Ever wish to be honest without hurting somebody’s feelings? One perfect way to do it is through sarcasm. It’s funny and witty, brings humor into our lives but it gives the most brutal kind of honesty too.
Even some of the best life lessons we learn are from the most sarcastic quotes we read over the internet or from our dearest friends and family. Although some people find it difficult to understand the hidden meaning of our sarcastic messages, others have no problem in finding the sense of it at all.
In every sarcastic remark we hear, there is always some truth behind it. It’s easier to express our feelings to other people by being sarcastic.
It makes the person laugh a little and accept the advice you say without them feeling offended. But being sarcastic can be a little harsh as well. We find ourselves using sarcastic quotes or remarks usually when we deal with our friends and family members. We use it as a way of dealing with issues in relationships, in decision making, and in life in general.
If you want to know why sarcasm has now become a meaningful way to express one’s feelings, you have to familiarize yourself with them. To help you out, we listed some of the best sarcastic quotes here. We hope you have fun reading them!
1. If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.
2. Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems
3. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
4. That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
5. I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
6. Tell me. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
7. Violence won’t solve anything. But it sure makes me feel good.
8. People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
9. I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
10. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
11. I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.
12. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright
13. Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.
14. The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fucking mail.
15. Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.
16. If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.
17. Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?
18. Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.
19. My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.
20. I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.
21. Babies are so lucky. They can sleep all day and everyone still would be proud of them.
22. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
23. True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.
24. Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.
25. Police pulls over a speeding car:
COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.
DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.
26. Boy: “You’re not my type.”
Girl: “Why, ‘cause I can read?”
27. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
28. Oh… I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.
29. You’d be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth.
30. I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.
31. Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.
32. Sure I’ll help you out. The same way you came in.
33. You: Go to Hell!
Me: See you there.
34. Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game.
Student: Are you playing too?
35. Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!
36. I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
37. We don’t need CCTV camera in our country. Neighbors and relatives are enough.
38. My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. I haven’t found her yet.
39. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.
40. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t judge a student by his percentage.
41. If the teacher tells you to get out, it means you have won the argument.
42. Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.
43. You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.
44. Expect nothing and you’ll never be disappointed!
45. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
46. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
47. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
48. I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat.
49. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
50. Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.
51. If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever..
52. I’m smiling. That alone should scare you.
53. You sound better with your mouth closed.
54. My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.
55. If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
56. Behind every successful person, there’s a lot of unsuccessful years.
57. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
58. Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
59. A boy is hammering nails into the table:
Mom: What are you doing?
The boy: Is that a trick question?
60. See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.
61. If I had to pay you a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d save a lot of money.
62. You have no one to blame but yourself. Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.
63. You: OMG did you just fall?
Me: No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face!
64. You: Do you want a piece of my mind?
Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.
65. I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid. Then I met you.
66. Question: Do you know who I am?
Answer: No. Why? Have you forgotten?
67. You always do me a favor, when you shut up!
68. If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.
69. *Me washing my car*
Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car?
Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
70. What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?
71. Find your patience before I lose mine.
72. Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
73. Person 1: Watch my stuff.
Me: Why? Is it going to do a trick?
74. You’re unique just like everyone else.
75. I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.
76. That’s a pretty dress. Too bad you couldn’t find it in your size.
77. Here let me drop what’s important to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs.
78. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
79. I believe in annoyed at first sight.
80. I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that.” To “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”
81. Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen.
82. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
83. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
84. There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
85. I can’t be around people who take everything I say seriously. I’m not being mean, I’m just sarcastic as hell and I like to joke around. Why are you crying?
86. I almost gave a f..ck. Scared the shit out of myself.
87. My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
88. My mother didn’t raise a fool. A psychotic cold-hearted b..ch. But not a fool.
89. I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk.
90. What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
91. An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.
92. I take super-hot showers to practice burning in hell.
93. You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.
94. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah me neither.
95. I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.
96. I don’t know where all this crap about me being a “difficult person” is coming from. I’m a constant f..cking delight.
97. I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
98. There’s someone for everyone. And the person for you is a physiatrist.
99. Dear Life. Could you at least start using lubricant?
100. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.
101. They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.
102. Excuse me, which level of hell is this?
103. When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”.
104. You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that.
105. You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
106. People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.
107. Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”
108. I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.
109. Most people have “Ah ha” moments. I have “Oh for f..ck’s sake, f..ck this shit” moments.
110. I have to stop saying how stupid you can be. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.
111. I think Dildo is a perfectly acceptable insult. I’d call you a d..ck but you’re not real enough.
112. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
113. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.
114. If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.”
115. Sweetie, leave the sarcasm and insults to the pros. You’re going to hurt yourself. Go play in traffic.
116. What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically, better.
117. Abracadabra! Nope. You’re still a b..ch.
118. Oh. I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
119. When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.”
120. Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.
121. My alone time is sometimes for your safety.
122. Sometimes I wish I could get a refund on the time I have invested on people that weren’t worth it.
123. I wish more people were fluent in silence.
124. Deja Poo. The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before.
125. I’m a lady, but when I’m mad, I am an evil sadistic demon spawned b..ch from hell that will make you regret the day you were born. And when I’m happy, I like to bake cookies and shit.
126. I’m an odd combination of “really sweet” and “don’t mess with me.”
127. I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: I facebooked you.
128. Controlling my tongue is no problem. It’s my face that needs deliverance.
129. Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end
130. Hmmm, I’m going to file your opinions right here between “f..ck this” and “f..ck that”.
131. I’m not petty, I’m dead ass disrespectful and I will straight up disrespect you if you want to play that petty game. Your feelings will be hurt.
132. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
133. Some people are a human version of a migraine.
134. Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
135. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
136. People think I’m shy because I don’t get involved in their conversations. The truth is, I don’t give a f..ck what they’re talking about.
137. I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.
138. It’s a beautiful day to leave me alone.
139. Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Would you like an award for that?
140. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
141. Life is a soup and I’m a freaking fork.
142. Some people are just treasures that you just want to bury them.
143. Sweetie, I’m going to need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, Okay?
144. In order to insult me, I must value your opinion. Nice try though.
145. I’ve got heels higher than your standards.
146. If you don’t like and still watch everything I do, b..tch you are a fan.
147. I may look calm but in my mind, I’ve killed you three times.
148. Oh sure, you’re smart. Sesame Street smart.
149. Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
150. I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.
151. Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.
152. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
153. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. No one cares.
154. Oh, you hate me? Join the club! There are weekly meetings at the corner of F..ck You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd.
155. I’m 97% sure you don’t like me but I’m 100% sure I don’t care.
156. Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your food in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time?
157. I don’t have a bad temper. I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.
158. Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m a b..ch to you, you need to ask yourself why.
159. Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived!
160. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.
161. I try not to laugh at my own jokes but we all know I’m hilarious.
162. You are the result of 4 billion years of evolution. So act like it.
163. I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
164. I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me.
165. It’s nearly time for my Psychotic Break.
166. I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.
167. Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.
168. Only dead fish go with the flow.
169. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.
170. If I say “First of all”. Run away because I have prepared research, data, and charts and will destroy you.
171. In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
172. I am a nice person. Just don’t push the b..ch button.
173. The B..ch Slap. Keeping a..holes in line since 1836.
174. Warning. I’m bored. Things could get dangerous.
175. I am currently experiencing life at the speed of 15 wtf’s per hour.
176. Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?
Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
177. I’m confident my last words will be, “Are you fu…ng kidding me?”
178. I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than f..ck.
179. We all have problems. Some of us just choose not to post them on Facebook.
180. In all honesty, things would’ve never worked between us. I’m a unicorn, you’re a donkey; I’m majestic, and you my love are just an ass.
181. It must be hard putting makeup on your two faces every day.
182. Nothing brings a group of a…holes together faster than something that’s none of their business.
183. Don’t be an a..hole to me, cause then I have to be an a..hole to you. And I’m way better at being an a..hole than you are.
184. My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
185. Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
186. I would like to confirm that I do not care.
187. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
188. Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again.
189. Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
190. Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.
191. Patience. What you have when there are too many witnesses.
192. Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment.
193. I don’t know how to accept compliments. So thanks, suck a d..ck or whatever.
194. I need a cocktail. Hold the tail.
195. I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the f..cking cactus.
196. I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.
197. Quick Tip: Mind your own motherf…ng goddamn business b..ch.
198. My loyalty cannot be bought. However, it can be rented.
199. I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.
200. Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart?
Me: Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.
201. You: Do you think I am stupid?
Me: It’s not your fault.
202. Person 1: Can I ask you a question?
Person 2: You just did!
203. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.
204. Oh. I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.
205. My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.
206. Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.
207. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
208. Hey! I had shoes like those once. Then my father got a job.
209. Just because the voices only talk to me, doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.
210. You are about as useful as a white crayon.
211. Don’t argue with fools, because people from a distance can’t tell which one is you.
212. I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
213. You inspire my inner serial killer.
214. If you are cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?
215. I don’t hate you. I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
216. My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. I just know it.
217. Forget Prince Charming. Go for the wolf. He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better.
218. I’m not saying I hate you. But I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
219. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
220. Resting b..tch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be a part of.
221. Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.
222. Apology accepted. Trust denied.
223. I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
224. You, sir, are the human version of period cramps.
225. Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, “Who ties your shoelaces for you?”
226. I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face with words.
227. I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not Willy Wonka.
228. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
229. You are offended by the things I say? Imagine the stuff I hold back.
230. I’m going to hell in so many different religions.
231. People ask me, “Why are you single? You’re attractive, intelligent and creative.” My reply is “I’m overqualified.”
232. Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive.
233. Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimer’s.
Haha. Some of these were so funny I forgot to laugh. Bruh, but the cocktail one? That didn’t need to be included. And even the ones that cussed? Yeah, didn’t need to cuss. But overall, these brightened my night. MEGA OOF
charles H mattila says
There were some good ones… And if you’re offended by the foul language… Tough shit!!!