It’s difficult when you are wondering why your husband ignores you, especially when you don’t know how to fix it.
Do you feel like you could prance around the house in the sexiest lingerie and you still wouldn’t get your partner’s attention? When you feel like you are being ignored and not appreciated in any relationship, it can push you to start behaving negatively toward your husband.
In time, you will stop caring, and resentment and animosity will start to build. If you still care about your husband and truly want to fix things, you will have to take action now to help him change his behavior toward you.
It’s not fair for you to feel like you have no value or meaning, particularly when this is supposedly the man who loves you. Your husband is supposed to love and protect you, not knock you down whenever he feels like it.
Why Does My Husband Ignore Me?
The reasoning behind it, and the solution to help you dig deep to figure out why your husband isn’t paying attention to you and take action steps to fix it.
Issue One: Your man is choosing to hang out with his buddies
Do you feel like your partner is choosing to spend time with his friends instead of you any chance he gets? This is tough because you used to be the focus in his life, and now that you’ve been married a while, the fire has pretty much burnt out. Sound familiar?
Reasoning: You need to step back a minute and give your husband a break. It’s natural to start taking each other for granted the longer you stay together. The honeymoon phase is long gone, and he might be feeling the same way as you.
Solution: On a bright note, a simple talk about this might be the fix. Let your partner know you respect the relationships he has with his friends, but you are feeling a little left out. The more straight-up you are, the better. Tell him you’d like to have a special day with just the two of you to help strengthen your connection.
Plan a date night each week that works for the two of you. Don’t tell him what to do; ask him what he thinks would work best. You will have to work together and trade things evenly. You shouldn’t always be the one giving in and neither should he.
Don’t always go to a movie and dinner. That will get old fast. Try changing it up by going bowling, hiking, biking, or hop on the bus and tour the city. Show him how much you love to spend time with him just as a friend. That will make him want you more.
Issue Two: The sex just doesn’t exist
It doesn’t matter who you are, if you feel like your partner is ignoring you and you aren’t having sex, you’ve got a huge issue! Don’t ignore this one, or you will eventually lose him for good.
Reasoning: The truth…boring sex is still good sex! It’s natural for the spark to dim in the bedroom for couples that have been married a long time. Routine often sets in, and sex just seems to get boring. This one is mind over matter because that doesn’t mean it’s still not good.
This isn’t to say adding some spice to your bedroom life isn’t a good thing. In fact, it’s a good thing!
Solution: If you want to find the solution, you will have to figure out the root of the problem.
You’re going to have to sit down with your partner and talk about it. And you’re going to have to ask the tough questions. There’s no use beating around the bush.
Talk about why you aren’t intimate. It might be something physical or emotional that you knew nothing about. Figure out a way to get your husband to talk openly, so you can address the issues and make the fix.
Do they like someone else?
Do they like looking at dirty pictures online?
The truth might hurt, but not knowing is going to hurt worse.
If they’ve lost interest, that’s the green light to spice it up in the bedroom and get his attention.
Dirty talk is one way to get him all revved up. Reach over and put your hand on his leg in a restaurant. Experiment with role playing and new positions. Send him sexy texts about how badly you want him and what you want to do to him when he’s at work.
Use your creative imagination to make your bedroom life magical, so he can only think of you.
Issue Three: The texting has stopped
Chances are, when you started dating, your partner couldn’t wait to text you. He likely did some “sneak-texting” when he was at work and always made sure you got lots of emojis!
Reasoning: When you are married to someone, you see them all the time. Spending a lot of time with someone means you don’t have much time apart to text each other. He knows, when you get home from the gym, you can tell him anything he needs to know.
Solution: This is where you need to open up and tell your hubby that you miss getting cute text messages from him. You can help get things restarted by shooting him some dirty text messages first. A dirty phone call will also make him smile. Tag him on funny social media stuff and make sure you take action to make him think about you more. He’s going to start sending back the messages the more he thinks about you.
Issue Four: The talking has stopped
According to the experts, lack of communication is one of the biggest issues in a marriage or any relationship. If you aren’t open with each other, you will start resenting one another in time. It doesn’t take long for lack of communication to transform into a huge mountain of trouble.
Reasoning: There’s usually more than one reason a couple stops communicating effectively. This can develop from boredom in the bedroom, past issues that were swept under the rug, stress, money problems, or basic family issues. Relationships aren’t easy, and you need to take action with this one before it’s over for good.
Solution: Here’s another scenario where you have to sit down with your hubby and have an open and honest conversation about why he thinks he’s not talking with you. If you want to connect more with him and he doesn’t want to talk with you, that’s a big red flag.
If he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, you should ask him if he’d be willing to go see a marriage counselor with you. This is a neutral place where you can both safely get your feelings out on the table, hopefully, to work on a solution.
Issue Five: Your husband doesn’t seem to care about your issues
You’re going to be stressed if you feel like your lover doesn’t care about your problems. This doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t care, because he could be totally attentive to you in other areas of your lives and just not there for you when it comes to your personal problems.
Reasoning: Both men and women can be selfish. However, men often don’t even realize they are only thinking of themselves. Chalk that up as just a guy thing. Most men are programmed to be fixers, whereas women like talking about problems and listening.
Guys just want the solution to the issue, and women like to analyze and rehash. So, if you are dealing with an issue that your husband doesn’t think he can quickly fix, he’s likely feeling helpless and wants to step away from it.
Solution: Follow your gut with this one. If you think your problems are “fixer” statuses, just tell your partner that you appreciate he wants to find the solution, but you just need his ear to listen to what you’re saying.
If your husband tells you that he really doesn’t care about your problems anymore, you’ve got a pretty big decision to make. Ask him directly if he still cares about your marriage. Hopefully, this is just a “fixer” issue, and you can meet each other halfway.
Up Next Is the Dos and Don’ts of Capturing His Attention
Do – Practice Patience
After you have stepped up to the plate and talked with your husband about how you are feeling ignored, as long as he is trying to make you feel important, you need to be patient. Change takes time. We both know that habits are tough to break, even when you are trying your best.
Sure, you will get frustrated when his old ways surface, but it is an uphill climb, and you can’t expect him to sprint straight to the top. Focus on the little positive changes you see him making, and hopefully, they will continue until you are feeling loved and adored again.
Do Not – Bash Him Continuously
This is going to get you nowhere fast. It’s tough not to get pissed if your sex life is nonexistent and you think he’s got another girl. If he told you he doesn’t, and you haven’t got hardcore proof, you need to back off and let it go. This doesn’t mean you turn your blinds down completely, but the only way you will fix this is to trust him. As long as you still want him in your life, this is what you need to do.
If you just can’t let it go, you might need to get a little sneaky to have peace of mind. Sneak into his phone and see what you come up with. If it’s a dead end, then you seriously need to let it go.
Guys love their integrity, especially if they are really trying to treat you right. Maybe you should stop the doubt and move forward with trust.
Do – Figure Out A Way to Connect Outside of Marriage Counseling
Sometimes, marriage counseling just isn’t for the both of you. If it’s not, figure out a way to connect with each other outside the therapy sessions. Maybe you want to go to a class together or attend church functions. Hitting the gym together is also an excellent move. It doesn’t matter what you do; just make sure you do it together. That’s how you strengthen your bond.
Do Not – Throw the Past in His Face
We’ve all done this, and it’s got to stop if you want to move forward in your relationship. Maybe he screwed around in the past or he did something nasty to you. It’s in the past, and that’s where it belongs. Otherwise, why are you with him now?
Dredging up the past isn’t the right route to punish him for making you feel ignored. Grow up; you’re better than that!
Don’t play the blame game, because that’s not helping and actually has nothing to do with now, unless of course he’s still cheating. And that’s a whole different ball game.
Just focus on letting the past go and moving forward positively. It’s the right thing to do.
Do – Set Up Your Routine One on One Times
I know we’ve touched on this a little, but it’s worth another look. The purpose of having regular date nights is to make certain you keep your friendship strong, too. This will help remind your hubby of why he fell in love with you in the first place. The lover factor is a bonus!
Do Not – Close Up Shop
When a guy is trying to make you feel important by changing his ways, a direct route to sabotage his efforts is to shut him out because you are angry. This is where you need to support his efforts and show him with your actions and words that you appreciate his efforts and understand changing habits is tough.
Ignoring him to punish him is hypocritical in this scenario, because isn’t that why you are ticked off in the first place? Closing yourself off to him isn’t going to help strengthen your connection. Keep open communicating with each other daily and don’t be scared to talk about how things are going. It’s much easier to change direction before you reach the finish line and have to go back and start again.
Do – Tell Him Why You Work Together
Some men just aren’t much for talking, and that makes it a challenge when you are trying to strengthen your bond with more open communication. One route to conquer this is to keep a “thankful” journal by the front door in your house or on the kitchen table.
This is where you can communicate your appreciation for one another without actually saying it. Tell him why you love him and why you believe in your marriage. Challenge each other to write at least one thought a day. Talk about the positives of what’s on your mind, and often, something like this will help you to open the door to talking.
Don’t pressure him. Just get the ball rolling and encourage him to write down what he’s thinking without judgment.
Do Not – Strong Arm Him into Opening Up
This is a big no-no. Yes, you need to talk about why you are having to work so hard at making your marriage happy, but do not try to force him to talk, or you’ll just push him away. This takes time, trust, and persistence. Remind each other of your issues but give him the time he needs to think about how he feels and what he thinks the two of you should do to solve your marital issues.
Nobody wants to be ignored, but nobody wants to be bullied either.
It’s frustrating to feel like you don’t matter. The first step is to commit to not giving up. Your marriage can work again if you both want it. Patience, understanding, and a plan of action will help you get back on track stronger than ever!
Even if your husband isn’t willing to work with you on making you feel appreciated, there are questions you can ask yourself to see if the solution is something you can start on your own.
Question One – When did things start to change?
You should think about when you actually started noticing a change in the way your husband was treating you. Did it happen suddenly or slowly over time?
Can you trace it back to a particular incident or day? When you figure this out, you open the door to finding a solution.
Question Two – What do you think made your relationship different?
This one helps a little more if you can pinpoint a specific incident that made things change. Ask yourself what specifically happened to make your hubby change is actions toward you. Do you think you did something specific that triggered this change?
Question Three – Did you ignore it or address it?
If you are sure of the triggers for the change in your relationship, what did you do to address it?
Did you ignore it or not finish dealing with things? Do you think you and your husband can work through this and find a solution?
Question Four – If nothing changes what do you think will eventually happen?
This is a tough one, but you’ve got to be open and honest with yourself. When you don’t take action to deal with problems, they don’t go away. Are you happy going on like this if nothing changes?
Do you truly believe this is just a bump in the road that will fade in time? Or do you think the worst is yet to come if you don’t get to the bottom of the issue?
Question Five – If you don’t address things, are there things you can do differently?
If you believe there’s not a lot of positive to gain by attempting to push these issues any further with your partner, is there anything else you can do to help?
Ask yourself what he doesn’t like about your marriage. Is there anything you can do to help make things better?
If your husband has some valid complaints, are you willing to take responsibility to make the changes he wants and needs?
Are you willing to work on your “stuff” and step up to the plate to help him work out his issues?
Make time to write down a list of the things you can do to help resolve this situation and help strengthen your bond. Tell him how you feel in a positive manner. Make sure he knows you believe in your marriage and you want to be a better wife, lover, and partner. Let him know you have an action plan to show him and ask for his support.
You should be able to tell by his reaction if he will be willing to work on his own issues that are causing stress in your marriage.
There’s nothing nice about feeling ignored by your husband, not to mention it’s just not fair. If you believe in your marriage and you love your husband, you owe it to yourself to take the time and make the effort to help the two of you get back on track.
It takes two to tango, so make sure you don’t put all the blame on your husband. Open your mind, so you can look for solutions together.
There’s nothing easy about marriage, but when you are both on the same page, you can make it magical again!