“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are──or, as we are conditioned to see it.” — Stephen R. Covey
There are many relationships habits that will help your relationship get stronger, but there are some personal habits that you should work on too. These habits will make you a happier person, which will influence your relationship in a positive way and make all positive relationship habits easier to adopt into your life.
Habit 1: Accept Responsibility For Your Actions (Or Lack There-Of)
Whatever actions you take are your own. Other people do not cause you to act the way you do, you choose to act the way you do.
For example, if you don’t satisfy your partner with foreplay, and you don’t take any action to remedy that problem, then you can’t blame your partner for being upset about foreplay. If they decide that don’t want to engage with you sexually, you have to accept that your lack of action is a huge cause of their decision, and putting the blame solely on them is unfair.
This point could be a novel in itself. But to sum it up, in every area of life, and in your relationship, you are responsible for your own actions. Blaming your partner and making them feel bad for your actions is irresponsible and not fair.
Habit 2: Become Emotionally Stable
Want to be happy in life and in your relationship? Be emotionally stable!
When you come from a place of stability, you have more confidence and focus – two things that are important for happiness.
When you are emotionally unstable, you are unpredictable and have a tendency to display outbursts such as anger or hurt without the ability to control it. This inability to be stable in your emotions can cause your relationship to become unstable as well.
Think about it: nobody wants to come home to a ranting and raving partner who could blow up at any moment for no reason…it is just not fun.
Becoming emotionally stable is good for you and your ability to cope with problems and stressors that arise.
How To Become Emotionally Stable
If you feel as though you could use some work on becoming more emotionally stable, then following are a few tried and tested tips.
- Meditate – Meditation helps you to focus and release negative thoughts and emotions. You have the ability to take control of your mind through meditation: In fact, if you want to start practicing that I would recommend the Silva Life System.
- Forgive – If you are holding onto past events that are making you emotionally unstable, let them go. Forgive yourself, forgive other people, and forgive circumstances that arose during those times.
- Surround yourself with emotionally stable people – If your friends all fly off the handle at a moment’s notice, then you may want to get some new friends. Who we surround ourselves with the most influences how we act, so crazy friends can influence us to become crazy ourselves.
- Don’t deprive yourself of sleep – Sleep is important to handling situations in a rational manner. Ever hear the saying, “Being overtired turns you into an overly sensitive person?” It’s true! And emotions are bound to fly all over the place if you don’t get enough sleep.
- Exercise – If you start to feel anxious or as though your emotions are getting ready to explode, start exercising. This is the best way to release the energy, and you will be amazed at how good and balanced you feel when you finish your workout.
Habit 3: Do Something You Love To Do Each Day
When you are miserable all day, how can you expect to turn off that switch and show love towards your partner?
On my blogs, I write a lot about being happy, and I practice what I preach. When I worked at places I hated, I constantly came home and complained to my man. He didn’t hear me say, “Hi baby, how are you?” instead he heard “You would not believe the asshole boss I have!”
Whether you know it or not, doing something you hate and complaining about it affects your relationship on some level.
After complaining to your spouse, it takes a while to get back into the mood to have fun, be happy, and do positive things together.
Alternatively, when you feel good at the end of your day, and come together with your partner to talk about all the good things that happened throughout the day, you uplift each other and strengthen the positive bond you have in your relationship.
How To Do Something You Love (Or At Least Love Something You Are Doing)
If you work, and you are not happy, then you need to find another job or you need to find a way to be happy there. If you decide to find another job, that doesn’t mean that you have to quit, but it does mean that you have to start looking elsewhere or start planning to get the skills you need.
If you don’t believe you can, take me and my husband. We have both had numerous jobs between the two of us, and we have always survived. We know that it takes a lot to get out of your comfort zone and go for what you want, but trust us – when you do, it will feel SO MUCH BETTER!
Until you find a new job, you will be stuck at the job that makes you unhappy. Luckily, you can be happier at work. Read: How To Instantly Be Happier At Work
Habit 4: Remove Limiting Beliefs
You have a ton of beliefs right now; some of them help you be the person you want to be, but other beliefs, called limiting beliefs, hold you back from being the person (and the partner) you want to be.
Limiting beliefs are easily recognizable. They stop you from going after something you want, they often come with a justification, and they make you feel shitty about yourself.
A limiting belief in a relationship may be, “I can’t please my partner.” This belief may stop you from trying to please your partner, and it will make you feel bad about yourself as well, which is not good in a relationship because that negative attitude will influence your whole relationship in a negative way.
How To Stop a Limiting Belief
The very first thing you need to do is become aware that you are having one. Ignorance is not bliss; knowledge gives you power. Once you become aware of your limiting beliefs, you can see them for what they are: beliefs that are holding you back from the life and relationship you want. And once you see them for what they are, you can never pretend that they are absolute truths again.
I personally have experienced that just the simple awareness of having a limiting belief is enough to cause you to start changing the way you think and, therefore, what you believe. It causes you to ask questions such as, “Is that really true?” or” Is there something I can do to change it?” and those thoughts cause you to go out and take action on the answers that you find.
For instance, if you were to have the limiting belief ‘I can’t please my partner’ then recognizing it is as limiting should encourage you to question it. You may think ‘Is that really true? Have I tried everything I can to learn how to please my partner?’ Chances are you will come to the conclusion you have not tried everything you can and that with the right knowledge and insight you could please your partner. You will tell yourself that you just need to find that knowledge and insight. Then, you can start taking action to find that knowledge and insight.
Face Your Fears To Conquer Limiting Beliefs
The only thing holding you back from conquering your limiting beliefs is your fear. You may think things like:
- I’m scared it won’t work out
- I’m worried about what people will think
- It’s easier to just do nothing at all
Fear is a bitch, and that’s why you have to face it. Try doing something, at least once a day, which is scary on some level. The more you do it, the easier it will be to clearly see that fear is something you can easily move past, and limiting beliefs will become less daunting to overcome.
Habit 5: Keep Growing Intellectually
Keeping yourself mentally healthy is important to your relationship’s health. If you start to decline and your partner keeps learning and growing, then you will eventually be on completely different playing fields when it comes to mental health.
Keeping healthy intellectually also means you are going to have more to offer your partner in the long run. As you grow and learn you will have new ways of viewing things and doing things. You will become a more aware person and this is always a good thing! You will be able to understand your partner better and where they are coming from – and focusing on your intellectual growth will almost always cause you to focus on growing in every other area of your life.
So, do you want to learn something? Have you been putting something off? Get out there and buy a book or watch a show or browse the internet and learn about it! Try to learn something new every day starting today. Think of the 365 new things you will know in a year from now.
Habit 6: Learn To Balance Your Personal Life And Work Life
I remember one of my college teachers telling me that balance is so important in life. She was talking about something completely unrelated to life, but it came out of her mouth nonetheless – possibly just for me to hear because I’ve never forgotten that.
This can be a hard one for many people. Either your work, personal life, or your relationship tends to tip heavily on the scales. It’s very rare to be completely balanced in all areas of your life, but the more balanced you are, the happier you will be.
Balance in life creates a sense of accomplishment and happiness.
If you are too focused on work, then you will feel something missing in your relationship.
If you are too focused on your personal life and your relationship, then you will neglect work.
On the other hand, if you are too focused on your relationship and nothing else then you can drown your partner and create an unbalance in them!
Same thing if you don’t give them enough of yourself in the relationship…you can cause them to feel unbalanced in their relationship because of your lack of being there.
There has to be a balance in all areas of your life – personal, work-wise, and relationship-wise, and that balance has to be on all levels including mental, physical, and spiritual in order to really feel whole and complete.
Life is about more than just ‘this’ or ‘that’. It’s about everything you can experience!
If your relationship is lacking, then find the way back to it by balancing out work and your personal life with it. You may have to cut out hours from work, or from TV, or from some activity that doesn’t reward you very often. Find a way to create balance and your relationship will thank-you.