A while ago there was a post written about what to do when a woman plays hard to get and it has received a lot of interest. Apparently there are a lot of women out there playing hard to get with you guys!
But, a question came up in the comments that I wanted to write a post about. The question was about how to tell the difference between a woman playing hard to get and a woman not interested. Good question!
When She’s Playing Hard To Get
When a woman is playing hard to get, you will see some signs that she likes you. These are common signs that women show when they are interested. A woman will have a tough time hiding these signs because they are done pretty much unconsciously.
For instance, a woman who is interested and playing hard to get will still send subtle signs of flirting such as:
- Flip her hair
- Bite her lip
- Look at you from the side or top of her eyes
- Straighten up when you are around (stick her chest out, stomach in, and butt back)
- Give sweet little smiles that are uncalled for
- Play with her lips with her fingers
- Lick her lips
Or, a woman who is interested, trying to play hard to get, but nervous will:
- Be awkward in her movements
- Talk about weird and random things
- Talk too fast or too slow (usually too fast)
- Laugh awkwardly
- Look at you differently (too long, too short, weird expression, etc.)
Still not sure? Try this: Get yourself into a situation where you can see her with her friends or other people.
- Watch her movements.
- Watch the way she holds herself.
- Watch the way she laughs, talks, and gestures.
For the most part, this will be her normal behavior around other people.
If you can watch her interact with people a few times, do it, because the more you see her interacting with people, the more you can really pinpoint what her normal everyday interactions are like.
Once you know what she looks like in her everyday behavior, enter the room and watch to see if she changes. If she straightens up, fixes her clothes, smooth’s down her hair, or even just becomes very serious and quiet, then you know something is up. She is monitoring her behavior around you for some reason, and if she stays in the room and interacts with you on some level, the chances are good she’s interested.
As far as energy goes, you will be able to feel some tension around her. It will be good tension, the kind that makes your heart flutter – or other parts flutter. So, pay attention to that.
In short:
- Look for odd behavior around you that isn’t normal when she interacts with others
- Look for awkwardness
- Look for subtle signs of flirting
- Look for good tension
When She’s Just Not Interested – In That Way
If she’s not interested in you, then you will be treated just like every other person in the room. Her behavior will not change because she is not monitoring it – she is just acting and reacting without over-thinking it.
She still may hug you, touch you, smile at you, etc. But it will be in a friendly way, and there will be no sexual tension there.
As far as she’s concerned, you are a friend or acquaintance at this point.
When She Hates You
There is another possible scenario if you feel she might be playing hard to get. She may just not like you and that is why you are having a hard time getting her!
If a woman really dislikes you, she will show some distinct body language signs as well. For instance, she may change her behavior when you enter the room, but it will be cold. Her arms will cross, her legs will cross, and she will look away from you. When she does look at you it will be with annoyance or a cold stare. Her words will be short and her eyes will probably roll.
Are There Exceptions To The Rule?
Yes, but it is not usual. The above examples are pretty standard across the board.
However, a woman playing hard to get may try to play too hard to get and send off signals that she hates you.
How can you tell? Back off! If you back off from a woman who is actually interested in you, she should realize her mistake and come back towards you. A woman who hates you will just be relieved you are gone!
Shaun says
when ever I see this girl across the hallway , I see her looking at me , but when I look at her , she tilts her head away , what does this mean ??(i dont know her) I also waved her while walking ,she laughed
After i was not around…she is also not accepting my request
Bellaisa says
I don’t know what you mean by ‘after i was not around…she is not also accepting my request’.
Shaun says
I meant when I was not around her after that waving part
Jamie says
Theirs this girl who hugs every guy in the class except me and we always look ar each other jokingly across the room and flick each other off what could this mean?
Bellaisa says
If she treats you differently than everyone else, then she feels differently about you. If she doesn’t hate you (and you would know) then she probably likes you.
Dan says
At a works function a girl who has been flirting with me who is in a relationship was with me for larger periods through the evening laughing talking touching my shoulder and arms walking arm in arm between venues.It was the last time we will see each other she is leaving to another job..We very nearly kissed but I stopped…she gave me her personal number and text me she wants to defiantly stay in touch….she has a boyfriend and is 18 years younger than me! What’s going on here?
Bellaisa says
What’s going on is you should run! This girl will bring your more unhappiness than happiness if you stay in contact.
Saul says
Hopefully it ended with you going on her(e).
slick says
hi.. i been talking to a women for about a week we gone out on a date twice, i like her, but what is confusing me is that im the one that is chasing. i call her , not everyday but 4 times out of the week so far after i got out of work at 6 and texted her 2 days out of that week in the morning. she always writes back and answers my phone calls, she had to leave on a unexpected trip up north, its been two days and i haven’t heard anything from her. i plan on not txting or calling her for the whole week because she is on that unexpected vacation, and i dnt expect her to either. but when she gets back. My questions what to do are.
1 Do i wait to see if she looks for me and how long?
2 Do i wait a couple of days and call her?
3 and if she doesnt look for me do i let it go and how long should i wait?
thank you
Bellaisa says
It’s only been a week. If she answers back, then you are good. She is busy doing whatever she had to do, and since she doesn’t have much of a commitment to you, she’s not going to have texting or calling you on her mind. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. It just means she’s busy. I would just contact her the day after she’s supposed to get back and find out how she’s doing and see if she wants to get together. She’s interested, so don’t wait too long to call her or she may become uninterested.
Chris says
Okay so there is this girl in my class and jokingly she said I wasn’t cute and I was playing around acting sad and she said noooo Chris your not ugly and she always looks at me and smiles and laughs but she I a really shy person and if I tell any joke she laughs at it and she likes me to walk with her to class after 2nd period I mean idk is she playing hard to get? I already told her she’s cute and she always says ohh no I’m not cute and I just say yessssss you are and she just laughs and stuff
Bellaisa says
Nope. It sounds like she likes you. Don’t expect her to throw herself on you or tell you how much she likes you if she is shy, but the way she is reacting to you tells me she likes you. See if she wants to do something with you outside of school and I’ll bet you she says yes.
Hampus says
Hey i’m from Sweden and i like a girl she is pretty confident but when i’m near she becomes so shy . But when i talks to her it always becomes a little bit or more awkward . sometimes she is also worried about me she holds her hand on my forehead to see if im sick (and so on)
What should i do?
Bellaisa says
I don’t understand why she holds her hand on your forehead, unless she’s trying to see if you are sick for liking her? That doesn’t make any sense to me.
Anyway, if she becomes shy while she’s around you, she’s nervous. Bottom line – she’s interested. She’s not playing hard to get, she’s just nervous. Keep moving forward with her!
Bellaisa says
I don’t understand why she holds her hand on your forhead, unless she’s trying to see if you are sick for liking her? That doesn’t make any sense to me.
Anyway, if she becomes shy while she’s around you, she’s nervous. Bottom line – she’s interested. She’s not playing hard to get, she’s just nervous. Keep moving forward with her!
samuel says
Hey my name is samuel I am inlove with this girl,we meet seven years back and we went different paths and I meet her again two years ago we spoke but she told me that she is not interested,so now I meet her by coincidence last month on december and since from them,she answers my phones and text,we meet almost everyday but she insist we become friends and I so love her I w ant more than that…sometimes she will talk to her friends for a long time when we together and she will apologise to me,sometimes I get mad for some reasons. And we dont talk for a day and will start to meet again and back to normal.i am confused if she likes me or not?
Bellaisa says
If she insists friends, then it is just a friend thing.
tom p says
This girl I like has gone from teasing me, to trying to make me jealous, to almost completely ignoring me. I have remained unreactive to most this over a course of roughly two months. I have teased her a bit and talked to her a few times and made her laugh many times without really trying(before she started paying less attention to me). She has also flirted with many guys infront of me at parties, and Im pretty sure she is just trying to get a reaction from me but I can not fully tell. She is part of a social group of girls that is close to a social group of guys that I am apart of, so I have many chances to see and talk to her a lot (in college) but choose not too for several reasons that I dont feel the need to explain. Anyway, I think she likes me because she treats me different than other guys, besides for the fact that she has been ignoring me recently. How should I get her attention back, I want to get with this girl in the long run because I really like her but I dont want to come off looking desperate or needy. Should I just ignore her for a while as well and wait and see what happens? I kind of already did not pay much attention to her already, because I knew she was teasing me, is this just the next step up for her? Or, does she want me to try harder to get her? Im not sure what to do? I dont want to try too hard because then I feel she will have control over me because thats the kind of girl I know she is. Is she intimidated that she cannot control me and sort of protesting in a way? Im sorry for the long comment and grammar, but I am just trying to give ideas in hoping for a helpful response with my issue. Thanks.
Bellaisa says
Sorry I took so long to reply! I missed your comment somehow.
If you were unreactive to her attempts, then she probably thinks you don’t like her. Why would you expect her to stay interested if you are not willing to react or talk to her or show her interest? She won’t want to get hurt, so she will naturally draw herself away from you.
Showing her that you are interested is not coming across as needy or desperate. Phoning too much, becoming obsessive, or trying to control her are ways of coming across as needy. In other words, talking to her, paying attention to her, and asking her out on a date are all ways to show her that you are interested without acting needy.
If you ignore her, she will think you don’t like her. Bottom line.
Because you have not given her much attention already, you have already given her an indication of how you feel about her. She’s not a mind reader! If you ignore her than that must mean you don’t like her!
Listen…you are playing games with her. You don’t want her to feel like she has control over you, so you pretend like you don’t give a shit. Lose the game, show her interest, and if she makes you uncomfortable or you end up feeling the relationship is unhealthy, then dump her. But don’t play games with her and don’t label how she is thinking or going to treat you without actually knowing.
Anonymous says
I notice that this girl enjoys talking with me but I tried to notice anything different but all I got was she would poke quick stars at least only two times. She laughs alot. She can be almost demanding but that would only show “cute errands” she knows I like her but I see no sign.
anonymous says
So last semester me and this girl kissed after I got injured in a football game but we were just regular friends until that moment so I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship but then we started staring at each other and touching hands and insulting each other jokingly but I don’t know if she wants me. Like when I bring up the time we kissed she always blush and tells me to shutup but I want her so bad (HELP PLEASE)
Bellaisa says
Yes, she likes you. If she kissed you and still talks to you, she likes you! That’s how my husband and I got together. We were friends until we held hands one night after drinking too much. After that we realized we liked each other, and we started all the cutesy things you are describing. Just ask her out on a date and I’m sure she will say yes!
John says
Hi there. I really liked your article. I have a question thats’s been bugging me for some time now, and I really hope you can give an answer. First kindly let me tell you my situation. So there is this girl who I have a huge crush on. When I’m with her, face-to-face, it’s awesome; we can talk for hours non-stop, joke around, even when we are in a group. At coffees, we will be most of the time just talking between ourselves. She talks better with me than anyone else, even better than her girl friends. Some of my friends have even said that I and her have a connection (they don’t know about my crush). The thing is, this “connection” stops there. When we are not face-to-face, there is little or no communication between us. I have her number and fb, and try messaging her; sometimes she replies, sometimes it goes days without a reply, and I try again. But once again, when we meet, it’s like we have become much closer than before and again have that “connection”. So here is my dilemma; is she playing hard to get, or is she just not interested?
Bellaisa says
I feel like she just doesn’t know you are interested, so she’s keeping things on a friend level. As far as she’s concerned, you think of her as a friend because nobody knows you have a crush on her. Ask her out on a one-on-one date and then you will know if she’s interested or not.
Cale says
I have been talking to this woman for awhile, 3 months I suppose, and she has me uncertain. We would talk about wanting to see each other and the like until she came over one day. She was tipsy and I was sober so I didn’t take advantage of her that night. Things did get pretty hot, but I fought my urges because of respect. She kept telling me I should have done it all….. anyway… we made a date a few weeks later and hung out. It was a day date and we kissed for the first time. It was cute I guess. Like a quick kiss then she ran away. (She had to get home to pick up her daughter from school.) About a week later, we had plans to spend time together at night. A date I suppose. It was her sister’s birthday weekend though so her sister guilted her way into the picture. From there we went to another house party and it was alright for awhile until it wasn’t. I ended up getting pretty drunk and acted a fool. In my defense it was over someone pulling out hard drugs infront of me and that’s not how I roll. Plus some dude “her step brother” was all about keeping her away from me all night. He was also saying things like she was about to be ex wife number 3 and putting his hands all over her and giving looks behind her back and what not. Just a tool bag really. She could care less about him, but it rubbed me wrong and I said something about it. Long story short I left the party after the drugs came out. She thought I was joking so she didn’t come with me. I woke up with her saying she walked to me house about 20 minutes later. That’s an hour walk from the place we were at, in the cold no less. Then she walked to her house. Another 35 minutes. I went to a guy friends house and had passed out in like 10 so…. bla. Sometimes she shows she is into me, talking about sex, imagining parts of a future together, the works. She has tailed off as of late though and it’s confusing. I try to make dates, only she has no time. She always has her daughter. She won’t let me come over until she knows that this is for real. (She doesn’t want her daughter to meet me if I’m going to be gone in a month after taking things to the next level) I get all that but, damn! I’ve even suggested that we do things her daughter can join us in. Like ice skate or bowl or museums whatever. I just seem to always be turned down. The conversation has dropped and it seems like it’s becoming mute. I have a son, and I would love to have her meet him. I just don’t see her point I suppose. Personally, I think she is great. I like her looks, her laugh, her values, all of her. I feel like I want to take care of her when she’s sick, the whole shabang. When I held her in my arms and kissed her tender lips it was like nothing before. I don’t know why. It just felt so…..right. Only now, I feel like just leaving her alone as she askes nothing about what’s going on in my day anymore. She takes forever to respond. The flirting cut back considerable. We can still talk till 2 in the morning and I’m about being her friend. I just thought it was headed in another direction. She’s told me she feels one way, but seems to act another now. I’ve told her how I feel about her. Who knows? I don’t need a response. I just need to vent. I’m trying the best I can to not just ignore her. I feel it was just an infatuation. Normally, however, infatuation doesn’t have me wanting to be there for them and make up fantasy futures with someone. It’s just a sex – lust thing. We’ve talked about so much. I hate the feeling like I’ve wasted so much time and emotions on a person. I don’t want to be an ass***e and just cut her out completely. I feel I could however. If this is all games I’m going to scream. I really don’t want to see other women either. I already want her to be around me having the times I’m having when she’s away. I see her in other women. I smell her scent following behind people. What the hell? All this after being around her a handful of times. We never even slept together. Fooled around a little but not much past kissing. (Great as it was) I must be insane. I’ve never felt this before. I’ve had enough relationships and plenty of one nighters over the years to know that this is new. Whatever. … I feel better. I’m just going to stay chill. I’ve known her for a year now, even though we never hung out. We only got this way (relationship ish) because of a chance run in around Thanksgiving. The messed up part is, even though I didn’t know her, nor she I, we have had people trying to set us up together for about 8 years. Lol. I had a crappy gf at the time so I was like…uhhhh no. She had a lame bf so she didn’t try either. (At the time we didn’t feel like that about who we were dating) Through talking recently, we just realized that she was who they tried to get me with all those years ago and vice versa. Life is weird. Thanks for reading if you made it to the end of this chest compression relieving.
Bellaisa says
I did make it! I know you said no response required… just venting, so I’ll just say that I hope whatever is best for you is what happens. Thanks for sharing.
Anonymous says
So theres this girl at my school who used to like me. I stupidly didn’t ask her on a date or to the school dance because I was shy and had never done anything like this. I wish I had now. later I got her phone number after summer break and we talked quite a bit. Now I see her around school and she will talk to me if I say something first. She seems nervous and concentrates on her phone when I talk to her at school. When I text her its totally different she will talk to me for hours. Is she playing hard to get or does she hate me? Im confused pls respond.
Bellaisa says
Hey, I think she’s just shy in person. If she talks to you for hours, then she DEFINETLY doesn’t hate you and she’s not playing hard to get. I know a ton of girls who clam up in person but can talk you ear off through text. She likes you, but don’t wait too long to ask her out or show her real interest (beyond a friend) or she may just think that you only like her as a friend and move on to another guy
josh says
Hello here comes this girl she happens to be my neighbour at work we always stare at each other and most times i catch her stare try to smile at her and she smiles back…… we are in the same age bracket,she one time asked me whether i liked her cousin she works with… we always talk and she improvises as much time as needed for us to talk.. but thats all i can get whenever i try to flirt with her, !!!!! she tells me she only date old guys only and says it with alot of seriousness…. and sometimes she just laughs at me and nothing else… but the stare keeps on….. i got her number we chat but she’s brief….. she sometimes tell me how able she can connect me date with het friends… Am abit puzzled i need your help please. DOES SHE LIKE ME OR ONLY SEES ME AS A FRIEND?…. thanks
Bellaisa says
I think that if she’s saying she can set you up with her friends, she doesn’t like you in that way. Also, to tell you that she only dates older guys sounds like a way of saying, “Sorry, I’m not interested in you.” I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting around for her. Sounds like she sees you as more of friend than a potential boyfriend. Although, a change in appearance, attitude, etc could change the way she feels about you, but that can take some effort and a while.
ģarland says
There’s this girl i like at school i always stare at her anc she catches my glance and when i smile at her she smiles back……
Her sister happens to be my friend of which in her sisters presence whrn i be like talking to her sister and i say something funny she always laughs at the joke even if shes nowhere connected to our conversation…
One day i met her for the first time i said helo and she smilingly replied i introduced myself and she did so…
Since that day we’ve been enjoying each others company and she always gets concerned with my problems….
Shes already aware that am interested in her…..shes always there when i call her for a company but she rejected my proposal for a date…. its now a month since we started talking but till now she refused to give me her number making an excuse that she doesnt know me and she never give her contact tostrangers.. she went further telling me am not the only one she had denied to give her contact and lastly said that may be one day she will give it to me.. now am confused i dont know what to do i dont even know whether am just wasting my time that shr may not be liking me… WHAT SHOULD I DO? thanks
Bellaisa says
Because it’s been a month, I would say you are wasting your time. Maybe one day she will give it to you? How long are you supposed to wait? I honestly believe that she’s not into you in that way. If she was, I think you would have got her number a long time ago. She just doesn’t seem interested. If she is, and you move on, she will definitely want to go out on a date with you then. But, if she isn’t, and you move on, then you know that it wasn’t meant to be.
JosephThen00b says
I got a bit of a story to tell. I worked with this shy cute girl for a half a year now and I just told myself “Shes a good girl and she is really cute you can be friends with her just don’t date her. it’s a bad idea to date your co-workers” we worked together often and we did become good work buddies and made small talk but that was really it for a few months. But one thing that happened was that we found out that our birthdays were in the same month So I decided to make her a present. I weaved a bracelet out of paracord for her and she LOVED IT! I made the bracelet for her when We were on our lunch break and I measured her wrist and made the bracelet custom fit for her right in front of her. But when i was making the bracelet she placed her hand Directly on top of my free hand while I was making it and I remember thinking to myself “HOLY SHIT THIS GIRL LIKES ME! and wow this girl has lovely soft hands” after we got done on our breaks she thanks me for making her the bracelet but she told me she doesn’t know where she would wear the bracelet since she doesn’t care for accessories much. I told her “You don’t have to wear it I just wanted to do something nice for you. Happy birthday Amanda” her face lit up when I told her that and she wore that bracelet on her wrist for the rest of the work day showing it off to her customers and our other co-workers. The next time her and I worked together she bought me an ice cream candy bar and handed it to me when our shift started. for that moment on I knew she was a good woman and then I started to develop a small crush on her but I kept true to that whole “Don’t date your co-worker bullshit” which ended up biting me in the ass. That bracelet event was in October of 2015 and her and I just acted professional but we did end up being closer but it was just a friendly co-workers relationship since I think we both adhered to the don’t date your co-worker crap. I was laid off from the company at the end of January this this year and I came by sometimes to try to keep in touch with my old co-workers. I usually just said hi to everyone and shake hands and what not but I wanted to do something special for Amanda. I know she likes white wine so what I did was I went to my former job while she was there and I asked her if she could help me out with buying some wine. I told her it was for my mother. We walked over to the wine section and I asked her “what kind of wine do you like?” she picked out a bottle of moscato and told me she really likes this wine. She went up to check me out for the wine and right before I paid for it. I told her. “Amanda I lied I’m buying this for you.” I wish I had a picture of her face she was so red and she was so cute. After I told her that she told me “Thank you so much that was really sweet of you but please don’t buy it for me I rarely ever drink” I ended up not buying her the wine since I could tell she was sincere and I put it back on the shelf for her and then I went back up to her and told her “I always considered you to be my friend I’ll come back sometimes to say Hi to you guys, I promise” then we parted ways. I came back a week later and she rung me out again and I made small talk with her but I forgot to ask her for her number but she was smiling and really happy to see me. I came by again a another week later
(which happens to be today) and decided to talk to her again except this time I was gonna ask for us to hang out somewhere. Her response was “Probably but I have been so crazy busy lately. I haven’t seen my roommates in 2 weeks and I live with them and one of them is having a wedding and they are moving in with me” She seemed real irritated by what she told me but she hates her roommates. I then asked her for her number and she responded “I’ll pass on that for now” then she did this big smile and told me “Come by again and ask me.”
I’m sorry for this long story but I just wanted some advice on what to Do. I feel that she probably does like me and wants to play hard to get but I do not know how long or how little I should wait. I do really like her but I do not have feelings for her yet so if she isn’t interested in me or just simply friend zones me I won’t be heart broken. I’m sorry I just want some advice she would a be a wonderful woman for me.
Bellaisa says
Hey, she could be playing hard to get considering you didn’t act on anything sooner. She may feel weird about it now and is just testing the waters with you to see how serious you are. The ‘I’ll pass on that for now’ part made me cringe, but if she said to ask again, then she may just be seeing if you will ask again. BUT, if she says ‘I’ll pass on that for now’ next time – forget it! She shouldn’t expect you to keep asking over and over again waiting for her to say yes, and if she does, she’s probably not interested.
By the way, I’m married to a man I met at work. If you have a next time, consider dating your coworker. You have something in common, something to talk about, and something to share for a long time to come.
Moe says
Hey my name is moe. ..I’ve met this girl randomly and I started talking to her thru social media for almost a month, she usually takes ages to text back…but one day she sounds interested in talking to me and one day she just acts like she doesn’t care!! I saw her few days back at univ and when I came to say say hi I felt some tension and shyness didn’t really pay me any attention, as she was walking out I went after her stopped her …she smiled and I talked to her for few minutes made her laugh a lil and before leaving I offered her a chocolate bar (I know she loves chocolate really much) she accepted and thanked me about it later …You think this girl likes me despite what she does from giving signs of being completely busy ? Or taking too long respond to my msg …I’ve asked her for her number when I first started talking to her, but she didn’t say anything and just ignored the question ? What should I do, and could she be interested but playing hard to get ?
Bellaisa says
Ask her for her number again. She should give it to you if she’s interested. She’s obviously had enough time to figure it out. If she ignores you again, then she’s not interested.
tyson says
hi bellaisa, my name is tyson. there is girl that i add on facebook. i introduce myself on chat so she does. At first she told me that she is married ( but i already know that wasn’t true via a mutual friend) and that she is not available. I keep texting her and ask her her number, at first she refused. when i ask her another time she gave it to me. so i started calling her at least three time in a week. one day i ask her out for lunch she refuse and when i ask her again the next week she can so i saw her in person for the first time. After that she confess to me that she divorce with her husband two years from now but that she is not looking for a serious relationship yet etc.. so later on i ask her out two time. The first time she refuse, the second time she told me yes but later on she canceled at the last hour saying that she will not me able to come because she will have to do overtime etc.. but she still pick up the phone when i call and reply to my message on fb. is she playing the hard to get game, she is not into me or i get in the friendzone. what should i do?
Bellaisa says
She told you flat out that she’s not looking for a serious relationship, so I would say that she’s got you in the friendzone. She’s talking to you, going out with you when she can, but she doesn’t sound like she’s flirting with you or going out of her way to see. If she doesn’t want to date, then there’s nothing you can do about that. It’s better she gets over her ex-husband than get into a relationship with you and cause a lot of issues because of her feelings towards her ex.
Radzi says
There’s this girl in my class whom I sent a friend request on Facebook and she rejected it. But whenever I talk to her she smiles at me and sometimes plays with her hair what does this mean
Bellaisa says
It may mean that she doesn’t want people on her Facebook page other than her close friends or family. Facebook is a breeding ground for gossip and too much information, and not everyone wants to add everyone on social sites like that. If she’s smiling and talking to you in person, then that’s a good sign that she could be interested. If she gave you dirty looks and walked away, that would be a bad sign.
Radzi says
ok, so this afternoon I walked to class and she looked at me with a very very very slight smile on her face straight in the eyes. It was not the first time and she never says a word. Well not until after school. Whenever we talk she asks about my love life but only after school and during school she never says a single word, well not to me at least. But she always gets a reason to pass by my desk when throwing something away or looking at a poster in class but still never says a word! I don’t know if I should just tell her how I feel or just go with the flow since I don’t if what she does shows interest or not because I don’t want things to be awkward between us. Oh and I’m 16 by the way and so is she.
Bellaisa says
She’s showing interest in you. That slight smile and direct eye contact is a sign of interest. You don’t need to confess your love and ask her to marry you! That WOULD make things awkward. Ask her if she wants to hang out on the weekend at the mall or a movie. That’s a simple question – and if she says no without a valid reason why, then leave it alone. If she says no with a valid reason why, then tell her you guys can do it another time then.
Matt says
HI, So I have known a girl in my class since the 5th grade (I’m in 11th now) and we have always been “playful” and werid around each other and were really close friends but on some days she makes me think that she likes me more than a friend but she is played hard to get. When we meet and got to know each other than i think she liked me but I was shy at the time, but now we are in the same class together and she always puts her head back on my desk and looks at me smiling and stuff like that and i actually kissed her on the forehead one time and she smiled and laughed.
Does this mean that we are just really good friends and that’s all or Do you think she wants to date?
Bellaisa says
Hey Matt, I definitely think you have a chance to date. I don’t think she’s playing hard to get. I just don’t think she’s outright telling you that she has interest in you as more than a friend, just as you are not telling her. I’m assuming you haven’t asked her out at all. Do it. She’s being playful with you which is a sign that she could be interested, so asking her out will help you figure out whether or not she likes you in that way. Don’t be scared… there’s a good chance that she will say yes! And, you will never know unless you ask her.
Ryan says
So I’m 16, been talking to a girl loads for the last week, we only snapchat and we were meant to meet up but she was ill the first time on Saturday so I was like ok, so I said alright what about Tuesday then she said yeah but then realised she had bowling with her school, she put this on her story so I know she wasn’t lying. So then I was like screw it so I asked the following day Wednesday to see where I stand but then she said she was too tired as I asked to meet after school, she’s already invited me to her sisters birthday party in 2 weeks so I’m really confused. She has really short blunt replys and she just says she is really bad at messaging, and so I’m like let’s FaceTime instead and I think I ask too much cos she’s really bad at messaging. Am I too needy? Is she interested? like I have no idea. I’m at the point of giving up.
Bellaisa says
Whoa…you need to relax. She invited you to her sister’s birthday party, so she likes you. Who would invite someone to a family gathering if they didn’t like them? It sounds like she is giving you real reasons why she can’t meet up. She’s busy and she’s tired, and she told you straight up that she’s bad at messaging. Is she blunt in person? If not, then she’s probably telling you the truth – she’s bad at messaging. If you only just begun talking a lot and have plans together, then relax and don’t rush things. Yes, I think you are being too needy, which is going to drive you crazy and drive her away. Go with the flow. Enjoy the time that you talk and get together. And see what happens instead of trying to force things to happen.
Bill says
Hi bellaisa, what does it mean when a girl puts her hands in her pockets when walking by me? It’s almost immediate and I observe when they pass and the hands go out of the pockets. I’m considered highly attractive by many other women in my old town “they told me” but recently I moved to a town that has a lot of feminism. And a lot of these women’s manurisms are out of the ordinary. Could it be insecurity on their part? What’s going on? Please get back to me. Thanks.
admin says
Hands in pockets is a standoffish thing. If a girl does it, she’s trying to avoid you – maybe saying something to you, maybe you saying something to her, but she doesn’t want to engage with you or make you think that she wants to engage with you.
If it was just one girl, I would say she either really doesn’t like you OR she really does like you and is scared to interact with you. It all depends on other things, such as whether she gives you a dirty look or smiles, or if she moves away from you or not.
But, more than one girl is doing this? That’s weird. It sounds like you are being talked about, and the girls have decided they don’t want to interact with you for some reason. Yes, you could be making them feel insecure, but watch to see how they look at you – that will tell you much more than just the hands in the pocket. Women show their feelings on their face, so brush up on what facial expressions mean and pay attention.
Samuel says
Hi,there’s this girl i once asked to be my girlfriend but she declined, claiming she has a boyfriend and since then we don’t talk regularly. But she passes by my work place every Sunday as she goes to church. On Valentine’s day i gave her a gift n since we’ve been textin regularly, a few days when we she suddenly stopped texting and i don’t understand why coz she was all joking.what should i do text her again or just leave her alone. oh and she knows that I love her
admin says
I’d have to see how she acts around you and the texting that you did back and forth, but it sounds like she’s not interested in you and she thought that maybe you and her could be friends or something, but realized that you expected much more so just stopped texting so she doesn’t send you the wrong message. I would move on. You’ve tried – twice, it didn’t work out.
gerald says
hi i was chilling with my buddy and out of nowhere these chicks look at me and say would u go out with him hell no i rather die laughing and stuff then i was talking to my homeboy and i said yeah about somethin and one of the chicks said see he said yeah lol hell naw. and i never seen them before
admin says
Are you asking me what they meant? There is no question, and no punctuation, so I’m assuming that’s what your comment is there for. Anyway, maybe they were trying to find out if you were gay. You sound young, so I’m assuming they were young, which probably means they were just flirting or being stupid.
Chris says
So me and my brother invited a coworker to shoot pool with us and he brought his wife and she brought her best. Anyway I think we hit it off well and I got her number. So she sends a message testing me as to weather or not I’m single. I respond with I’m single but the question is for how long guess we’ll see where this goes. She responds back with a blushing emoji. Couple days go by I ask her out to dinner she says sure give me a hour to deal with the kids. Noon the next day she responds back with so sorry I forgot about you guess I need to have you on my mind a bit more. ?????????????????? Someone please help I can’t read this girl is she interested, playing hard to get, trying to take things slow, what’s the deal?????????????????
Chris says
Best friend*
admin says
Sounds like she was busy. That’s it. Her choice of words was a little poor saying that she needs to have you on her mind more… but the reality of what she was saying is that her kids were taking up so much of her attention that she couldn’t focus on anything else, and you slipped her mind as she was busy. It happens!
It also means she has a life, which is a good thing! You two aren’t dating yet, so you can’t expect her to stop her life for you, and the fact that she isn’t, means that she’s not a needy, clingy, or desperate woman who will drop the important things in her life for someone she hardly knows.
Now, if she did this after you have been on a few dates and you are forming a relationship, or if she does this repeatedly, THEN I would be worried, but for now, appreciate the fact that she’s taking care of her kids and she still contacted you the next day because she is still interested.
Chris says
Best friend***
Kimi says
Hi,
There’s this girl I’ve met in university who’s doing the same course as me. I’ve moved to this new city, and she’s local here. I first met her in a library a month ago, and I’ve only been able to talk to her there.
I’ve noticed that she generally tries to avoid eye contact, but when we do make eye contact, she smiles and we get the chance to talk. For example, if one of us is sitting down and studying, we start talking like 10 or 20 minutes after we are both sitting on the same table. About half of the times, I start the conversation, and she starts the conversation the other half of the times. Every time I ask her a question, she replies with a medium to long answer (rather than just yes or no) and extends the conversation by asking me a question back. But the conversation doesn’t last long because I fail to think of what to talk about, and we generally go back to studying. In terms of body language, I’ve seen her lean towards me while talking, maintain eye contact and smiling at me. And when we are back to studying, she seems to avoid any eye contact, but she seems to touch her neck and her hair (I haven’t seen her do that when she was sitting with her friends or other guy friends). One time, I was buying something, and I saw her in the line ahead of me; she was talking to 3 guys and a girl at the time, and when their conversation paused, she looked at me and smiled. But she never asked me to hang out with her and her friends.
Furthermore, when we make eye contact in the lecture theatres (basically almost anywhere outside the library), she immediately looks away from me and keeps staying with her group of friends and talk to them.
Since I haven’t hung out with her outside of the library yet, I tried to ask her if she knew any good restaurants in the city, and she replied she knows many good restaurants in the city, then smiled, said bye to me (like only the third time) and left. Then she started to leave slowly, as she talked to some of her friends, and as I eventually tried to walk down the library, I caught up to her and she said ‘hi again,’ before leaving to another direction down the stairs. That was last Tuesday, and I haven’t talked to her since. I did also ask her what she does during the weekend or free time, and she told me she works and studies.
I saw her at lectures again the following day, but she avoided eye contact with me as usual. To be honest, I kind of ignored her rather than trying to look at her. Yesterday, she came to the same library (where we always meet) and she sat at another table even though the seat next to me was vacant at the time. Was it a mistake not to approach her by going to the table she was sitting? I haven’t seen her since then.
Does this mean she’s taken already? I’m still not 100% sure if she’s single. is she interested in me or not?
Regards.
admin says
Sounds like she is interested, but your lack of asking her out is causing her to give up on you. You asked her what she does on the weekends but didn’t follow it up with asking her on a date? You asked her if she knows any restaurants in the city, and she said yes giving you a lead in to ask her, and you said nothing? You need to speak up. How will she know if you are interested if you don’t?
As you said, she acts differently around you, she engages with you, she sneaks glances at you… so she likes you. Ask her out or she could give up on you. And, if she’s taken, she will let you know when you ask her out. That’s a chance you take.
Kimi says
Hello. Will I get my reply from my original reply?
admin says
Sometimes I take a day off from this blog, so I don’t always answer in less than 12 hours.
dryj yabut says
So I’ve been in college and there is a girl that I really like. Then one time I sat with her friends during our class and she was seating in front of me and she started to look back just to talk to me. Then we started talking and she even ask me if how many girlfriend did i have in the past. I smiled and say 2 both studying in the same school just like my crush is. She started asking me if what name is my ex girlfriend but i did not answer her and said “secret just see my twitter account.” Then the next day. One of my friend told her if i have a chance with her. Then she said to him”I am not yet ready for a relationship, studies first.” Then one day I message her on facebook we had a great conversation. I talked to her in class and she was laughing at almost all my jokes, Then the next day I saw her staring at me and when I look at her she smiles then she looks away. I can see it in her eyes that she really likes me. One time she was my groupmate in class But i wont talk to her in person because I don’t want her to feel that i like her too much. After 3 days i message her again in facebook and said “how are you” she said “im fine why,you?” then i said “you’re the only one i care of” and she said “you must also care for your studies” then after that I asked for her number she gave it to me and said “i wanted to know yours for our practice in our group class”. I said “Ok I’ll just text you” and she never replied. I texted her the next day and she replied with one word answer and the next message she had no reply at all. I don’t know what I did wrong but she actually becomes more cold. Then the next day she called me but I didn’t answer her call because I don’t want to look needy to her and then she texted me and said “ninth floor we we’ll have group practice.” I never replied to her. The next day it was our performace day, i saw her and she looked at me with a cold face. I think it is because i didn’t answer her call and text with me. I approach her, I said sorry to her and she wasn’t happy about it and i was trying to high five her hand and she didn’t even reciprocate it. I said “I’m sorry i wasn’t able to come in our practice because we went out of town.” I think she felt really bad about it. so I walked away and talk to my friends. Then In our last day of class i asked one of my friends to give her flowers with a message “You are more beautiful than any flower, I’ll miss you.” and she was happy about it but she’s trying to return it to my friend. Then I messaged her and said “Hey did you know I miss you so much. did you receive the flowers?” She responded and said “yeah thank you.” That was our last conversation. My question is do i still have a chance with this girl? I really liked her and I know she like me too. And what should I do when I see her in class? Do i ignore her? and start acting like i don’t like her anymore? What did I do that turned her off? Did she feel like i was pushing too hard and acting needy? Or does she thinks I don’t make a move talking to her in person and asking her out? I really fell hard in this girl and i know she liked me. what would you suggest me to do when I see her? Your help is so much appreciated. Thanks in advance!!
admin says
Why would you ignore someone you like? That’s the kind of logic that will confuse a girl and make her think that you don’t like her. Don’t play games with people because it just causes confusion, anger, hurt, resentment, and all those emotions that can affect your ability to get a woman.
I’m not so sure she’s interested though. She did say she just wanted to contact you for your studies. And she didn’t want the flowers. And she never texted you again after the flowers?
I don’t know what you did to turn her off, but I’m willing to bet those games played a part in it. Like when she informed you about a study group (which is what she was saying she got your number for) you didn’t answer her because you didn’t want to look needy? It’s a study group! I’m assuming the studying was important on some level? Or you don’t want to talk to her in person because you don’t want her to think that you like her too much? Come on.
If you like a girl, don’t treat her like someone you dislike. Don’t be cold and not talk to her and not answer her and pretend you don’t like her. That’s not the way to win over a girl for the long run.
You are so worried about looking needy that I think you feel needy. And you don’t need to say anything to a girl for her to get that needy vibe from you.
I would suggest asking her out. It’s been long enough that you should be able to do that and get a ‘yes’ if she likes you’. If she says ‘I’m busy’ or something, you can try again in a week or so. But, if she says no again, then she is not interested in you.
dryj yabut says
okay so, one of her close friend invited me to have an overnight break in her house but she didnt invite me, should i come or not? i really want to make this girl interested in me again and not to be cold anymore so i could ask her out. my crush ‘close friend’ and I were really close so we are in the same social circle. Should i tell her no or should i come? because i wasn’t invited by my crush and only few of her friends would come. I really want this girl back like the past that she is interested in me, i just made mistakes that turned her off in the past and i’m here to make the difference that i can make so she would be interested in me again. Should i message my crush if i could come? or should i just say to her friend that i can’t come?What would you suggest me to do for her to be interested again? And what would you advice me to do? Should i come or not? Your reply is so much appreciated! Thanks!
dryj yabut says
okay so, one of her close friend invited me to have an overnight break in her house but she didnt invite me, should i come or not? i really want to make this girl interested in me again and not to be cold anymore so i could ask her out. my crush ‘close friend’ and I were really close so we are in the same social circle. Should i tell her no or should i come? because i wasn’t invited by my crush and only few of her friends would come. I really want this girl back like the past that she is interested in me, i just made mistakes that turned her off in the past and i’m here to make the difference that i can make so she would be interested in me again. Should i message my crush if i could come? or should i just say to her friend that i can’t?What would you suggest me to do for her to be interested again? And what would you advice me to do? Should i come or not? Your reply is so much appreciated! Thanks!
dryj yabut says
okay so, one of her close friend invited me to have an overnight break in her house but she didnt invite me, should i come or not? i really want to make this girl interested in me again and not to be cold anymore so i could ask her out. my crush ‘close friend’ and I were really close so we are in the same social circle. Should i tell her no or should i come? because i wasn’t invited by my crush and only few of her friends would come. I really want this girl back like the past that she is interested in me, i just made mistakes that turned her off in the past and i’m here to make the difference that i can make so she would be interested in me again. Should i message my crush if i could come? What would you suggest me to do for her to be interested again? And what would you advice me to do? Should i come or not? Your reply is so much appreciated! Thanks!
dryj yabut says
I see.. So should I ask her out in person? she is now different in the way she talks and act a little bit standoffish because i think i turned her off on not talking to her in person and not answering her text and call for our group practice. but i know i still have a chance. This girl is really serious about her studies and she have strict parents and some of her friends told me that we have both chemistry with each other and that she didn’t yet have any boyfriend since birth even though she is now in college, and she’s really beautiful, because she want to finish her studies first.But i know she still likes me by the way she looks at me. should i just stay friends with her first (because i think she isn’t ready for a relationship yet?)or should i compliment her? or challenge her more? and should i ask her out in person like eating lunch together? or go out of school together for a coffee(she has her own car) instead of texting her? your reply is so much helpful. thank you!
admin says
If you think you have a chance, ask her out in person. If she says that she’s not ready to date, then tell her you will wait – if you want. But, from my experience, if a girl really likes you, she will date you. There is a good chance you could be waiting for years only to be dissappointed.
If she likes you, she can take it slow. There’s not reason not to form a relationship where you can talk and go on a date once a week. Everyone has the time to do that, and if she says she doesn’t, I personally wouldn’t believe that. We make time for things we are interested in.
Ask her out somewhere you know she likes.
dryj yabut says
okay so, one of her close friend invited me to have an overnight break in her house but she didnt invite me, should i come or not? i really want to make this girl interested in me again and not to be cold anymore so i could ask her out. my crush ‘close friend’ and I were really close so we are in the same social circle. Should i tell her no or should i come? because i wasn’t invited by my crush and only few of her friends would come. I really want this girl back like the past that she is interested in me, i just made mistakes that turned her off in the past and i’m here to make the difference that i can make so she would be interested in me again. Should i message my crush if i could come? or should i just say to her friend that i couldn’t come?What would you suggest me to do for her to be interested again? And what would you advice me to do? Should i come or not? Your reply is so much appreciated! Thanks!
dryj yabut says
okay so, one of her close friend invited me to have an overnight break in her house but she didnt invite me, should i come or not? i really want to make this girl interested in me again and not to be cold anymore so i could ask her out. my crush ‘close friend’ and I were really close so we are in the same social circle. Should i tell her no or should i come? because i wasn’t invited by my crush and only few of her friends would come. I really want this girl back like the past that she is interested in me, i just made mistakes that turned her off in the past and i’m here to make the difference that i can make so she would be interested in me again. Should i message my crush if i could come? or should i just say to her friend that i can’t?What would you suggest me to do for her to be interested again? And what would you advice me to do? Should i come or not? Your reply is so much appreciated! Thanks!
dryj yabut says
okay so, one of her close friend invited me to have an overnight break in her house but she didnt invite me, should i come or not? i really want to make this girl interested in me again and not to be cold anymore so i could ask her out. my crush ‘close friend’ and I were really close so we are in the same social circle. Should i tell her no or should i come? because i wasn’t invited by my crush and only few of her friends would come. I really want this girl back like the past that she is interested in me, i just made mistakes that turned her off in the past and i’m here to make the difference that i can make so she would be interested in me again. Should i message my crush if i could come? or should i just say to her friend that i can’t come?What would you suggest me to do for her to be interested again? And what would you advice me to do? Should i come or not? Your reply is so much appreciated! Thanks!
Mike says
Hi there Bellaisa. Nice article and just on the topic I’m confused about. I have met this girl, and from what I can tell, we have a really good connection. She’s actually known to ignore a lot of guys altogether, (not because she’s mean or anything, but a lot of guys hit on her so she tends to avoid them), except guys she considers friends, and I’m amongst those friends. And from them all, we have the greatest connection. If I’m looking for signs of “interest”, I’m pretty sure I get most from her; the eye contact when we talk, long, deep and often personal conversations, mostly about her, cute smiles, playing with her hair when we talk and all things like that. She has told me things about her that she haven’t even told her girlfriends (she told me she haven’t told anyone). We don’t go out just the two of us alone much, rather most of the time with some other friends, and when we do, we are for the most part talking to each other and walking together. The times when we do something just the two of us, I think she has a better time with me than anyone else, from what our friends tell me. When we meet in person, I almost never have to start the conversation, she will smile and start talking immediately. She’s known not to have long conversations with guys, but it seems that don’t apply to me. So while I may think she may be interested, sometimes she gives off a different vibe. For example, we chat, and for the most part, she will reply immediately. But sometimes, she will read my message and ignore it without a reply (the dreaded “seen zone”). I will text her again, some time later, and again she will reply as usual. Most of the time, I will be the one initiating any kind of texting, but she will reply and talk away for a long time then. It’s like when I engage, she responds; but she almost never initiate anything. Again, these “ignore” things never happen when we are together in person. I feel like I have given her opportunities to be alone with me, or take our friendship to the next level, but so far she haven’t paid much attention. So am I doing something wrong here? Is she playing hard to get, or just not interested in that way? I haven’t told anyone how I feel yet, her included. So should I confess? My fear is by doing so, I may ruin the beautiful thing we have now.
Thanks in advance for your advice.
admin says
You just described how my husband and I were in the beginning. We met through a mutual friend and we were always in a group, but we would sit beside each other, talk to each other, keep our eyes on each other, and we were obviously interested in each other. I was interested in him, but he was nervous and gave off a vibe that he wasn’t interested in me that way, and so we spent another 2 years carrying on like that! I even dated other people in that 2 years because I thought he didn’t like me.
So, my advice is not to wait 2 years!
The whole texting thing… don’t worry about that. She could be busy or doing something else that is a priority in the moment, and that’s a good thing. You want to date someone who doesn’t jump at your command and has their own life, otherwise, you would be dealing with a needy woman.
What matters is that she engages you in person, which makes it obvious she likes you. How much is hard to tell without seeing her interact with you.
Giving opportunities is different than taking control of the situation. She might take advantage of one of those opportunities, but why not just be direct? Ask her out to dinner or a movie or somewhere that you can do something alone together. If she says yes, then things will probably progress from there. If she says no, then she might just like you as a friend – but I have a feeling that’s not the case.
Also, if she says no, I would be direct and find out if she’s not interested in that way so you are not left hanging and wondering. It won’t ruin your friendship if you don’t make it weird. But, if she says yes, things will progress because you will have taken your friendship to the next level.
I hope that helps.
Luke says
So this girl i met about twice now. Not really a date just mainly hanging out gettin to know each other. At first she said cant see us more than friends when i told her she was cute. But when i hang out with her she always smiles, laughs at my jokes, we make eye contact whenever we talk, her feets pointed at me. But when we walk around together she has her hands in her pocket. Does it mean shes not interested? Or shes still unsure about how she feels about me? Or is she interested?
admin says
If she told you that she doesn’t want to be more than friends, then she either doesn’t like you that way or is scared to date. The hands in the pockets thing sounds like a way to keep you from trying to hold her hand or just a nervous or uncomfortable gesture, which suggests she is not just feeling a friendship vibe with you. I would guess she likes you but she’s scared to date or has another relationship going on.
Luke says
She did mention she never been in a relationship so would that mean shes scared to date or not very used to the dating thing?
So guessing i just have to make her feel more comfortable?
admin says
Yeah, I would say that would make dating a guy quite scary! I think that’s a great approach you suggested unless she makes it clear that she’s really not interested.
dryj yabut says
okay so, one of her close friend invited me to have an overnight break in her house but she didnt invite me, should i come or not? i really want to make this girl interested in me again and not to be cold anymore so i could ask her out. my crush ‘close friend’ and I were really close so we are in the same social circle. Should i tell her no or should i come? because i wasn’t invited by my crush and only few of her friends would come. I really want this girl back like the past that she is interested in me, i just made mistakes that turned her off in the past and i’m here to make the difference that i can make so she would be interested in me again. Should i message my crush if i could come? What would you suggest me to do for her to be interested again? And what would you advice me to do? Should i come or not? Your reply is so much appreciated! Thanks!
admin says
Girls often get their friends to set up situations where they can see the people they like. If her CLOSE friend invited you to come to an overnight break (which I means a sleepover or overnight party), then GO! Don’t ask the girl you like whether or not you can go. You were invited. Just be yourself.
Also, you don’t need to write a message a hundred times on here. Once is enough. Keep that in mind when you are interacting with the girl you like. Asking the same thing over and over again makes you look REALLY desperate and needy, which is a real turnoff.
Zozo says
Hi. There’s this girl in my class who started showing interest in me. she’ll stare a lot or find petty reasons to talk to me. Initially, I was confused and didn’t want assume anything until the signs become too clear to ignore.
then all of sudden, she’s stopped talking to me and pretends I don’t even exist. She only stare blankly back at me whenever I look at her or try to talk to her. (I’ve tried telling jokes in her presence, she doesn’t laugh) but at the same time she seems overly friendly with friends, basically everyone else besides me. Constantly blurting things about her relationship status and likes and preferences to people she’s just met. I decided to conclude that it was all in my head and that she might not like me, so I started mirroring her actions and ignore her too. but then, I started noticing her get jealous when I talk or flirt with other girls. I’m honestly sick of playing all these games and just want to to go over and talk to her one on one but where the problem is. its almost as if she running away from free me. She’s almost never in class when there’s no teaching going on. She wouldn’t even stick around after the teacher leaves the class, so I can make a move.
I don’t know whether to just give up and ignore her completely. (I’ve seriously been wasting a lot of time waiting and chasing her around school) But at the same time I feel like, I try harder since I had been ignoring her lately too and might have unwittingly given her wrong vibes that I’m not interested in her. I really like her but she’s driving me crazy. One moment she’s dropping hints everywhere that she into me and the next moment, she wouldn’t even give me the opportunity to talk to her.
admin says
You said it yourself – stop playing games. She’s dropping hints and then ignoring you because she’s playing games too. Obviously, she liked you, and you probably didn’t show her the interest she was looking for, so she decided to protect herself and pretend like she doesn’t like you. She doesn’t want to get hurt by being the only one interested, so she’s decided to go to the other extreme and show you how much she really doesn’t like you so that you won’t think she likes you. Bottom line, she probably still likes you and if you stop playing games and just let her know that you are interested by asking her out or telling her how cool she is or whatever, then she will probably change the way she acts around you and towards you.
Sam says
I have a coworker who flirts with me constantly. Constant hair flips, adjust her clothes, puts her index finger to her lip when she talks to me, fumbles over her words, she enters my personal space, always mirrors my behaviors and sent me slightly revealing pics. I recently ask her on two dates which she said yes to both, haven’t done the second yet. Here where it gets weird, she told me she slept with a old fling a few weeks ago and I told her thank God it wasn’t this week or I would have cancelled, jokingly. She told me you thought you were getting laid on the second date, we’re just friends. No getting laid. To be clear I told her prior to both dates I wasn’t interested in being friends when I liked her, she still accepted both dates. I’m confused terribly!!
admin says
Maybe she was using the terms ‘friends’ loosely. As in, we aren’t dating yet. We aren’t serious yet so we can’t be considered a couple, therefore, we are just friends. If she agreed to a date and you made it clear that you weren’t interested in being friends, I’m assuming that’s what she means. Just a different meaning behind the word at the time.
Travis says
Hello thanks for the article but all this explains is when you are with the actual girl in public, like in a classroom or something.. My issue is that so far I have seen her once for a quick date, and now we text every day or so a few times. But whenever I say something flirty or cute, she doesnt respond back or simply ignores. For example I will say I miss you, and she will not say i miss you too she may ignore or just respond to previous text. Her texting behavior shows no emotion to me at all which makes me think she is not interested… but she did agree to seeing me again. I am thinking she may have emotionally investments in another guy and is just keeping me around for security, in case option one doesnt work out. How can i tell or figure out if that is the case because i dont want to be a backup or an option. If that is not the case then I will play her game but dont want to be used.
admin says
Why do you think she is invested in another guy? Have you seen her dating another guy? If so, then you are probably right. But, if you are just guessing the worst case scenario, then there is a good chance you are wrong.
Avoiding your flirty texts may not be because she doesn’t want to move too fast. You’ve been on once ‘quick date’, so why do you think she would miss you? That’s a little needy for one quick date. It sounds to me like she is a level headed girl that doesn’t fall head over heels and becoming smothering to a guy within minutes. It doesn’t sound like she’s playing hard to get. She’s just taking her time. If she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t respond at all. And if she’s like that, she won’t want a guy who becomes smothering to her in minutes…just something to keep in mind.
Just slow down. If she agreed to meet you again, then meet her again. Don’t try to guess how she feels. Let the date go as it will. Make a few more dates and get to know each other. Then, after that, you can start to gauge how she feels about you.
Tony says
I have been asking a girl out for like a year now and with my observations she has shown all the signs of a girl been interested.
The challenge now is for a week she just did not pick my calls nor reply them. Am confused
admin says
Has she been saying ‘no’ for a year? That’s an awfully long time to be asking a girl for a date.
Taili13 says
Maybe she is just trying to show you that she wants to see how you react to her not calling
Scott says
Hello, similar situation, met a girl while I was in France, we hit off great, had 4 lunches with her in which she went out of her way to come to the last lunch, she showed all the signs of being interested in me, I eventually came back to the US and we continued to chat through email and text, last string of conversation said she wanted me to show her America, I said I would and show her all of US and other international places, after that she stop responding and is always showing busy through work chat, hard to get or no longer interested? All of this happened in 3-4 weeks consectively.
admin says
I would say no longer interested. But, it depends on how long it’s been. If it’s been a few days – or even a week, she could be busy. Just wait a little longer and you may find out she got swamped at work or something traumatic happened in her life that demanded her attention. But if it’s been a few weeks, I would move on.
tom says
hey so i recently met this girl through a course i did. once the course was finished we went out to celebrate (WHOLE CLASS). during the night we shared dinner and then we walked back to mine and talked and talked and talked. once we were in bed we started cuddling which led to kissing. the whole night was amazing from there. We were laughing a lot, sharing things such as when we first noticed each other, how the whole night we wanted to kiss each other but felt as if either of us didnt want to from all the signs. etc. The next day get a call she was drunk but also with another guy (she said she was with girl friends but found out that she was “also with this guy after i caught her out using the phone number she called me on”). After asking her about it and her telling me nothing happened it went back to normal for the next 2 days. we planned to meet up she bailed after being so keen up until last minute where she had to help her mum. i feel as if after that she has gone cold and i feel as if she is trying to be hard to get but im not sure. Have shown interest in her enough for her to know “i hope” but she says she is busy moving into her dads and buying stuff. I said ill give her space and for her to msg me whenever she wants to have a chat or meet up. Was this what she wanted or did she want me to push. Am i now the back up for the other guy she is talking to? She confuses me in so many ways.
admin says
Yeah, lying to you is not a good sign. If he is a guy she is interested in, it could be a case of you being the backup guy or at least trying to choose between the two of you. However, it could also be a case of him being a friend and you not being happy about came across as too controlling for her.
I would keep trying to get together with her and if she keeps resisting/canceling, then that is a good sign that she’s not interested. Maybe someone else caught her attention or maybe you turned out to be not what she wants. Or maybe she’s not ready for commitment.
But, if she starts to warm up to you again, it could just be that she is really busy and doesn’t have time to hang out.
Tom says
Thanks for all the advice. I basically told her im keen to meet up just to give me a msg if she wants a chat or to meet up.
Cb El says
I met a girl at work in the first week in training. 3 weeks ago, She initiated contact week 1 citing she liked the way i explained something. Then she overheard me talking about an anime show I enjoy, saying she was interested so we briefly conversed.
The next week on Halloween day we spoke again for 15 minutes on break, she was preening her hair i a gentle manner, we laughed and had a good talk and I kept the conversation open ended so it gave her a reason to offer finishing the conversation during our hour lunch. So we met at a table during lunch and spoke of multiple things we were both interested in and shared similar views. Then I attempted to step away and she offered for me to walk with her. So we walked for the next half hour+ and chatted, she was clearly nervous in a good way. She offered to meet up at an event but when i mentioned exchanging numbers to keep in contact she didn’t say anything specific to that notion. So we continued the conversation and she explained in detail the sexy outfit she would be wearing that night and i mentioned not having plans and she matched that with a lack of plans for the night. My mind was not on a one night stand let alone on sex at that time so I thought nothing of it. Plus i had barely enough gas to get home lmao i just started working again. So the next week she began to act aloof, and finally she happened to place herself in my path of walking so i started a conversation and gave her my number as to not seem needy. I was confident she would contact me. She asked if I was going to walk with her back inside and I felt a genuinely positive receptive energy but nervous energy at the same time. She never texted but we still talked at work. I brought cookies one day and while we were getting coffee i touched her on the shoulder blade gently asking how she was doing, she responded in a sweet nature. Upon us returning to the training class room, she asked me out of every male in the room to open a fruit cup for her saying she just couldn’t do it. I used that opportunity to make physical contact again. It was definitely a flirtatious action on her part. Then the say after the election on lunch i was practicing my martial arts near a bench in which she circled back around to approach from behind me, she sat on the bench, this time her legs were crossed at the ankles. In midst of conversation I handed her my phone and she entered her number. THEN she mentions having a boyfriend of 4 months who she can’t vent to. So I kind of withdrew for a second and felt my stomach drop. I later sent hrr a text explaining I’m not a back burner guy so we probably can’t be friends of thats where I was being placed because I was looking for more than just being a sidelined pincushion with no benefit to me. The next day she was clearly upset with me as she wouldn’t even at me. So I backed off for a few days and acted cordial with her. Noe shes acting awkward and cold. No mention of the bf by name or in any of the conversation in the prior 2 weeks. I asked her out yesterday despite her mythological boyfriend and she said she had a boyfriend again. I said oh yeah that’s cool and walked away unbothered. Though I’m actually confused and my intuition tells me something is off. Did i call a bluff?
admin says
I think you misread her and felt differently about her than she did about you. Maybe she’s a nervous person. Maybe she just found you interesting and wanted to talk to you. But she never outright made any intentions to go out with you. In fact, her acting aloof may have been just her acting normal because she wasn’t interested in you the way you were in her.
She never texted you. And she told you as soon as you tried to get her number that she had a boyfriend. That lack of contact outside of work tells me that she wasn’t actually considering dating you in any way.
Saying “I’m not a back burner guy so we probably can’t be friends of thats where I was being placed because I was looking for more than just being a sidelined pincushion with no benefit to me..” is weird when you haven’t even acknowledged that you like each other. Think about it. If she really wasn’t flirting with you, which is a possibility, then you acting ridiculous about wanting to be friends with her probably made you look like a nut.
I know you think there was flirting going on. And, I’m not saying that there wasn’t. I couldn’t say yes or not because I wasn’t there. The things she did and said could go either way depending on her personality. Who knows… maybe she liked you and then realized that she was flirting with you and that was wrong. But she never really gave you any reason to think that she was your future girlfriend.
Bottom line: Either she has a boyfriend (which I truly believe) or she doesn’t and she wants you to think she does so she doesn’t have to date you. So, if your intuition is on point, I would say she maybe did like you and then realized that you weren’t her type or whatever and is trying to distance the notion of dating altogether.
CB EL KEEProfCOSMOS says
You misunderstood my point entirely. I don’t have time to waste that was my point. Fuxx relationships I never said sh8 about dating anyways. I was trying to make a new friend myself and have no time to waste playing games with ignorant children. Oh and fuxx your opinion after all.
SY says
Hello, I have been texting this girl coworker for roughly a month. Lately she stopped replying to my texts.
As she’s from a different department we only see one another one or twice a week; we hardly interact and I can tell she’s nervous when I spoke to her in person (she knows I’m interested as I asked her out several times over text but she always turn me down probably due to her shyness)
She doesn’t initiate texts and only asked questions a couple of times, doesn’t pick up her phone either.
Recently asked her out, she replied she needs more time. I said no problem (she thanked me)
I teased her and ever since then no reply from her.
Tried calling her, her friend picked up say she’s in the toilet (could’ve sworn I heard her friend chuckle)..but never mind I told her friend to get her to return my call, never happened
Called her again later in the evening , no answer
It’s been more than 3 weeks since her last reply and 10days since mine, was thinking if I should talk to her in person when I have the chance
How should I go about it and is it advisable to do so?
SY says
Back when we were still texting
I saw her looking at me several times at work, and I returned her glance once or twice (I took that as a sign of interest and teased her about it)
However since she stopped replying
She seems to avoid making eye contact ….
So confused here, was she never interested or did something happened
admin says
I think she was never interested. The signs are pretty clear from an outsider’s point of view.
Anthony says
Hey, so I’m in a weird situation. I’m a senior in high school and I started texting this girl about a year ago. Keep in mind that she’s a year younger than me, and has NEVER had a boyfriend or anything like that (like never even been asked on a date) and she’s really attractive, but she is VERY independent-minded and intimidates a lot of guys. This all started when I danced with her at Homecoming. I had recently gotten my heart broken, and I had always thought she was cute and I loved her personality so I said “fuck it,” and asked her if she like to dance. I flirted with her a little, complimented her, and she showed pretty good signs. I got her number a month later after I discovered I had feelings for her, and our texting relationship seemed to be going well (flirting, long conversations, good initiation on her part as well as my own, etc.) The only thing wrong is that even though we went to the same school, our schedules were very different, and our friend groups don’t really hang together, and neither of us is particularly a social butterfly. I asked her to be my date to my prom and she agreed and was really excited about it, but on the date, when we got around each other there was a lot of awkward, nervous tension. She spent a lot of time talking to other people in the group, and if we were together, we’d be looking at our phones a lot and texting each other, but not talking aloud that much. I told her that I had feelings for her (over text) and she responded with “Oh….wow.” I said that I knew she was really focused on school and wasn’t the romantic type, and that I’d pretty much screwed up by telling her how I felt, and she said I hadn’t. We continued to talk like before until around August when she broke her phone. She hasn’t gotten a new one yet (her family’s kinda poor and she has no job), and we haven’t really talked much (at least in a romantic or personal way) since then. I bought her a gift for Christmas (a stuffed giraffe and candy because she’s not a fan of expensive gifts or stereotypical romantic gestures, but this is the only time I’ve ever done anything like that for her), and she just looked at me with a blank stare. Her friends and teacher (she was in chorus class when I gave it to her since it was the last day of school before break and it’d be my only chance) loved it, and they’ve been trying for a while to get us together. But, she kind of is aloof and short with me in person. Sometimes I catch her looking at me, and she’ll hold it for a second, and then look away, and vice versa. She’s in Journalism club, and I recently joined, and she’s nice to me then, but other times she’s really aloof and kinda cold toward me. She’s not like that with anyone else that I’ve seen. I told her mom about it and asked straight up “Is your daughter interested in me or not?” She said she didn’t know. What now???
admin says
She’s not playing hard to get. She’s either confused about her feelings towards you or not interested. I think she’s confused, but I could be wrong. You won’t know until you actually ask her out, go on a date, and start forming a more intimate relationship.
Have you ever asked her out? This whole texting thing is nice, but real relationships are made by talking to one another.
In your text, you pretty much told her that you knew she didn’t want to date you… as if you really didn’t want to get together with her, you just wanted to tell her how you felt. Did you expect her to take initiative and tell you how much she likes you with a mixed message like that?
Bottom line – the only way to know for sure is to ask her out on a date. Be confident about her. Don’t tell her how she feels. Just tell her how you feel and then you will find out how she really feels.
Anthony says
Thanks. By the way, I have Asperger’s and social anxiety, so I don’t really communicate with people very well in person and sometimes I’m not sure how to phrase things, nor do I really understand nonverbal cues very well. I’m a much better writer than speaker, which is why text played such a heavy role in my experience with this girl. Maybe that played a big factor, and if so, do you have any advice on how to get around that communication barrier?
Farouq says
Hi.. I just started drive part time for Uber & i found it quite interesting. So far i got chances to ride with few pretty n cute passengers, some of them are friendly but mostly are quite shy. And it just ends there. Never had a chance to meet them again & im not desperate to ask them out for dating at the moment. But thats not a problem..
Until i met this one girl on that one day & things were different. I felt a ‘click’ when im with her & i think she feels the same way. bcoz maybe she’s a little bit more friendly than any other girls ive met & i love that. She’s not a local girl & been staying here since last month. She came here from philippine to work at local airline company here as a cabincrew.
One day, I received a ping request to pickup her at her apartment she rent. and drive her to the city. That was about 45minutes driving to the city. We talked about many things since it was a long ride. Mostly personal & private things like sharing our job experiences, our daily activities & we even had talked about sex fantasies! She told me she has an american boyfriend who working as ship captain. Her Bf is so rich can buy her branded necklace. But she said he’s a boring person & hardly can see him as most of the time her bf working offshore. Like other cabincrew, she is a nice girl, pretty, cute, friendly & I started having a crush on her at that moment. We really enjoy the conversation like a long lost best friends.
We arrived at the city. She ask for my number & ask me if im willing to drive her back home after she finished shopping her things at the city. Then i think something is up (i think she loves to ride with me). I said Ok, i’ll wait for her.
Later, when she finished shopping, she called me to drive her back to the apartment where she lived. Long story short, we had a nice conversation again & i think she likes me. Im quite surprised. She had flirting with me & saying sweet things likes im not like other uber driver & she loves that maybe im a different guy. Along the way, i can feel she’s trying to be friends with me. Before she leaves the car, she even compliment me so handsome & offer me being her boyfriend! (I think she’s just joking about it) That was the last trip for that day & im getting tired. I get back home for rest.
The same night before i go to bed i texted her few messages & she replied me. I had offer her ride when she free from works & she’s Ok. I think that was the last time i got instant reply from her.
After that day, she started to ignore my text messages & phone calls. Sometimes she just misscalled me or hit me few message. When i call back, she no answer my call. & happened everyday like that. I dunno if she’s playing hard to get with me or what. Cause she has a boyfriend but then again she said her Bf is boring.
About 1 week later, she called me at 03:00 early in the morning from the airport, telling she just finished working night shift so tired wanna sleep & she got no driver to drive her went back home. And she begging me to come pick her up at the airport cause she got work later the next day & she need to get home fast & rest few hours.
There goes again the 3rd ride with her. It was a fun ride. We had a nice laugh together with our silly funny jokes along the ride. I ask her whats wrong with her? not even had a time to replied my text messages to update me or even called me back? She said nothing & just make fun about it. Im getting tired of this girl. That night ends like that. I managed to sent her back to her apartment & i continue my ride to my home.
Its been almost 2 weeks now since that night. I text her everyday to say hi & try asking her out, but no reply. Most of the times when I call her, her phone just beeping, ringing & no answer … Only after few attempts i tried make calls, then she will answer it.
Im just getting confused & tired of this girl. What Im supposed to do? Continue contact her thru phone calls or just leave her? Thanks…
admin says
Just leave her. And don’t pick her up anymore either. Sounds like she used you for a ride, but she’s not interested in you.
Farouq says
But she paid all the rides. Im also had offer her free rides but she rejected the offer.
admin says
Well, if she rejected the free rides, that tells me that she doesn’t want you to think there is more than a customer/service type relationship, which is a good indicator that she’s not interested in you that way.
Farouq says
Thanks for ur advise.. Who doesnt love it to have pretty cabincrew as a customer/friend right? Btw, recently she gave me her 2nd phone number to me (her philippine number). Ok i think i will just treat her as a loyal customer or as a friend in needs at the moment. Im ok with that…
Andrew says
I know this girl for 5 months. We texting a lot, but rarely go out for a date. Because she often refuse when I ask her out. Sometimes I met her in her work place while she ignore me. She often cancel a date we plan. But when she’s in trouble for money she always ask me for help. And then she running away from me. Maybe she is a lil bit goldigger because one time she ask me to buy her expensive gadget. How to make golddigger falling love with me and having sex with me. But Everytime I hook up with another girl she became jealous. She’s very pretty and she had introduce me to her family. What should I do? Thanks
admin says
Maybe she’s a golddigger? She is! Plain and simple. She’s using you. You don’t want someone like that to fall in love with you. You may like her, she may be pretty, but she’s no good for your future happiness and health.
Mark says
So I met with this girl that messaged me three weeks ago. We met about six years (!) ago when I had my community service in a retirement home and she had an internship there for a week (I was 19, she was 17).
Actually wanted to meet up with her back then and she was quite interested at the beginning too. Instantly gave me her number when I asked for it and invited me to her birthday party (I was already invited somewhere else so I couldn’t go).
But then she was pretty aloof all of a sudden and we broke contact. She even admitted that she was acting weirdly when she contacted me again six years later.
Then I agreed to meet up with her in a coffee house and I actually think it was kind of a nice date. We spent two hours there and could have stayed even longer, but she met with her family afterwards. I already knew she was studying in Munich (I live in Vienna, about four hours by train), but I didn’t know she would only come back as soon as in three months. At least she told me she was coming back to Vienna in the summer and intends on staying here from then on, but still.
Now I’m just confused. First of all: Why did she want to meet up with me after six years when she was leaving again the next day for three months? And now she is doing her old thing again – barely replying to my texts (I wrote her directly after the date and then five days later just saying that I had a good time and would like to see her again some time, so it’s not like I am overwhelming her) and just not seeming interested at all, which is annoying as hell.
I would just like to ask her what the hell she wants, but then again I feel that that might seem pretty needy and overly attached after one date, especially since I won’t be able to do much anyway since we won’t be seeing each other again for at least three months. I do like her and don’t wanna ruin the possibility of seeing her again right away after all.
admin says
Yeah, I would say that’s a sign she’s not interested in you that way. She must like you as a person in order to message you and get together with you, but you’re right – planning a coffee date before she takes off is a great way to ensure that she doesn’t have to do anything else with you for three months.
Did she ask you if you wanted to get together when she got back? Did you guys flirt? Did you get a sense that there was anything more than just old friends visiting? If so, then I might be wrong and she might just be waiting until then to pursue something with you. But, I get a strong vibe that she’s not interested in you as anything more than a friend.
And you are right about asking her what she wants. If she’s not seeing anything other than a friendship at this point, you could ruin that friendship. Her lack of texts and acknowledgment of enjoying her time with you is a big indicator of how she viewed the meeting with you.
Mark says
The weird thing is that we have never really been friends though. Six years ago I just saw her maybe two hours total in person, the rest we were just texting. I wanted to meet up with her and she came up with excuse after excuse and so we just went seperated ways.
I didn’t really wanna flirt because I knew she was leaving again for at least three months, so I didn’t want to make things too complicated. She touched my hands when I jokingly asked her if I was boring her when she yawned and said “no, no” with a smile, but that was it. And actually I was not looking for more this time, but I don’t think she would have rejected it. She did laugh a lot as well even when what she said wasn’t really funny.
I also chose the setting “coffee house”, so we could have done something a bit more exciting too, but I felt under this circumstances this is a good place to go. Coffee houses in Vienna are really charming after all and as I said I didn’t want to get too emotionally attached as I knew I wasn’t gonna see her for a very long time.
It’s just the reaction to my texts that’s putting me off. First time I texted her that I had a great time and would like to meet up again when she’s back, she said “it should be possible”. The next time I said basically the same she just didn’t react to that part of my message at all.
Actually she texted me first after she arrived at the cinema (where she was going afterwards with her family) and told me how long it took her because we were discussing how long that would be.
I guess it’s the best to just let go for now and contact her again in 7 or 8 weeks. Can’t think of anything else to do with the situation for now.
It’s just annoying because she is basically behaving the same way as last time, for which she even apologized when she contacted me again three weeks ago.
What do you think? Thanks for your answer btw. I appreciate it!
admin says
Oh, wow, that’s totally weird and makes me think differently about the situation. To think of you again after all that time with the type of relationship you had is definitely something. You had to have been on her mind for her to contact you. But why? That’s the question. Makes me think that she might like you. I mean, I wouldn’t contact a guy I casually texted for a bit six years ago unless I wanted him back in my life in some way.
I would (I’m assuming you haven’t yet) outright ask her why she decided to contact you after so long. That’s not neediness, that’s curiosity. Human nature. Normal. I think anyone would want to know. And if she finds it needy, then she’s the one who is strange. At least you won’t be wondering what she’s thinking.
If she’s not willing to tell you, then there’s nothing you can do about that. But, I’m assuming she should give you some sort of answer – one way or the other.
Mark says
Of course I asked her, right after she contacted me again.
She said it was spontanious because she was walking past that retirement home where we used to see each other and was just wondering how I am doing. I tried to dig a bit deeper, but couldn’t really get more out of here.
Admin says
Okay, then maybe she was just reminiscing. The bottom line is if you want to know what kind of game she’s playing or what she’s thinking about you got to ask her. You run the risk of making it look like you want more of the relationship than she does and that might scare her away. It’s a risk you have to take if you want to find out. Otherwise, like you said, just wait and see what happens. Ask her out for another coffee date and just see how things go. Good luck!
Mark says
I think I’ll just leave it for now as she’s not gonna be in my city anyway for the next few weeks, so what’s the point of doing it now? I don’t see it.
I think I am gonna contact her again before she comes back.
Taili13 says
I like a girl but she doesn’t talk to me that much I bought her some chocolates that she likes and she said thanks and offered me one I said no thanks and now I don’t know because she emailed me saying leave me alone and stuff like that but she keeps on saying hi and saying my name at the end I am so confused.
admin says
Maybe she’s not all there if she told you to leave her alone but then won’t leave you alone. Maybe it’s just better if you did leave her alone for your sake and sanity. 😉
chris says
hi, just before xmas i noticed a beautiful woman walk past while i was having coffee at my local cafe. she gave me strong eye contact which was nice. a few nights later she came past again but this time holding a bunch of flowers and again made eye contact so i thought i would give her a compliment and say beautiful flowers and in return she gave a big smile and thankyou. a few weeks later early this year i was walking from my local grocery store and saw the lady standing and chatting to a gentlemen and i thought she must have a boyfriend or dating someone hence why she recieved the flowers. i decided to not pursue her out of respect. last week she gave me strong eye contact twice in the space of 5 seconds…….since then i have seen the lady with another man as myself and a friend were returning from the local shops. she noticed we saw that and she became nervous in her body language…..im very confused about her actions. i understand she may be playing the field which she is her right to do so…… my friend said she could be interested in me but im not so sure….any advice would be appreciated. thankyou
admin says
You are assuming you know who these men are. You don’t. It’s true they could be guys she is dating. But they could be strangers she just met. They could be her brothers, her co-workers, or her friend’s boyfriends. You don’t know. She was probably nervous because she didn’t want you to assume something was happening that wasn’t.
It sounds like she’s giving you a clear sign of being interested. I would approach her for her number. You’ve already established enough of a connection to do so.
Andy says
Hi Bellaisa, really good article, hoping to pick your brain here. I met a girl some time ago (we are students enrolled in the same university), and I think we had chemistry from the start. Most of the time, we hang out in a group; but we both will be for the most part talking with each other. When we go out on movies, drinks etc, both of us will still be engaged with each other, facing each other and having conversations of our own. Our friends have also noticed how easily we connect, and tease me behind her back. I’m pretty sure I have seen signs of flirting from her towards me; from playing and correcting her hair, always smiling at me and always maintaining eye contact when we talk, things like that. We also sometimes tend to have deep conversations, where she has told me about her previous boyfriends (single now) in detail, even why they broke up. And I think the best sign I have that she is interested in me is that she’s usually not very friendly towards guys. She only has a couple of guy friends, and from that a very few are close to her. And from what I can see and what our mutual friends tell me, I connect very easily with her, at least within the current company. I haven’t asked her out on a date officially, but we have gone out to drinks and other places alone quite a few times, and from what I can tell, we both enjoy each others company. I haven’t told anyone nor her that I’m interested in her. But this is because I’m almost certain what she will say if I ask her on a date; No. Even if what I’ve told you so far seems pretty good for me, its not really the case when dating is considered. For example, like I have mentioned before, I have asked her to go out for drinks, both with friends and without; she has declined more times giving different reasons then she has said yes. We have each others numbers and Facebook, and chat occasionally; sometimes she will give short answers and seems she doesn’t want to chat; sometimes she will not reply at all, and other times, we will chat for a very long time. I believe that if you’re interested in someone, you will make time for them, especially when the other person is trying to spend time with you. But this is not the case, even though when we do meet, our chemistry is on display again. And most telling of all, I have seen a guy she is interested in more than as a friend, how she behaves around him and the effort she puts in to spend time with him, although they are not together. So, do you think she is just flirting with me for fun? Or playing hard to get? Or is it that although it seems we do connect on an intellectual level, we don’t on a physical level? The guy she’s interested in seems to appeal to her on a physical level. So is this about looks? I’m a straightforward guy, and I know the obvious thing to do is to ask her out on a date, but I haven’t done that because I know that at least for now, the answer will be a no. Most importantly, although I’m convinced she doesn’t want to date me now, I can tell she is interested in me, but maybe just short of actually dating. What can I do to change that, if anything?
Sorry for the long post and many questions, thanks for the article.
Cheers, Andy
admin says
Your story is exactly like the story of my husband and I. We were really good friends. He liked me. I liked him. But, I didn’t want to show him that I liked him because he never really showed me that he was truly interested in me, even though we focused on each other when we were out with friends. Turns out he was doing the same thing.
It took a night of too much alcohol to figure out we liked each other, and the rest was history. But it took years to get to that point. Looking back, I think we both had some extra lessons in relationships to learn before we could get together and have the amazing marriage we have now. But, I wish we had just been honest with each other about our feelings right from the start, because maybe we would have started our romantic relationships years earlier.
You said that sometimes you chat for a very long time, and sometimes it’s not at all or very short… the fact that you DO chat for a very long time sometimes gives me hope for you. She obviously likes you enough to put her time into you – or it would just be ‘not at all’ or ‘very short’ all the time. The observation about her putting in a lot of effort towards a guy she likes is interesting. That’s lust though, not love.
I think you need to follow your gut. It may not be the right time for you to date. But, it sounds like the possibility of dating is there. If you haven’t really expressed interest in her romantically, then she may think you view her as just a friend. Knowing how you feel could completely change the way she perceives you. When I found out my husband liked me, it was like he was a completely different person.
You can tell that she’s interested in you, but maybe it’s short of dating because she doesn’t think it’s a possibility. I’m not saying it will work out, but I think it’s worth a shot to let her know your interested and see what happens.
Domo says
Hii am just new but I like this guy but really and truly am a bit shy and I am acting a little bitchy it’s like his presence I can’t take him but deep down in my heart I really like this guy can you please tell me what to do so I can move normal and cool with this guy.
admin says
Don’t be bitchy around him, that’s for sure. Just be friendly towards him. Your nerves won’t go away, but you don’t have to let your nerves dictate how you act. Make the choice to be friendly with him and see what happens. Then go from there.
Domo says
Thank you so much
Louisa says
Hello Bellaisa, Great article and I read pretty much all your replies.
Im very confusing at the moment and I really need some help! I’d be very appreciate if you could give me some suggestions.
This is going be a long message and please forgive me because my English isn’t that good.
I have a huge crush on a guy at my gym. We are in the gym 5 days a week at similar time. I started noticed him February last year. We are both weightlifters. The reason I pay attention to him is because he’s a good lifter and he’s strong. I noticed he glances at me a lot but as soon as I look at him he look away immediately. July last year, i initiated a conversation with him, we mainly talked about our training, he was really friendly,smile but he seem quite nervous. The next day when I see him in the gym, he completely ignored me! He wouldn’t look at me at all. From his facial expression, he looks very nervous. So I left him alone. I tried to talk to him again the next day he seem really friendly and happy. I told him he’s a good lifter, he was blushing and he said I can train with him sometimes if I want, I said that’s sounds great. Then same thing as usual whenever he sees me in the gym he ignores me. In last August, I tried to talk to him again and I said I will train with him next month, he was really happy and he asked me to text him if I wanted to train with him. He gave me his number. He only said hi to me once and came to talk to me once, rest of the time it was me the one talk to him and say hi first,he ignores me a lot.
I texted him a few weeks later after he gave me his number, I was just asking How his training going, he replied but didn’t say very much at all. He didn’t come to gym one day, I texted him to ask how he was, he didn’t reply me. On September last year, he didn’t go to the gym for more than a week, I text him to ask how he was, he didn’t reply I found him on whatsapp and text him there, he said he was on holiday and he was asking me if I was missing him, I jokingly say yes I miss him dearly. We talked quite a bit that day but mainly about training. I noticed every time when I whatsapp him, he doesn’t read my messages straightaway even though he’s online. Even after he read my messages he often doesn’t reply straightaway. Because of his confusing attitude , I didn’t train with him because I wasn’t sure if he wanted to train with me or not.
He has a good physique. Unlike other guys always wearing tank tops to show off their body, he’s always wearing t-shirts and shorts. Quite a few times in the last few moths he was wearing tank tops and it’s very obvious he tries to show off his body in front of me. No matter where I go in the gym, he will workouts right in front of me to make sure I can see him! What does that mean?
We haven’t talk in the gym for like 3 or 4 months now. The last time I whatsapp him was in December last year. I text him to say hi and mentioned about my training progress, he replies really quick but didn’t say much. When I asked his how his training going, he didn’t reply even though he’s been online all night. The next day, i text him and jokingly said “I thought I was only invisible at the gym”, he replied really quick this time and say”sorry I was on the phone for more than an hour last night and completely forgot about your whatsapp and I’m at work today. I didn’t mean to ignore you”. I felt hurt! I replied: “I see. I hope you enjoy your training”. I never text him since because I feel like I’m being played!
In the gym, I ignore him. He still glances at me a lot. Last month, we were working out very close to each other. I noticed he tried to catch my attention, he then looking a girl’s pictures on his phone and then looks at me to see my reaction, I ignored him. It seems like in the last few weeks he tried to have a eye contact with me but ignore him.
I noticed every time I talk to other guys he seems look at us a lot and see what we are doing.
Last week, I saw him training together with a girl. I’m not sure if she’s his girl friend but they aren’t that close. I think I saw him with that girl before in a shopping center last summer.
Bellaisa, I’m very very confused with his behaviour! If he’s not interested then when gave me his phone number? If he’s interested why ignores me?? I’ve lost sleep many times because of him. It’s been like this for many months now, I’m thinking to just move on but the confusion is really killing me!!
Please tell me what you think and I will be very very appreciate it!
Many thanks!
admin says
Well, I think there is one of two things going on.
I mostly feel that he likes you but he’s extremely shy and nervous to show it. Maybe he doesn’t think you like him or maybe he’s nervous about dating. My husband was like that. He seemed to like me one day and then not like me the next, and that went on for years, but the fact was he was just too nervous to let me know how he felt and it was more comfortable for him to never fully let me know how he felt.
The second thing is that maybe he’s seeing someone else and doesn’t want to lead you on, even though he likes you. That could be why he let you see him looking at a girl on his phone. He was trying to show you that he’s unavailable.
I really do think he’s interested in you, but if he’s dating someone else then he wouldn’t want to make things more complicated by dating you too.
I think the only way you can find out is by asking him out on a date. (I know, that sucks that you have to put yourself out there, but he’s not going to.) If he’s just nervous, then he will be glad you took the initiative and say yes. If he already knows that he’s not going to date you, then he will refuse and you will have your answer and can finally start moving on. And, if he’s indecisive about it, then move on.
You can’t wait around forever for someone to make up their mind about you or be upfront and honest with you. In fact, you wouldn’t want to date someone like that because your relationship would be just as confusing, so it would be for the best to move on.
Good luck!
Louisa says
Thank you so much for replying!
Here is a bit of update since I posted here.
Remember the girl he trained together in the gym? The first time I saw them training together I wasn’t sure if she was his gf but I thought I’d better stay away from him. Since that day I completely ignore him and I tried to go to the gym different time. I saw the girl in the gym a few times after that but she only trained with her female friends and they never talked to each other’s in the gym. A week ago, I saw him leaving together with that girl and her friends, he was smiling to that girl but as soon as he sees me walking pass his smile freeze! I haven’t seen the girl in the gym since. I’ve changed my schedule on Saturday to avoid seeing him so I didn’t see him on Saturday for two weeks but yesterday he was in the gym same time as me! I’ve never seen him train that time of day on Saturdays so I’m wondering if he was trying to train same time as me?
Another thing is he was constantly on Whatsapp all night on the Valentine’s Day. If the girl was his girl friend(saw her in the gym that day and he was there too but they train separately) I’d thought they would go for a dinner or something instead of on whatsapp all night?
I don’t mind talking to him but I really hate the feeling of being ignored! I’ve talked to him and text him many times but he ignores me after that. It hurts!! It makes me feel that he doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to talk to me. I have a strong feeling he likes me but I don’t understand why he keeps on ignoring me! From the way he behaves in the gym, he seems like a shy person and awkward around people. He doesn’t talk to other people much and he’s not that kind of guy who likes attention. I’m thinking of changing gym because it’s hard to forget about him when I see him all the time. Maybe I should try to talk to him and tell him I have an intention of changing gym and see how he reacts?
admin says
Sounds like a good idea to me. You have to do something or you are going to drive yourself crazy. But, I do think you should just ask him what the heck is going on. If you are going to change gyms and not see him anymore, then there’s no harm done if he tells you he’s not interested.
Louisa says
Just want to add he is quite a bit younger than me. I think he’s 23-25 years old.
Mike says
Hi Author nice article from you.. I just want to ask your opinion about a few things, there is this girl in my class and yeah you know that stuff she always looking at me back and forth back and forth while talking with her friends and one day i finally decided to talk with this girl i shook her hand and we introduced ourself and i noticed when we talk she got even nervous when i talk to her even though she is trying to keep her head cool i can see that she is nervous, the thing is even though she’s acting like that she replies my text a long time (an hour even a day) then one time i ask her a favour let just say i ask her to try check something on her computer, she even reply me “i don’t know, so how to do it hahaha?” then i explained it to her how to do it step by step and from there she stop replying even though she is the one who ask me how to do it, and i didn’t text her again because i don’t want to look “greedy”.. So i just wanna ask your opinion does she hate me already because i ask her a things or is she playing hard to get?
admin says
It doesn’t sound like she hates you. It sounds like she might like you, but be annoyed with the way you approach her. Instead of asking her to do something for you, ask her if she wants to do something with you. Have you asked her out? If not, then you may want to try.
Mike says
I just about to ask her out after i ask her a favour but she’s not replying me lol :p and i haven’t contact her again yet and currently abroad for a while. Let just say if she might like me (because a lot of good sign coming from her just like i said above nervousness, talking awkwardly towards me, etc.) is it normal for a women takes a long time to reply a text to a man that they like even when she’s not busy? and when i returned from abroad is it ok to text her again to ask her out because i think its awkward that i didn’t contact her for a long time because she is not replying me and suddenly i ask her out? I wanna know from your perspective from a women lol. Thank you.
admin says
No, it’s not normal. She’s either scared to reply (starting a new relationship is scary) or unsure if you like her and doesn’t want to get rejected. I don’t think it would be awkward. You have a history. You will know better if she’s interested or not after you ask her out for real. If she says no, then she’s probably not interested. If she says yes, then that’s great. And if she’s indecisiveness, then you will have to dig further because she could be thinking anything.
Ricardo94 says
I met my crush in the library, she initiated conversation, and started texting me. At first i was anxious to start something woih her but when i did she became extremely cold. I started initating text and she would reply with extremely short and conversation ending sentences. I asked her to lunch twice, and she said yes once and stayed a little while before heading to class. Now she tella me she has been dating for 4 years. Did i screw up?
Alonzo says
Maybe. It’s possible that you did something to cause her to lose interest. But she could also just be a flirt or could have being friendly. Sometimes girls just flirt for attention and don’t want to date. Other times she could have been just overly friendly and it unintentionally came across as flirty. Another possibility is that she wanted to reassure herself that she was/is attractive to other guys. Once you confirmed that with your interest, she was okay. I wouldn’t dwell on it too much, just move on to the next girl.
Alonzo says
Great article! Playing hard to get and being nervous is a terrible combination. I had a girl show these signs except she would just stare and smile and look away if I noticed her. Eventually we’d exchange pleasantries but it never went beyond that. She was just too hard to talk to because she was so shy. I just gave up because I wasn’t sure if she wasn’t interested or if she was just playing games. Eventually she moved to another part of the state (I think) so the issue just resolved on it’s own.
Will says
So about 1 month ago I decided to give Meetup a whirl and with my 2 days off look for something fun to do.
My first meetup was going to be at a sorta arcade center with mini golf but due to the packed club we were forced to go somewhere else.
Ten of us or so found a tavern near bar and chatted it up.
I have never been back with that group sense as it seems no more meetups are scheduled in my area.
So i found another meetup close by that had people who wanted to play 500 or spades. Being new to both games figured i woukd give it a try.
First neetup was with about 16 card players. I was getting tutored how to play when a female joined in at another table with the otyers. After awhile she decided to join us. She sat across from me and was on the opposing team.
Me being 5 11 needed some space so i shifted a bit away from the table and made myself comfortable. I looked down and what did i see?! Her legs were sorta in between mine. Play continued… end of the nite we all said our goodbyes.
Next meetup i was with 2 other players waiting to play and she walked in and sat right across from me this time. Again she was on the opposite team. Play continued until towards the end of the night she made a statement sorta telling me she was single and just left a relationship. Then later into the night she said out loud that she hated kids. All this with nobody asking etc…
Is this woman saying shes interested in me?
Moe Toe Moe says
Hello author, that’s a great article .
Moe Toe Moe says
Hello author, Thank you for this article
A month ago i met a girl during a work meeting. We talked about work stuff indeed but when we finished we decided to extend the meeting just because we enjoyed each others’ company. Since than we have arranged several meetings and we hang out a lot together.
I have decided to take a look at her body language and i have noticed that she bites her lip a lot and she flirts with me. At one point i thought that everything is going well but suddenly we are not texting a lot and we are not meeting at all and that’s because she says that she’s having some family problems that preventing her from leaving her place.
I am really confused and i don’t know what do. Could it be that she is pushing me away
and she doesn’t have problem really?
The thing that we both had bad experiences with dating and we have both mentioned (the first time we met during the work meeting) that neither of us thinks of dating in the near future ( but i’ve change my mind after meeting her).
So should i let go? If not, what should i do ?
kevin says
Finally got the number of this girl I’ve been interested in. Contacted her a week back to make plans to get together the week after, she said it’s fine that she will see if she’s not busy. Didn’t hear back from her.
Eric says
There is this cute girl I met at a workshop. We got to know each and eventually exchanged contacts. I let her know she is cute and I liked her but she ignored my calls thereafter. What could have been the problem
Ben says
There is a girl on whom I have a crush but I am in just a slight confusion that she likes me , ignores me or something else. In the starting when we met I usually taught her some of the subjects and we just have a casual hi and a slight talk . I am in dilemma that she talks to me and even sometimes she just herself came and start talking . Laughs on my cranky jokes . She probably knew that I like her . But sometimes she just ignores me and acting just that she even not knew me and also never accept my insta request . What does it mean. She is quite weird but that’s the reason I have a crush on her . Can I please got a solution to get out of dilemma.
Sam says
There’s been a lot of what I would call signs.
She’s been very free with me and we look at each other in a way that’s suggestive of interest.
There’s someone else in the picture though, her friend. I met her friend before her and approached her but she behave very awkward and zigzagy.
I have even talked to her about her friend before we started coming close. She eventually told me her friend now has a boyfriend.
She’s been trying to get me and her friends to come together for a while now and I’ve been outrightly showing her I’m not interested in seeing her friend.
She recently told me she we ants to celebrate her exam success and outrightly said she’s going to take me out (I’m her lecturer in college). Immediately she said that, as usual, she quickly reframed the statement and said she and her friend would be taking me out to which I replied as usual that I’ll not be going for that and told her she either take me out for her celebration or let me be but her friend is a no no.
Acting on a friend’s advice, I asked her to prepare and let’s go celebrate her on a day like that and she said ok and even asked for time and when I gave her she didn’t object.
I called her at that time as I promised and she wouldn’t pick the phone! I gave her two rings of the phone.
Now what do I do, is she playing me?, Is she interested? Is she not interested? Is she considering her friend’s factor.?
I’ll like you to help.
Sunny says
There is a bartender at a place I frequent ag a casino who seems to flirt with me, but I am not sure if it is she likes me or is just being friendly. I would go and place a order with me and out of no where she would start to tell me no and smile and say she is just playing. Then recently I brought a red bull in there but ignored her as I’m walking to the porch and she leans on the bar and says hey you cant bring outside drinks in here, and I said I always do and you’re the only one who told me that even though there are signs and she has this nervous laugh and kept laughing saying I’m kidding. Well hear is where things get interesting I decided I am not flirting with these girls no more so I stopped for about a week. There is a new cocktail waitress who works there who happens to be her best friend. I walk in say what’s up to a few friends get a drink of water and her friend who previously rejected me puts her arm around my waist when i said hi to both of them. The 1st bartender I seen was being quiet and just looking down but I go to gamble. When I come back I am walking but ignored the 1st bartender the one i think that does like me and through my peripherals I seen her break her neck very fast and looked at me but I ignored it and she ran up to me smacked my forearm or something similar and ran away behind the bar. Yesterday she told me she is always gonna tell me no when I asked for something but I know she is joking about really meaning no. My question is am I right to believe she likes me or what should I make of this.
Billy says
I like this girl so much. She accepts gift from me. She looks at me sometimes mildly and puts her her down and sometimes look side when I stare at her. I proposed to her and she replied she doesn’t know what to say. What does mean and what do I do. I nearly got a her bored sometime a ago but I stayed back to keep her in touch.she is apologetic but she keeps cutting my call when I call sometimes.