Cheating on a significant other is a sure-fire way to destroy a relationship. Even though a large percentage of couples have a partner who cheats, the majority will agree that cheating is wrong. There are several reasons why people do it, and there are easy-to-see signs of guilt after cheating.
After someone cheats, it can be difficult for a relationship to recover. The victim might not ever realize why their partners did it and what they could have done to prevent cheating. Many believe that once someone cheats, they will do it repeatedly. Some people are not concerned about the consequences and whether their relationships last. All they want is the here and now.
Victims need to realize that they did not cause their partners to cheat. Their partners did that on their own accord. As soon as the victims realize the signs of guilt after cheating, they find out if the signs are pointing to the truth. It takes time to recover from the pain of being cheated on, but many couples stay together without any relapses.
Reasons for Cheating
There are several reasons that partners choose to cheat. Some of the reasons are solely individual, while others are emotional or situational. No matter what the cause, the feeling of betrayal is real for the victimized partners.
These are some of the reasons that partners cheat:
- Relationship dissatisfaction
- Character traits
- Opportunity arises
- Lack of control
- Emotional needs
Relationships are not logical, and many couples have different expectations of each other. For some relationships, the definition of cheating is varied. Some think that cheating is actually having sexual relations with someone else. Others consider it to be flirting or talking to someone else.
The definition is complicated, but the result is the same: partners feel violated and betrayed.
Cheating becomes troublesome for partners because couples do not talk about it. They do not talk about their feelings regarding cheating until it happens. Instead of being proactive, couples react, but they do it all out of emotion, not logic. The relationship ends, even if the couple could fix it. It’s easy to break the rules when you do not know what the rules are.
In many situations, people who cheat feel guilty about cheating. Men and women will give up signs that they cheated rather than admit they did it. The signs of guilt after cheating might vary slightly from person to person, but they do exist. Often, it is the guilt that leads to the signs.
Unexpected Mood Swings
If you’ve been with the same partner for a long time, you have probably figured out your partner’s mood. But, if the mood swings in a direction you have never seen before, then something might be fishy. Your partner might be struggling with having two relationships and not enough time.
In some cases, the mood swings might also be accompanied by a lack of attention or a lack of communication. Your partner might be avoiding you because of the guilt. You might even notice your partner not looking you in the eye or looking more attentively than usual in the eye. It’s all an attempt to avoid looking, feeling, and being guilty in your eyes.
Those unexpected mood swings could also include complaints if your partner decides you are not as good as the new party. The complaints could be the way you look, dress, or speak. You might also hear a complaint about the way you live your life or treat your partner. The fault will be yours because it is all about deflection.
Becoming Overly Kind
One of the quickest signs of guilt after cheating is when partners become overly kind. If your partner rarely praises you or showers you with gifts, then something must be up. Becoming overly affectionate can be a sign of guilt unless it is your birthday or your anniversary. Feeling guilty for cheating can show up in several ways.
The extra affection could be your partner’s way of making up for the guilt for you and for your partner. It might feel good at first, but if it continues or increases, then you might begin to see it as signs of overcompensating for the guilty feelings your partner has. Then, the gifts and experiences become tainted.
New Sexual Experiments
If your partner has suddenly decided it’s time to start experimenting in the bedroom, then your partner might be cheating on you. The experimentation could be an attempt to give you more attention, or it might be an attempt to try things with you that are working with the other lover.
You also might notice your partner wearing new underwear as an attempt to get the attention of a new lover. Or, to please you to direct you away from the cheating trail. It is common for couples to get a bit stale in the bedroom, which is why some partners cheat. New ideas in the bedroom could be new ideas, but they could be a sign that someone is feeling guilty.
Accusations Directed at the Victim
Guilt is a disturbing emotion to live with for an extended time. So, some partners will direct their sin to the innocent party. Displacement is a common outcome of guilt. Even if you haven’t done anything, your partner, psychologically, is using you to justify the guilt.
Displacement from a cheater will look like the cheater accusing you of cheating. Even if you are always home, always available on your phone, and the true definition of loyal, your cheating partner doesn’t care. Accusing you makes your partner feel better about himself or herself.
Unfortunately, innocent victims who are accused of cheating do not have a way to remedy the situation. You can deny it until you are blue in the face, but it won’t make a difference. Your partner knows the truth but becomes so deeply ingrained in the displaced accusation that it becomes a reality for your partner.
Giving a Plethora of Gifts
While unexpected attentiveness and kindness are signs of guilt, giving unexpected and expensive gifts on their own is another sign. Men will often give their partners precious jewelry, while women will provide their partners’ tech devices or sports equipment. If your partner is generally budget-minded, these new gifts can be thoroughly unexpected.
It’s the unexpectedness that often catches innocent partners off guard. They like the gifts and the idea that their partners are thinking about them and spoiling them. Unfortunately, the gifts aren’t genuinely heartfelt. They are unspoken admissions to guilty emotions.
Be careful when excitedly accepting extravagant gifts like diamond earrings, exercise equipment, and cars, as these may be ways for your husband to relieve himself of his guilty feelings for the time being. These can be the signs of guilt by your husband if he has tried cheating on you.
Be wary of the gifts because they could be used against if you do discover their real intent. Your partner might mention the gifts as proof that they still love you and would do anything for you. Do not get attached to the material items because you might not want to keep them after you find out why you received them.
Social Media Stalking
Social media has been around for several years. Most likely, you and your partner have been using it in some form. But, if your partner all-of-the-sudden wants to have access to your social media accounts, then something is probably happening. The need to get involved in your social media account could be just a sign of being interested in your life. Or, it could be something else.
Your partner might want to prevent the other woman or man from friending you or liking your posts. It could be a way to stop problems before they start. It could also be a way of showing you that you should be watching your partner’s account. It’s displacement, in a slightly different way.
In the same way, you might catch your partner looking through your phone. This could be a sign that you should be looking through your partner’s phone. If your partner is doing it to you, your partner might be worrying that you are doing it, too.
Cheater Doesn’t Respond
If your partner has always been reachable, but suddenly disappears on the phone, then it might be a sign of cheating. Not answering the phone or turning off GPS apps means that your partner has something to hide. This is especially problematic if your partner has always been available on the phone, and your partner hasn’t changed jobs.
Another sign that something is wrong is if your partner gets angry when you complain about how he or she is unreachable. Your partner might feel that you are overbearing or suffocating. But all you want is for your partner to answer the phone or to come home at the end of the workday. That’s not unreasonable, especially if it has been happening up until now.
Threatening to End Relationship
Ending a relationship is a common thread from partners who are cheating. They might not initiate the idea, but they will use it if prompted. Threats to leave are turned on the innocent partner as a way to hide the cheating partner’s guilt. And, since they have another lover, it would be easy to find a new and comfortable place to go.
Threatening to end the relationship and turning that threat on the partner is another form of displacement. They might want to leave, but they can’t come right out and say it, so they turn the idea on the innocent partner and make it their fault.
No More Kind Words
If your partner used to say nice things to you and has suddenly stopped, then you’ve got a sign that something has happened. Since emotions are tough to manage, cheating partners often get confused about who to say “I love you” to on any given day. They might be saying to the new lover, but forget to say it to the long-term partner.
The lack of loving words could also be a sign of confusion as emotions are changing. The partner might have more feelings for the new lover and doesn’t feel comfortable saying nice things to you. For some people, words are everything and saying something they don’t feel is out of the question.
Plenty of Alone Time
If you are spending all of your time alone, then something is wrong. The cheating partner will always find reasons to get away. Those reasons could include spending time at work, with friends, or at the gym. But, in reality, the cheating partner is with the new lover. Or, the cheating partner feels so guilty they cannot face you.
Before you accuse your partner of cheating, be sure that you are not just jumping to conclusions. Your partner might be busy at work, or a friend may have just gotten season tickets to a sports team. Your partner might be suffering from depression and might need some self-care.
Trying Too Hard to Be Not Guilty
A significant issue with guilty partners is dealing with extreme feelings. They do not want to be caught, but in a way, they do want to be found. They work hard to hide the new relationship, but by doing so, they open themselves up for unplanned admissions of guilt.
Some partners are obsessed with hiding the affair, so they will keep a close eye on everything you do. They will hide their phones. They will set passwords on their personal computers. They will do everything possible to keep you from discovering what they do not want you to find. They want to know where you are going, what you are going to do, and who will be there.
Overreaction Becomes Commonplace
When your usually even-keeled partner becomes a drama queen or king, cheating might be happening. Guilt often rears its ugly head in the form of overreactions in the form of tears and emotional explosions. These overreactions are meant to distract you from reality. You will then take some of the guilt, even though you don’t realize it.
Pay attention to the changes in emotional states and logical states, too. These overreactions might be planned, even though they seem off the cuff. They have a purpose, and they usually work. If the overreactions are often happening, then you might want to question your partner’s motive.
Your Partner’s Scent Changes
This might sound like a strange thing to consider, but pay attention to the way your partner smells. Adults tend to have constant smells from using the same products for years. If the smell changes, you will notice because the sense of smell is sensitive, especially to loved ones.
Your partner might use the excuse of going to the gym, or someone at work has a new fragrance. But if the smell continues to be different, those excuses are lies. The change of smell is a sign that many people miss because they do not think about it. They often take their partner’s excuse and accept it for what it is.
You also might notice your partner getting sweaty when coming home for the day. This could be the body’s way of dealing with the stress of facing you and feeling guilty. Do not disregard this natural bodily reaction, because it has to happen for a reason.
If it isn’t related to nervousness, then your partner might need to see a health care provider to figure out why there is so much sweat.
Musical Preferences Change
Your partner has always hated country music. One day, you get in your partner’s car, and the country station is blasting through the speakers. Has your partner suddenly realized the joy of country music? Maybe. But, the other reason could be that the new love interest has been spending time in your partner’s car.
As your partner is getting to know the new lover, your partner will learn new things and develop new interests, including music. When it comes to signs of guilt after cheating, this is a tough one to spot because people today listen to music privately in their headphones and earbuds. So, if you stumble upon this realization, take note.
To rule out cheating, you could ask your partner’s friends if they have suddenly started listening to new music. If they have, you can breathe a sigh of relief. But, if they haven’t, it might be time to worry.
The Need for Space
When someone is in a healthy relationship, the partners want to be together regularly. The need for personal space might occasionally occur, but it isn’t an issue. When a partner asks for space, they want more than just a few hours to themselves. They often want their own place to live because they feel overcrowded, and they want more time with the other lover.
Feeling crowded by a partner is a sure sign that something is wrong. Of course, some people do have psychological issues that they have to deal with, but space is a sign that someone else might be in the middle of your relationship. If your partner is emotionally and physically distant, you can expect a break up to happen soon.
The Complaints Suddenly Stop
If you have been with your partner for a long time, you probably both have complaints about each other. It is perfectly normal to be frustrated by your partner’s inability to unload the dishwasher or forget to close the garage door. Your partner will have little complaints about you, too.
But, when the complaints stop, your partner’s state of mind is changing. They are no longer focusing on you and your flaws. Instead, they are focusing on themselves and their new needs.
Signs of guilt after cheating can come from a partner not even noticing the thing that used to drive them crazy. If they no longer care about you driving the car until its empty or forgetting to water the plants, then you should look at what is happening in your relationship. What else has stopped? What else is your partner doing that is new and out of character?
It might be nice not to hear your partner complain about how you always burn dinner. But, after a while, it won’t be just the complaints that have stopped. Your partner might have found someone who doesn’t burn dinner and has other traits that you do not have. So, instead of the lack of complaints being nice, they are a sign that pain is on the way.
You Don’t Go to Events Together
Your partner might have a busy life with work, and you know everyone there because you are always invited to work-related events. When those invites stop, something terrible has happened. Maybe your partner is going to lose the job, or the business is running out of money.
Another reason your invites stop is that your partner might be inviting someone else. Or, your partner isn’t bringing you because they aren’t going to the events. They are going out with their new love interest instead.
The same goes for other events you used to attend together. Concerts. Lectures. Wine tasting. Vacations. When you no longer go to events together, your partner might be going with a new person. You should become worried if you plan to go to an event, but your partner looks for every excuse not to go. This could be a sign that the new lover might actually be there!
When partners cheat, they work hard to keep their relationships separate. The new love might know about you, but clearly, you do not know about the new love. If you have to ask to be invited to events, then your partner is probably cheating on you and possibly with someone that you know.