In a new relationship? Looking for relationship advice? Great! You’ve come to the right place. Keeping reading.
Don’t Pressure Sex
“If every time you engage in a sex act, you go into a confession box, you will never accept your own sexuality.” – George Weinberg
In a new relationship, you may want to have sex all the time, but your partner may need some time to build up to a healthy sex life.
This is a great time to look at the situation from your partner’s viewpoint. By looking at it from your partner’s point of view, you may be able to understand why this is the case.
For instance, your partner may have been raised in a strict Catholic family where sex was frowned upon before marriage. They may have a lot of mixed emotions when it comes to sex, and that can inhibit their desire to have it or their ability to have it a lot.
Sex gets better as the relationship goes on and trust is built. Be patient and it will come.
Interestingly, I read a quote today that said waiting (for anything not just sex) is a natural and healthy part of life.
We have all forgotten how to wait, and we are all in a rush to get things done right NOW, and that causes us stress.
This can be related to sex in a new relationship. Most of us want to experience sex right NOW and don’t feel like waiting for it to come. However, if we are capable of being patient and waiting, we can remove that stress and just enjoy ‘what is’ right now.
Other People’s Opinions Don’t Matter – Much
When I first started dating my husband, my best friend and his best friend did everything they could to make us think less of each other.
My friend liked him and talked negatively behind my back about me to him. (I was so glad that I didn’t listen to her as she told me that our relationship was a joke.)
In addition, his friend just plain didn’t like me. He was constantly nagging in my man’s ear about how bad I was for him. The funny thing was that the guy never took the time to get know me, so I don’t know how he knew I was this horrible being that was about to drag his best friend down into a pit of hell.
Our friends were making assumptions based off their own insecurities, and if we had been people who were easily influenced, then we may have let go of our new relationship and missed out on years of happiness together.
Other people’s negative opinions don’t matter, unless they reflect your own negative opinions. For instance, if your friend thinks that your new lover is not a good person, and you have seen many examples of this yourself, then their opinion may be worth listening to. But if you know that your partner is caring, compassionate, and kind, then why would you listen to your friend?
I should say that my mother-in-law does not think I’m good for my husband. Her reason is because I am not the same ethnicity as my husband. She is very traditional, and even though I have done everything I can to fit into her life, she still rejects me. (Yet, her daughter’s husband, who is the biggest jerk of all jerks, is openly accepted into her life because he is of the same ethnicity.)
Luckily my husband doesn’t reject me just because she does.
Don’t let other people ruin your relationship. This is YOUR relationship and it is YOUR responsibility to protect it from outside influences such as negative people, jealous people, or just plain mean and stupid people.
Tackle Small Arguments Quickly
Small arguments turn into big arguments if you don’t tackle them quickly. You can hurt your partner emotionally in the moment, and for a long to time, if there is no resolution. In addition, it can influence your relationship negatively down the road when those small arguments become big arguments.
While you are probably both fighting to ‘win’ the argument, the truth is that fights don’t cause one person to win and one to lose, but rather, they cause you both to lose in your relationships strength, happiness, and longevity.
It’s important to tackle small arguments quickly for those reasons.
While it may be hard to do, the following tips can be quite effective it you just put them into practice.
Keep On Topic – Don’t bring up things into the argument to ‘back up’ your case. Focus on the argument at hand so you don’t turn it into a monstrous argument that will be harder to handle.
Keep It Real – Honesty is the key here, so you can’t skim around the issue. If you want the argument to get solved, then you have to be honest and admit your true feelings.
Don’t Try To Hurt Your Partner – This is a tactic that is a lose-lose situation. Hurting your partner will not help you win the argument. It will only cause them to feel even more negative towards you.
Admit it when you are wrong – Sometimes you will be wrong, and sometimes you will have some blame to take ownership of. When you admit you are wrong, your partner will feel more comfortable admitting when they are wrong as well.
Find a solution – Don’t leave the argument on a ‘decent’ note. Instead, make sure that you have tackled the issue or issues at hand and find a solution to your problem. This will allow you to avoid future arguments.
Do Not Cheat Emotionally
Your partner should be the one person that you can share everyone with, and if you make someone else that person, then you are emotionally cheating on your partner.
If someone makes you feel more comfortable than your partner, even in a new relationship, then you may need to rethink your relationship with your partner.
Your dreams, fears, goals, and thoughts should be something that you can share with your partner, and if you find that you can’t share them with your partner and you instead share them with someone else, then that is not good.
I had a friend who did this. She would never fill her husband in on her feelings and thoughts (even when they first started dating), but she would share herself with everyone else that was around her. He was devastated, and their relationship was very rocky because of it. He wanted to be the guy that she confided in, but she just didn’t feel that emotional connection with him. Now they are divorced.
You can be friends with someone and share intimate moments with them, but you should be able to share the majority of your intimate moments with your partner as well.
Emotional cheating will result in the same type of situation that physical cheating results in. Your partner will start to feel bad about themselves and start to mistrust you, and your relationship will move onto rocky waters.
Your lives will start to separate because you do not have a strong intimate connection, and other areas of your life will be affected negatively by this rocky romance as well.
Remember, your partner should be someone that you can always turn to for a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, and vice versa.
Don’t Play Games
A new relationship and games seem to go hand in hand. Some even suggest that games are necessary to protect our own hearts and pride.
For example, you may pretend that you are not that interested in your new partner, even if you are crazy about them. You may do this so that you are not the one screaming, “I love you!” first. That is supposed to protect your heart from getting stomped on. But in reality it is just a game.
Your partner may not call your bluff, but instead protect her heart by pretending to not be interested in you as well. Soon you both feel unwanted and the new relationship will start to fall apart.
Sound familiar? Most of us have done that at some point.
One reason that we play games is so that we can have the upper hand in the relationship. We become the ones that are in control and that can help us dictate what is going to happen next and where our relationship is going to go.
But still, it all boils down to fear. We are scared that we are not going to be liked or appreciated by our partner, so we play games to avoid being hurt.
It is much better to be open and honest about your feelings with your new partner so that you can both understand what is happening and where you are going.
In addition, if you avoid playing games now, you can easily keep the need for games out of your relationship later; whereas some people tend to carry their game playing for years to come and cause huge problems in their relationship.