Not many guys get to see the behind-the-scenes progression a woman can go through after a breakup. Depending on how invested a woman was with a guy – and her state of mind and health, it can be a quick progression through emotional stages like sadness, desperation, anger, and acceptance, or it can be those things over and over again with a little bit of ‘going insane’ added in. It can be hard to understand for men why women are so emotional, but the fact is that women handle emotions a lot differently than men.
The fact is that most women need to talk things through to deal with their emotions, and when they are denied that, the struggle of a breakup intensifies.
A lot of women have had to deal with a breakup with a man who just won’t contact them. He won’t tell her why he broke up with her or why he did what he did. He won’t give her the answers that she needs to move forward. He won’t talk things through with her. And that kind of breakup is the worst kind for most women.
A Glimpse Into The Struggle For A Woman After A Breakup
Thanks to Trisha Paytas, you can get some insight into the whole deal. I want to say first, that I love this girl. I’m not making fun of her. This is something that my friends and I have all been through at one point on some level or another, and I’ve never been able to show you guys this struggle because no one has ever gone through it so publicly.
Trisha has always been pretty honest with her feelings. And in light of her recent breakup, that honesty has become something that many women can relate to.
Now, I’m not saying every woman goes through this kind of intense progression, but I can say that many have while some have gone through much less and some have gone through much worse. Emotional intelligence has a lot to do with how well people handle a breakup.
While Trisha is a strong female in many ways, she seems to struggle with confidence around her relationships, and this progression after the breakup really highlights the struggle that comes from thinking you were with the man of your dreams who understood you, cared about you, and was going to be there for you forever, and then suddenly something happens and you don’t hear from him again.
1. Intense Sadness
This study found that when people are shown pictures of the person they love, there is a whole bunch of crap that happens in the body. Trisha didn’t just see a picture, she saw a snapchat of her boyfriend dancing with a woman and then dancing with a guy. The point is that she thought they were in love, and this is the result of finding out that everything was not as she thought. According to her, he won’t even talk to her now, so that adds to the pain she is feeling because she’s not able to get some validation from him about what happened.
2. Serious Pain
In a normal breakup, there is a lot of pain. But, when a guy won’t even talk to you anymore, and you can’t find out anything from him, the pain intensifies even more and, I think, in a way to cope, you start to lose your sanity a bit.
3. Numbness
In my experience, our bodies can only cope with so much intense pain and sadness, so numbness ends up coming to the rescue to help dull out our feelings and give us a break from the tears and anger and hurt. Unfortunately, it can still feel and look a little bit crazy.
4. The Body Breaks Down
I’m so glad she posted this. The fact is that the body really does have a lot of physical problems when going through a breakup. The stress causes a ton of issues in the body – like digestive issues, increased acne, hair falling out, and so much more. In fact, the heart actually enlarges when you are stressed out, which may be why so many people feel like their heart hurts so badly after a breakup.
5. Dealing With It In Public
Once life demands that you get back out there, you have to pull yourself together a bit, and that helps. It helps to get out and do everyday things that don’t involve your ex-boyfriend, and you get to think things through a little more rationally. I love this video of Trisha.
6. Still Dealing With It In Private
Most of us are glad that our ex can’t see how we act in private. But, Trisha gives a little glimpse into those really private moments in her following video. Her ex is a dancer, and Trisha loves to dance and express herself through it. It’s obvious she is still in a lot of pain.
I’m sure we will see more of Trisha. Hopefully, she will work through this quicker than not. I know she has put the blame on herself a little, which is very typical of a woman who is going through a breakup with no contact from the guy. I also know that she says she would take him back, which is also typical during a breakup with no contact. But, hopefully, she will find her strength and move forward in the best way possible for her future and her sanity.
Please Give Women Closure After A Breakup
I know that women should also give closure to their men. But, this article is focused on women not getting closure, so I’m appealing to the men who would rather stop all contact then talk to a woman they break up with again.
The bottom line is that women need to talk things through. You may not understand it. You may not understand what the hell she is talking about. But, giving her a chance to at least talk to you is probably the kindest thing you can do for a woman that will no longer be in your life. She may still struggle with the breakup, but at least she will have some answers and, hopefully, the struggle will be less painful for her in the end.
And, if you intend to really break things off, make it clear that you are done while you talk to her. If she has any hope, the struggle above will be just as intense until she realizes that you and her are no longer.
Chad says
I, personally, will never talk with a woman after a break up. She knows why we’re breaking up. Either is because she cheated on me and I’m leaving her or she cheated on me and I didn’t agree with it so she’s leaving me. No man should have to be forced to talk to someone who is just trouble
Bradley L McCracken says
No, this is manipulation by the author. Let me fix this for you… from “women need to talk things through” to “women need to manipulate their way back in after f*cking up.”
Anna says
Hello, woman here! I just wanted to say that while I like Trisha and do feel bad for her, her reaction to a breakup is NOT normal. She is not a mentally healthy person, she’s got some major mental/emotional issues that are evident in her other videos as well as these.
While I wouldn’t recommend just not talking to a woman after a breakup, most aren’t going to go off the deep end like Trish. I also think there’s something to be said for a clean break. After ending things, having one good conversation to talk it out, I believe it should be over.
Whatever you do, DON’T contact her a month or two later when she’s starting to move on and act like you want to get back together or try to hook up. This is something I’ve had every guy I’ve been involved with do to me, regardless of who ended things. It’s really jarring the first one or two times it happens, then becomes annoying when she realizes what’s up. A lot of women also mistakenly believe they can be friends with their ex, not realizing you’re not interested in friendship but rather just keeping your options open and refusing to let her move on.
admin says
One good conversation to talk it out is key. It helps let the other person know exactly how you feel and doesn’t leave any hope of something that’s not there.
BobTrent says
DON’T talk it out with her in private. A public place like a restaurant is far better. You just don’t know how vindictive a woman will be.
Tanya says
Woman here too!
Most women I know go through these stages on some level, including myself, during a breakup.
As you said, some go through much less, and I’ve unfortunately seen some go through much worse – to the point they end up taking their own lives or need to check themselves into a psychiatric ward. It all depends on how emotionally mature a woman is.
Trish is more reactive/vocal/public/dramatic than many women, but I do agree that this is a good representation of what can happen to a woman when you just cut off all contact with her after you’ve been dating. And, since Trish and her boyfriend had been dating for a year, it makes sense that she really struggled with it and went through the intense sadness, pain, numbness, physical problems, and coping strategies that you talk about in this article.
My advice to guys: give a woman a final conversation. It doesn’t matter if she wears her emotions on her sleeve like Trish or can get a handle on her emotions, she needs the closure to help her move on and avoid the mental struggle that is very real after a breakup.
admin says
Well said, Tanya. Emotional maturity is important when it comes to dealing with life’s dips, like a breakup. And, I’ve seen some pretty bad outcomes from a breakup too, including never being able to get over it and suffering for years and years afterward. Thanks for the comment.
LRR says
Wanna add to the pain? Try dating a single mother for 4 dates, the third one in which you “show up” at a park where she’s having a picknic with her children. The kids meet the man, who automatically are drawn to his charm. The man then ghosts. Wonderful. Now you’ve tapped into the momma bear intuition. I am no longer questioning if I like myself, but what kind of a coward does such a thing. As Stevie Nicks so beautifully put it, “players only love you when they’re playing.” Interesting fact: the ghost man has two daughters of his own. It perplexes me to think of what he would do to a man who treated his daughters in the same manner he treated me. You get what you give.
esolesek says
What cowardly woman leaves the man that sired her children? ZERO sympathy. ZERO!!
LRR says
That “man” abandoned his family and had the pleasure if being catered to for a decade, for which he abused and used myself and my family. Sire..he is anything but.
esolesek says
Sorry for my comment. It was a bit harsh, but I’ve been witness to an astonishing amount of women destroying the relationships they are in, and almost all of them are taken care of, stem to stern. At some point, women have to suck it up just like men. There is a quality among many women that they prefer not to look at the positives of what they have. Sorry, I know there are many abused women, but all I’ve seen in my immediate circle is women who are spoiled utterly and still can’t be happy. It makes the argument that women prefer abuse to have some credibility.
John says
Guy here – this article has strengthened my believe that a man should NEVER contact a woman after he dumps her. You even admitted that women go crazy, even though you hate it when men call you crazy!
You won’t be honest, so I will: The real reason you want to talk to your ex and get “closure” is so you can analyze everything he says and determine (with your girlfriends’ help of course) that he really was a jerk, he wasn’t any good for you, and you’re glad he’s gone. Then you can trash talk him to your heart’s content. That’s what you really want.
Well, you’re not getting that from me. If a woman doesn’t want to be with me, she doesn’t want to be with me. The reasons don’t matter, and frankly, aren’t any of my business. It goes both ways. If I’ve dumped you, it does no good for either of us to talk about it further. My reasons for dumping you are none of your business.
The fact that you WILL go insane is why guys often don’t even begin relationships. And, if they’re stupid enough to start dating a woman, why they get HER to dump them when they’re through. Yes, we do that all the time. If you think the dumping was your idea, we get what we want without having to discuss it with you a million times. And we get rid of you with way less drama. Win for me!
It’s generally stupid to tell people how they can hurt you. This is a big reason why guys don’t tell girls what they really feel – we know you will use it against us in the future.
Anyway, I hope you get on some strong psych meds so you are dateable. But I’m not holding my breath.
Marc says
Hi – my wonderful lady dumped me a couple of months ago. I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to work things out and get back together but I wondered if there is a similar page on here for the guy who’s been dumped and is wondering what she’s thinking.
Marc
sonali says
I think emotional intelligence, empathising with your boyfriend and writing a letter to your boyfriend on what went wrong can really help you deal with insanity. This is happening to you because you really loved him and you are trying very hard to lie to yourself that you don’t have to feel again for him. you still feel for him, accept it. Do not get hard on yourself, just remember you have to get out of this in a positive manner. It is ok to show that you are falling weak, because right now you are weak and write a letter to him on what you feel for him and what possibly went wrong can help. may be, he was never in love with you, you were just his rebound or may be you were a push to make him go forward in his life. you really need to get aware of the situation and that you can do by recalling his certain behaviour which you felt were weird and analysing them. he was not probably present completely with you, may be he will realise it later when he actually falls in love and make an effort to stay for someone. It is about love, which requires effort. if he never came back to you in like six months, it means, he never loved you. you were just his push or he is a person with full of ego or a person just simply not right for you. girls are like birds, they love to fly and when they give away their wings, they are hurt most. You just fell for a wrong person for you. May be he is right for others but not for you. Self value is important. We like to be heard and most of the time, we want the person we loved to listen to us. so say it all to him. then one day you will be tired and you will grow.
Larry says
Don’t worry! Cool article.
Cappacino amigo says
Well she cheated, I found out. She apologized and continued cheating. I dumped her and now she needs to talk? Because she can’t deal with the guilt? That’s all on her. I’m moving on, just like she should.
Daniel says
I have a question I need answered by anyone or multiple people. I recently went through a bad breakup. My ex girlfriend was helping me go through a custody battle with my ex wife and when we broke up, she took all my documents that I was supposed to give to my attorney and handed them over to her. She also told my ex that she would do whatever it takes to help her in her custody battle with me. I’ve helped this woman out so much financially and emotionally and she does this to me. Why would, or does, a woman that supposedly loves you, try to hurt you so badly? It has confused me so much and I can’t understand why she has been so hateful towards me.
.justin says
I’m not sorry but woman of today are just as heartless. I’ve seen many men be crushed and have there lives destroyed by lies! My own experience my wife had an affair then went on a Smere campaign telling lies to everyone she could to make me look like the bad guy. After her lying cheating using abusing me mentally and physically I am a broken broken man. So stop with this sham, to be honest I think woman a way way more emotionally sting than men.
She has me so insecure I am afraid of a woman now.