When you first start dating someone, it’s fun and easy. You’re both agreeable, and you want to do whatever the other person wants to do, to spend time together. After a while, though, as you become more comfortable with each other, you voice your opinions more, your likes and dislikes, and your real personalities come out.
People settle into routines, and before you’ve even realized it, you’ve morphed two separate lives into one. Whether you’ve been dating for six weeks, six months, or six years, you may begin to ask yourself if you could see yourself with this woman long term.
The closeness and connectedness that comes so quickly in the beginning, during the honeymoon period, will likely wear off after some time, but for some couples, the honeymoon phase never ends. For others, it’s not necessarily a bad sign, just that your relationship dynamic is unique to you as a couple.
If you’ve reached a place where the thought of marriage or the long haul are crossing your mind frequently, there’s plenty of signs you should consider. If you’ve been thinking about whether the woman you’re with is the one, chances are, things are going reasonably well.
When things are going great, it can sometimes be hard to admit that there are signs she’s not the one. It’s helpful when you have a fresh set of eyes to help you out.
So, before you believe that your partner couldn’t possibly be showing any signs that she’s not the one, take the time to read through our helpful list and be honest with yourself. Marriage is a decision that shouldn’t be made lightly. According to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of American marriages end in divorce.
Those aren’t fun numbers to think about, so before we jump into our list of signs she’s not the one, we’re going to give you a quick guide on what the wrong reasons to marry are. If you make it to the end of this information without being in it for the wrong reasons and you didn’t cringe at some of the signs, she’s not the one then you should be golden.
The Worst Reasons To Get Married
While there are endless reasons why you may want to marry your partner, hopefully, all rooted in love and compatibility, there are quite a few wrong reasons to get married too. While you’re thinking about the topic of marriage, let’s go over a few quick ideas that are not as great as you may think.
Getting Married Because “It’s Time”
Plenty of couples feel the pressure of taking the next step, just because they think it’s time to. The pressure could be coming from within or from family and friends. Many couples report feeling that, if they’re not going to get married at this point in their relationship, then the other option is to split up.
Because they do love their partner, they decide to go forward with the next step, even though they’re not truly ready for marriage or the idea doesn’t thrill them. Sure, when you put those limitations and parameters on the relationship, it’s easy to make the wrong choice.
The lesson here is that you shouldn’t get married just because there’s pressure to take the next step, let your relationship flow naturally when the time is right, you can decide together.
There’s an Ultimatum Involved
This one is somewhat similar to what we talk about, but with a little spin. If someone is giving you an ultimatum, that it’s marriage or break up and you’re being forced to choose, it’s 100 percent a bad idea. Whatever you do, don’t run out to buy rings and start planning a wedding. Do yourself a favor and take some time to think this one through.
Getting Married for Kids
Another common reason people get married is for the kids. There could be a pregnancy, or one or both partners have kids from a previous relationship that they want to give a “traditional” family life to. There’s also the chance that one or both people are so bent on having children soon, they don’t take the time to consider their partner wisely.
Although children from the past, present, and future call for consideration in the thought process and decision making of a marriage, they should not be the reason for it being rushed to happen.
Doing It for The Sex
Be it religion or good, old fashioned personal preference, do not get married because you don’t want to continue waiting to have sex with your partner. There are a lot of people whose religion prevents them from having sex before marriage. Although it’s less common these days, some people prefer to wait for personal reasons.
If you and your partner have decided on an arrangement like this for your relationship, do not get married. Thinking about finally getting your loved one between the sheets is not a good reason to jump the gun. Take the time to get to know your partner and find out if you’re compatible with a life-long commitment first.
Money Matters
There are people on both sides of the money matters argument, and the discussion could go on endlessly. But we’re just going to keep this one short and to the point. Do not get married if you’re only in it for the money. It’s a bad idea that probably won’t last long.
And both men and women should seriously consider any partner who stands to make substantial financial gains from a marriage, and you don’t want to be on the short end of that divorce, folks.
There are probably plenty more reasons that aren’t great when it comes to the reasoning for leaning towards marriage, but let’s move on. Next, we’ll get into all the signs that might be right in front of your eyes plus a few not so easily distinguished signs that your current woman is not the one.
Signs She’s Not the One
Now that you’ve thought about the reasons behind thinking about your partner in the marriage light, let’s jump right into the signs she might be showing you, pointing out that she may not be your forever partner.
She Doesn’t Have Your Back
It could be that your partner is busy with their own life, and perhaps she doesn’t care, or maybe it was just never the standard that she is there for you. If your woman isn’t the go-to person that you can count on, no matter what, she’s probably not the one.
There’s a reason that people say things like “It’s you and me now,” or “It’s us against the world,” when they get married. Because marriage is a partnership, you’re supposed to be committed to the team.
If your girl isn’t there for you and refuses to make any reasonable efforts to change, it’s time to move on.
Compromise Is One-Sided or Non-Existent
One of the most significant factors in a successful marriage is a compromise. Remember that sacrifice and compromise are two completely separate things, so don’t mix them up. Compromise is when two people come together and do things in a way that is beneficial for both people. When one person is consistently making all of the sacrifices, that’s not OK.
If you find yourself in this position, it may be time for a serious talk with your lady about where you both see this going.
You Can’t Spend Uninterrupted Time Together Without Feeling Suffocated
Relationships should allow for times when you sit and talk for hours, about anything, or nothing at all. Maybe it’s in the car on a road trip, lying in bed late at night, or on the weekend out together. You have deep conversations or silly ones that take many twists and turns.
Either way, if you haven’t done this in a long time or ever, you may want to rethink the relationship and consider whether or not you’re connected. You should be able to spend plenty of time with your partner, where you’re both not on your phone or other devices the entire time.
There’s Nothing Beyond the Fun
Relationships can be a ton of fun, especially in the beginning. That’s a great thing, don’t get us wrong. You want to spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you laugh and who you know you can have a good time with.
But if your relationship solely centers around nights out or day drinking at the river with no other sustenance, that’s not a good sign. Marriage should be reserved for a dynamic partnership. In life, you’ll go through a lot of changes, transitions, new chapters, and not everything is about a good time.
Make sure your partner is in it all the way, not just for the fun stuff.
Thinking of Her Doesn’t Make You Feel Good
Will there be times in every relationship where the thought of your partner makes you feel stressed instead of happy. That’s part of life. Our partners can let us down, upset us or our relationship hits a rough patch, we get it.
But you shouldn’t consistently spend months or years feeling unhappy, stressed out, or like something is amiss. If that’s how you feel when you think of the woman you’re in a relationship with, that’s not a good sign. Perhaps you need to work through some things and come out on the other side, but it’s also possible that she’s not the one.
You Find Yourself Feeling Distant or Closed Off
There comes the point in many relationships where people realize they’ve just become two separate, unrecognizable people. No longer are you two intertwined, connected people. Suddenly, you know that you haven’t been opening up to your partner, or she’s not been opening up to you. It can cause a rift that’s irrevocable if it goes on too long.
Beyond considering that yourself or partner doesn’t open up any longer, think about how it got to this point. Do you want to fix the issue? Did you fall off track and keep rolling, or do you feel that your partner is not someone you can open up to anymore?
You Don’t Love One Another Just the Way You Are
Whether it’s you that wants to change her or that she continually seeks change from you, it’s not a good sign. Many people go into relationships knowing that they dislike certain things about a person, hoping that over time they will change.
If that sounds like your relationship, chances are it’s not meant to be. If you can’t fully love and accept someone precisely as they come, there’s a high likelihood of it causing much more significant problems for you in the future.
She Needs You to Be Whole
In the beginning, it can feel wonderful to be loved and even needed by your partner. There is a big difference, though, is someone who “needs” you to reach the top shelf and check the oil in her car and someone who needs you to be whole.
The common saying that a person’s spouse is their other half can be confusing and damaging because it’s not healthy. Two whole people should come together, not two halves of people that need someone else to make them feel whole again.
Although you can and want to be there for your spouse everywhere possible, they should be able to stand on their own two feet. A co-dependent spouse can be become suffocating in time.
She’s Unstable
This one is a little bit of a spin-off of what we just talked about it. With mental health awareness becoming ever popular, it’s easy to get sucked into someone’s twisted life in the wrong way. You may think that you’re doing the right thing and being someone rock when, in fact, you’re enabling them.
There will always be people who struggle with being unstable. The difference is some people do their best to get help, go to therapy, and grow into someone who can function in the world. On the other hand, some people thrive on drama, refuse to make behavioral changes, or accept help.
If your lady is the latter, it’s time to move along.
You’re Stifling Who You Are for Her
Relationships should be open and dynamic, not stifling and hidden. You should feel safe to be all of who you are within your relationship. Most people will admit to hiding little things from someone they’re trying to impress, especially in the beginning.
We all hear the stories about guys rushing around to clean their apartment before their girlfriend come over. Some ladies like to wake up before their boyfriends to get their make up on point they’re comfortable with him seeing her bare-faced.
Those things are probably okay and in time will more than likely subside. The red flags come in when you have to watch the things you say, act like someone you’re not, hold back your sense of humor, or not act as your complete self because it bothers her. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life being someone that you’re not.
The Two of You Never Argue or Argue Too Much
Everyone knows that a couple is continually at odds may be headed for a breakup. If there is constant bickering and you can’t find a place to come together, the signs are there. But, what about couples who never argue?
It depends on the way you look at it, and of course, the individual situation. Perhaps, there is never anything to argue about, because you get along well and you have an honest, open relationship. That’s a great sign!
On the other hand, if one or either of you avoid arguing, she’s not the one. Not that you want to argue with your partner, but you should be comfortable coming to your partner about disagreements.
If bringing up a disagreement is only going to end poorly and either of you is just biting your tongue about things to avoid it, it’s not looking good. Over time, this could make one or both of you harbor resentment, make you feel like you can’t feel safe or trust your partner with things.
You don’t want to be saddled with a relationship this heavy forever.
The Relationship Can No Longer Weather Storms
Every relationship has its ups and downs as you navigate through life connected to another person. Facing adversity or rough patches and making it through them can even bring some people closer together, help them understand one another better, and also grow together.
Other times or over time, though, you may notice that suddenly, your relationship is not able to bounce back as quickly or at all from the rough times. There could be a rift between the two of you, you may not be seeing eye to eye on the issue, or you could be on very different pages now.
In any case, if you find that your relationship is just not able to weather storms as well as it used to, you’ll have to consider if you’ll be able to stick it out over the long or it’s time to go separate ways.
You Can Feel It
Perhaps the biggest red flag of all is the simplest one to spot, yet the hardest one to accept. It could be a gut feeling, but at some point, you came to realize in your heart of hearts that this is just not the right person for you.
It’s not unusual to be unable to pinpoint the reason why – something feels off. Maybe there are a ton of little things that have been bothering you, and without resolution to any of them or noticeable change, it’s just given you the feeling that it’s not best to move forward.
It’s hard to accept this because it doesn’t mean that you don’t love this person or love her any less, which makes things confusing. Just remember, it’s possible to love someone and know that they aren’t your forever person. So, give it some thought, talk it over with someone you trust, and try to come to acceptance.
More Signs She’s Not the One
We tried to expand on some of the reasoning behind the signs that your current match may not be a good fit long term, but here are ten more quick signs.
- You’re often not on the same page about the current state of your relationship
- Your visions of the future don’t align
- You’ve got a wandering eye or mind, or she does
- She cringes when you drop hints about settling down
- She’s letting you do all the leg work to maintain the relationship
- You can’t see her as the mother of your children in the future
- You find some of her traits or habits unbearable when you think about a lifetime together
- She’s broken your trust at some point, and you’ve not been able to come back from it
- She is highly critical of you, and it outweighs the support she shows for you
- Your family and friends are all in agreement about their distaste for her
To Sum It Up
This is a lot of information to digest; several things may have stuck out to you. You don’t have to make any hasty decisions, but you owe it to yourself to think such a life-changing decision such as marriage through – several times before deciding.
Remember, while some of these unfavorable signs are apparent deal breakers, others are merely things that may need to be thought out or worked on. Marriage isn’t always easy or perfect; it’s something that has to be worked on sometimes through some rough patches. Other times will be more comfortable, but still, there is a commitment that holds it all together.
If you feel your current relationship has a bad sign or two, think about your commitment to this person and theirs to you, only you two can decide if your little ship is ready to sail towards marriage.
