What does a good relationship look like? Mainstream media portrays almost countless examples of romantic relationships, some fictional and some quite real. Whatever your ideal relationship looks like, there’s a good chance these accounts of love partially shaped it.
Unfortunately, this may be setting you up to fail at love. What happens if you have a seemingly perfect guy, but something feels amiss?
If you’re feeling less than satisfied in your relationship, it’s a good idea to take a step back and reevaluate. When a guy looks and sounds perfect but leaves you with a nagging feeling in the back of your mind, it’s time to ask why. Life is too short to share it with somebody who doesn’t deserve you.
Compatibility or Chemistry?
When considering a new relationship, it’s difficult to see past the fireworks and fun. Ultimately, you need to assess the long-term chances of success before putting forth an effort. To truly be successful with sifting through relationship signs, you need to understand the difference between compatibility and chemistry.
When a guy makes your belly do flip flops, you’ve got some chemistry with him. On the other hand, if your lifestyle choices and life goals are similar, you’ve got some level of compatibility. A good relationship will have a fair degree of both because people who are fundamentally incompatible or share zero chemistry are not apt to connect.
Compatibility
From political views to spiritual beliefs to the number of kids you’d like to have, every aspect of your life can be compared to that of potential suitors to assess compatibility. Those issues in your life that are most important to you are probably the things you’ll want to share with your partner.
Chemistry
We’re not talking about the periodic table here. The chemistry between people can range from no reaction to flaming hot. There’s not always a reason for the reaction; it just happens and lights your world on fire. In terms of relationships, chemistry likes to draw opposites together and can be triggered by almost anything.
Balancing Compatibility and Chemistry
If there is no chemistry between two people and they aren’t compatible, the relationship is a non-issue. Chances are, people in this situation have nothing to say to each other and feel uncomfortable together.
It is possible to be highly compatible with somebody but have no chemistry with them. These relationships can be comfortable and satisfactory though ultimately asexual. If you’re okay with this type of relationship, firm up your list of “must-haves” and seek out a guy who checks them all off – even if he doesn’t cause your tummy to do those little flip-flops.
When it comes to relationships, the ultimate goal is high chemistry with high compatibility where both parties are compatible on a rational level yet drive each other wild on a physical and spiritual level. This is the sweet spot where you drive each other wild with a glance but share enough in common that when you emerge from the bedroom, you share a fulfilling life.
Have you ever had a hot and heavy relationship with somebody that felt so good but never worked out? You probably had high chemistry but low compatibility with them. When this happens, it usually ends badly for one or both parties. In these cases, the failures are due to compatibility. For this reason, a lot of the signs we discuss will involve compatibility.
Remember, chemistry should not be overlooked unless you’re happy with a compatibility-driven, asexual relationship. However, because chemistry is the indescribable quality that attracted you to the guy in the first place, we’ll assume you’ve already considered it.
13 Signs You Should Reevaluate Your Relationship
Whether the relationship is new or you’ve been together for years, there are some signs that a guy is not compatible with you. Even if you’ve got all the right chemistry if something in the back of your mind is questioning the relationship and you’d better listen. This guy is probably not the love of your life if you already see some of these red flags.
He Doesn’t Make You Laugh
When you think about it, don’t you want a guy who makes you laugh? Being with a guy who can’t tickle your funny bone sounds like a special kind of torture. You need somebody who will take your mind off a bad day by being goofy enough to make you laugh.
He Won’t Take You Out
Are all of your dates at his place or yours? If you’ve never been in public with this guy, the chances are that it’s not a relationship worth your time. Remember, the beginning of a relationship is when we all put our best foot forward. When a guy who won’t take you out at the outset of a relationship, it’s not going to change over time.
It may also be a sign he doesn’t want to be seen with you. The right guy for you will want to show you off and be proud to be seen on your arm. Think about it, if this guy won’t take you out for dinner, what will your wedding look like?
He’s Self-Centered
Maybe he’s a narcissist, perhaps he’s not, but if all he does is talk about himself, it’s not likely to change. If a guy never wants to hear about you, it’s not something you’ll change with patience. Relationships function best when there’s some give and take, especially in terms of conversation. If he doesn’t care about what you have to say, what else doesn’t he care about?
He Only Engages in Small Talk
It’s tough to dig deep enough to get to know somebody if they never engage in more in-depth conversations. If your dates only consist of surface talk, you probably don’t know this guy very well-meaning you could face any number of surprises if you hang around.
Talking about important and challenging issues are critical to burgeoning relationships. It can be easy to avoid the tough topics, but ignoring them leaves you open to blow-ups later on when it’s tougher to walk away. Try discussing more profound questions to get to know your partner; if he’s unwilling to participate, then you have your answer.
He Doesn’t Want to Integrate Your Social Circles
When a guy is really into you, he wants to show you off to everybody. If the guy in question has made it clear he doesn’t want to meet your family and friends or introduce you to his, it’s time to abandon ship.
Relationships are about integrating your lives, and that includes your loved ones. Rebuffing attempts to meet and greet those most important to you is a bad sign. How will holidays and special occasions fare down the line if your guy won’t interact with anybody else in your life?
He Doesn’t Appreciate You
When your guy takes you for granted, he’s not worthy of your attention anymore. If you’re devoting time, affection, and kindness toward your man and he’s not reciprocating, it may be time to move on to somebody who will. There are a lot of ways to tell your guy is taking you for granted.
- Date night is a thing of the past. Not only do you never see him out of lounge clothes, but all romance has fled the relationship.
- He no longer compliments you.
- Sex is okay, but foreplay is out, and everything is on his time frame.
- He expects you to do things for him, doesn’t thank you, and doesn’t reciprocate.
- When you’re talking, he’s doing something else. If your guy’s attention is elsewhere when you’re conversing with him, he’s telling you he’s not interested.
He Doesn’t Share Your Life Plans
You don’t need to dive into heavy topics on the first date, but you’ll want to discuss the important issues earlier than later. Topics like kids, career aspirations, how you plan to spend money, and travel plans are critical aspects of a relationship. If yours don’t match up with your guy’s goals, you may want to move on to somebody who is more compatible with you.
He Makes You Doubt Yourself
What happens when a guy is critical of your aspirations? This involves something deeper than having differing life goals. A guy who makes you question who you are, what you want and your path in life is not a good match for you.
Good partners encourage you every step of the way. Bad partners give voice to every doubt and leave you feeling insecure. You don’t want to be with a guy who makes you feel bad or questions every decision you make. The right man for you is the one who will encourage you to follow and achieve your dreams. He should also make you feel beautiful, no matter what. Anything less is not worth your while.
He Won’t Commit
If you’re looking for a committed relationship but he’s still talking to other women, it’s time to move on to somebody else. You don’t want to try to force a guy into a relationship he’s not ready for, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait around either. If a guy says he doesn’t want to commit to you, believe him and move on.
He’s Hung Up on an Ex
You deserve a guy who’s open to and interested in you. Even if you’re not technically a rebound, when a guy has unresolved feelings for an ex, he isn’t available for a relationship with you. Except in cases of healthy co-parenting, a guy shouldn’t be regularly interacting with his ex. Look for these common behaviors that suggest a past relationship isn’t quite closed.
- The ex’s name comes up too often
- His feelings of anger toward his ex are real and still raw.
- She’s not only still in the picture, but he also claims she’s his best female friend.
- Even if it comes in the form of a compliment, he won’t compare you to his ex if he’s truly over her.
- He segregates you from their mutual friends or people who know his ex.
- He’s held onto her belongings and won’t let them go.
He Doesn’t Treat You as an Equal
Any guy who makes you feel inferior is not a good match. Good relationships are founded on the idea of a partnership where both parties contribute in equal parts. It does not mean that every aspect of the relationship needs to be equal. There does need to be a balance between both people. Relationship inequality can present in many different ways.
- He decides everything from where you eat to how you spend your money.
- He never apologizes and may even take it a step further by always blaming you.
- He puts you down publicly. It still counts if he plays it off as “just a joke.”
- He expects a lot of you each day.
He Puts Himself or Others Before You
You’re making a conscious effort, so it’s only reasonable to expect your partner to put forth the same amount of energy. When that doesn’t happen, it’s defeating and frustrating. If your partner consistently puts himself or others before you and your needs, it’s a sure sign that something needs to change.
He may also disregard for your feelings and well-being. If you’re sick or feeling down and he overlooks it, how does it make you feel? When a guy is unwilling to put off his plans to care for you when you’re ill, they probably are not worthy of you.
He Lies
It’s impossible to have a successful relationship without trust. Lying is the surest way to break the trust between people. However, lying is a very common thing for all of us. To determine if your partner has crossed the line, consider what they are lying about and why. Only you can decide if your partner is worth trusting again, but prolific liars make for difficult relationships.
He Cheated
Though the old cliché “once a cheater, always a cheater” has run its course, the damage done by infidelity cannot be ignored. A guy who cheated is capable of change if he identifies and then works on the issues that led to the infidelity. Likewise, a one-time cheater may do a swift reversal and never cheat again because he is motivated by the pain he caused.
On the other hand, a guy who blames his partner or lacks remorse for his actions is not likely to change. In these cases, it doesn’t matter how open-minded or forgiving you are, the guy will cheat again.
He Doesn’t Challenge You
While some people are perfectly content with the status quo, many people require a partner who challenges them. The ability to grow and evolve is a critical aspect of human life. We grow a lot as children and young adults, but as adults, we still crave the opportunity. If your partner doesn’t challenge you, then you’re losing that valuable gift.
- Is he helping you grow as a person?
- Do you feel drained when spending time with your guy?
- Does he bore you?
- Do you try new things together?
He Rejects Your Attempts at Physical Intimacy
When someone rebuffs attempts to initiate sex, it leaves feelings of hurt and rejection. While it may happen on occasion for any number of reasons, repeated rejections are warning signs of deeper issues in a relationship.
If your partner regularly rejects your attempts to get intimate, he’s treating you as an option. You deserve a relationship with somebody who makes you a priority, including your sexual appetites. Women have physical needs and should be comfortable enough with a partner to share them and have them met.
Danger Signs and Toxic Relationships to Avoid
There are many relationship warning signs, but there are a few issues that don’t just spell doom for the relationships. These are issues that could affect you in serious ways and fundamentally alter who you are as a person.
Skip the Damsel in Distress and Prince Charming Dynamic
It can feel good to play either role, but whether you’re the rescuer or the rescued, it will eventually get old. Relationships founded on this dynamic become problematic if the roles don’t switch on occasion. When one person becomes stuck in one role or the other, it is exhausting.
Always being somebody’s hero can be tiresome. What happens when the hero encounters a personal challenge with a need for a rescuer? On the flip side, the damsel will eventually come across as needy and demanding, making them feel inferior. Unless balance is achieved, the damsel and prince dynamic make for a doomed relationship.
Don’t Change Yourself to Save Your Relationship
It seems simple enough, but if you changed or feel yourself changing to make a relationship work, it’s time to reevaluate. While a relationship may evolve, you shouldn’t have to change who you are as a person.
You may adopt new interests or hobbies, but if your partner cannot accept who you are as a person, that’s a sure sign of trouble. Some things are so ingrained that changing them would significantly alter you as a person, including your dreams, spiritual beliefs, and freedom.
Be Wary of the Narcissist
A problematic personality type for many women, a narcissist is incapable of feeling love like other people. They can be charming and fun, but narcissists can also be abusive and neglectful in relationships. There are several ways to identify a narcissist.
- They are always right. If you disagree with something a narcissist says, they will tend to ignore or dismiss your statements.
- Breaking rules can sometimes be fun and exciting, but narcissists will take this too far because they believe they’re the exception to the rule.
- Narcissists have difficulty with boundaries and show little or no remorse when their actions affect you.
- Obsessed with impressing others, a narcissist will constantly try to demonstrate how much better they are or how special they are.
Abusive Relationships
Abuse comes in many forms and can have long-term, damaging effects on your psyche. Learning to identify early warning signs can help you avoid an abusive relationship and save you a lot of pain. Remember, not all abusive relationships leave marks for the world to see. Physical violence may or may not be present in an abusive relationship.
- “Love-bombing” is one of the first tactics an abuser will use. They can’t compliment you enough and set you apart from all others. Their attentions may become very intense.
- Abusers will do their best to isolate you from your support group. They want to cut you off from friends and family, so be aware of how your guy interacts with them. Is your guy critical of your loved one or trying to drive a wedge between you and them?
- Control is vital for abusers. They may invade your privacy to keep track of where you are and who you know. Their attempts at control may also manifest in other ways, like telling you how to wear your hair, talk to people, or dress.
- Some abusers adopt the “us versus them” approach to ensure they don’t feel alone. This can also lead to a push to start over together somewhere. Not only will this allow the guy to isolate you, but it will also ensure you are constantly together and reliant on him.
When It’s Time to Move On
Walking away from a relationship isn’t always easy, but sometimes it’s necessary. When you’re not being treated well by your partner, he doesn’t deserve to be your partner. If a relationship is not adding to your life, then it’s time to subtract the negative energy and move on.
Though this is a lengthy list of warning signs and toxic relationship tropes to avoid, it’s not comprehensive. If you’re not feeling satisfied, happy, or fulfilled by your relationship, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Life is too short to stay with somebody who’s not worthy of your time, effort, and love.
