When you are trying to figure out whether or not someone loves you, it definitely isn’t easy. Here are a few tactical expert pointers that will tell you whether or not he loves you.
Signs He Doesn’t Love You
Sign One
Thought Catalog studies show a man doesn’t love you if she isn’t showing any interest in the smaller details in your life. If he doesn’t want to hear about how crazy your cat has been acting or about how embarrassed you were at work because you forgot a meeting, then you better think about whether he loves you or not.
Sign Two
He just doesn’t seem to “want” to connect or make things better with you.
Sign Three
It seems like he’s picking fights over the silliest things and for no valid reason. This will take a toll on the quality of your relationship as a whole.
Sign Four
They start buying things they like but know you don’t. That’s just an inconsiderate move no matter how you look at it. It shows they really don’t care what you think and that’s not love.
Sign Five
If a guy starts trying to change you into what he wants and not what you want to be, he really don’t love you.
Think about it for a minute. You deserve to be with a man that loves you for you, just as you are, not how he want you to be. That just doesn’t work.
Sign Six
He always seems to be talking about what’s down the road and not about what’s going on in the now. If your man is talking more about the future and nothing else, you’ve got reason to be concerned.
The now is just as important as the future in any relationship.
Sign Seven
There is no routine or consistency to his contact with you. For instance, for a little while he might text you every morning and night religiously and suddenly nothing. Or maybe he just stops trying to call or text you at all.
Pay attention because if a guy loves you, he will make sure you know it.
Sign Eight
He keeps you hidden from his parents. If your guy does his best to make sure you don’t get to meet or even get to know his parents better, that’s a signal he just doesn’t love you.
You see, if he loved you and was proud you are his girlfriend he should want his family to know about you and meet you.
Don’t kid yourself here please.
Sign Nine
So you’ve asked him if he loves you and he clearly tells you he isn’t sure. If those are the words uttered from your partners mouth, you need to take that as an in-your-face signal that he does not love you the way you deserve to be loved.
If he did, he would be afraid of losing you and make sure you knew that he loves you on many different levels. He would not leave you guessing.
Sign Ten
It’s natural that you both have some common interests or you likely wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place. However, if you haven’t got clear future goals set together or in the least you’re talking about them, then he doesn’t see you in his future.
Sorry to break it to you but better now before you waste anymore time.
Sign Eleven
He has no interest in meeting you in the middle on any future goals or wants. If his mind is shut to negotiate then he doesn’t want you to be the love of his life.
Sign Twelve
If he ever tells you he is curious to see what’s still out there before making a solid commitment, you need to kick his butt to the curb fast. You don’t deserve second or third place. Obviously, you have different expectations, wants and needs, and it’s time for you to keep your chin up and move on.
Don’t think about it, just do it.
Sign Thirteen
This guy you are into shows you or worse yet tells you he doesn’t trust you. Yikes…this is a tough one. If your guy starts accusing you of things based on lack of trust, he’s just trying to take the focus off his lack of love for you and place the guilt-blame he is likely feeling on you.
This is one of the oldest tricks in the books and you need to be wary of it.
If he doesn’t trust you, he shouldn’t be with you no matter what. So if he makes you feel this way then your best decision is to say good-bye.
Sign Fourteen
He doesn’t want to listen when you want to discuss the things in life that matter to you. That’s just nasty in my books.
If someone loves you, they should want to know and learn about what matters to you and be there for you when you need it – End of story.
Sign Fifteen
Every time you want to chat with him about relationship issues, it winds up in a ginormous fight. This is another decoy move to try and place the guilt on you. Don’t let him get away with it.
FACT – relationships are hard work and if you aren’t willing to sit down and discuss issues on a routine basis, without major knock-out fights, then the issue is much bigger than normal conflict.
A guy that just wants to fight with you, doesn’t not love you – Period.
Sign Sixteen
He puts very little if any effort into making certain your lives interconnect. If your guy doesn’t do his best to do his own thing and steer clear of making plans with you when it’s definitely doable, that’s a sign he doesn’t love you.
What you need to do is give your head a shake and take positive action to end this silliness.
Couples that are in love want to be together and grow together.
Sign Seventeen
They seem to be brain-dead when it comes to remembering the little things; like your favorite color, your birthday and your anniversary.
Don’t you think someone that loves you would make sure they remembered the little things to make you smile? Even if they are bad with dates and numbers, they should go to the trouble of programming into their phone as a reminder.
Excuses get you nowhere fast.
A man that loves you will remember oodles of details because he wants you to feel special.
Sign Eighteen
They are quick to blast you in public just to hurt your feelings, even the harsh joke tactic. A man that loves you should not purposely belittle you anytime, particularly in public. Sure, there may be a few times where he doesn’t recognize a certain topic you’re sensitive about.
However, if he knows how you feel and think and does it anyway, you need to be done with him because he does not love you for the right reasons.
Sign Nineteen
Fighting fair has gone out the window and now it’s dirty all the way. This one is super-sad. When couples fight dirty, it’s not healthy and is only going to lead to lots and lots of heartache. If this guy is hitting you where it hurts and fighting dirty, he’s showing you he does not love you.
Sorry but it’s true.
Sign Twenty
They tell you or somehow suggest you need to dress better or lose weight because you are too fat. These are two very sensitive issues to most women and if a guy is trying to change you at all, he’s not for you.
VIP – You should be proud of who you are and love yourself as you are. Sure, there are always going to be things we want to work on but you shouldn’t feel pressured by the man the you think loves you to make changes.
He should be supporting and loving you as you are.
Think about this one long and hard and take action.
Sign Twenty-One
It’s all about his pleasure in the bedroom. Sex is a two-way street and if a man is head over heels for you, he is going to want to pleasure you first, and shouldn’t mind coming in second.
If you feel it’s all one-sided in the bedroom, you better consider the fact you might be getting used because this man couldn’t possibly love you.
Sign Twenty-Two
This guy chooses to go out with other people more than you. He either wants to be with you or he doesn’t. And if he is picking his friends over you all the time, that’s got to tell you something.
A man that loves a woman, wants to spend time with her, no excuses.
Sign Twenty-Three
You seem to get under his skin easily. If someone loves you, they aren’t going to be annoyed by you, normally anyway. So if your man seems to get ticked with you at the drop of the hat, you need to ask yourself if you really believe he loves you or not.
Be smart here please.
Sign Twenty-Four
When they screw up or make a mistake, they don’t apologize with sincerely to you. This one is the worst. You shouldn’t be with a guy that doesn’t have the human ability to tell you he’s sorry when he mucks up. You deserve that.
So if your boyfriend can’t apologize to you, then you need to seriously look at the possibility he just doesn’t love you.
Sign Twenty-Five
They just don’t give you the little signs of affection showing you that they love you. This is the handholding, kissing your cheek, you know what I’m getting at. If a guy doesn’t give you those little signs of affection without you asking, he doesn’t love you.
Sign Twenty-Six
You seem to be their friend instead of their lover. I’m not going to tell you this is all bad but if you feel the focus in on the “pal” stuff, you need to consider the fact he just might not love you; sad but true.
Sign Twenty-Seven
Conversations are like pulling teeth. It’s all about want and attitude here. If a man loves you, he is going to do whatever it takes to ensure you feel comfortable and yes, you are naturally going to have those weird moments of awkward silence, but they should be few and far in between.
Sign Twenty-Eight
Their eyes aren’t dancing when they look at you. If you pay attention, you will see that people really do smile with their eyes when they are really feeling it.
Maybe the eyes really are the key to the soul?
Take a good long look into their eyes and you should be able to figure out whether or not they really do love you.
Sign Twenty-Nine
They are cheating on you.
HELLO!
If a man cheats on you and tells you he loves you, he is full of crap. Cheating has never been and will never be in the equation of love.
You know what you need to do if this is the case.
Sign Thirty
They don’t mind dishing your family and friends. If a man loves you, he isn’t going to try and knowingly hurt you by talking bad about your friends and family, whether it’s true or not.
When a guy simply goes off on your family, he does not love you, because your family, whether you like it or not, is a part of you.
Sign Thirty-One
They have no trouble making fun of things you care about.
Maybe you like to knit or enjoy bird watching. It really doesn’t matter what it is because if a guy loves you, he isn’t going to go out of his way to make you feel bad because of this.
When a guy makes fun of the things near and dear to your heart, he just doesn’t want to be with you.
Sure it might hurt but you deserve better.
Sign Thirty-Two
The wall goes up when it comes to commitment. If this guy you have your heart set on, shuts the door on any sort of commitment with you, then he just isn’t ready to love you.
It’s up to you to figure out whether or not this is a sign to run the other way or give it a little more time.
Let’s take a peak at signals he really does love you.
Clear-Cut Signals He Is In Love With You
Here are invaluable information that shows you he is in love with you.
No doubt love is a really tricky thing. A man can be in love with you and never say it, and he can say he loves you but not really mean it.
It really doesn’t get much more confusing than that!
What this does is force us to keep our guard up just in case the love isn’t real. In other words, we go into protective mode just because.
All this does is clutter your mind with doubt and that might ultimately block the man out of your life that you really want forever, the one that wants you too.
Let’s take a look at a few fairly sure signals a guy really does love you.
1-His Gaze
There is a certain way a guy will look at you if he loves you. It’s really hard to describe but you will know it when you see it. Actually, let me rephrase that, you will “feel” it because it’s more than just a look.
It’s not just lust and desire because it goes deeper than that.
Pay attention to this and when you see it, you better believe it.
2-He’s A Giver
A man that is focused on giving to you when he can is a keeper. Think about it like you might a parent and child. The parents are the givers and the kids are typically the takers. This is because of the love the parent’s have for their children.
Well, the same goes in a relationship. When a man loves a woman, it’s not about counting pennies. He wants to give with no strings attached because he wants to do whatever he can to make her smile.
If he loves you, it really is all about giving.
3-You Feel Like A Priority In His Life
This doesn’t mean you are the only person in his life that matters, but it does mean he makes a point of showing you that you are a priority, high on his list.
No doubt, we are all busy and have commitments. But when a guy loves a woman, he makes sure you are very important in his life. He finds the time for you and that means everything.
4-He’s Ready To Dive Headfirst Into Your Life
When a man is ready to jump both feet into your life, he is showing you he’s completely into you. He will make an effort to get to know your friends and family and all the things you love. He’s looking to feel connected too.
This man is interested in all your hobbies and interests and just keeps wanting to learn more and more.
A man that loves you will want the special people in his life to love you the way he loves you and he obviously sees the future with you. Ultimately, he should unveil this to you if he truly loves you.
5-He Can See Right Through You
What this means is the special guy in your life can see things that most others don’t. He pays attention to the little things and understands your emotions, hot buttons, and your sensitivities.
It’s not about him just loving you, because he loves the things that surround you too.
When a man loves you, he looks to see what you want and does whatever he can to make it happen. This includes paying attention to all the things that make you smile inside-out. If he didn’t love you, he would never ever in a zillion years go through the trouble.
6-Your Happiness Might Be More Important Than His Own
I mean this in a good way. Whey you truly love someone, you put their best interests first. You do whatever you can happily to make them happy. If a man loves you for real, he will steer clear of doing things that make you upset or sad.
He will always make a valiant effort to learn what makes you happy and do his best to make all of your wishes come true.
7-When You Aren’t Together, He Lets You Know He Is Sad
Most men fall in love with a girl’s absence, not her presence. What this means is that a man just wants to be with you and when he isn’t, he is seriously missing you. He wants the physical connection that obviously isn’t there when you aren’t there with him
8-You Are Always In The Loop
If a man is making sure you are up to date on knowing where he is and what he is doing, then he totally loves you. If he says he is sorry because he missed your text or call, that’s magical. When he shows you he is considerate about how you feel and a little worried when you don’t know what’s going on, this man is a keeper.
Final Words
I wish it were easier to figure out whether a man loves you or not. It just isn’t. What you need to understand are the clear-cut signals a man doesn’t love you.
Bottom line…You deserve to be loved for who you are in the now, as you are. If the man in front of you isn’t showing you that he is head over heels in love with you, for you, then you need to cut him loose and move on to bigger and better.
Your a feminist and a beta lover. So wrong on so many things. Real men don’t subscribe to all this. You’re pathetic thesis.. a woman can do no wrong ha
Well take a hint then, brah, because this is what good women are looking for in a man. A relationship is a two way street, which is in fact mentioned. A woman or even another man should not expect their significant other to be the only ones putting themselves out there, giving and caring; If you think otherwise or think this is a load, it’s possible you are not suited to a healthy, loving relationship yet. You may want to consider how gender roles and societies expectations are repressing any softness you may have that is meant for a significant other… and that it doesn’t have to control you. I would recommend a consent class and maybe attending a safe space gathering to discuss why this was upsetting to you.
If your girl yells at you or belittles you without your consent (some people are into that), cheats on you, forgets basic things about you or is passive aggressive with you, then she’s not for you either. No one should treat people they care about like dirt.
true good comment no one should be able to treat you like a nobody everyone is worth loving and caring for Just have to make sure you see they show You Youre special Worth fighting for
Thanks Tyreal for teaching that naive and hateful person. You are smart. Also, thank you Kate for this insightful article! It was well articulated and I believe it can help people know what they truly deserve. I’m going through a break up now and this has also helped confirm so many things.
Well then us what they want. I ve read advice that said women. Should keep there emotions silent and let there date say and talk to other women they don’t know. Oil think a woman can tell if he s flirting or ignoring her. But we dont like yo ger walked over and biblically speaking AI this k self control is really important both sexes.
He doesn’t love me…
Mine doesn’t love me either. Wish I had figured that out 22 years ago
same
Listen to your gut. Also if he does something to you which makes you question his love. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself would you do the said action to him? That will help you get a fair idea how much he cares for you
Mine says he loves me and I just had a birthday and the card he got me said that I was the love of his life but how can he say that when we hardly ever talk, he lies to me about where he is and what he is doing and if I was the love of his life he wouldn’t do that, RITE!
Yeah , the card I got was a thinking of you like for a distant friend.
He dont love me. Ugh …itried so hard ..too hard i guess.:(
My man dont love me either gonna cry :‘(
Same I so have to say the same! I hv been in this relationship for 10 years he lied ab who he was and wht he was ab thn started treating me like shit lil by lil and I just had to find something tht would help me feel I wasn’t crazy. So I’ll say reading this helped helped me see I was right and he doesn’t love me at all!!! I’m sad sadder thn I was. I feel a lil better knowing but where do I go now and approaching him isn’t an option bc he explodes! I guess better gettin better clues of knowing thn thinking I’m wrong.
He’s likely a narcissist I’m afraid. What you are describing is exactly what it was like with my ex for 12 years and now my current man and I are breaking up because he turned out to be a covert NARCISSIST. What that means is he pretended to be a whole different person, the kind of man he perceived I would be interested in, just mirrored my likes and everything and I thought we were soulmates. I didn’t learn what s NARCISSIST is until I WAS ALREADY WITH #2. Its so difficult. It’s the most trying time of my life. He’s taken everything from me that I had rebuilt from my ex narc taking everything! I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Read about it, you’ll learn so much.
Narcissic Personality Disorder
I was going to school for psychology and we touched on this, I almost fell out of .my chair… Finally I had an answer for these evil people.
My 9 year relationship is done and I’m crazy in love I thought he was my soulmate but he does and says things that you wouldn’t say to the love of your life. I’m getting a dog!!
My man doesn’t love me .. shouts at me for the tiny and little things. doesn’t want me to fully appreciate my job, always throws in my face I can’t have a baby, think I need to wise up, why is it so hard to walk away.
No one deserves to be treated like that, you have to be brave and we all know how difficult it is and it absolutely kills you but it will be better for you in the long run. Be brave!! You can do it <3
Think how much happier you’ll be with someone who treats you like a Queen?! Dump him!!! 👌🏻 It’s sad at first but then really REALLY think about all those little things he does or doesn’t do that hurt you because if he truly cared for you.. he would help you! Like help you if you are choking ( for real ) on food. He just sits there and after your dying a bit and slowly pushes a water bottle your direction at the table. Or the time you fell off a swing in the park and you hit the ground hard and he does nothing to help you up, or ask if your ok. He doesn’t offer to help you step off the boat you two took a ride on together. You are at a museum and takes zero interest in the super awesome art exhibit they have that you are excited about. He talks about your body 24/7 but is never affectionate in a non sexual way. He says he loves you and sometimes he does things that show it.. but there are more things that show he doesn’t …. Mmk?!
Precisely. Jeez. I can’t believe we are tricked/brain washed so much over time that these very screwed up “little” things are common place & we still think it can work! Like if we make them see what they are doing & how MOST of the issues ARE truly created & sustained by THEM. We are only guilty of loving them and staying loyal. Loyal to a person who will look at you, after ruining yet another holiday & you’re in tears, embarrassed because others “know” or think they know what you’re dealing with &pressure you’re bearing, and say, ” well whose the fool then?”Because you pointed out how much you do all the time, put up with constantly, and have lost by trusting them in every way, as *proof* of your devotional love & loyalty for them… And how they do not have the actions that match or come close to this, what they claim they feel. As if we should be explaining ourselves in the first place to these terrible people who get off on causing us PAIN &DESTRUCTION. They don’t JUST act out in response to not getting their way (which is almost always at OUR EXPENSE IN SOME WAY & little to none to them. They don’t think twice, even once if using the last {insert something you SHARE} whatever it may be, they don’t think to save you any no matter how much you may need it or rely on it. And this is JUST the smaller daily examples. The things THEY just love to make you look stupid/petty/controlling/dramatic/crazy/wrong/selfish/nitpicky/anything THEY ACTUALLY truly ARE for trying to talk to them about. It’s small stuff but it is how they subtely break us down. We are used to it by b the time a big issue is present. Like infidelity or physical abuse. So we make excuses, talk ourselves out of it, believe what we know are blatant lies. At least on the surface. I hated my ex more than ever in those moments. He knew and I knew, but he was just fine as long as I pretended I believed the ridiculous sh*t that came out of his mouth. Sick. So sick.
Narcissist. That’s what these men are. (And women can be too). But it tends to be men. Please read about it. You have to go NO CONTACT. they can and will try to DESTROY you. I’m sorry.
Every sign up there too… sure don’t love e I wish it wasn’t so hard to just walk away
my man a bachelor. .age 68…he had a hear
t attack ..had 5persent ti life …was a shock to me …both are hiker’s. ..if I tel him once &awhile I love yiu wen I leave him to have me time fir 3day . he joke tel me who di you love …..I walj and smile men never shiw feeling. .but her respect me ig time
Hmmmm,my man character is all,it shows dat he doesnt love me nd he refuse to let me go…
Exactly d problem he doesn’t love me n won’t let me go
Wow I feel like I can bust in to tears because all of this are the things that he’s but how can I get out of this miserable love 😭😭
Sadly there are exceptions to every list. I would have stood anyone down that he loved me — and he did all of the above. Then after 14 months it was over — he stopped on a dime. You just have to be wise and guard your heart.
Getting involved with a divorced man who never settled anything with the ex-wife, has kids…not a good idea for somebody that never had to go through that.. I just want to be in a 50/50 relationship when it comes to feelings and goals ect. I’m not feeling it after 5 years..
And it’s taking its toll.
I dated with a guy who is a divorced and has a daughter with his first wife. We had first sex in my house, i tried to chat with him on Facebook, but he seemed not interested in me, he only calls me when he want to have sex or asks something, we don’t talk even 20 minutes long. He never asked how many family members i have or what i do unless i tell him. We never talk about our future….. He only just promised to commit for sex, we will whenever we meet, so we sex in hotels for sometimes and i have never eaten a proper dinner with him as he is always busy. So should i end this relationship with him?
It seems to me that he only wants to sleep with you, so if you want something more and he doesn’t then you should move on.
He only wants your body, only for his needs, that man dont deserve your love… You dese4ve someone who will truly loves you ..its very hard to dwell to unrequited love… I think i feel that too but maybe we strongly face the truth and move on…
Not only does he not love me, today I got a lecture from a friend that I was wasting my time because he never would, I’m just so afraid to be alone and unloved the rest of my life 50+years
I thought four years ago he was so perfect. until i found out he sells pills and just got by in life. he would Rely on an older woman who would actually take care of him he would take money from her all the time and not feel that he owed her anything then after I figured I would hide his secret from my family in hopes that he would go get a job as I was working full-time 40 hours a week there was days I wouldn’t even get up from my desk he would be out running his drugs smoking pot not doing a g*****n thing in the meantime he decided to open up the karate school so he hustled and hustled and hustled. While he was living in my home with my daughter rent free everything free for years while he was able to build a business now he still here and paying me is a problem to him although he still has his is his pills and he still has a karate place yes he works with kids and you’ll be surprised to know that he hits me all the time I have bruises he choked me he’s giving me a black eyes nearly he’s almost killed me he’s destroyed my home and I think today I can actually say I hate him
I think it’s safe to say if we are here, then they do not love us. I think we would know. Love feels good, questioning love is painful. It won’t be something to be revealed , we will know. Breaking it to ourselves is the true hard part.
Emmebee you are so right about everything you said especially the questioning love being painful! I have been questioning his love for a few months and decided to end it. I am still hurting but it’s better and will get better each day.
I have been with the devorced man for more than 8 years, and I would say he never get commited in our relationship fully. He always acuse me of being with someone else and his always insecure. We never have a healthy conversation with each other without him loosing his temper. He only comes to my house when he want to have s*x with me, sometimes I feel used and he always manipulate me to make me feel bad, sometimes disrespecting me in public. I don’t know what to do. Most of the above mentioned signs his got them.
I have read many sad comments here about women who feel unloved and not o e about a woman who feels lo ed and happy in her relationship. I must say to these women that love comes when least expected. Many times we as woman fall for a man for all tbe wrong reasons, just to have somebody love us. Love, however, is worth investing in but the catch is knowing how to go about it, and being lady like is a must. A lady will wait for the right man to come along without trying to beleive that she can make a man love her. The right man will come, but a lady must be patient, find fulfillment in her own goals and dreams, and stop worrying, or wanting what her friends have so badly that she lises touch with wbo she is and what really makes her happy. Find what makes you happy, appreciate your efforts to be self-reliant and self-confident. The man of your dreams will notice you, it isn’t too late, but you must stop being anxious for so.ebody’s love before this can happen.
Beautifully said. I so agree. The most difficult thing I had to do after a really hard break up was to self access. Loving myself helped me to believe that I deserved more. That was the only way I got out of that very toxic relationship in which I was never enough for him.
He didn’t love me and it hurt because he said he did. But I was also only in love with the thought of who I knew he could be: who I wanted him to be.
I’m coming to learn that loving myself is worth so much more than trying to prove to someone else I’m worthy of their love.
You know what I find really incredible is that it is actually necessary to even have to wonder if they love you or not. One of the signs you’ve written is that he doesn’t want you to meet his family and he actively goes out of his way to keep you from meeting his family. Surely if this is happening the guy is being deceptive and what I find incredible is that it rates a mention almost like it is commonplace.
Are guys such a**holes generally that they treat woman like that. I had it happen to me and I was stunned by it where does a guy get off stringing someone along whilst at the same time consciously deciding that he doesn’t want you to meet his family?
I’ve been in a co dependent relationship with my son father of 17yrs. I do love him, but I question his love for me. We no longer live together after a domestic dispute, but controls my every move. Yes he’s cheated on me and currently with a woman. I feel scared and painfully hurt. My son is confused. He tells me if I leave he would hurt me. We have sex on his time. I want to leave but I just don’t know how. So afraid he will do something to me. I’m scared to date anyone because I’m afraid something bad will happen. I’m just tired.
We have been together for 5 years but he has never introduced me to his family or friends. He doesn’t express his feelings no matter how much i cornered him. He doesn’t want me to post pictures of us together on social media. He always remembers my birthdays but come up with excuses, like saying his broke or things are a bit tight for him. We only have sex when it pleases him. Never fulfill my desires. He always comes to me for financial support and never pays back instead comes for more. He never spends a full day with me and always rushing. Never pampered me even with small things like airtime. Instead request it from me and never use it to call me. Always keep his phone on silent when his with me. Mind you he only spends few hours with me. Doesn’t sleep over in my house and I neither knows his house. Now he want to have a baby. How can I have a child with such a cruel person?
Some body should help me he doesn’t love me he doesn’t want future but he spoils me with gift