If you’ve been happily dating someone special for several weeks or months, it might be time to take your relationship to the next level. For many couples, that means that you become exclusive and take the option of dating other people off the table.
Sometimes, that decision comes naturally in a relationship. You make it “Facebook official,” take down your online dating profiles, and live happily ever after. But for others, it can be a trickier conversation.
Especially if you’re dating someone shy, who just got out of a bad relationship, or who is a little scared to make the commitment, you might not always know when they’re ready to take the next step.
If you’re unsure, you can look for these signs he wants to be exclusive to know that he’s getting close to asking. You can use these to help him realize that you’re commitment material, and make sure he knows that you’re not just physically attracted to him, but feel an emotional connection too.
He Plans Dates and Opportunities to Hang Out
It’s one thing for your guy to tell you that he likes spending time with you, but another thing entirely if he’s proactive about planning things to do. If he plans dates ahead of time and keeps those commitments, he’s showing you that his feelings for you are more than casual.
If he’s still interested in actively dating other people, he might not want to commit every weekend to you, and he won’t plan activities in advance. Pay attention to how much time you spend together. If you notice that he’s spending all of his free time with you, then that might mean that you’re the only person he wants to spend time with, and it’s one of the definite signs he wants to be exclusive.
He Introduces You to the Important People in His Life (on Purpose)
If you’re casually dating a guy, you might end up meeting his friends, siblings, or parents in passing when you’re hanging out or going to an event together. But if he’s interested in making things more serious and exclusive, you’ll notice he starts introducing you to the people who are important to him on purpose.
If he plans a night where you hang out with his buddies and watch the game, or asks you to join his family for dinner and game night, then you know he’s starting to see you as girlfriend material. He’ll use these opportunities to see how you mesh with his close friends and family, and will likely ask for their option about you after the fact.
Use these as opportunities to let your personality shine through. He likes you for a reason, and the chances are good that his people will like you too. If he can see you spending time with them, then he can see you as part of his life for the long-term, and it will make it a no-brainer for him to take it to the next level with you.
You Have Deep Conversations
When you first start dating, the chances are that you aren’t having deep, spiritual conversations. Often, you’re just getting to know each other on a high level. It’s common to talk about likes and dislikes or to focus on the physical chemistry in your relationship rather than a deep, emotional connection.
But one of the signs he wants to be exclusive is when your discussions take a turn from superficial topics to much more profound questions. When he asks questions to get to know you on a deeper level, like those about your morals, values, life goals, hopes, and dreams, you know that he wants to connect with you more intensely.
This is his way of checking to see if you’re compatible as a couple and if it’s time to devote all of his energy to your relationship.
He Includes You in His Plans
You’ll know if your guy is starting to see you as an important part of his life when he starts checking with you before making plans for both now and in the future. If your relationship is still casual, you two will likely “go with the flow” and avoid a lot of commitments and pressure.
When you see him start to shift and ask what you’re doing on the weekends, upcoming holidays, or in the long-term, then you know he’s thinking about you and your feelings when he’s making commitments.
If he talks with you about long-term goals, like in his career or personal life, that’s his way of including you in those plans. For example, if he thinks he might be up for a promotion in a year or two, but know that a move would be needed for that job, then he might tell you about the opportunity to see if you would be willing to move to be with him.
He’ll Test the Waters
Taking the plunge and asking you if you want to be exclusive might be nerve-wracking for some guys. Before he works up the nerve to ask you to commit, he’ll likely test the waters and gauge your reactions ahead of time.
He may start to have conversations with you about his feelings, ways he cares about you as more than a friend, or how he feels connected to you on an emotional level. He might ask how you feel about being a girlfriend, if you’re interested in a long-term commitment, what you look for in a boyfriend, and if you’re getting serious with anyone else you’re dating.
He’ll want to make sure that you’re ready to up the intensity and make it all about him before he decides that he’s prepared to be your one and only.
If you like him like that, be sure to let him know. Tell him how you feel without being pushy or overbearing, and be honest about what you would expect in a committed relationship. This can help him feel at ease and know what to expect when you take the next step.
He Starts Saying “We” When He Talks About Your Relationship
Committed couples use a lot of “we” language. They tell their friends and family things like “we’ll be there for Christmas,” or “we’re going on vacation to Napa this summer.”
If you notice that he starts including you in the way he talks about his plans, and shifts from saying “I’m” to “we’re,” there’s a good chance that he’s thinking of you as a committed couple. Once he’s decided you two are a package deal in his mind, then he’ll likely make it exclusive right away.
He Calls You His Girlfriend
If you’ve been dating a while, you have likely already had that somewhat awkward moment when you introduce your guy to someone and don’t know what to call him. Friend? Boyfriend? Lover? Partner? It’s hard to decide when what you have isn’t strongly defined, and most people opt to say “friend” when they’re still in a casual phase.
If you notice that he starts introducing you as his girlfriend, that means that things are changing for him, and he’s likely ready to make things more serious. A friend is someone that might come and go, but a girlfriend means that you’re more important to him than just a passing acquaintance.
His Online Dating Profile Disappears
A sure sign that your guy has decided he’s officially off the market is when he pulls his online dating profile down. He might tell you he’s doing it ahead of time, or he might just disable the account on his own.
Regardless of how you find out it happened, once you see that he’s no longer trying to meet new women online, you know that he’s ready to get serious. Show him you feel the same by deactivating yours, too.
You Have a “Date Night”
Long-term couples typically have an official date night every week. It’s a night where they’ll plan to spend time together, do something fun, leave the kids at home, and rekindle their relationship spark.
Early on in your relationship, you might not have any established routines. But, if you find that every Friday night you’re hitting the down and then cuddling up for a movie marathon every Sunday, then you’re falling into a pattern like a committed couple.
If you’re his standing date every weekend and you start to develop rituals together that doesn’t leave room for him to date other people, then he likely only has eyes for you.
He Loves Things About You (or You)
Love is a word that men don’t throw around lightly, and chances are good he won’t say it unless he really means it. If your guy starts using the word love to describe things about you, like the way he loves your eyes, hair, smile, or cooking, then he’s feeling it big time.
If he takes the plunge and tells you that he loves you, then you know that his feelings are genuine. If he says it, chances are really good that he means it, and he’s not going to be dating anyone else while he’s head over heels for you.
His Female Friends Know About You
It might seem silly, but some men are more likely to introduce you (and show you off) to their male friends than they are to their female friends. Women can sometimes be judgemental, and he also knows that once he introduces you to them as a romantic prospect, he may lose his chances to date any of his other lady friends.
If he starts introducing you to the women in his life, then you know that spending time with you is more important to him than having a chance with them. And, it’s a way that he’s working you into his social circle so that you can have a larger presence as things continue to get serious.
He Cuddles with You
Once you get past the sometimes steamy, initial attraction new couples have, you make way for quieter, intimate moments together.
If your relationship started as purely physical, but now you notice that he’s just as happy watching a movie or tv on the couch while holding you in his arms, then that might be the sign of his emotions changing, too.
Spending time cuddling means that he’s interested in spending time with you that doesn’t have any immediate benefit for him, and it’s a good sign that he’s getting serious about your relationship.
He Posts Pictures of You on Social Media
If his Instagram feed is flooded with pictures of the two of you and every Story is something fun you did together last weekend, then he’s telling the world he’s off the market.
Sure, he might not have changed his relationship status on Facebook just yet, but anyone who knows him well will know that you’re a big part of his life, and it’s only a matter of time until it becomes official.
He Tells You When His Ex Calls
When you first meet, your guy might still have a relationship with an ex-girlfriend or two. Sometimes that’s because their relationship ended on great terms, and they are still close friends. But other times, it might be because he’s still hanging on to what they had because he doesn’t know if he’ll find something better.
If he starts telling you when his ex calls or stops taking her calls altogether, then you know things are getting serious for him. This shows that he trusts you and is trustworthy because he’s not sneaking around behind your back, and that he’s ready to move on from what they had.
When he starts seeing you as his future, he likely won’t be interested in keeping in touch with any old flames because they’re firmly in his past.
Conversely, if he lies about keeping in touch with his ex, he might be hiding something significant that could spell trouble for your future.
He Shows Affection in Public
Touching, hugging, and kissing you are things he probably has no problem doing privately, but when he’s willing to do it in public, he could be thinking of you as his girlfriend.
If he’s holding your hand or kissing you when you two are out on a date, he’s sending signals to other single women that he’s off the market. Particularly if he shows affection when you’re spending time with his co-workers, friends, or family, he’s staking his claim and showing that he’s taken.
He Spends Romantic Holidays with You
If he’s still playing the field, he’ll likely be hard to reach on romantic holidays like Valentine’s Day or New Year’s Eve. He might be out with another girl, or he might not be out with anyone because he doesn’t want to give a false impression of being more invested in the relationship than he genuinely is.
You’ll know that he’s ready to be serious if he makes plans with you for special days. If he books you a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day or wants to be with you on his birthday, then you know that you’re the only woman that he wants to woo.
He’s Not Just There for the Good Stuff
If he’s the perfect boyfriend for the fun adventures and romantic dates but disappears when times get tough, he might not be that serious about your relationship.
You’ll know that he cares about you as more than just a casual date when he turns up when you really need him. If you have a nasty cold and your guy knocks on your door with chicken soup and the really fancy box of Kleenex, then he’s thinking of ways to make your life better and wants nothing in return.
These are the signs of someone who wants to keep you around for the long-term.
You Have a Drawer at His Place
If you two spend enough time together that he carves out a space for you in his apartment or home, then he’s letting you stake your claim on his space, and his heart. It would be hard for another woman to miss your hairbrush, toothbrush, makeup, or undergarments if he brought her over, and he wouldn’t run that risk if he planned on having other dates in his house.
Return the favor by making space for him. Not only will you make his life a little easier, but you’ll let him know that you’re on the same page with wanting him, and only him, in your heart and home.
He Gives You a Key
The chances are that you won’t be moving in together before you have the official l talk about being exclusive, but he may still want you to have access to his home. If he gives you a key so that you can let yourself in when you stop by, or even so that you can help walk his dog or stop by to water his plants, it shows a level of trust that he wouldn’t give you if he weren’t serious about you.
This is another opportunity to show him you feel the same and return the favor if you’re ready.
Signs He’s Not Ready to Be Exclusive
There’s nothing worse than not knowing if your relationship has the potential to be something more. If you’re in the early phases where you’re just hanging out, seeing each other, or “talking,” you might not be at the point where you want to define things further.
But if you’ve been spending time together for a while, you might be thinking of him as potential boyfriend material. We’ve already covered the signs he wants to be exclusive, but it’s also important to know how to tell if he’s not ready, and how he’ll show you that he only wants a casual relationship.
Here are a few warning signs to watch for that will help you know that it’s too soon to give him your heart. If he’s:
- Often busy when you want to hang out
- Openly dating other women and post about them on social media
- Correcting you when you call him your boyfriend to other people
- Only ever calls you a friend when introducing you to people
- Says negative things about commitment or relationships
- Not interested in planning ahead and keeps things loose and casual
- Always avoiding deeper or emotional conversations
- Been dating you for months without any indication of becoming exclusive
- Only around for the good times or fun events
- Always talking to or about his ex
- Active on dating websites
- Secretive about how he spends his free time
- Canceling plans at the last minute
- Too busy to spend time with you on the weeks
- Not available for several days or weeks before popping back on your radar
Then he likely isn’t emotionally invested in you. If what you want is a committed, exclusive relationship, you might eventually have to decide to have a hard conversation and ask him if he has any intentions of making it official.
Even though it might be painful to learn that he doesn’t plan on making you his girlfriend now (or maybe ever), it will be better in the long run to know so that you can guard your heart. If what you want is a man who wants to be with you, and only you, then that’s what you deserve.
Don’t settle for anything less, even if it means being single for a while while you wait to find the right guy.
Final Thoughts
Every guy is different, and it’s not always easy to know if what you have is casual or moving towards something serious. If you’re wondering if he’s starting to consider you his one and only and is thinking about being exclusive with you, there are signs and signals you can look for that will let you know.
Remember, good communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and you can always take the initiative and ask him what he’s thinking first. That way, you’ll know if you’re on the same page with what you want for the future.
Maybe he’s potential marriage material, or maybe he’s just a good time for right now. No matter how it plays out, the most important thing is that you’re happy and enjoy spending time together whether you put a label on it or not.
