Getting a boyfriend is new and exciting. When you are just beginning a relationship, there is so much to look forward to. There are so many things you can do with your boyfriend and there are many steps and milestones that you will make along the way.
When two people get into a relationship, a lot of important things will happen for the two of you. You will get to know each other and you will get to know each other’s friends. Another huge milestone is telling your parents that you have a boyfriend. Merging your lives together is a huge deal.
Depending on how your parents feel about you dating, this step can either be exciting or stressful. Either way, you probably feel anxious and hope that your parents will like your boyfriend and that they will get along with him. After all, you love your parents and you care about your boyfriend, so you will want them to be on board.
But how do you even share this news with your parents? This will really depend on your relationship with your parents and how you communicate with them. There are many different ways you can tell your parents you have a boyfriend. Read below to find some tips on how to do this.
How To Tell Your Parents You Have A Boyfriend
How old is the relationship?
It can be hard to figure out the right time to tell your parent about a boyfriend. Do you tell your parents about your boyfriend right after you and this guy make it official or do you wait when things have gotten more serious after a few months? The answer to this will ultimately depend on your comfort level.
If you are very close to your parents and talk to them a lot, then you might feel the need to tell them about your boyfriend early into the relationship. But if you are more of a private person, then you might feel like waiting a bit for the relationship to get more serious first.
But if you have any relationship with your parents, you will want to tell them about this important person in your life. You will also want to consider how serious this relationship is. If this relationship is not that serious and is just really casual, then you might not see the point in telling your parents about it.
For this reason, it is good to know about the nature of your relationship. This is something that you should discuss with your boyfriend. If he is not that serious about the relationship and you tell your parents about him, then you might later feel embarrassed that you mentioned him, or you might feel as if it was a waste of time to talk about him to your parents.
Think about why you have a boyfriend
This is a question that your parents might ask you, so it is good to think about why you have a boyfriend. Your parents might ask why you like this person. It might be worthwhile for you to think about why you like your boyfriend so much. Is he funny? Kind? Generous? Smart?
Remember that you want your parents to understand what you see in this guy. Let them know what makes you care so much about your boyfriend and in time, they might grow to care about him as well.
Why do you like your boyfriend?
You might feel inclined to tell your parents why you like your boyfriend. Does he make you smile and laugh? Maybe he makes you want to be a better person.
Even if you might not get your parents to approve of your boyfriend 100 percent, at least they will be able to understand the relationship and what you get out of it. And if they know that he makes you happy, maybe that will put them a little more at ease.
Highlight the good things
When you are telling your parents about your boyfriend for the first time, keep in mind that they are getting their first impression of him from what you tell them. So try to paint a truthful, but flattering picture of him.
For instance, instead of mentioning some things he does that might bother you, focus on the great things. Is he generous? Thoughtful and kind? Intelligent? Those are good qualities to focus on.
Does your boyfriend seem to be too busy sometimes? Or is he bad at showing affection? These are some things that you might want to avoid mentioning to your parents when you are first talking about your boyfriend. If you first describe him in a negative way, then that is how your parents will think of him, no matter how polite and respectful he is to them later on.
You will really want to do what you can to let your parents have a good impression of your boyfriend. When you tell your parents about your boyfriend, they should want to meet him instead of wanting to avoid him because they might think that he is bad news.
Think about good qualities in your boyfriend that your parents would particularly like. This will help them warm up to the idea of you having a boyfriend. Make your parents see what you see in your boyfriend.
Practice what you are going to say
While it might seem silly to you, writing things down is the best way to help you prepare for a big talk like this. You might get so nervous, that when the time comes, you might struggle to find the right words.
To avoid this, write down what you want to say. If you want, you can even practice saying it. This can also give you the confidence to talk to your parents about the boyfriend you have. The more you practice, the more natural it will all feel and will probably feel a lot less nervous when the time comes.
Here are some examples of things you can say to your parent in this situation:
-I have met someone and things are starting to get more serious.
-I have been dating someone for a while and I think it is time that you met him.
-I think you would really like my boyfriend once you get to know him. He is a really great guy.
-My boyfriend, ________ is really eager to meet the two of you.
-Mom, Dad, there is someone in my life who I would really like you to meet.
-I have met someone that I really care about. We are both really fond of each other.
Choose the right time
When it comes to big moments, timing is everything. Avoid telling your parents the news about your boyfriend if you know they have had a bad day or are not in a good mood. If you are not sure about it being a good time then you can ask how the day is going.
You can even let your parents know that you want to talk. Try saying, “is it a good time to talk” or “there is something that I have been meaning to talk to you about.” Instead of just blurting out that you have a boyfriend, prepare them for the conversation first.
If you can tell that your mom or dad are in great moods, then that might present you with the perfect window for you to talk about your new boyfriend. You can also bring this up if you have been getting good grades or generally showing your parent just how responsible and reliable you are.
Another bad time to tell your parents about your boyfriend is when they are busy. Telling your parents about your boyfriend for the first time is not the type of conversation that you want to rush.
You cannot just squeeze that topic into a one or two-minute conversation. For this type of subject, you will want to be able to set aside enough time so you and your parents can sit down and talk about this new chapter of your life.
Also consider your behavior lately. Have you been getting along with your parents? Have you been respectful? These factors might affect how your parents react to news of you having a boyfriend.
If things have been great lately, then they might attribute that to your boyfriend. On the other hand, if things have been bad with you, then they might blame your boyfriend as well.
When it comes to telling your parents you have a boyfriend, only you can really know the right time and place. For some families, the right time might be at the table during dinner or when you are alone in the car with one of your parents.
Be ready for their questions
Depending on how nosy your parents are, your parents will most likely have plenty of questions to ask about your boyfriend. Your parents will probably want to know how old he is and how you met him. Depending on your ages, they might ask about his job or where he comes from or what his family is like.
Sometimes your parents will ask outrageous questions about your boyfriend such as “how many girlfriends has he had” or “has he ever been arrested.” Try to keep your cool and do not let yourself get offended. They are just worried and want to make sure that their daughter is in good hands.
Your parents might even try to find out if there is anything questionable about your boyfriend’s character. They might ask if he parties a lot or they might ask about the friends that he has.
Your parents will probably want to know that he is a good and healthy influence for you. Try your best to assure them that your boyfriend is in fact a good influence on you.
Be ready for the possibility that your parents will ask to meet your boyfriend. Before you make any promises, remember to ask your boyfriend how he feels first. Keep in mind that he might feel nervous about meeting your parents. Respect his needs and try to figure out a way for everyone to meet in a comfortable setting.
Be prepared to defend yourself
Unless your parents are very easygoing, they will likely have a lot of things to say about you having a boyfriend. This is even more likely if you still live at home with your parents or if you are still in school. If either of these is the case, then your parents might remark that you are too young to date and are not ready or mature enough for a boyfriend. Think about what you might say in response to such statements.
Parents will usually have your best interests in mind, but what if you are a bit older? If you are older and feel mature enough to date and have a boyfriend, then you might want to discuss this with your parents. While your parents might think you are not ready to date, you might completely disagree with them. Be prepared to tell them why you disagree.
What are some possible concerns that your parents might have about you having a boyfriend? The big concerns tend to be about your safety and the possibility of you having a boyfriend who is a bad influence. Your parents might also worry about how intimate you might be getting with your boyfriend. Be prepared for the possibility that these topics might be brought into discussion.
Set boundaries
When you are dating, things can change even with the rest of the important people who are in your life. Since you will spend a lot of time with your boyfriend, you might have to spend a little less time with your parents. This is something that they might feel badly about.
At the same time, your parents will have to understand that your boyfriend is another important person in your life. Assure your parents that they are still important to you, but that your boyfriend is important to you too.
Some parents might feel like they need to compete with the boyfriend. If you notice your parents complaining often or trying to make you feel bad about spending reasonable amounts of time with your boyfriend, then you will have to remember to set and reinforce boundaries with them.
Try to be smart about boundaries though. If you stay out late and are never home because you are always with your boyfriend, then this is something that your family and friends will probably not like.
If you are never around, your parents will be likely to miss you and they might even be concerned for you if you have no time at all for the other people in your life. So even if you have a boyfriend, try your very best to strike a healthy balance so you have room in your heart for everyone who is important to you.
Communicate with your parents
If you have committed to telling your parents about the boyfriend, then make an effort to really talk to them. Sneaking around or being very secretive might be stressful on you and your parents will worry about you if they don’t know where you are. Remember that even when they don’t agree with everything you do, they are still your parents.
It can help to be communicative with your parent. If you constantly lie to your parents about where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing, then your parents will have a hard time trusting you.
Who should you tell first?
Some people are a lot closer to one parent. If that is the case, then it might make perfect sense for you to tell that parent first. Or maybe you have one parent who is less strict or conservative than the other. Use your common sense to figure out if there is one parent that it would be much easier to talk to.
If you do have a parent in mind, then that parent can help you tell the other parent your news. However, if you are pretty equally close to both of your parents, then you might rather tell them about your boyfriend at the same time.
If you are closer to one parent or find that there is one parent who would be less critical about you being in a relationship, then you will probably want to tell that parent about your boyfriend first. Then you can both talk about how you will break the news to the remaining parent.
Do not argue
If you are lucky, your parents will not make you feel bad for having a boyfriend. But depending on your age or how your family does things, they might not have the best reaction to you being in a relationship.
In fact, some parents might not react well at all to the news of a boyfriend. All you can do is try your best to assuage their concerns and fears.
Keep in mind that your parents might worry about you and that they will not always agree with everything you do. They will always want to protect you and that is why they might be a little strict with you.
Introduce them
The best way to make your parents feel at ease is by having them meet your boyfriend so they can get an idea of who he really is. After you have told your parents you have a boyfriend, you might want to introduce them to him.
Whether you introduce them right away or wait a while is up to you and your boyfriend. Make sure that everyone is comfortable and agrees to be respectful first.
Even if you have painted a great picture of your boyfriend to your parents, there is no substitute for actual human interaction. The only way your parents will really get to know your boyfriend is by meeting him in person.
It is also important they see how and your boyfriend act together. They will either think you are great together or they might think you and your boyfriend are poorly matched.
Have realistic expectations
Do not automatically expect your parents to be overjoyed with your news or for them to warm up to your boyfriend the second that they meet him. At the same time, it is not unrealistic to expect them to develop some sort of relationship with him as time goes on.
You can work on fostering a good relationship between your parents and your boyfriend by having him come over for dinner and inviting him to the occasional family outing. This will give your parents a chance to get to know your boyfriend. Over time, they might be able to relax around each other and enjoy each other’s company.
At the same time, some personality types just have a really hard time getting along. So do not be crushed if your parents do not become best friends with your boyfriend. But at the very least, it is reasonable for you to expect respect and some effort on both sides for your sake.
Conclusion
Telling your parents you have a boyfriend can be tough to navigate, but you can do it. Before you act, have a plan in mind and be patient and open with your parents. It can be as simple as you saying, “Mom, Dad, I have some news that I would like to share with you,” or the conversation can be more in-depth than that if you prefer. Either way, do your best to be open with your parents and hopefully they will learn to be happy for you.
Even if you feel very nervous at the idea of telling your parents about your boyfriend, do not worry. You can do this. Just take some time to think about what you are going to say to them and just do it.
