When it comes to building a solid relationship, you’ve got to open the communication door and ask all the right questions. Even the wrong ones will give you the information you need to figure out whether your relationship is meant to be, or these questions will help you build a strong foundation of healthy love.
It’s not just the tactical questions you need to ask but also the personal ones, seriously ones, weird ones, and of course, the informational ones.
That said, it’s not easy to slip into the brain of any man. But with a strategy and some background preparation, you’re going to learn, if you want to know something, you’ve got to ask.
Every girl should start with the tactical or intriguing questions first. You might not want to hear some of the answers, but it’s important you protect your heart and find out the truth before your feelings for your boyfriend slip into overdrive.
Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend
#1 – Is there something I can do that’s going to help you feel like you are more loved and appreciated?
It’s also a smooth move to ask your boyfriend if he needs anything before you start with the deep questions. This helps you move into the deeper stuff and not catch him off-guard. Most guys don’t like to be surprised that way.
Get comfortable with him, take a deep breath or two, and show him some calm affection. You might want to ask him to turn off his phone. When you are focusing on each other, there shouldn’t be any other distractions if you can help it.
The key here is to make sure he’s as comfy as he can be before you start asking the tactical questions.
#2 – Is there anything I can do to help support you better?
This question is all about the mission or dream supporter. Often, this sort of question will set off sparks in your partner, and he will open up to you on a whole new level. Other times, it won’t so be prepared.
He might tell you some simple things, like he wants you to kiss him first thing every morning, or he might suggest you hug him the second he walks in the door from work.
On the flip side, he might talk about work and tell you he’s going to be tuned out some for the next week or two because he’s working on a huge, stressful work project, followed by asking you to make dinner for him because he’s not going to be able to do his part.
Information is knowledge, and knowledge is power.
Let him talk and make sure you listen to the favors he is asking you. Of course, you don’t have to do what he says, but if you really want this relationship to work, you should do your best to comply. Be honest and open with him because that’s what you both deserve.
#3 – Is there something in the past week or so that I might have unknowingly done or said that hurt you?
You need to get ready for a little hurt because, often, we do or say things without really thinking of how our boyfriend might feel. We all have soft spots and need to be reminded of them.
For sure, you don’t need to pay attention to every dark thought in your subconscious mind to have an amazing relationship. However, it’s smart to dig deep and deal with the main issues that get swept under the rug.
You might have had a disagreement and said something you thought really didn’t matter, but your boyfriend thought otherwise. Make sure, when he tells you what’s on his mind, you don’t counterattack or make excuses.
Accept what he says and try to learn from it. Use your patience and don’t interfere while he’s trying to express is feelings and why. Understand he is stepping out on a limb and leaving himself vulnerable. That’s tough for most men to muster.
No matter how much it might hurt, make sure you thank him for sharing his thoughts and let him know you appreciate what he told you. That doesn’t mean you like it, but you’ve got to respect him for doing that.
Your boyfriend needs to feel like he can tell you whatever is on his mind, no matter what; that means unconditionally, without counterattack.
#4 – After a long day at work, what can I do that will make you feel special?
Of course, this question depends on your work circumstances. If he’s working shift work and you are in a deep sleep by the time he gets home, you’re going to have to get creative. Maybe he just wants you to leave dinner out for him on the table, so he can just heat it up and eat.
He might be grumpy after work and need a few minutes to himself before you give him a loving bear hug.? It really doesn’t matter what he needs because that’s for him to decide and you not to judge. If you want to go deeper into your relationship, you’ve got to ask this question and follow through.
If you aren’t prepared to do that, then don’t ask the question.
#5 – Is there anything physical you want me to do that will make you feel more appreciated and loved?
This question isn’t gear to the bedroom sexual touch. This is the stuff that is permissible in public.
Ask him if he thinks there is any sort of physical actions that are lacking. Perhaps, he wants to hold hands more, or your boyfriend might want you to run your fingers through his hair. Maybe he loves it when you suddenly wrap yourself around him when you are out walking the streets.
Make sure you know clearly what he would like more of when it comes to the physical touch. Be prepared that he might not want any changes in what you are doing, and that’s not necessarily a negative thing.
#6 – Would you like me to be closer to you or give you more space?
Here’s another question that can really hurt. Everyone has their need for independence, and that can vary vastly from day to day. If your boyfriend has been stressed out at work, he might need a little more closeness and positivity from you to make it through the week.
On the flip side, he might be the type of guy that loves affection but in small doses. There are lots of men that need and love their alone time. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Keep in mind that, just because they want a little more independence or time away from you, doesn’t mean your boyfriend doesn’t love you. Emotional needs fluctuate and are always changing to line up with life events.
Truth be told, the more you can respect your boyfriend’s emotional needs without being offended, the better. Just don’t give up your needs to do it.
#7 – Can you think of a disagreement we’ve had that you don’t think is finished yet?
This question uncovers potential hurtful damage that may have been pushed to the side instead of dealt with. When you ask this question, you are opening the door to let your boyfriend talk to you about something he isn’t yet content with.
Chances are, you don’t want to ask this one, but it’s in your best interest to not think about it and just do it.
You might feel uncomfortable, but when he tells you what he’s concerned or worried about, you will feel more comfortable. Over time, all of these low-lying anxieties will wreak havoc in your relationship. Unfinished business, no matter how weird, needs to be dealt with.
Conflict is easy to ignore, and it takes courage and strength to ask the question, face it, and move on stronger.
The last thing you want is to let issues simmer and resentment to build.
#8 – Are you happy in the bedroom?
One of the most stressful things in a relationship is sex, second to money, but we’re not getting into that one right now.
If you want any romantic relationship to flourish, you will have to make sure the intimacy stays spicy. This is the emotional connection that builds a life together forever. If you are new in your relationship, this question is a little tougher to ask. The longer you’ve been together, the easier it is to answer.
Try to keep it fresh and ask him what he might like to try that’s new or what he might like you to do differently. Don’t take offense. Use this information to build on your connection the right way.
#9 – What are you most stressed about? What can I do to help?
This one is an open book. When you ask an open-ended question like this, you don’t know what sort of reply you will get. With this question, you are letting your boyfriend know you are concerned for their well-being, and you are there for them when they need you.
Encourage him to open up to you, to trust you, and let you in on his fears and worries. There’s nothing more connective than making sure your boyfriend knows you are all ears for his worries when he’s ready.
#10 – Do you ever find it hard to talk to me? If so, how can I help?
This is a question you need to ask every couple of months. And wow, is it powerful!
Everyday has different emotional triggers that make him feel vulnerable, depending on the situation.
Perhaps, your boyfriend feels like he’s attacked when you make certain comments in public. Some guys prefer to shut down when a disagreement arises, instead of engaging in the drama. He could feel embarrassed between the sheets for all sorts of reasons.
It really doesn’t matter why. There’s a solution for everything IF you know about it.
#11 – Can I have your full name?
Chances are, you already know this, but if you don’t, you need to ask your boyfriend what his full name is. This will help you learn more about him, including his ethnic background or family tree, if need be.
A silly thought here is to imagine yourself with your boyfriend’s last name.
#12 – Have you got a nickname?
Talk about a question that’s both engaging and fun! Ask him if he’d like you to use his nickname. Sometimes, they are endearing, and other times, it’s because of some silly childhood experience.
Have fun with this one and take it for what it’s worth.
#13 – If money wasn’t an issue and you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
This question will help you figure out whether your boyfriend is a homebody or an explorer. Does he want to chill by the ocean or explore in the rainforest?
If you have a vision of the future that includes travel and adventure, it’s important you make certain your boyfriend at least has an itch for the same thing.
#14 – Where do you picture yourself in the near and distant future?
This question will encourage your man to dream a little and let you in on what he really wants. That’s so important if you want to grow strong together. Perhaps, he hopes to win the lottery and retire to someplace tropical. Maybe he just wants a whole whack of kids and to live a simplistic life.
It doesn’t really matter, just as long as you get to the root of his hopes, dreams, and future desires.
#15 – Would you like children?
Please save this question until you are semi-solid on the relationship front. This question is important because, if you want a lot of kids and he’s got no interest, then you just aren’t a match.
Never give up what you want for any man, unless you really don’t want it!
#16 – What are your basic thoughts on a good relationship?
This question will help you figure out what he feels is important in a relationship, and you can be the judge as to whether you are on the same page. There’s nothing wrong with having different beliefs, but if you aren’t even on the same bus, you are going to have to think about calling it quits sooner than later.
#17 – How are you when it comes to cooking?
You’re lucky if you are with a guy that enjoys pampering you with his chef skills. If he’s going to bring breakfast to you in bed, even better! However, if he can’t even cook macaroni, and take-out is his mainstay, you will have to decide whether this is the man you want to live with ‘til death do you part.
Figure out where he stands here, so you aren’t surprised after the fact.
For me, I love cooking. I grew up cooking for my family. So a man that doesn’t cook isn’t an issue for me. You’ve got to do what’s right for you.
#18 – Is there anything special you want to do on our one-year anniversary?
This question will help you figure out just how romantic your boyfriend is. His answer is going to give you lots of insight as to whether he’s the guy you want to be with.
#19 – If you happened to win the lottery, what would you do first?
With this question, you will open up a different side of your boyfriend. It’s a fun question that’s going to open his mind to dream. Is he going to donate to charity? Buy his father a house? Or would he just blow the money on fun stuff?
#20 – If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?
Here’s another fun question. Is your boyfriend going to choose a superpower for good or for evil?
Again, this is a question that will help you figure out how much spirit and imagination your boyfriend has.
#21 – Do you have a perfect date in mind?
This will help you figure out whether you’ve got a man that’s going to sweep you off your feet or bore you to death.
If you like to be surprised, a man that just wants to have a beer and watch a movie for the perfect date just isn’t going to cut it. Figure out to what degree your boyfriend can be a gentleman and take it from there.
#22 – Are you the type of man that gets jealous easily?
This is a critically important question. You do not want to be around a man that’s got a jealous streak. That’s not healthy, and it’s nothing to build a solid relationship on.
Figure out whether your boyfriend is rational with his jealousy. If he can’t handle himself, you need to move on.
#23 – If someone hit on me when we were going out, what would you do?
This is a question every woman wants to know. How he reacts to this question is important when you are figuring out whether your boyfriend is the right man for you.
#24 – Is there any type of girl you go after?
It’s important to figure out whether your boyfriend has stepped out of his comfort zone for you. Figure out whether he’s looking for just any relationship or if he really wants just you.
#25 – Do you have a bad habit?
It’s important you find out your boyfriend’s worst habit sooner than later. If he happens to be a druggy, you need to know this upfront, not after the fact. Does that make sense?
#26 – Can you tell me what love means to you?
This is really a deep and provoking question. However, it’s something you need to know. Don’t waste your time with a man that doesn’t appreciate and cherish love.
#27 – Are you very close with your family?
If you find a man that’s close with his family, you are on the right track. This just shows you that he cherishes relationships, and that’s a good thing when you are looking to build your relationship together.
When you are looking to build a solid relationship, one that lasts forever with your boyfriend, you’ve got to ask the questions that will give you the deep information you need to know.
No doubt, relationships are tough. Often, it takes at least a few rounds to figure it out.
Use these questions to make certain your boyfriend is the one that will treat you right and make you happy.