The divorce rate is on the rise, and there are many reasons why. Although no one thing can guarantee you’ll have a long-lasting, successful relationship, some common behaviors can help you recognize when it’s starting to fail.
There are lots of different factors that can bring a relationship to an end, and often both husbands and wives are responsible. The good news is, many of these behaviors are not only avoidable but are also things you can fix overtime to keep your marriage secure for years to come.
Here, we’ll discuss the 18 things husbands do to destroy marriage so that you know what to watch for, and behaviors that could be a red flag that a relationship might fail.
He’s Not Reliable
One of the most critical factors in any relationship is that you can rely on one another in good times and bad. If your husband is not available when you need him, doesn’t keep his promises, and doesn’t follow through on responsibilities, that can eventually cause resentment. Over time, those feelings could end your marriage.
He Isn’t Interested in Intimacy
It’s entirely reasonable for levels of passion and intimacy to ebb and flows over time in a marriage, but if that connection disappears completely, it could spell trouble.
If you’re going through a dry spell, take a step back and analyze what’s happening in your life. Are things chaotic and overwhelming right now? Is this happening only because you don’t have the time and energy to connect, or is your husband actively trying not to be physical with you?
Even small gestures like holding your hand, kissing your forehead, or gently caressing your shoulder or back can keep your connection strong. If your spouse avoids touching you or having tender moments alone, then you may grow apart over time.
You Lose Your Emotional Connection
Physical intimacy is essential in a healthy marriage, but just having a steamy relationship in the bedroom isn’t enough for success in the long-haul. You also need to connect on an emotional level to be happy together throughout the years.
Men often struggle with talking about their emotions, but staying open and honest about how they feel, struggles they face, and ways you can help them overcome challenges is critical. If your husband starts to close himself off and is no longer willing to be emotionally intimate, you run the risk of him finding someone else to share these feelings with.
Not only could that lead to turmoil and resentment, but it may also result in infidelity, which is a nearly impossible challenge for most couples to overcome.
He Doesn’t Meet Your Needs
We’re all looking for something different in a partner, and you’ll typically only marry someone who can meet all of your relationship needs. Although you may start strong, people change over time, and sometimes what you require from your partner to stay fulfilled can change.
You must communicate those needs, and your husband must be willing to grow and change with you. If you come to a point where he’s no longer willing or able to meet your needs, then that can lead to an unhappy marriage.
He Doesn’t Appreciate You
A strong marriage is made up of hundreds of gestures, large and small, that come together as showing the person you love that you care.
One of the largest factors that can cause a marriage to fail is when your spouse stops doing and saying things that show that you’re appreciated. The easiest way for husbands to do it is to simply say thank you, especially when you go out of your way to do something nice.
If you begin to feel that your husband doesn’t value the ways you contribute to your marriage, find a way to tell him that’s kind and loving and opens the door for communication. He may not realize what he’s doing and might work hard to fix it right away.
He Tries to Change You
We all have dealbreakers in our relationships, and the most successful couples discuss those before they get married. It’s critical to know if there are things that your husband simply won’t accept, and it’s also important that he know those same things about you before you get married.
That way, you can head off any potential issues before they begin. For example, if you want children and he doesn’t, then you must discuss that and come to a compromise that makes you both happy.
Alternately, if you or he are not willing to love someone who smokes or drinks alcohol, then you’ll want to make sure to tell each other so that you don’t pick up that habit along the way.
It’s always important to talk about things that pop up that might be straining your bond once you’re married, but if he is continually trying to change things about you, that can cause an unnecessary strain.
Especially if he wants you to make adjustments to things that are inherent to your personality or habits that you had when you met him, this can be a sign that he’s unhappy in the marriage.
Suddenly deciding that he dislikes one of your traits is one of the things husbands do to destroy a marriage that is difficult to fix.
He Makes You Feel Insecure
Even the most confident person has areas where they feel insecure. In a healthy marriage, your partner will build you up, help you to overcome those feelings and be the best version of yourself that you can be.
If your husband uses your insecurities against you, that can drive a wedge into your relationship. You may start to feel resentful and less comfortable sharing your feelings and secrets with your spouse, which can significantly impact your emotional intimacy.
He Blames You
We’re all accountable for our own actions, and one of the fastest and easiest ways to end a marriage is by playing the blame game. If he’s unwilling to own up to his choices and projects his failures onto you, then you’re in dangerous territory.
Over time, this can cause you to lose self-confidence, wonder if you are truly at fault for the issue, and potentially question your sanity.
It’s important to communicate with your husband if you feel you’re unfairly blamed and to do the same when you feel something is his fault. By discussing how you feel openly and honestly without pointing fingers, you can save your marriage and avoid hurt feelings.
He’s a Financial Burden
It’s very common to have a financial imbalance in marriage. One person often earns more than the other, and one partner is frequently in charge of household expenses and spends more money as a result.
While these financial commitments may feel like burdens and cause disagreements from time to time, they are a normal part of adult life.
However, if one partner is solely responsible for earning money while another spends irresponsibly, it can cause feelings of anger and frustration that could eventually destroy a relationship.
If your husband starts spending erratically, running up credit card debt, or making large purchases without first talking about them as a couple, then you’ll want to make some changes.
Couples who end up drowning in debt without a plan to recover often find that their marriage isn’t able to recover either.
He Doesn’t Communicate Well
There are few things more troubling than a marriage with poor communication. Sometimes, one of the things husbands do to destroy marriage is not talking to you about how they feel.
When men have trouble expressing their feelings, they resort to criticism rather than talking through the root of the issue at hand. This can cause you to feel defensive and to argue, which isn’t an effective way to get anything accomplished.
To help avoid falling into this routine, spend time regularly talking to your spouse about your thoughts, ways their actions made you feel, and your opinions on a variety of topics. When they share, listen attentively and ask open-ended questions to let them know that you’re interested in what they have to say.
If you can build the bridges of communication early, it will make you more effective as a couple and will help prevent misunderstandings that could eventually lead to divorce.
Everything is Black or White
Long-term relationships are all about compromise. Finding common ground or the grey area between what you both want is an essential skill that can lead to a lifetime of happiness.
If your husband starts to give you ultimatums or put you in situations where it’s “his way or the highway,” it can be a sign that they are ruining your marriage. These impossible choices may make you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter, or close off options that have the potential to make you both happy.
Ultimatums are also a way of controlling another person, and sometimes men will give you a choice between two scenarios that are equally as beneficial to them.
It’s possible he doesn’t realize that he sees the world in black and white, and you can gently broach the subject by offering an alternative option. If you’re able to communicate how this makes you feel early on, it can prevent resentment from forming in your marriage.
The Details Don’t Matter
Sure, grand romantic gestures are a fantastic way that your husband can show you that he cares. But often, it’s the day to day small things that help to reassure you that he loves you and is committed to your relationship.
We’ve already discussed how important it is to appreciate one another every day, and one way to do that is to pay attention to the details.
If your husband remembers important dates, like your anniversary, when you got engaged, your first date, or other moments along the way, that can make you feel appreciated. Small gestures, like bringing home dinner or folding the laundry when you don’t expect it is also ways that he can help to keep your love going strong.
It’s when the details start to fall through the cracks that relationships can begin to suffer. Try to find time for a date night, turn off your phones, and enjoy one another’s company to reconnect and strengthen your bond.
He’s Not Willing to Help
If you have a career, children, or other responsibilities, it can be challenging to juggle all of the duties you might face in a given day. It’s easy to get lost in your to-do list, and frustrating when you feel like it’s completely on you to get everything accomplished.
If your husband isn’t willing to help with parts of the daily routine, like spending time with your children, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, or running errands, then you can start to feel burdened and resentful.
Try reminding him that you built this life together, and it takes equal participation from both of you to keep it. Without you each putting in the effort every day, the situation will deteriorate.
He Doesn’t Listen
We already know that effective communication is critical, but it’s important to note that so are excellent active listening skills. A good partner knows when it’s time to stop talking and pay attention to what their spouse is saying.
You’ll know your husband listens because he’ll ask you thoughtful questions when you’re done telling your story and will remember the details down the road when they’re important.
We all know a woman who has been frustrated with her husband because she’s asked him to do something a dozen times that hasn’t been done, and that’s often a result of poor listening skills.
If you feel like he’s not listening to you when you’re talking about something important, tell him so. Ask him what he thinks about what you just said, and if he can’t answer, gently help him to realize it’s because he may not have been listening.
If he’s on his phone, watching tv, or surfing the internet, ask him to turn off the electronics and focus on you for just a few minutes. Not only will that help you be heard, but it could also give you a chance to connect on a deeper level and strengthen, rather than slowly destroy your marriage.
He Won’t Apologize
Every marriage, good or bad, has conflict. It’s natural to argue, and as long as the fights are never physically or emotionally abusive, there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing.
However, it’s dangerous territory if your husband is always the one who wins the argument. It’s unlikely that you are always wrong, and he is always right, and often, his “winning” is a sign that he’s merely unwilling to apologize.
Men sometimes view an apology as a sign of weakness and fear that you won’t respect them if they admit that they were wrong. Help your husband to see that isn’t the case. Be willing to put hurt feelings aside and talk to him rationally. Let him know that you don’t necessarily need to be right, but you do need to know that he’s sorry if he made you feel bad for something that wasn’t your fault.
If he’s too stubborn to budge on his opinion over and over again, this could be a sign that he’s slowly destroying your marriage.
He’s Resentful
Another factor that can contribute to a failing marriage is when your husband carries resentment and can’t let it go.
Whether he feels he’s been wronged by you or someone else, if your spouse has a chip on his shoulder and he isn’t able to move past that injustice, it can weigh heavily on your marriage.
Particularly if he’s resentful towards something you’ve said or done, this feeling can fester over time and could lead to a large blow-up that might end your marriage. If you notice that your husband seems stuck on an issue, try to approach it carefully to get him to open up about how he’s feeling.
Situations like this are where marriage counselors can be very helpful. As an impartial third party, they may help him to see where his anger isn’t your fault, and they could also help you to realize if there are things you can do to fix parts of the situation.
The most crucial part is that you don’t let the feelings of resentment just hang between you – they could destroy your love over time.
He’s Unfaithful
In this era of technology, there are opportunities at our fingertips every day to be unfaithful to our spouse. Unfortunately, it often doesn’t matter whether the affair is emotional, physical, or a combination of both, it can still bring a painful end to a marriage.
If he cheats, not only does it betray your trust, but it also could leave you wondering if he will do it again. That betrayal can make it impossible to move forward as a couple.
To avoid this outcome, remember that it’s essential to communicate, show appreciation, be intimate, and confide in each other as often as possible. Work hard to be everything one another needs on a daily basis so that your husband will never have to look elsewhere for things that are lacking in your marriage.
He’s Stuck in His Head
Women are natural communicators, but recent studies have found that women and men say, on average, around the same number of words each day.
That means, if your husband isn’t talking to you about what’s going on in his mind, he’s likely talking with someone else about less important things.
Men tend to internalize unpleasant feelings, and rather than put their insecurities out in the open; they push them down. If they’ve had a stressful day at work, are worried about money, or are frustrated with something in their personal lives, they are less likely to want to discuss it than women are.
It’s easy to view that silence as rejection, but you can help him to open up. Women naturally want to help resolve conflict, and you can use your communication and listening skills to ask him questions and let him talk through what he’s thinking and feeling.
If he’s not willing to open his heart to you, it could cause your emotional connection to face over time.
He Doesn’t Own His Issues
Marriage is a two-way street, and for it to be successful, you both need to participate equally. That said, some issues are very personal, and things may happen that are not within your control or your fault.
If your husband has an affair, gets fired at work, or has an addiction to drugs or alcohol, those are all things that are his issues, and his alone.
Men who place blame and say things like “you make me drink because you nag me,” or “you’re the reason I cheated because you don’t love me,” aren’t taking responsibility for their actions.
Not only is this unfair and potentially abusive language, but it’s also untrue.
If your husband is deflecting blame for his issues, this is another time when it might be helpful to involve a marriage counselor or psychologist. They can help him take a step back from the situation and recognize the things that are within his control, and then give him tools to fix those problems.
If he’s not willing to seek help and take responsibility for his actions, then it might be time to end the marriage before things get worse.
Final Thoughts
Marriages can end for hundreds of reasons. Most often, couples can’t point to any one thing that caused their love to die. Instead, it’s typically a combination of dozens of little things over time that eventually adds up and makes the spark fizzle out.
To make sure that your love stays strong for years to come, watch for these red flags and warning signs and then work to restore the balance to your relationship.
With good communication, small gestures of affection, and a willingness to trust one another, you’ll have a marriage that’s impossible to destroy and can last a lifetime.
