If you’re wondering what to text a girl these days, you’re not alone. Texting has become the new standard in communication, especially among the millennial age group. A 2014 Gallup Poll found that 68% of 18 to 29-year-olds self-reported to “text a lot” during the previous day.
The problem with texting, emailing, and other forms of nonverbal communication are that messages are so short. Without voice or emotion, they can fall short on conveying the sender’s tone and feelings, often causing misunderstandings.
On the flip side, this very nonpersonal form of communication can also create a false sense of intimacy among people texting outside of the workplace. Whether in committed relationships, casual relationships, or somewhere in between, copious texting before ever meeting (thanks, online dating).
Or too much texting between the first few dates can allow a not-in-real-life relationship to climb to staggering heights. Heights may not be reached in-real-life without the text exchanges. Often when these short-lived romances don’t work out, they can feel like a more significant blow than they otherwise may have.
So, when you’re thinking about what to text a girl, think about your true intentions before deciding on the message you’d like to craft.
Taking the time to set your intentions with yourself before sending a text can help you achieve whatever goal you’re after. You may be wanting to do some innocent flirting without the expectation that it will go anywhere, you may want to send a text that shows the other person your interest in them.
If you’re texting someone you’re newly dating, perhaps you’re interested in sending a quick thinking-of-you text, or a text that will spark some more in-depth getting to know you conversation.
You may want to express your vulnerability with this person, let them know you’re confident and bold, or perhaps you want to make them laugh. Whatever the case may be, you should be careful when thinking about what to text a girl so that you don’t send the wrong message – literal or perceived.
Let’s talk about specific ways to achieve a goal or intention you have with this girl.
How To Craft A Message That Shows Your True Intentions
We’ve all heard the saying, “Men are from Mars; women are from Venus.” Men and women are notorious for getting their signals crossed and not seeing eye to eye. Because texting can lack emotion and tone, you could be sending out messages that get misconstrued. Here are XX situations, and hot to text a girl the right way to get your message across.
There are only a few simple rules you should keep in mind, no matter what the situation is. Following these rules will help you get the right message across. The first rule is to remain respectful; the second is to be courteous, and lastly, have a little fun.
The last thing you want to do is sound like a dry stick in the mud. Even after a great date, having dull conversations can make it hard to get a second date or make conversation and interest taper off.
Don’t Forget to Pay Attention to Timing
While you’re respectful, courteous, and polite, don’t forget to keep in mind the timing of your texts. The timing of a text can sometimes say more than words themselves. While people generally appreciate promptness, men and women who are of quality are likely to be busy.
So, while quick replies may be okay at certain times of the day, like your lunch break, you probably shouldn’t have an endless back and forth text conversation for 8 hours during your day. It’s okay to check your phone sparingly while your busy – or appearing to be.
The time of day that you choose to send a text matters too. Girls will know what they mean to you if you’re texting them at 11 pm or 2 am on a Saturday. If you both know each other’s schedules, some early morning texts may be okay, but for the most part, don’t send someone a text when you know they’re likely to be sleeping – early in the morning or late at night.
The Nice to Meet You Text
Back in the day, it was standard to not hear from someone you’ve just met for about three days. A girl would give a guy her number after meeting out in public or through a mutual friend, and then she would wait three (long, agonizing) days to hear from him.
Well, those days are in the past. Most women these days expect a “nice to meet you text” within twenty-four hours guys. If you’re wondering what the urgency is, it’s because of the increase in ways to communicate.
If you’ve got her on Facebook, Instagram, a dating app, and her phone number, she’s going to think you aren’t interested in seeing her again if she doesn’t hear back from you within a day or two. You don’t have to have a full out conversation or jump right into texting her all day, every day.
Here’s How To Do It
Do send messages like: “Hey Cynthia, it was John from Nicole’s party last night. It was great to meet you!”
This text is short, to the point, and lets her know you’re interested.
Don’t send messages like: “Hey, it was John from Nicole’s party a couple of weeks ago. Wyd?”
This text isn’t rude by any means, but it’s impersonal and a little cringy. It says right off the bat that you took over a week to reach out to her. Followed up with just an acronym for “What you doing?” It’s a definite no go.
Breaking into Conversation
If you’ve met this girl out for a few dates, had a great time, and have your next date scheduled, it’s probably OK to open up a text conversation for a little getting-to-know-you fun. We advise against jumping into this kind of text exchange early on or before ever meeting because of the false intimacy it creates.
If you’ve drafted a couple of texts looking to start a conversation with a girl but feel lost and unsure, we’ve got you covered. At this point, you’ve developed some rapport with the girl, and she knows if your personality is playful, flirty, funny, or the intellectual type.
Here’s How To Do It
Do send messages like: “What are some hard passes for you in a relationship?” “If you were the president, what are the top 3 issues you would focus on?” or “How do you feel about X current trend?”
These messages invite the real conversation to happen. The answers may even give you subtle cues about who the person is; that’s why they’re great for the getting to know you stage. They also present a way for the other person to reply with reciprocal questions of their own to keep the conversation interesting.
Don’t send messages like: “Hey what’s up?” “Hey what are you doing?” or “Hey you up?”
These messages are, for lack of a better word, lame. They don’t invite conversation, the most you usually get is, “pretty good, how about you?” No offense, but this isn’t much of any fun for anyone involved.
Remember before you start to think about how you want to come across – flirty? Personal? Fun? It’s easy to come up with a good opener when you have a game plan for how you want the conversation to go.
Use Her Name
It’s time that this well-kept secret should be let out of the bag. Girls actually like it when you use their name. Don’t be one of those guys who prematurely calls a girl, “babe,” “baby,” or “boo.” Okay, we’re not sure if people still use that last one, but you get the idea.
The same goes for calling her a word, always like “beautiful” or “gorgeous.” Using her name or nickname can straddle a delicate line, though from cute and thoughtful to downright creepy. So, make sure you stay on the right side of it.
Here’s How To Do It
Do send messages like these: “Hey Jessica, how has your week been so far?” “Crystal, I’m glad we bumped into each other yesterday, I hope the rest of your day was great!” “Allison! It was so great to meet you!”
A little enthusiasm can go a long way. Plus, you’ll stand out from others who are all using the same recycled texts she’s seen before.
Don’t send messages like these: “Hey babe, how was your day?” “Hey, sweetheart, good to see you yesterday.”
If you’ve only just met once or twice, or not at all, avoid the pet names until you get to know each other better. If you throw them out too soon, she may think you’re talking to multiple women or don’t know her name. The non-personal feel of it can be a complete turn-off for some women.
The Power of A “Thinking of You” Text
You can send a text to let her know that you’re thinking of her without needing or wanting it to turn into a conversation, although a well-crafted thinking-of-you text could lead to some excellent communication throughout the day as well.
Many people have the right idea about sending this type of text but fall short in actually doing it and for example, saying good morning or goodnight. They’re great because the person gets to start or end their day hearing from you. But they can become tedious and redundant very quickly.
Instead of falling into the trap of saying the same thing each night or morning, try adding something personal in. Whether you give some encouraging words, mention something they have going on that day, or something coming up soon, it’s great for breaking out of the cycle.
This way, you can make the girl you’re texting feel like you listen to her, you’re genuinely interested in things she has going on, and that she’s valued.
Here’s How To Do It
Do send messages like “Good morning! I just wanted to say that I know you’ll do great at your meeting today! Get in there with your head held high, you’re prepared for this!” or “I wanted to send you a quick good night and let you know that I’m so proud of the way you handled X today. Sleep well.”
These texts let the person know you’re thinking about them and also that you care about something they’re about to do or did today. They’re also written so that the person can feel free to reply, not reply, or reply later or the next day. There’s no pressure or expectation, which can be refreshing for many women.
Don’t send messages like these: “Good morning” or “Good morning, beautiful.”
These messages are lackluster. In the beginning, she’s probably excited to receive them. But as time goes on, she may find them stale and start expecting the same thing each morning, which takes the fun and excitement out of it.
Use A Little Reminder
This one typically needs there to have been at least one previous meeting, but if you’re a few dates in, that works too. You want this girl to know that meeting her was a great thing that happened. Hopefully, she feels the same way.
You can always throw something about your first meeting into a text. When you do this, try using something funny or exciting. If you can find something humorous that makes her smile, you help create a positive picture of you in her mind and vise versa.
Here’s How To Do It
Don’t send messages like: “So good to meet you, Alice. I was not looking forward to that meeting, but you made it a breeze to get through!” or “Amber, I’m so glad my coworker made me come out with him last night. Meeting you was such a pleasure!”
These messages are complimentary. They show the girl you’re talking to that she made an otherwise drab night/event a positive experience for you. You can also reference something that happened while you were out that will jog her memory and make her laugh. When in doubt, laughter is always a wise move.
Sue Shellenbarger wrote an article about mirroring for the Wall Street Journal, where she talks about how “mirroring can help you create powerful connections with others.” Mirroring language and behaviors has been studied plenty, and the consensus is that when behaviors and language are reflected during the interaction, it goes much beyond merely mimicking one another.
When two people are aligned, it brings feelings of closeness and trust. To use this tool in your favor, mirror the way she texts you. If her texts are few and far between but have some substance to them, answer in the same way.
If she enjoys roasting you, roast her back (gently, of course). If she sends you funny pictures or memes, send a few bucks. If she uses short, concise wording, do the same, if her texts are meaty and have weight, reply with the same thought and care as her messages.
Finally, it must be said. If she uses emoji’s sparingly, do the same. If she’s a serial emoji user, mimic the behavior. All that being said, make sure you stick to your authentic self. If something feels like you’re just copying her in a way that you wouldn’t normally speak or act, that’s okay too. You should never be expected to speak, text, or work in a way that’s not true to yourself.
Should You Use Proper Grammar?
People from all over the world can argue this question until they’re blue in the face, and no one will agree. On the one hand, many people believe that texting in informal. In that case, they don’t think they have to use proper grammar.
On the other side of the debate are those people who believe that using proper grammar in a text is an extension of putting your best foot forward. The decision is personal and could vary significantly from person to person.
People are so unique that we urge you not to make judgments about the way people text. Some of the smartest, most intelligent people in the world will send texts that say, “how r u” while others wouldn’t be caught dead sending a text like that.
When it comes to texting a girl you like and want to impress, the choice is up to you. If you wish to our strongly suggested opinion, put forth the effort and use at least most of the proper grammar in your texts. Missing a comma here or there is one thing. But spell out words the way they’re intended, Capitalize the beginning of a sentence and use some punctuation.
Once you get to know one another much better and get comfortable, you can follow her lead on how she sends texts you (there’s the mirroring we talked about). If her texts are lax and not perfect, then you can be chill about it too.
Have A Purpose
We mentioned earlier that you should set your intentions before texting a girl you like. Sometimes we use texting when we’re bored at work, but we can’t be talking on the phone. Late at night when we want to talk but can’t be together, or when we’re home relaxing, and nothing requires our full attention.
During those times, we may be talking to talk and generate closeness. As a general rule of thumb, you should still have a purpose for texting her. Are you trying to flirt with her and entertain her? You could be looking to complement, which may convince her in the long run that she wants to date you. Lastly, you could be using the text session to get her out on the next date.
So, while you’re asking questions and getting to know her, take note of things she says. Her favorites, likes, dislikes, and then use that information to suggest making plans for the next date.
Include Her in Your Day
If there is something you’re proud of or excited about during your day, go ahead and send a picture to her! For example, if you spoke about your job on your last date and she said she’d love to see what you do someday, this is a perfect shoo-in. The next time you’ve completed a big project or accomplish something cool, send her photo.
You can send it with a caption about what’s going on, or that you remembered she wanted to see your job In action. You can also send her pictures of fun or cool things you’re doing outside of work that might spark a fun conversation or a date.
For example, you could send a photo of yourself sky diving with a text that says, “You’d love it, maybe we can go together soon!”
It’s OK to Make Her Wait
Finally, it is entirely okay not to answer someone right away. Although some people find it annoying when you don’t reply to their texts right away, confident people who also have busy lives won’t mind. That doesn’t mean you should take three days of infrequent text exchanges to make solidified plans, that’s not cool.
It just means that you don’t have to be flued to your phone during business hours or while you’re out with your kids, friends, or family. Think about what your text behavior says about you and how you want to come across to the girl you like.
When you’re trying to impress a girl you like or get a feel for her interest in further dating, it can feel scary not knowing the right things to say. There’s no reason to feel this way, though; she can only say yes or no. So, send the text, get to know her, and ask her out when the time is right.
You can’t waste too much of your time worrying about what the other person will think about you based solely on the text you write to her. So, go back through our guide, find the suggestions that fit your personality, and run with it.