Relationships are never constant, and regardless of how long you’ve been married, it’s very likely that yours has changed over time. Whether your bond is stronger than ever, or you’re in the middle of a difficult time, it’s easy to look for signs that your husband still loves you.
Even as your relationship ebbs and flows, there are lots of little things that your spouse can do and say to give you confidence that your marriage will last. A lasting love doesn’t mean that you need intense passion at all times. In fact, it’s very likely that feeling you have early on won’t last, and that’s normal.
That doesn’t mean you’ve fallen out of love, but rather that your relationship has evolved into a different kind of love. When the exhilaration of something new fades, your body will produce less dopamine, which is a chemical in your brain that makes you feel blissful. At that point, your feelings can morph from passionate to more relaxed, but no less real.
Here are 20 signs that your husband still loves you to look for, and why they matter in your marriage.
He Makes Eye Contact
Eye contact is a powerful way to know that your husband values your company and is paying attention. When he makes eye contact, you know that he’s involved in the conversation and wants to see your expressions and how you react to his feedback.
Psychologist Zick Rubin recently wrote an article for Scientific American discussing a study that found that two people who are in love with one another make eye contact 75 percent of the time. For comparison, two friends or acquaintances only look at each other between 30 and 60 percent of the time.
This means that the more eye contact you receive from your husband, the more likely it is that he’s still in love with you.
He Lets You Pick the Restaurant
It’s common for couples to joke that the woman never knows where she wants to eat, but if he always lets you pick the place, that’s a sure sign that he’s in love.
Although it might seem frustrating when you have to make the decision week after week, there’s actually a scientific reason why. When men are in love, their levels of serotonin are lower, which means they’re more easygoing but might also appear less enthusiastic about doing things.
Don’t take your husband’s lack of a strong opinion as a bad sign. It’s just the opposite. If they always defer to you on where to go and what to do, that means he truly wants whatever will make you the happiest and is very likely to go with the flow.
Test it out by suggesting an easygoing night on the couch watching movies and eating pizza, and then shaking it up by asking to visit a food truck festival or go mini-golfing. You might be pleasantly surprised to find that he’s up for whatever adventure you want to go on together.
He Likes to Snuggle, But Only in Private
Some women worry that men are only still in love with them when they’re willing to show public affection. Fortunately, that’s not true.
Often, when couples first start dating, they’re very overt with their affection. Holding hands, hugging and kissing, or even having wandering hands in public is common, but that behavior can fade over time.
That’s not a reason to worry. When the excitement and stimulation of new relationships begin to fade, so do the uncontrollable urge to touch you at all times. What becomes more important are the quiet moments in between, when you’re driving in the car, sitting on the couch, or crawling into bed at night.
If he still wants to be close to you during the times when no one is watching, that’s when you know you have a strong, quiet love that’s just as powerful as how it started.
He’ll Do Things He Doesn’t Want to Do Because You Ask
Even the best couples don’t always want to do everything their spouse asks. Have you ever been invited to a party with your husband’s co-workers that sounded boring, but you went anyway because you love him? That behavior goes both ways.
If your husband is willing to do things that don’t excite him because of you, it’s likely that he still loves you deeply, particularly if he does them without complaint.
By him accepting an invite to one of your friend’s holiday parties likely has nothing to do with your husband feeling festive and everything to do with him loving you enough to want to make you happy.
This is one of those cases where the old saying “actions speak louder than words” is true. Watch what he does for clues that he still cares.
He Doesn’t Want to Keep Arguing
It doesn’t matter how incredible your marriage is; you’re likely to argue many times during your relationship. Arguments don’t mean that you’re failing, rather they are just one of many ways couples communicate.
One thing to pay attention to when you argue is who ends the fight, and how they do it. If your husband is willing to end the argument and let you win so that it will be over quicker, this can be a sign that he loves you deeply.
It’s not always easy for him to put aside his hurt feelings or need to be right to see your side of things, but if he takes that step, that’s a good sign. He’s willing to move past his anger so that he doesn’t have to see you hurt.
To continue to keep your marriage strong, try to return the favor when it’s appropriate. The next time you fight, take a step back from the situation and analyze whether it would be more beneficial for you to be right, or to resolve the issue. Hurt feelings go both ways, and you both have a chance to make your point and then move on without making things worse when you argue.
He’s Married to You, Not His Phone
Technology has the ability to ruin marriages, and can all think of examples where that has happened. If your husband is willing to put down his phone and spend time with you without any distractions, that’s a strong sign that he still wants to connect deeply and nurture your relationship.
If he’s still in love, he will close his laptop, turn off the tv, put down his phone and give you his undivided attention. Even if it’s only for a few minutes every day, this consistent effort means that his love is more important than his career and other distractions.
Know that it may not mean that he’s available to you at all times of the day – you are both independent people who need your freedom and have responsibilities outside of your marriage. But when it’s time to spend quality time together, he’ll be there to enjoy it with you.
He Does the Chores You Hate
Couples in the best marriages find balance with all of the household responsibilities. Often, that means you get stuck doing a few things you don’t enjoy because they simply need to be done, and someone has to do them.
If your husband knows that there’s a household chore that’s particularly irritating, like doing the dishes or cleaning the toilet, and offers to take it off your plate, then he’s showing you he cares.
He may not do it every time, but even him occasionally surprising you by emptying the dishwasher when you’re not home is his way of trying to make your life easier and less frustrating.
This is another area where you can show him your love by returning the favor. You never know, you might take an unpleasant chore off his list for the week and find that he does the same for you next week just to show his appreciation. To make it a little less annoying, think of that chore of less of a responsibility and more of a way to say thank you to the man you love.
Divorce Isn’t on The Table
As we discussed above, every couple fights. It’s normal and natural, and as long as there isn’t any physical violence or emotional abuse, a good argument can actually strengthen how you communicate in your marriage.
One way to know that your relationship is still going strong is to pay attention to the things your husband says when you’re in the middle of a fight. He may yell or scream and might even say things he doesn’t mean in the heat of the moment, but if he still loves you, he likely won’t threaten divorce.
A happy husband who appreciates his marriage won’t threaten the future of your relationship. Rather, he will attack the issue or problem with the hope that you can come out on the other side of the disagreement stronger for having moved past it.
If he starts to use divorce as a threat, that might be a sign that it’s time to seek counseling or another solution before it becomes an option that you both begin to consider.
He Tries to Surprise You
In this age of technology, where you can find his phone, check his Google calendar, or send him a text message and get an instant response any time of the day or night, it’s hard to surprise someone.
But if your spouse makes an effort to find ways to gift you with small surprises throughout the year, then it’s one of the signs your husband still loves you. These unexpected things won’t necessarily be gifts, but your favorite candy, wine, or flowers might be something he brings you to show he cares.
Keep an eye out for other small things he does unexpectedly to make you smile. Surprising you by filling the tank of gas in your car, or having it washed is a very masculine way of showing he cares.
If he suggests a restaurant or date night outing, he may mention something you’ve been asking to do as a way to give you an experience you desire as a surprise.
These acts of kindness, both big and small, are how you’ll know he still cares.
He Wants to Know Everything About You
Whether you’ve been married for a month, a year, a decade, or the better part of a century, you’ve likely changed as a person during the time you’ve known each other.
It’s impossible that you could discover everything there is to learn about one another, and if your husband is always trying to learn more about you, then you know he’s still in love.
Pay attention to the types of questions he asks when you have moments together. If he’s trying to dive deeper than the basics of what’s for dinner or who is driving the kids to the soccer game, then he still really cares about who you are as a person.
You can return the favor by asking him personal questions in return. Talk about everything from your childhood to recent changes and how they make you feel to keep your marriage strong. This way, your spouse won’t become someone you already know everything about and rather someone you rediscover every day.
He Touches Base During the Day
We live in a society where being busy is synonymous with being successful. If your husband takes the time to touch base during the day, even if it’s just a quick text with a funny GIF or a heart emoji, it’s a sign that he still cares.
Experts who specialize in marriage research believe that it can take as little as two minutes of conversation, either over the phone or via text, during the day to show someone you love that you care.
He Shows Affection In Public
Not every couple will be comfortable with public displays of affection, but if your husband is willing to do small things, like hold your hand or touch the small of your back in public, that’s a sign he’s still in love.
If he does more, like give you a sweet kiss on the hand or forehead, then he’s trying to show you that spark is still there. If you’re comfortable with it, return the favor from time to time to see his eyes light up, and possibly spark some flirty conversation during date night.
He Gives You “the Look”
One of the best parts of marriage is learning all of your husband’s expressions. You know when he’s happy, stressed, frustrated, or feeling embarrassed, and you also know when he’s showing a flirty smile that’s meant only for you.
One of the easiest ways to know that your marriage still has a spark is to notice when he gives you that look, whether it’s a coy smile, a flirty wink, or a gleam in his eye, and return the favor. That way, you’ll give each other those same tingles you had when you first started dating, and keep that love connection alive for years to come.
He’s on Your Wavelength
As your marriage ebbs and flows, there will be times when you two are completely in tune and times when you might feel like you’re speaking different languages. In those moments, when you feel like you can almost read one another’s minds, you’ll find a new confidence that your husband is still madly in love with you.
If he’s consistently listening to what you have to say, remembering it later, and acting on those thoughts and requests, you’ll feel like you’re on the same wavelength and truly connected as a couple.
He’s What You Need Him to Be
One of the beautiful things about marriage is that no two are the same. Every couple needs something a little different from their spouse, and a sign that yours still loves you is that he does everything he can to meet your needs.
If your husband is constantly looking for ways he can make your life better, then he’s showing you that he cares. He might do it through big things, like providing financial stability. Or you may see it through small ones like covering you with a blanket or bringing you a drink from the refrigerator when he’s in the kitchen. They all matter and can add up to a strong relationship filled with love.
You’re Part of His Life Plan
We all have hopes and dreams, bucket lists, and goals for the future. Talk to your husband about his and notice when you’re part of his plans.
If the things that matter to you matter to him, and his goals line up with yours, then that means he sees you as part of his future for years or decades to come.
He Likes to Show You Off
Many couples have different relationships in private than they have in public. How your husband acts when you’re out for a night on the town, at a business dinner or a holiday party can tell you a lot about how he feels.
If he instinctively wants to touch you, protect you, and keep you calm and comfortable, then he’s committed to your relationship and proud to be seen with you. These subconscious gestures are an easy way to confirm he still cares.
He Admits Things to You
Although it’s a stereotypical thing to say, it’s still true – men don’t always like to talk about their feelings. If your husband trusts you enough to discuss how he feels and things that he’s insecure about, then he’s showing you that your opinion matters.
This is a powerful indicator that not only does he need you in his life, but he also values your feedback and support.
He Makes You a Priority
Life can get in the way of even the most well-intentioned couples. Date night might get canceled, and your time together might need to take a back seat to careers, your children, and other responsibilities.
When things get chaotic, pay attention to how your husband finds ways to make you and your relationship a priority. If he looks for opportunities to steal time for just the two of you, surprises you for a lunch date, or wants to stay up late snuggling, these are examples of him putting you first.
He Doesn’t Hide Things From You
The best relationships are built on a foundation of trust, and you’ll know that your husband is still in love when he’s open and honest with you.
If he’s willing to share his passwords to his phone and email, let you answer phone calls or texts for him, or use his electronic device to browse the internet, then he’s not hiding anything.
While it’s important to be respectful and give your spouse privacy when they request it in your marriage, you also need to feel secure and shouldn’t feel bad about asking for access.
Pay attention to how he reacts the next time you reach for his phone to check the time or weather. If he doesn’t even flinch, then you’ll know that he is confident in your relationship.
Final Thoughts
Marriage isn’t always easy, but it is one of the most worthwhile things you’ll ever do. Loving someone unconditionally, and standing by their side through all of life’s ups and downs is rewarding, and can give you purpose and meaning you won’t find anywhere else.
Remember, it’s normal for your relationship to have highs and lows throughout the years. If you find yourself in a place where your husband is quietly, or even silently loving you, that doesn’t mean that the passion is gone.
Look for these little signs that your husband still loves you, and vice versa. Even a small gesture, a simple surprise, or a little act of intimacy can make all the difference if you doubt your relationship.
Keep the lines of communication open and talk about how you feel to keep it strong, and simply love to the best of your availability.
