I have an ongoing poll on this blog asking what your biggest complaint about being single is. You can cast your own vote in the poll below, but as you can see, the biggest complaint is feeling lonely.
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Does it help to know that other guys are feeling just as lonely as you are? Probably not. It may help you to know that you are not the only one who is single and upset about it, but that realization doesn’t diminish they loneliness you feel.
Are you really feeling lonely? Take a quiz and find out here.
When You Are Feeling Lonely Avoid Doing The Following Things
It is important to note that one reason we feel lonely when we are single is that something inside of us is motivating us to find a relationship.
Genetically speaking, we need to form relationships for survival, because we don’t (or at least we didn’t) survive well on our own, and we still feel that need to belong and have support. So loneliness is not an indicator that you are a loser, it is simply a signal that you need strong and healthy relationships in your life.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
According to John Cacioppo, a neuroscientist and psychologist at the University of Chicago, feeling lonely can cause you to believe that your social skills are poor. Moreover, you can start to become anxious and shy in social settings. In short, whether or not people are really rejecting you or not, your loneliness can cause you to believe that they are.
In other words, it may be the belief that you have poor social skills that is holding you back from confidently going out there and finding a woman.
When you don’t have a lot of faith in yourself, you can put an exponential amount of pressure on yourself, and then start to beat yourself up to the point of feeling like a failure when it comes to dating, getting a girlfriend, or whatever.
And, when you feel like a failure, you act like a failure, and that can scare or push away any potential romantic relationships. When you scare or push away women, you validate that your social skills are poor and your anxiety and shyness can increase, making this a never-ending circle of loneliness.
The important thing to remember is this:
Having one person in your life can be a powerful influence and help you fill that loneliness void, but you really don’t need a certain amount of friends or a girlfriend to fill that void; instead, you just need a strong relationship (mother, father, brother, friend, etc.) that makes you feel valued. It really is about quality.
So, remove the pressure to find a girlfriend no matter what. It is not really necessary for happiness and connection in life. Yes, it would be nice, but your life can be happy and fulfilled without a girlfriend.
And stop beating yourself up that you haven’t found a girlfriend or things have not worked out with women. When you stop beating yourself up, you can at least start to talk to yourself in a more positive way and build up yourself esteem rather than knocking it down. When that happens, you will have an easier time going out and putting your social skills to work for you.
Don’t Say “I Feel Lonely!” All The Time
The more you tell yourself you are feeling lonely, the more you will feel lonely.
This is true for anything. The more you tell yourself you are a loser, the more you will feel like a loser. Alternatively, the more you tell yourself that you are feeling alright, the more you will feel alright. Why? Because the way you talk to yourself affects the way you think about yourself and how you view yourself.
I’m talking a course called Unlimited Abundance right now, and it is all about clearing away the old beliefs and stories that you tell yourself.
If you tell yourself that you are lonely and that you are alone because you are not good enough, not smart enough, or whatever – then those stories that you are telling yourself and keeping you in a place of loneliness. They are holding you back from going after the life you want because you ultimately feel that they are true in your core. Those stories that you have bought into are keeping you from getting the life or woman that you want.
Want to start talking to yourself more positively? Check out this article on moving towards positive self-talk.
Don’t Isolate Yourself
When you are feeling lonely, it can be easy to lock yourself away from the world. You may tell yourself that you are incapable of making friends or finding a woman so ‘why bother’ going out and trying to meet someone.
Isolating yourself is one of the worst things you can do because your comfort zone can shrink to your home or bedroom or wherever you hang out, and moving out of your comfort zone can get more and more difficult with each day that passes.
It can be hard to get out and meet people. In fact, going out to meet people is outside of most people’s current comfort zone, even when the need to be around others is strong. The only way to do it, is to do it. Remove the beliefs that you are not good enough, not likable enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, or whatever, and get out and meet other people. If you can’t remove the beliefs, push past them. You owe it to yourself to do so.
Go to workshops, conferences, or meetups that interest you. Put yourself out there for others to meet. You will be amazed at what can happen when you just try.
Don’t go out with the intention to meet a woman. Go out with the intention to make friends and develop relationships that fill that need to have a strong relationship that makes you feel valued.
Note: If you are feeling lonely and depressed, even if you have strong relationships, seek help. There are things you can do to help yourself get out of a negative state, whether it be talk to a professional, change lifestyle habits, or even take medication. Your loneliness may be related to much more than just your lack of a girlfriend in your life, and you owe it to yourself to do what you can to feel better.
