There are many possible reasons why a guy might use a woman. He might use her for intimacy and not want to actually commit to her. Or maybe he is just after your money and he likes that you are generous. Maybe he just wants you to boost his ego but he won’t put in the time to actually get to know you. These are just a few reasons why a guy might use someone.
That being said, this does not mean that every guy out there is a user. But at the same time, it is good to know what the signs are so you can avoid further heartbreak in the future. Below are common signs a guy could be using you.
Sometimes it can be hard to see the signs. If that is the case for you, then think first about the way you feel in the relationship? Do you often feel bad about yourself? Do you feel like you do not do enough or do you always feel guilty for wanting something more? Is something making you uneasy about your relationship?
While it is not always the case, these feelings can sometimes indicate that you are being used in your relationship. Next you will read about actions that will show whether or not this guy is using you. This will help you to really figure out what is going on in your relationship.
Signs A Guy Is Using You
You have not been introduced to his family and friends
When you are in a healthy relationship, then it is normal to know your boyfriend’s family members and friends. Whoever else is in his life, you should know them too. This especially applies to the people who are very important to him.
If he has a close relationship with his parents for instance, but has yet to introduce you and you have been together for a while, then alarm bells should be going off for you.
Not introducing you to other people can mean a number of potential things. It could mean that he is embarrassed to introduce you or it could mean that he is not committed enough to the relationship. People often introduce their significant others to friends and family when they are getting more serious.
Another possibility is that these people have not yet been told about you. And if that is the case, then you will have to ask why. Yet another possibility is that your guy already has someone else that the family and friends already know. These are just a few reasons why he might not introduce you to the important people in his life.
Whatever his reason is, you deserve to be treated with respect, honesty, and dignity. If this red flag applies to you, then you will need to have an honest conversation with him about the issue and where the two of you will go from there.
He is selfish in bed
In any physical relationship, there should be a balance. Do you feel like you are always giving in to his needs but he never consider what you need?
If he is selfish in bed, then that should be telling you to take a step back. When he is not considering your needs, including those physical needs, then you are seeing a sign that you are not in a mature relationship.
Before you jump to any drastic conclusions, try to help him first. You can do this by dropping clues or by just bluntly telling him what it is that you need. If he is not even willing to try, but expects you to do everything that he wants, then he is absolutely using you to satisfy his own selfish needs.
He will not talk about committing to the relationship
The idea of commitment can be intimidating but it is a very important conversation to have with your guy if you have not already discussed it.
Try to bring up the discussion of being in a committed relationship. If it is something that he avoids having to talk about, then consider what he is getting out of your arrangement.
Does he get affection, attention, and favors from you? If this is true but he will not talk seriously about your relationship, then he might be using you for his own gain.
Ask yourself this question: do you find yourself unsure about the status of your relationship? Here is another way to put it: has he neglected to define your relationship? If you answered yes to either question, then you will want to do some more digging.
Never assume that you are in an exclusive, committed relationship just because he is nice and affectionate towards you. Make sure that he is also able to express his feelings and intentions with you in words.
Just because he holds your hands or buys you flowers, it does not mean that the two of you are mutually exclusive. Have the talk with him instead of making assumptions.
Remember that no matter how uncomfortable it is, you are better off in the long run knowing where you stand with him.
He relies on you financially
Are you always pulling out your wallet when you are with your guy? Understand that sometimes the guy in the relationship might not be doing as well financially and won’t be able to pay. That is understandable.
However, if he relies on you to pay for every single thing and has the expectation that you will always foot the bill for him, then he is using you. This is especially true if he does not work or if he does work but never offers to help out financially for things that are for the two of you.
Does he live with you? If he lives at your place and never makes an effort to pitch in, then he might be using you to have a place to stay.
He always needs a favor from you
Relationships are all about give and take. It is perfectly normal for you to do things for your significant other. But does he ever return the favor? If you find that you are always the one doing things for him and he never lifts a finger to help you, then you are being used by him.
We all want to do nice, thoughtful things for the people we deeply care about. What are some favors you might do for a significant other? You might wash his clothes and cook for him, bring him the remote control, and so on.
These are normal things. But what if it seems to be out of control? Is he constantly asking you for things to the point where it seems like he refuses to do anything for himself? Is he demanding and too reliant on you?
Does he never step up to the plate for you? These could be signs that he is using you. If you feel like his servant instead of his lover who is his equal, then something is wrong.
He disappears on you
Some guys have busy schedules and sometimes things will pop up at the last minute. But does he disappear on you constantly? Is he always cancelling or rescheduling the plans you make with him?
If so, then it shows that he might not value the time you spend together. Constantly cancelling plans is rude and might indicate that you are not a priority to him.
Another example of him disappearing on you is if he takes a long time to respond to your calls and text messages. Does he always have some sort of excuse ready for why he is always so unavailable to talk to you?
Whether he cancels last minute on you a lot or takes hours or sometimes even days to respond to your text messages, if he disappears on you frequently, then you are looking at a red flag. This could be a sign that he is using you and might only spend time with you when there is nothing better to do.
He never compromises
Is it always his way or the highway? If everything has to be the way he wants it, then that can be a sign he is using you. Maybe you let him dictate everything but the one time you ask if you can do something your way, he says no and gets upset. That is a sign of him being controlling as well.
If he is always the one deciding what the two of you will do, then you could be in a controlling relationship. Does he always try to tell you what to eat, what to wear, and who to hang out with?
Does he never consult what you want to do as a partner and an equal in your relationship? If this is the case then he is probably using you.
Does not talk about his personal life
If you do not know him that well, then that is a sign of trouble, especially if you tell him all about yourself. What do you know about him? Do you feel like you know enough about himself and his life?
Or does he keep the finer details of his life a secret? Maybe he won’t talk about his family or where he is from or what he does for a living. Can it mean that he is hiding something from you? It is possible, but the only way to really know for sure is by asking him.
While some people have valid reasons for not talking much about themselves, sometimes it can also mean that they are trying to hide something from you. And in a relationship, no one should be keeping secrets.
If he is hiding things from you then it could mean that he is using you. Why else would he keep you in the dark about who he is?
He does not show affection
Affection is a way that we demonstrate our love for those who are important to us. When someone hugs or kisses us, it lets us know that we are special to them. So what happens when he won’t show you affection?
If he is not affectionate towards you, then it might just be part of his personality. Or it can mean that he does not see this as a serious relationship. Maybe he is only using you for what you are giving him, whether it is status, sex, or something else entirely.
Your friends do not like him
Sometimes your friends pick up on things way before you do. Whether they are great observers or just love you deeply, your friends might have the ability to see a user from a mile away.
Other times, your friends might be overprotective of you or they might not yet be used to a new guy in your life. Either way, it is worth it for you to take their concerns into account. They might be seeing something that you have been blind to.
His friends and family warn you about him
Besides you, who should know your guy the best? His friends and family members, of course. While you might share a special bond with him, he will have lots of history with his friends and family.
This means they could know him better than you do. Or they might see things that you have not seen. So if they warn you about him, their warnings might be worth taking a serious look at.
He has a bad reputation
Have you ever heard bad stories and rumors about him? Sometime rumors are just things that have been exaggerated or made up, but sometime there is truth to it.
What are examples of behavior that indicates a bad reputation? Things like being disrespectful to women and always getting into fight with people are some examples of things that could give a guy a bad reputation. It is up to you to find out what the actual truth is.
Ultimately, if he has a bad reputation, it is up to you to look into it. Just remember the saying, “where there is smoke, there is fire.” While you should not believe everything that you hear, you should at least look into whether or not those rumors could hold any truth to them.
If there are no signs that this reputation is real, then forget what you heard and move on and be happy with your guy. But if signs are pointing to this bad reputation being real, then you need to protect yourself and your heart.
Here are some examples of a bad reputation. If he is a con artist, cannot hold down a job, always fights with people, or has a history of cheating on his women, then these are all examples of a bad reputation. Other examples include being known to lie a lot, having a criminal history, and being abusive to his romantic partners.
He only talks to you during certain times of the day or certain days of the week
If your guy only talks to you during certain times of the day, then you might want to think about why that is. Usually when this happens, the guy will only contact you at night and that is because he wants to get intimate.
Does he only see you on weekends? Or maybe he only sees you during the work week. That can be a sign he is keeping a secret and can mean anything from not wanting to introduce you to his family to him wanting to meet other girls when you are not around.
Avoiding you during certain times can mean he has a secret life that does not include you at all. He could be embarrassed to have you around family, friends, or co-workers, or maybe he already has another girl and you are just the mistress.
Whatever it is, ask him and find out why he only talks to you during certain times. If his explanation does not seem to hold water, then he might be lying to you.
He only talks to you when he wants something from you
With anyone in your life, it is normal to give to others. But it should be a balance of give and take between the two parties involved.
If your guy only talks to you when he needs something, then he is most certainly using you. He should not only want you around because of what you can do for him.
Maybe he only pays attention to you when he wants intimacy, wants you to do laundry, or needs you to whip him up some food. Or maybe you control the finances and he is always asking you for money, but does not give you any attention when he does not need money from you.
Whatever it is, if you are doing all of the giving and he is doing all the taking, then you need to get out of that relationship. If he does not seem to care about you as a person besides what you have to offer, then you are not in a healthy relationship
He is seeing other women
One of the biggest signs that a guy is using you is if he is seeing other women. Unless this is something that you both talked about and agreed to, then something unbalanced is going on in your relationship.
But how do you know he is with other women or that he is looking for other girlfriends? There are a few hints that can help you figure this out.
Is he always checking his phone? Does he try to hide things from you? Maybe he always runs late when meeting you or maybe he constantly makes up excuses to leave early when he is with you.
Has he accidentally called you a different name before? Have you caught him in a lie, or in several lies? Does he have a hard time keeping facts straight?
Maybe you have noticed women’s things in his car or home that do not belong to you. Is he very secretive or vague about his schedule? These are all possible signs that he could be seeing someone else.
At the same time, you will not know for sure until you have solid proof. So get your proof or sit down with him and have an honest conversation so that you can try to see if you are being used in this relationship.
If he is in fact seeing other women and this is not something that you previously talked about and agreed on together, then you need to end the relationship and move on so that you can find someone who will appreciate you enough. You do not deserve someone who is not fully invested in you.
There are many ways to figure out if your guy is using you. While you might have to dig to figure this out, you will find that most of these signs are right there in plain sight. It is only when you take off the rose colored glasses that you will see this, if he is in fact using you and is taking advantage of the relationship for his own selfish needs.
If he is using you, do not be afraid to talk to him about it. If you are invested in keeping the relationship going, you can try to figure out ways to get past this, as long as he is willing to do his part. But if he is not interested in making the effort to make things better, do not feel badly about breaking it off.
Remember that you deserve someone who treats you like an equal, someone who does not use you and who thinks only about himself. You deserve to love someone and care about someone and you deserve to be loved and cared for in turn.