By now, most of you have likely seen the McDonald’s television commercial in which a husband lies in response to his wife’s question about whether Sundays are just for watching football (you mean they’re not?). In response, the husband thinks to himself “Remain calm. Answering incorrectly has…consequences”, upon which he imagines his wife throwing him out of the house. His lying is clearly being driven by a desire to avoid negative consequences, which psychologists call avoidance motivation. If his lying had been driven by approach motivation – the desire to obtain positive consequences – he may have imagined his wife giving him a hug and kiss for agreeing with her.
There’s a downside to avoidance motivation, though. Research consistently shows that individuals who enact behaviors in their relationships for avoidance reasons tend to actually weaken their relationships.1,2 So although the husband is trying to prevent a future fight, he is probably actually hurting the long-term health of the relationship (and perhaps his long-term physical health if he keeps eating McDonald’s!).
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1Impett, E. A., Gable, S. L., & Peplau, L. A. (2005). Giving up and giving in: The costs and benefits of daily sacrifice in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89, 327-344.
2Impett, E. A., Peplau, L. A., & Gable, S. L. (2005). Approach and avoidance sexual motives: Implications for personal and interpersonal well-being. Personal Relationships, 12, 465-482.
Dr. Brent Mattingly – Science of Relationships articles | Website/CV
Dr. Mattingly’s research, broadly conceptualized, focuses on the intersection of romantic relationships and the self. His specific lines of research all examine how individual-level constructs (e.g., motivation, attachment, self-regulation) are associated with various relational processes.
