were living together. Someone I struggled to integrate and make friends and my life became all around him and be with him. I felt easier to be around him that make the effort to talk to new people and allow them in my life. After 2 years In Barcelona he call it off. He said his feeling for me have changed and he cannot go on. Looking back there were time he said he could not be my everything but really never had that conversation. There was poor communication about the issues that were affecting us. I was so lost I did not realized what in was doing until now. I also been struggling very much. I let myself down. Lost my purpose and stop having my own life. I realized I made a big mistake and now I am alone. Nobody can complete you but only add to that.
I am currently working on myself to be a better person and learn from this experience. I still hope one day we can get back together. But right now I respect his decision and I am working on becoming a stronger person emotionally.
I am a man, and as I read this I wasn’t sure if it was tailored more for gals, guys or both. However I did find it helpful. Especially the social media part and the belongings section. I am now going to act accordingly and try and sort my life out. Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago, a few weeks ago I lost my job, I lost most of my friends from my last job, and my family are always busy. I feel so alone and it’s seriously hard to stop thinking about my ex, because she was my best friend and my whole life. I know time will help, and the steps in this article will be a good starting point for me, it just doesn’t feel like it’s going to get better, even though I know it will.
This will be a bit of a long post, but maybe it can help someone. I recently broke up with my girlfriend 5 days ago. My brithdays in a day RIP.
We were together for a year and a couple months. When I look back at it, even though I still think about her lots, whether I can help it or not, things weren’t always equal. I look at the comments and I see a lot of people are hurting. Personally until the very end all I did was try to make things better. I would write her letters on how I’m feeling, try to get her to talk about the way she felt, problem solve and talk about ways to be happier. But, she didn’t try as much, she decided it was easier to give up then fight for someone she said meant the world to her. I asked her what keeps people together through rough times, and I said it’s their love for each other, and the effort you put in. She said its not always like that. Personally I’m a huge sucker for happy endings and a part of me used to daydream that she’ll send that magic text saying she wants to try again. But even if she did, it wouldn’t be smart to do that. The way I see it, if she always bottled stuff up on how she was feeling about us or something that I was doing and just hoped that it went away, what would that mean for the future. She was too gutless to even talk to me about things that bothered her even though I created a space where she could because she did that for me. There was a lot of red flags that I can go into my next relationship with to look out for because of values that are important to me.
When we broke up all I could think about is if she was alright. I, like many of you are probably too loyal. All I wanted to do was to reach out to see if she was ok after. In reality however, she was never going to do that, and never did, so why should I or any of you. All that does is delay the healing process.
Soon as we broke up and she dropped off a bunch of my stuff that I gave her, it immediately went into the trash because I know personally I can’t look at it without hurting, even the brand new cookbook she got me for our anniversary.
Theres of course so many questions I want to ask, answers I feel like I deserve, but even if I got the answers, would I want to know? No. It would just hurt more. Fact is no one will ever know the whole truth in life, just the one you accept.
My heart gos out to all of you. Its hard getting used to waking up next to somebody and being able to hold them during the roughest times of your life, It’s hard throwing out the picture of her that you kept in your wallet that made your shitty job seem livable. But the fact is, it’s for the best. The future is always brighter and it might not be the next girl, or the one after that, but someone will be able to appreciate me, and appreciate all of you for you are, and someone will put as much heart and love as your going to. Honest they will, why believe anything else. You’ll be alright.
Thanks for reading and letting me share what I’m going through.
My ex was stuck on her ex. I wish i paid attention the red flags. She broke my heart and now she has a new guy. I know we all will have people who will love us.
Listen to Garth Brooks Unanswered Prayers.
We were together for the last 12 years and soon to be engaged. Both our families were not ready for this marriage..It took a lot of hardwork convincing them( more on my side)…His side was not at all understanding and he failed to take a stand always..Somehow or the other after breaking once 2years ago due to family issues we got back again,and tried to make things work. It took 1 and a half year to make everything normal and just then when we were planning on the next step i discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me with someone else! This whole time he was with the other girl and with me.. And here i was suffering and crying because of the hardships i was going through to make our relationship work..
Now that he is caught he’ s apologising for the simple “mistake” he made of not telling me about the other girl and that i should forgive him. This is not the first time he’s cheated on me..Back in school similar thing happened and then i gave Him a chance to prove himself.
And since then he’s been very carefully cheating on my back am pretty sure!!
I know i can’t go back to that bastard..I don’t wanna be with a person who never valued me.. but his thoughts and memories are just not leaving me.. It’s been almost 2 months and I’m going crazy..Please help me!
I was in a relationship with someone who had a best friend whom h loved the most . Due to some circumstances she rejected him. He was completely devastated , i stood by his side and loved him the way no one can. I cared and held his hand when he was crying for a girl, after few days he proposed and i accepted his proposal. After about a month i started sensing something wrong, he kept on calling both of us with same frequency, regular group video calls and constantly flirting with of us. Randomly hugging both of us with tears in eyes, i was confused but keeping in mind that we 3 are the closest friends it’s normal for my bf to call his best friend, i never thought that way.Soon , the things started messing up , i found both of them being together everytime either chatting or facetime.I begged him to change and he promised that he will, but he never changed. I tried comitting suicide and i got regular anxiety attacks and severe depression . I requested him so many times i love you a lot please leave that girl but he kept on saying i can’t live without her she is my best friend.
We never told her about our relationship and one day he said that he already had a long conversation and she is already informed that we are i relationship but he lied .Just after 2 months she said that they (my bf and his best friend) were exploring relationship and they usually meet after classes and they are having great time together. I asked my bf and he said they just met as friends and she misunderstood something . I was so stupid to agree and forgave him.
He again promised he won’t call her separately at night and won’t meet or hug her but he again lied. There meetings became more frequent, they were always hanging out together but i never knew about that.
A week ago i came to know from my friend that they were together everytime. I asked him and he said he lied to make me happy , that was the first time he gave me his phone and all i saw was there pictures hugging each other and there regular video chats and flirts.I left him but he kept on crying i loved him a lot , and forgave him again. But he still lied once again.
yesterday , he punched walls like a psycho and kept on hurting me to come back . This time i was strong ,but he again promised , all i remember is i snatched his phone and searched love ….
he kept on saying his best friend “i love you a lot and its okay if i do” i was shattered and still he says i love you and i said it just as a friend..
I am ashamed of myself for loving such a guy and forgiving him so many times.He cursed my parents , abused me physically and his thoughts are still killing me.
I met this person early last year he asked me out I replied we were like d perfect couple he said he was scared he would break my heart br I was stupid Inlove I forgot there is something called reality I was so fixed with the fact that he cried on my arms he was d first guy in my life I felt complete with him tho pple were saying he was going to leave me I trust him more than anything so after 2 weeks of being together he said he was going back to school and we would be in touch he won’t leave me I trusted him n waited like a married woman for him tho we chatted n kept in touch with each other things were going fine until a certain time I noticed his attitude br I did not care because my love for him was blind he blocked me from viewing his status later made me view it back after I told him I knew he did he said he was sorry he was always posting his girl he said dey were frds well he came back from skul he just told me he couldn’t continue he doesn’t love me anymore heis just wasting my time I should find someone better than him I was Soo confused I begged him not to leave me he insulted me I had low self-esteem he didn’t talk to me after that fight till now it’s been two months his memories r still fresh in my mind I still miss him tho I am really hurt I tried forgetting him but I couldn’t twas as if my esteem reduced the more I cry every night wen ever I watch movie I remember him
D plans we had the promises he made to me I lost my job because I couldn’t focus
I really need a brain wipping stuff so it can help me forget him I do lie to myself I HV forgotten him bt deep down I miss him alot
Bt I guess he replaced me with someone better in his school how do I let go I don’t want to fall apart completely I got a new guy but his memories still flows in my head n makes me cry please i need help