Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people were all straight forward and to the point during the whole dating thing? At the very least, we can appreciate people who take the lead or don’t mind being a little candid with their feelings, right? Well, on the one hand, that would make things easier on all involved, but it could a little bit of fun and mystery out of the game.
We guess that no one wants a boring pursuit, but sometimes dating can be confusing to navigate. People vary so widely in their approach to dating. Some men are shy; some are outgoing. Some are shy until they warm up to new people, just like us women.
That leaves the game we’re playing with getting to know one another and deciphering how the other feels to be quite hard. If you find yourself struggling with the idea and continually wondering about the signs he wants to ask you out, try to remember that dating should be kept light and fun.
Dating can feel like a chore if you’ve been at it for a long time without much luck. That’s because we tend to think everyone should want what we want, but part of getting to know people is to decide if you’re even compatible! It doesn’t matter if you want the same things if you don’t make a good match.
On the other hand, there are so many people at various stages of their lives that successful dating for them doesn’t include sticking with any one person long term. A lot of people tend to subtly show us where their interests lie instead of coming out and saying, “Hey, I don’t think we’re on the same page.”
It’s entirely okay for people to be just as they are. Everyone is allowed to be on whatever journey they choose to be, including you! Are you ready to become great at reading people? Shortly, we’ll go over the signs he wants to ask you out. First, we’re going to go over some of the signs that he might not be into you.
After all, if you can easily pick up the ‘not that into’ you vibes,’ you’ll be better off from the start. You won’t need to waste any more of your precious time deciphering whether or not Tim from Bumble wants to be pen pals or if he’s waiting for the right moment to set up a date.
The Science Behind Finding the One
If you’re in the dating world because you’re interested in finding “the one,” or a long-term partner, here’s a little science to make you feel better about the whole process. Remember, even though it feels like everywhere we scroll on Facebook and Instagram, we see happy couples, it doesn’t mean they didn’t go through the process to get there.
Respect the journey that you’re on and give yourself credit! Here’s what science says you’re likely to go through before you find the one!
The average woman will go through all of the below things before meeting “the one.”:
- Go through four disaster dates
- Be stood up at least once
- Kiss fifteen men
- Have two long-term relationships
- Fall in love twice
- Have her heartbroken twice
- Live with at least one ex-partner
- Have four one-night stands
Whew! That’s quite a bit to go through. The Census Bureau reports that the average age of first marriage in the United States is 27 to 30 from 2018 data. When you think about, by the time you’re 27, if you started dating at a more reserved age of 18 years old, that gives you about ten years to experience the above list.
Now that we’re living too much older ages, it seems like you could fit in several of these 10-year blocks before your time is up. So, if you’re getting stuck on the here and now, remember that it’s all in the grand scheme of things.
Slow down and enjoy the process. There’s no doubt in our minds that you’ll get to the right one at the right time.
Signs That He’s Not That into You
I know you want to dive right into the signs he wants to ask you out, but let’s give the no-good vibes a quick run-down!
- First up, listen to your gut – when a man isn’t that into you, you usually can feel it. When he’s into you, you get that over-the-moon-feeling. If he’s not, and you’re continually questioning it – time to let it go and move on.
- You make all the contact – listen up ladies, if you’re the one initiating all of the communication, he’s not that into you. Unless you’re down for a guy who’s going to let you do all the work, do yourself a favor and move it right along.
- He doesn’t ask you anything – A guy who’s interested in you will want to know all about the things you do. Be careful that he isn’t hooking you with, “How was your day?” texts. If he’s genuinely interested, he’ll remember things and ask you how your meeting went, if you had a good time at your yoga class, or want to know more about how your weekend adventure played out.
- He’s spending his time with other women – Perhaps you’ve chosen to be truthful about this with one another while you’re not yet exclusive, or you found out through the grapevine. Either way, if you know that you’re ready to settle on one dating partner and he’s not able to come to the same conclusion as you within a reasonable time frame, it’s time to move on.
- He doesn’t look at you like he should – This one might be a tall order, but there’s some truth to it. When a man is seriously into a woman, his eyes can hardly leave her. He will find it hard to look away and continuously search for you when you’re not at his side. Don’t settle for anything less!
- He’s asking you nonchalant for dating advice – This one can get a little sneaky, but we’ve seen plenty of guys do it. They ask you what if questions or about potential bad past dates you’ve had, but they seem a little too enquiring. Some of them even come right out and say it. If either is the case, cut this man loose.
- He gets too flirty with other women – Ladies, there is a difference between a kind gentleman who’s friendly to the wait staff and a guy who overtly flirts with other women in front of you. Some of you may be thinking, lighten up. It’s a joke sometimes. That’s true, but this early on in the game, he should impress you and only you.
- He doesn’t do anything nice for you – everyone shows their affection in their way. When things are new, and you’re only talking, messaging, or haven’t spent much time together, he should be displaying at least some willingness to consider you and be helpful to you.
- He isn’t interested in impressing you – Have you ever met someone either in real life or possibly online and asked them a general question about themselves, and the answer is lackluster? Yeah, us too. Let’s nix that and move on.
- He’s curved your invites – Most women tend to prefer the guy to do the inviting and date planning. Sometimes though, they’ve been rejected enough times that they’re a little slow to the punch, so that’s okay too. However, if you’ve reached out to make plans and he curved you, he may not be that interested in you.
Hopefully, by now, you’re feeling confident in your ability to recognize the signs that a guy may not be that interested in pursuing anything with you. It’s not the end of the world and best that you find out sooner rather than later, so please don’t feel wrong about any of it.
If you’re feeling good right about now, let’s jump into some flattery. Here are plenty of signs he wants to ask you out because not all guys are the same. Some may show one of these signs, while others show several.
Here Are 8 Signs He May Ask You Out
Have a little fun reminiscing on the cute signs he’s into you!
He Asked for Your Number
People still meet the old-fashioned way out in public, through mutual friends, and the likes. But it’s also increasingly common for people to meet online. This study found that according to data as recent as 2017, about 40% of couples are meeting online.
So, whether you met online or in-person already, an excellent first sign that someone means to ask you out is that they open up other forms of communication, such as asking for your phone number. Plenty of people think that a phone call is an excellent way to filter out potential bad matches before heading out for a date. So, if he asks for your number, you’re on the right track!
He Enquires About Your Schedule
Whether you met in-person out and about somewhere or you matched up on a dating app, you’ve hopefully exchanged a few messages by now. At this time, it’s common for many people to let the words flow, but others like to keep it short and to the point so as not to create false intimacy. Don’t worry too much about how the flow of messages is going.
Instead, pay attention to the content. If this guy is genuinely interested in getting to know you and asking you out, he may be asking questions about your daily routine and schedule. He may come right out and ask you about your availability. Try not to fool around too long with people who don’t take that initiative. A guy who values your time will make sure you’re available before springing plans on you!
He Makes Eye Contact with You
When you’re having a meal or a chat in the park, sitting across from one another at a work meeting, or even a Facetime convo, a guy who’s interested in you will make eye contact with you. If you want to give him a little back to show interest as well, look him in the eyes when he’s talking to you. You can catch his gaze as he walks back from the bathroom or have a little pause at the end of a hug goodbye. If you notice him making eye contact with you, he may be thinking of asking you out.
He Touches You
This one is probably not for the online daters of the bunch, but it could be. It assumes that the two of you have already spent time together or have spent time together. Either way, a good sign that he’s into you and may want to ask you out and be with you is that he touches you.
No, not in a creepy way. But studies show that a simple touch can bring on a dose of oxytocin. It’s the science behind why humans are social creatures who crave touch and physical attention, aside from just companionship and emotional care. So, if you’ve been spending some time with this guy and he lays on a gentle touch here or there, it’s his non-verbal way to clue you in that’s definitely into you.
He Makes Sure to Stay In Touch
Listen, some people are just not all about texting, while others love an endless flow of texts. Don’t read too much into how frequent someone texts you at first. The key is that someone who respects your time will keep in touch, in their way. Some people will be more direct and let you know exactly when you’ll hear from them again. Others may shoot you a text that lets you know they’ll be busy for the day, but they’ll get in touch with you soon or the next day.
One way or the other, someone who is into you will show you that they’re interested in valuing your time and keeping you in the loop. Let things happen with a guy like this and let anyone else go!
He Drops Hints About Dating You
So, if we’re talking about the guy you flirt with at the coffee shop, a colleague who works in another department that you see in the break room, he might be leaving you some hints. Maybe you made an off-handed comment about a wrong date over the weekend, and he drops a joke about dating you himself. Or, it could be that he jokingly calls you his work-wife.
In either situation, he’s dropping hints to gauge your interest. He may be waiting for you to show some interest before he asks you out! So, if you’re feeling him too, you can be playful back or crack your joke. Sometimes something as simple as a receptive smile will do the trick. However you choose to do it, he will notice your interest and hopefully ask you out soon enough.
He Lets You Know He’s Thinking of You
Depending on the kind of relationship you already have going, this could look very different based on the situation. If this guy is someone you each day while grabbing a coffee or at the office, that could look much different than someone you’ve met online and are exchanging messages with.
Try to let things happen naturally and watch for clues that this guy wants you to know he’s thinking of you. He may be sending you a good morning text or checking in with you midday. If he’s someone you see regularly, he might bring you a pastry, or offer to grab your coffee when he’s off to grab one for himself.
It’s the little things a man does that will show you his true colors and whether or not he’s interested in something more with you. You can always take the initiative to show your interest too!
He Lingers Around
Ever feel like the cute guy at work is hanging around your desk a little longer than necessary? Maybe he takes his time in the break room when you’re both in there. Or perhaps a friend of a friend hangs around a little longer at the end of a night out.
In each of these situations, the lingering that this guy is doing is usually because he wants to ask you out. Maybe he’s nervous and waiting for the right moment. Perhaps he’s hanging around a little too long to see if you show any interest back. Give him a little something to go off of if you feel up to it. You never know, it could result in him finally asking you out!
He’s Always Complementing You
If there’s one universal signal a guy can give to show he wants to be more than friends with you, it’s doling out the compliments. Some guys slap on like butter on bread, while others are a little more thoughtful or careful with their respects. Whatever is compliment style is, take it and run with it.
It’s lovely to let someone you’re interested in compliment you. If you’re one of those people who’s weird or awkward when receiving compliments, try your best not to shut him down. If you need to practice in the mirror at home, do it. Seriously, when someone compliments you, don’t’ deflect it, don’t argue it, don’t say “Thanks, but..” Just say thank you with a smile and let the moment pass.
Doing so will open you up to a whole new world if you’re not already doing this.
Should I Ask Him Out?
Many ladies want to know if it’s okay to ask a guy out yourself. The choice to make the first move is personal and totally up to you. If you feel like you’ve been dropping appropriate hints and he’s interested but shy, go ahead and make your move.
There’s nothing wrong with a woman suggesting to a man that they take the next step. You don’t have to make it a big deal. Ask him out to lunch or ask him what his weekend plans are and see if he wants to join something you’re already doing. You never know what could happen until you ask, so if you feel confident, you’re up for it, lean in and ask him out.
Things to Remember
When you’re in the middle of a situation, it may feel hard to read. Some guys can be downright confusing. Others may be friendly and lead you on with no real plans to move things along, and still, others may be completely open and honest about their intentions.
When we’re in the middle of the situation, it’s easy to get lost in the jumble of things or over-analyze certain circumstances or reactions we did or didn’t expect at the time. If you’re feeling this way, take a step back, take a deep breath and let it out. Try not to think about the situation at hand for a few moments.
When you feel a little more collected and level headed, think about some of the things you read in this guide today. Instead of analyzing each scenario that’s happened in the recent past, focus on being more mindful of how things play out in the future.
This will help you focus on the future of things, let you take notice of some of the more subtle hints, and help you make more confident decisions going forward.
Keep in mind over the long term that dating and relationships shouldn’t be a chore. If you’re feeling burned out on the idea, it’s okay to take a step back until you’re ready to get back out there again if you’re ready now and have someone in mind, good luck to you!
If you keep a calm demeanor, remember some of these tips and signs, you’ll likely do just fine. Remember to enjoy your journey along the way and know that the right person out there for you, when the time is right!
