Maybe your relationships with your friends and family are awesome, and you can’t understand why your love life is so bad. Or maybe you are just really bad at relationships in general, and your love life is no exception. Either way, your love life seems like it is never going to get better and you are worried. You are starting to believe (or already do believe) that any relationship you have with a woman is going to be bad, full of drama, or just non-existent. If that sounds like you at all, then your future with women must feel very bleak. And it may very well be!
It’s Easy To Believe The Worst If You Listen To Others
There seems to be a common belief that if you suck with women now, you will suck with women forever. Guys hear it from other guys. They hear from their girlfriends or women they are interested in. They hear it from their friends or family members. Or they just get on social media and watch little clips that make them believe their love life will always be complete crap.
It’s Also Easy To Believe The Worst If Your Letting Your Past Experiences Define Your Future
If your love life has been really bad, then you may be taking all those bad moments and letting them define what your future love life will look like. In fact, I find a lot of guys that leave comments on this blog are definitely doing that.
- They talk about how much they suck (and will always suck!) with women.
- They talk about how women think they are unattractive (and how that will never change!).
- They talk about how women only see them as the friend (and how that’s just how it is!).
- They talk about how women are more attracted to their friends than them (so how could they ever compete with these guys?).
- They talk about how women leave them as soon as they stop pretending to be someone they are not (so obviously their authentic self will never be good enough for women!).
And because it’s been their experience so far, they truly believe that their past and their future are somehow tied up together. As if today can’t possibly hold anything new for their life or love life.
That seems a bit unrealistic, doesn’t it?
You Don’t Know The Future, So Don’t Pretend You Do…
You have no idea what could happen to you today. None!
- You could win the lottery today.
- You could find the love of your life.
- You could learn something that helps you grow as a person and start walking down a different path in life.
- You could even die.
There is no way of telling what could happen to you today, just like there is no way of telling what could happen to your love life.
But You Do Need To Get On A Different Path
There is something that will hold you back from a different tomorrow.
Change. Or the lack of it.
If you keep going down the path that you are on, saying the same things to yourself and doing the same things, your future will likely be the same as your past. You will keep walking into the same room filled with the same types of experiences (not the types you want) over and over again. That’s just the way it is.
Your attitudes and behaviors are what create your life. You need to change them to create a different life.
For instance, if you have a hard time talking to women, and tend to stick your foot in your mouth more often than not, then you probably get some pretty bad reactions from women. And, if you don’t work on improving the way you communicate with women, then you WILL – without a doubt, keep sticking your foot in your mouth and creating a bad or non-existent love life for yourself. BUT, if you work on your communication with women, then the way they respond to you will start to change and you will find that your love life starts to change too.
Simple in theory, but harder in practice.
First Step: Don’t Be Your Biggest Bully!
You need to tell a better story for yourself if you want to change the way your love life will go from this point forward.
You can’t keep calling yourself a loser or talk about how incapable you are at getting and keeping women if you want your love life to improve. That story will make you believe you suck with women and do things to prove that your beliefs are not crap. And, all you will be able to see is your failures with women, not your successes, because you are so focused on the negative story.
In short, as long as you are your biggest bully in life, you will never be able to stand up tall and live the life you want. You will never be able to change your perception on what’s possible in life and start telling yourself a better story for your future.
I really hope you understand this point, because it’s important to your future love life!
I have a friend who once thought he was too shy and ugly to have a great love life. He’s not that bad looking! But he wasn’t outgoing at all. He would rather sit in the corner than engage with other people.
He put himself down daily. He was his biggest bully. He would tell himself that he was a loser and emotionally punch himself in the gut for a ton of ridiculous reasons every single day. He was bullying himself into a guy with low self-confidence. And that kept him in the corner, away from women who was interested in.
It wasn’t until he started to be his best friend that things changed. I’m not sure what did it, but all of a sudden he saw that there was potential for his love life. He treated himself better, not just with how he talked to himself, but with what he did in his days. He did things that made him happy. He worked on his personal growth. As he started to understand himself better, and like himself more, he started to change the way he interacted with other people – even women he was interested in. He started dating, so much so that he realized that really were plenty of fish in the sea and he could wait until he found the perfect woman for him rather than settling.
Now he’s married and his marriage is good. His wife is funny, full of confidence, enjoys her life, and enjoys their relationship together. She is also focused on personal growth – becoming the person she wants to be, and together they have grown into a couple that is truly loving their life.
Second Step: Let Love In!
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. – David Viscott
Honestly, this little quote should be a mantra for life. If we all led with love, then life would be so much better.
Anyway, I find that a lot of guys are closed off to love. They don’t think they need it. They buy into the whole belief that ‘love stinks’. Their experiences with love have taught them that it’s better to just be single.
You can hold those beliefs, but if you do – why would you ever do anything to improve your love life? There’s no reason to! If you truly believe that love is a horrible thing, then why would you want to be in love?
From my experience, real love is pretty awesome. It doesn’t come without its struggles, but it does come with a lot of rewards.
- You always feel supported.
- You always feel like you have someone to turn to.
- You never feel alone in life.
- You have a huge cheerleader on your team.
- You feel more motivated to live an awesome life.
- You have a sense of purpose for more than just yourself.
- You don’t feel the need to play games.
And that’s just my experience.
It’s Also Important To Understand What Real Love Is
True love is selfless. It is prepared to sacrifice.
— John Kenneth 👑 (@princebriones) January 23, 2017
If you feel like love is about getting as much you can from someone without giving back, then you are not going to be on the path to a good love life. You may get a love life, but it won’t be the type of real love life that is truly satisfying in the end.
Some things to remember about real love include:
- It’s not always about getting exactly what you give.
- It’s not conditional.
- It’s not about perfection.
- It IS about acceptance, patience, and compassion.
- It IS about communication – both talking and listening.
- It’s not about grand gestures and moments.
- It doesn’t come and go.
- It IS about authenticity.
- It cannot be forced.
- It offers security, not fear.
- It lasts through thick and thin.
- It makes you want to be a better person.
- It’s about embracing real emotions and not being afraid to show them to each other.
Third Step: Make Your Dominant Intention To Make The Most Out Of Life
Once you decide that you want to enjoy the hell out of life, and truly believe that the best is yet to come, then you will start doing things that you actually enjoy.
You will start to recognize when you are bullying yourself and blocking out love, and you will do things to rectify that. Trust me, this type of awareness comes when you start to pursue a new and better life.
Don’t make it all about your love life, though. Your love life is just one factor of a great life. And, a great love life won’t come unless you are happy in other areas of your life.
You need to focus on things like:
- Finding out who you really are and what you truly believe in.
- How to make yourself as happy as possible, including how to follow your passions.
- How to become more confident in the person you are.
- How to enjoy other people as they are and….
- How to stop trying to make them into someone you think they should be.
A great love life includes two people who are having great lives.
If your life is miserable, your love life will be miserable.
If your focus is on lack, then your love life will be full of lack.
You need to turn your focus to making the most out of life and seeking the most amount of enjoyment you can out of life. That’s when you become someone who is capable of having the type of love life some people will only ever dream about.
Your Love Life Can Get Better
Bottom line: Your love life can improve, but you need to change some things before it does.
If you are unwilling to admit that you don’t know what could happen in your future… If you are unwilling to stop holding yourself back with negative beliefs and words… If you are unwilling to let love in and make it your intention to enjoy this life as best you can, then you will never start to do the things that will improve your life and love life, and you will never be capable of seeing the potential your love life has.
Remember this… you don’t have forever.
Wouldn’t it be better to get on with living and loving, as Leo Buscaglia once said?
Wouldn’t it be better to want more out of life and work on making the best of your life?
What does sitting around believing your love life will never get better really do for you besides make you miserable AND make your wish come true?
You Get What You Tolerate