Humans have a biological need for connection. A stable social network of interpersonal relationships can increase your lifespan by fifty percent.
We tend to form bonds with those who we interact with regularly. Proximity increases the depth of our relationships. Doing activities together, experiencing life in the same environment, creating a common history, all add to the strength of our relationships.
However, sometimes, you need to be apart for an extended time. Maybe he’s studying abroad for the semester. Perhaps she’s taken a job on the East Coast, thousands of miles from where you are. It could be emotional rather than physical distance. Has work or school or personal obligations reduced the amount of time you spend together? Then it’s time to tell the person that you are missing that you do.
In any relationship, communication is vitally important. Without open communication, misunderstandings thrive, feelings are hurt, and relationships end. It’s often difficult to share our emotions even with those we are most intimate with.
However, studies have shown that communicating positive feelings to our loved ones not only benefits the person on the receiving end of those emotions but the giver as well. People who demonstrate affection have lower stress hormone, cholesterol, and blood pressure levels while cultivating a stronger immune system than those who keep all those emotions bottled up inside.
How to Tell Someone You Miss Them When They Are Physically Distant
The question remains on how to tell someone you miss them without making them feel like you are needy or a stalker. Let’s look at some ways to get that message across in a mature, creative manner.
Texting
Social media has changed the way we interact with others, including those we have close personal relationships with. These days, a lot of our communication is through texting. Why not send a short message? Something along the lines of:
- I miss you.
- I’ve been thinking about you.
- I can’t wait to see you when you get back.
- Good morning/Goodnight.
- X (the universal representation of a kiss)
You could send a photo of a place that means something to the two of you. It could be a restaurant you love eating at, the park where you went swinging on your first date, or something crazy that made you think of the absent loved one.
These small gestures are simple ways to let that special someone know that you miss them without going overboard. Remember, one or two texts like this are entirely acceptable, while four hundred are not.
Send a Letter
If you are apart for more than a few days, one surprisingly effective way you can keep in contact is to send an old-fashioned letter. It should not be full of angst and agony at your separation. Instead, use the written word to celebrate your relationship even while you are apart.
You could begin with:
- I was thinking about how very much I care for you today, and how I don’t tell you that enough.
- I am happiest in your company, and this separation makes me aware of that even more.
- Every time I think of you, I smile.
Then reminisce about a particular time together.
- Remember that time that we …?
- I can’t ever forget the moment when …
- Do you ever think of ….?
Next, talk about the present.
- Even though we aren’t together …
- These memories make daily tasks …
- I am doing what I can each day to keep you in my thoughts while I ….
Conclude with some genuine emotions.
- I am looking forward to …
- I hope that …
- I am sending you light and love and happy thoughts because …
A letter can become a treasured memento for your loved one. Perhaps they might even write back so that you’ll have one to treasure too. It’s certainly worth the time and effort to write.
Share on Social Media
Social media is sometimes too public a place to share your feelings. However, there are ways you could let someone know you miss them, and no one is the wiser. Is there a particular phrase you can make a meme about to share? Can you tag him or her in a picture of a time you spent together? What about your favorite song? Can you share the YouTube video publically and know your loved one will understand?
Make a Call
With the constant connectedness of social media, we often overlook the joy of hearing someone’s voice. These days, we can even see the person while we speak using any number of video call applications.
You don’t need a reason to pick up the phone and call someone. The phone conversation doesn’t have to be complicated and full of unfulfilled longings to bring a smile to both participants’ faces. The important thing is to make the connection.
Go for a Visit
Studies have shown that while the internet provides us with more ways to interact with people, it cannot replace the benefits of in-person face-to-face communication. If it is at all possible, make an effort to go and visit the person you miss.
It might take some planning on your part to make it happen. After all, it’s not just as easy as dropping everything and going someplace else. You may have responsibilities at work or home that need delegating. You may need to save some money even financially to afford this trip. In the long run, however, the memories of this trip will go a long way to help reduce the longing you feel when your loved one is far from you.
Make a Photo Book
After your trip to visit, collect those photos you took and instead of posting them to Snapchat, make a photo book out of them. There are several online companies that you can upload your pictures for them to print out, or you can do it yourself as a scrapbook.
A photo book is a more permanent record of your trip and a great way to keep those memories. You could do this even if you weren’t able to visit recently. You most likely have quite a few pictures over the years of special events, goofy photo-ops, and lovely memories. Turn them into art.
Send a Gift or a Card
Giving has been proven scientifically to make us happier. It also promotes social connections, which is what you are trying to express to your absent loved one. It doesn’t matter if you are the receiver or the giver, the process of giving creates gratitude. Gratitude is essential to your health, social bonds, and happiness.
If you’ve made a photo book commemorating your relationship, send a copy to your distant companion. Or choose something else that would make the perfect gift and send it their way. If you haven’t the funds for something elaborate, shipping can cost a good deal these days, send a card. A card doesn’t have to be anything long and drawn out. A simple “I miss you statement” might be enough.
Use Music to Express Your Feelings
Music can help you express your emotions when words fail you. It also evokes specific emotions in listeners. That sad song about longing might even be enjoyable paradoxically.
Nothing says I miss you better than a personal song. Can you play an instrument? Then record yourself playing a song for that special someone. If you aren’t quite as talented, there are hundreds of “missing you” songs to choose from. No matter why you are apart or what type of music genre you prefer, there’s a song for you. Take a look at this list.
- “Missing” by Everything But the Girl
- “I Miss You” by Incubus
- “Wish You Were Here” by Avril Lavigne
- “Please Come To Boston” by Dave Loggins
- “Hey There Delialah” by Plain White T’s
- “I’m Already There” by Lonestar
- “Home” by Michael Bublé
- “Faithfully” by Journey
- “Patience” by Guns ‘N Roses
- “I Can Dream About You” by Dan Hartman
Poetry Speaks to the Heart
Try your hand at writing your emotions in verse. Poems have been used for centuries to communicate feelings. If your attempt falls flat, there are a plethora of verses out there to choose from. “i carry your heart with me” by e.e. cummings is an excellent choice, but any of these might do.
- “Love” by Pablo Neruda
- “The Sea of Glass” by Ezra Pound
- “Somewhere or Other” by Christina Rossetti
- “Drink to me only with thine eyes” by Ben Johnson
- “How Do I Love Thee?” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
- “Love and Friendship” by Emily Bronte
How to Tell Someone You Miss Them When They Are Emotionally Distant
These are a few ways how to tell someone you miss them when you are separated by miles and miles. What about someone who is in your immediate vicinity, maybe even someone you are living with, whose presence you miss? While many of the things mentioned above will get your point across, there are a few additional things you can do to close that emotional distance.
Set Up A Lunch Date
Many times our busy schedules leave us wanting in the relationship department. We may be in physical contact with someone daily but still, feel like we miss them because we don’t have the emotional intimacy we once had. Setting up a dinner or lunch date is a great way to reestablish the relationship.
Be mindful of your interactions while you are on the date. Don’t play with your phone. Be present in the moment. Listen carefully, respond accordingly. Tell your partner how much you have missed interactions like the one you are having. Make it a point to schedule more time together, moving forward.
Find a Hobby Together
Sometimes it’s about making time to be together. Look for an activity that you would both enjoy and then dive right in. Salsa dancing lessons? Cooking class? Hiking and biking? Not only will you have a good time, but you will experience positive emotions together.
Maybe that special someone already has an all-consuming hobby that interferes with your time together. Can you find a way to be involved? If Sunday night sports are on the agenda, why not sit down and watch a game. You might enjoy it. Having yet another activity in common will foster more conversation, more interaction, and less alone time.
What to Do When You Can’t Tell Someone You Miss Them
Sometimes we miss people who we can’t or shouldn’t contact to tell them about our feelings. They may have been a significant part of our lives in the past, but aren’t now. This would be true in the case of exes. Or we may have lost contact and don’t know how to find them, even though social media connectedness makes it much easier these days. Or perhaps that person has died. What do we do then with these emotions?
How to Tell Someone You Miss Them Without Contacting Them
If your ex has moved on or it was a toxic relationship that you are better out of, then you shouldn’t make contact. There are ways you can express your longing for the old days without trying to rekindle the flame or get back into a dangerous situation. Photo books, letters that remain unsent, and revisiting favorite places are good ways to miss someone without actual interaction.
Write a Closure Letter
A closure letter is meant for you to process your feelings, not to try to mend the relationship. That means you won’t be sending this letter.
To write your closure letter, start by focusing on your emotions. How did you feel when X happened? Then list what it is that you miss about the relationship. Be honest. Is the idea of the romantic attachment or the actual person that you miss? Are you just feeling lonely or nostalgic?
If you feel that you need acknowledgment of your emotions, find a trusted friend to read the letter to. That way, you’ll feel supported but not open that can of worms that your relationship has become.
Visiting Your Favorite Places
Taking a stroll down memory lane isn’t a horrible thing to do on occasion. No matter the reason the relationship ended, I’m sure there were some good times. Accepting that it wasn’t all bad can go a long way in letting go of those residual feelings and allow you to move on. Remember, smile, laugh, and cry if you need to. Those memories will always be yours to revisit no matter how far the person is from you.
How to Tell Someone Who Has Died That You Miss Them
When someone you love dies, then it’s natural to feel grief, sadness, and miss that person. Not being able to express those emotions exacerbate the situation. So the best thing to do for you is to find a constructive way to work through them.
Writing a Letter to the Dearly Departed
As we mentioned earlier, writing a letter can be an excellent way to talk about your emotions. In some ways, this type of message is similar to a closure letter. The focus will be on your feelings rather than recriminations. However, a letter to a deceased loved one serves other purposes as well.
You can use letter writing to tell the person something you never had the chance to when he or she was in your life. You can reminisce about happier times. You can tell them how much you miss them. Be specific. What it is that you miss? Their smiles, their laughter, their orneriness? Use this opportunity to bring the absent person up to date on your life. Have your children grown up? Have you taken that job you always wanted to? Have you moved to a new town?
Don’t be afraid to express your grief in whatever form it may take. If you are angry, write about it. If you are scared, go ahead and admit it. No one ever needs to see this letter. You won’t have an address to send it to. You might want to burn it, sending the ashes to the great beyond. You might want to take it to the cemetery and leave it at the headstone of your loved one. You might want to tuck it in a drawer.
Talking Aloud
Some cultures believe that those that are not with us in body remain with us in spirit, even after death. Therefore, there is nothing untold in holding conversations with absent loved ones as a way of coping. Sometimes you might want to share your day with that person you miss so much. Go ahead and tell them aloud about it.
How to Move on From Missing Someone
Relationships end, whether you wish it to happen or not. You may always hold a special place in your heart for someone, but it doesn’t have to overwhelm you. Here are some ideas to help you move on while still honoring the memory of someone you miss.
Find Replacements
If you don’t have a regular buddy to go to spin class or shopping because of a long-distance relationship, look for someone who can fill that space while he or she is gone. There’s no reason for you not to enjoy day-to-day activities until your regular go-to-guy/gal returns.
Unfollow Social Media Accounts
In the event of a breakup, it’s not in your best interest to obsessively check the doings of an ex. You’ve probably cringed at the things estranged couples write on Facebook about their exes or even directly to them. It’s not a healthy environment for either partner. Unfollow your ex to make space for new, more positive relationships to grow.
Talk About It
Whether you have lost contact with someone or lost someone in death, talking about it will keep a part of that person present in your life. It may be difficult at first. You may not be able to do it without tears, but eventually, you’ll be able to smile about the memories.
Find New Interests
Sitting around the house and missing someone is ok for a day or two. Then it’s time to get back on that pony and go for a ride. Rediscover old activities that you haven’t had time for or take up something new.
Conclusion
We need social relationships to be healthy, both physically and mentally. Strong relationship ties reduce the impact of stress and provide a sense of purpose that we might not have otherwise. Quality social interactions reduce blood pressure, heart rate, and level of stress hormones.
The emotional support that we receive when we interact with other people enhances our psychological well-being. Have a healthy sense of self reduces the risk of participating in unhealthy activities like excessive drinking or recreational drug use, which in turn keeps us healthier physically.
Our physical and emotional proximity to a person strengthens the bond we have. When there is a distance, whether real or imagined, between the people we care about and us, our health and happiness suffer. We need to make a concerted effort to bridge that distance, or the relationship suffers. If there is a reason we cannot mend it, we feel grief that must be addressed.
Communicating our feelings and learning how to tell someone you miss them in a mature way can improve the quality of the relationship while we are apart. Texting, calling, writing a letter, sending a particular song or poem are all small ways that we can strengthen these bonds while separated.
If for whatever reason, we cannot communicate with the person we are missing, we should take steps to acknowledge our emotions in constructive ways rather than dwelling on the loss. Writing a closure letter but not sending it, visiting a place that holds memories alone, or even talking aloud to an absent loved one can help in this case.
There comes a time when we must take responsibility for our own emotions even while we hold a place for our loved one in our hearts. Instead of dwelling on the loss, it’s essential to look for new activities and social relationships to fill that void. Our health depends on it.
