What should you do when a woman plays hard to get with you? You know the type – a woman who makes you want to give up for fear of being rejected repeatedly by her. I’m not talking about a woman who has outright told you she doesn’t like you. I’m talking about a woman that is showing interest in you, but making it a challenge to get her or win her over.
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What To Do When A Girl Plays Hard To Get
How To View The Situation
It can be frustrating when a woman plays hard to get. She can send mixed signals, cause you to doubt yourself, and make you feel bad when she rejects your advances. Nobody likes to feel bad when they are pursuing someone else, and it can eventually cause you to give up on the woman who plays hard to get and move on to another woman.
But, a woman who plays hard to get can be worth the challenge! She may be making sure that you are a guy that is worthy of her, and that shows a lot of self-confidence, which is something you should want in a woman.
She is also trying to ensure that you really like her and that you are not just trying to get in her pants for a one night stand or something.
In short, she is ensuring that you are a guy who fits what she is looking for, and that will result in a better dating experience and relationship in the end.
So, look at the woman who plays hard to get as a positive challenge instead of a woman who is making you question every move you make. Don’t be hard on yourself. Keep moving forward and try to figure out a way to move past her hard exterior and find that soft spot where she finally gives in and starts to warm up to you.
Your Goals When A Woman Plays Hard To Get – And How To Achieve Them
There are a few main issues that occur when a woman plays hard to get with you. Let’s talk about them and how to overcome them.
1. Getting Her To Show That She Is Interested
Usually, her indication that she is interested is what gives you the signal to approach her and try to get her number. But when she doesn’t give you any sign that she is interested, it can be hard to go in for the approach.
Here’s the thing: women know you are checking them out. Always. Don’t fool yourself. So if she is not giving you any signal at all, that is better than a dirty look or having her run away from you completely. In other words, if you are interested and she hasn’t backed away, then she may just be testing the waters to see how interested you really are and if you are going to approach her even though she hasn’t given you a clear signal.
If you take too long to approach h
er, she may give you a small signal to bring you in. But a woman that plays hard to get will likely give you nothing at all, so it is your job to move in and test the waters. Approach her and keep the conversation light and fun. If she holds a conversation with you, then you have her interest, but you don’t have her yet.
If you are going to see the woman again, some PUA guys will tell you to avoid asking for her number now. This will make her more interested in you and give you more power over her.
But, with a woman who is playing hard to get, this tactic will likely just cause her to confirm the worst about you (you are not really interested in her) and move on to another guy. So, ask for her number and see what happens. If she says no, don’t make a big deal about it and let her give you her number when she is ready.
Continue to have conversations with her and continue to keep it light but show her that you are interested in her. Eventually, she will agree to give you her number and go out with you. Patience is really a virtue in this case.
2. Getting To The First Date
If you get her number, but she doesn’t respond to your call right away, don’t worry about it. She gave you the number and she is interested, but she is playing hard to get which means she is not going to answer your call and agree to see you tomorrow. She has already committed to taking some time with this, and you should too.
It is important not to wait too long to call her though. If you do, then she may think that you are not interested in her. Give her a call and if she doesn’t answer let her know you will try back in a few days. Chances are she will answer that time.
The trick is to keep trying. If she hasn’t told you outright that she is not interested, then she is probably still playing hard to get and testing to see how far you will go.
There is a point where you should probably give up. When a woman plays hard to get, she will not avoid your calls for weeks. If that happens, the woman probably is not interested in you or has so much going on that she doesn’t have time to get into a relationship. If a few weeks have gone by, you may want to move on to another woman.
Otherwise, you should be heading out to your first date within a week or two, so get ready for it!
3. Making The First Date Successful With A Woman Who Plays Hard To Get
The first date for a woman who plays hard to get is all about feeling you out and deciding whether or not you are a guy she can see herself with for the long run. In short, it is exactly like any other first date you will ever go on! Keep your eyes open for some crazy behavior on the first date that indicates she is not just playing hard to get, she is actually not a woman you will want to get!
All you can do is be charming and interesting on the date. If she likes you, she will agree to go out with you again, or at least agree to talk to you soon.
It will not be easy when dating a who is playing hard to get.
Some women will be making out with you after the first date.
Some women will gladly want to see you every day after your first date.
But a woman who plays hard to get will want to take it slow, and you have to be in it for the long haul if you want to win her over.
Some First Date Advice That Will Help You Be More Successful With Any Girl – Even A Girl Who Plays Hard To Get
If She Is Not Showing A Lot Of Interest In You
If she is agreeing to go out with you, and she is answering your calls, but she is not showing a lot of interest in you, then don’t worry about it. Just because she is not jumping your bones now doesn’t mean she will not jump them in the future.
So, don’t ruin your chances with her by being rude, or stalking her, or playing games with her. Instead, let things progress naturally and stay in the game as long as you feel comfortable.
If she doesn’t come around after a month or so, then you may want to move on because that is not necessarily a woman who is playing hard to get – that is a woman who is playing you.
A woman playing hard to get is NOT trying to play you for a fool. She is not trying to lead you on and make you beg for her. She is simply making sure you are a man who is really interested in her and willing to wait a short time for her.
Trust your instinct on this. If you feel you are being led on and played, then find another woman. But if you feel you are making progress, and she is worth the wait, then stay in and see what happens. Just don’t let yourself get walked on or used by her.
The bottom line is that most women want a guy to put some effort towards getting them. A woman who plays hard to get wants a guy who will really put some effort in for her and show her that he cares. If you do that, then you have a good chance of winning her over.
The Real Truth says
Most women nowadays like sleeping around with all different kinds of men, and they are useless anyway.
Bellaisa says
That’s quite a generalization! I don’t doubt that you have been running into a lot of women like this, but the truth is that there are a lot of good women out there.
The Real Truth says
Well i certainly do meet a lot of Psycho Women nowadays, especially when they have to Curse at me when i will try to start a conversation with them. And before you say i must be doing wrong, i know other men that had this happened to them as well. That just shows me how many very Pathetic Women that are out there today, and years ago women weren’t like that since it is definitely the times that we live in now which doesn’t help.
Bellaisa says
The times that we live in? What do you mean?
Peter says
I think he means that women are acting too entitled in this generation where a generation ago, many women were more respectful of men. Basically there is some kind of two way disgust going on and I think sex and sleeping around really is at the heart of it. Now we can see why religion and chastity might have helped before. Imagine back when people could really do some damage to one another and now include sleeping around in that era. There would be a lot of blood in the streets I’m sure.
Even Realer Truth says
All men nowadays like sleeping around with all different kinds of women AND men, and they are useless anyway.
And you need us, not the other way around. So enjoy your loneliness 🙂
Deege says
I hope this was sarcasm…
It simply is not true. There are straight-up and “old fashioned” guys out there still.
The problem is the good 10% of men and good 10% of women finding each other. A guy has to kiss lots of frogs before he finds a princess. 😉
I’m still looking…
I’m 50, divorced, no kids, on and off dating.
No woman gets any of this unless I am in a committed relationship.
I also have a number of instant deal-breakers, in friendship, in dating, and in relationships.
Ryan says
Thanks for the wonderful advice! I had considered giving up a few times as I had no idea what to do. After reading, I have decided to continue trying and be patient about it. My only worry is that she might have other guys to consider while she takes her time to respond me. But hack it, I have been motivated by your blog and not give up unless she gives me the red flag. Thanks and if it works out for me, I let you know. 🙂
Bellaisa says
If she has other guys that she responds to, and she responds to them, then she was likely not meant for you anywase. Do let me know!
James says
Im dealing with one right now.. And i did the 2 weeks no txt and she never initiated contact, i already had a date with her i know she’s interested. At one point she told me she doesn’t want a relationship (broke up with a guy 3-4 months ago) and of course she very busy.. Long story short, last year she was flirting with me while she had her boyfriend and now shes really a pain in the bu**, sometimes she just blacks out of an ongoing conversation (txting) and never replies back. I just don’t if all this is worth it..
Bellaisa says
If you didn’t contact her for two weeks, she probably thinks you are not that interested in her. Who told you not to contact her for two weeks? That’s horrible advice! If she is playing hard to get, then she is testing to see how interested you are in her, and if you don’t contact her, that tells her that you don’t really care whether you talk to her or not.
Like I said in the article, there is a point where you may just want to give up. If she’s not texting back to you, then she may be more interested in herself than a relationship with you, and you may want to look for a girl who has a little more compassion and doesn’t make you feel so bad.
Dra says
How is this going now. I am stuck with a coworker like this
James says
Hey Dra,
Turned out she left a couple of months after in an other city.. She was interested but not in a relationship.. She was kind of lost. I talked her through it and she was afraid to develop feelings while she was going away. Kept it short and sweet and told her best of luck. I Remember her being asphyxiated with her relationship that’s why she needed some time.. What about your coworker? What’s the status of your professional relationship?
Ari says
Have been texting this girl for around 5 months with occasional phone calls, after the first time I met her and hung out with her. She lives in a different state, so we cannot meet as much. i visited her, 2 weeks ago, and we had a lot of fun, and she hung out with me for 2 days. But now I see, she never texts me first, its always needs to be me, to text first. I am on day 3 of next texting her, and she has never initiated contact yet. What do you think I should do?
max says
Let her go….delete her number.
…
Joe says
Hey.
I went out on a blind first date with a girl 2 weeks ago. It did not go well. It was awkward. I didn’t have much time to set it up. Anyway, lots of miscommunications. The friend that set us up helped clear the air and we started talking again. On the phone, our conversations have gone well….until yesterday.
I called her at the time that I told her, on the dot. She said she had been out with friends and was now at a male friend’s house. We ended up setting a second date and she seemed very excited. She ended the call after a half hour because she drove to her “parent’s house”. She said that she would call me today, but hasn’t.
So it doesn’t seem like she is very interested…..or is she playing hard to get?
Bellaisa says
I’m not sure why you don’t think she isn’t interested. She set up a second date with you, right? To me that sounds like she is willing to give another date a chance after an awkward first date, which means that there is some interest there.
I’m not sure what time it is where you are, but here is is early morning still. Even if you were referring to the fact that she didn’t call you at all on the day she was supposed to, give her a chance to call you. She may be really busy. If she doesn’t call after a few days, or if she cancels the date, then yeah – she may not be interested in you. Be patient, wait a few days, and time will give you the answer.
Also, do you not believe she went to her parents house? I’m just wondering because you put it in quotes. If you don’t trust her already, before you really know her, she will not feel comfortable with you. Try having faith in her until she proves you otherwise.
Joe says
Thanks for the response!
Well, she didn’t call me (she just started physical therapy that day and was in pain, or so she says). I texted her and we had the date. She drove 1.5 hours to meet me. The date went well. She appreciated how much I planned it and said that she had a good time. She told her friend that it was one of the best dates that she’s been on. However, she wouldn’t kiss me and resisted most touching.
Fast forward a few days, we texted a bit. She said that she would call me, but was studying for an exam. She said that she would call me on her study break. Again, she did not call me.
So I don’t understand. To me, it’s clear that she’s not interested (she never calls me or initiates contact and she did not like my physical touch). However, she drove 1.5 hours to meet me.
Either way, I guess I should just friendzone this girl? Interacting with her is becoming unpleasant.
Bellaisa says
Yeah, if you feel like that, then put her in the friend zone. The fact that she drove that far to see you…the friend zone is where she belongs. Right?
I think the problem is you are trying to rush it and she is not. You want her to show you affection and she is not comfortable doing that yet.
You don’t know why she is not comfortable with touch. Do you? You are assuming it is because she is not interested in you, but there are many other plausible reasons for it.
Bottom line, if you don’t like the interaction with her, then you will just stress yourself out and make her feel bad. This girl sounds like she needs a patient man – so let her find that man and then you can find a girl who wants to move faster.
Joe says
Thanks for the reply.
I think that she is a quality woman and I’m okay with being patient. I’ve just never experienced this kind of behavior from a woman that is interested before. So that’s why I’m questioning it.
This is totally new to me. But I’m willing to give it a shot since nothing that comes natural to me seems to work long-term.
JustLittleConfused says
I’m a little torn. It’s the fine line of giving space and letting her know she’s worth the chase.
We had a couple weeks or more of very good interaction before we went on our date. The date was amazing we both agreed. It ended with a kiss or two. The next few days after we were still pretty heavy texting and talking. She would text good morning handsome ect. I would sometimes be the first sometimes she would. We had chemistry and I’m 100% about that. Then it all kinda slowed down. I don’t know If she got scared or if it was just moving to fast (same thing I guess). We are both pretty busy and both have kids. I have no problem being patient, she’s well worth any wait. Anyway I few days after the date she text me that she is going to be busy for a bit with family stuff and would be mia. We talked a little here and there after that then the weekend came and she said she had a a lot on the agenda and we talk later or over the weekend. It was a weekend that we both didn’t have our kids. Today is Monday and I feel like I’m suppose to be the one to contact her but not sure if I should just respect the space or what? Is this her playing hard to get to make sure I’m serious. I know she likes me. I’ve rarely met people that we seem so comfortable so fast let alone a female that I like. What should I do?
Bellaisa says
As you said, you know she likes you. As you also implied, it hasn’t been very long. Don’t rush it. A few days may seem like a lifetime for you as you think about the situation, but if she is busy it probably felt like a few minutes for her.
I would contact her and just say hi. If she is busy, it sounds like she will let you know. If you stop contacting her altogether, she may think you are not interested. Just let her know you are still interested with casual calls and texts, and give it some time to develop.
That said, it shouldn’t take months to have another date – so use your judgement. If she keeps putting you off, then she may not be as interested as you thought.
Ben says
I am going through the same thing but we have been texting each other flat out all day and night.
I am confused as all hell every time I try to make plans she already has them with friends. Mind you she is on a working visa so I do accept her partial holiday life and she works way too many hours with generally only one day off. How well we can talk is sending me crazy I made the mistake of saying to her look I think I need to stop talking to you its putting me down to much because we cannot meet for a private date I did go to a Christmas party with her and she showed great interest me. What should I do? I really like her I could easily ask other girls out for a distraction but my mind is set on her when I tried to stop talking to her she was pretty upset and we talked for hours. I feel if I keep asking her out I look desperate with no other options
Bellaisa says
Hey Ben. How long has this been going on for? If it’s been a week or two, then I wouldn’t worry, but if she’s been avoiding you for a long time, then it may be time to stop trying with her.
If you went to a Christmas party together then I’m assuming you went out with her not long ago? So, I don’t really see a need to worry too much.
Don’t bombard her with requests to go out. When you talk to her, and she presents and opportunity to get together, ask her then. If she doesn’t have a lot of free time, then she has the right to devote it to her active personal life. That’s actually a good thing – it shows that she is not needy. Some girls will ditch their friends and family in a second for a new guy.
Give it time. Remember, your actions reflect your feelings. So don’t feel needy and you won’t act or talk in a needy way. Remind yourself that you have a lot of options, and if this girl (as great as she is) is not ultimately interested in you or won’t make a date with you, then you can easily move on.
Ben says
It’s been going on for only 2 and half weeks and she seems really keen she actually waits up for me text her because I start work at 4 am and then she will go out of her way to text me at work. I totally agree with how you say its a good thing that she has a good social life and won’t be too clingy. The amount we are talking makes me want to see her so much though, that way we can actually look at each other and talk I feel she is just testing my patience for a long waiting game so she doesn’t get hurt..
Bellaisa says
It sounds good then. Don’t rush it and enjoy the process.
jay says
how can one know or identified the hard to get girl or not interested
Bellaisa says
Thanks for the question Jay. It’s a great one! I actually just wrote a post based around your question, so you can read it here: http://attractgetwomen.com/difference-hard-get-not-interested/
Ugwuanyi Andrew says
Hi, i met this girl and we’ve been texting for a while now and its been good, but i can’t get on a date with her… She keeps standing me up(twice now). I was certain she was into me, but I’m not sure anymore. How do i know she’s genuinely interested??
Bellaisa says
I don’t know what time span this has been in, but because you said ‘for a while’ I’m assuming it’s been at least a few weeks to a month.
If she’s stood you up twice in that time, then she’s not interested. Once could be a genuine reason, but twice is a pretty good sign that she’s really not that interested.
She’s probably trying not to hurt your feelings, which is why she’s talking to you still and making plans with you, but if she was interested then she would be going on a date with you.
TheDon says
Hello, I need some advice. I recently met a lovely woman through an on-line dating sight. We exchanged e-mails, then mobile numbers, then texts. She never initiated e-mails (only once), text (none), calls (none). I have been the gentleman to court her and pursue her. I believe it’s the manly thing to do. I invited her on a date. It went well, but we did have a few differences. Overall it went well. The date lasted three hours, and she offered to give me a ride back home. She dropped me off, and it ended with a kiss on the cheek. She never texted me for a follow-up or to let me know of her time spent with me. She did not give me feedback. I texted her a few days later with an invitation for another date. She didn’t like the idea of my date, but accepted a date. I made a joke of my idea, and said I would contact her later in the week with an update. Friday, came along so we meet up for a date, a second date. The date lasts three hours, and our conversation and comfort level was much better than the first date. On this date I read her body language, she preened hair and redid her lipstick when I went to the washroom. The date ended with a kiss on the cheek, and a “I’m home text” “Good night” and that’s it. I wait a couple of days to text her. So, I did…she gave me a two word response. I wait two days to text her again. Only to receive another two word response. What is her deal? I she playing hard to get or just being nice. She knows I’m interested.
Bellaisa says
I have a very strong feeling she is just being nice. You sound like a nice guy – but a little desperate and needy. If that is what I am getting from you just from reading your interpretation, then I can’t imagine what she feels.
You need to re-read what you wrote from an outsider’s perspective – without emotions.
She never initiated e-mails, texts, calls…
The first date was a little bumpy
She had to drive you home?
She never texted afterwards – no feedback
She didn’t like the idea of going out with you again!
She never texted after the second date
When you texted she gave a two word response
All of these things point to not interested. Especially the last point. After the second date she is only giving you a quick response. If she liked you at this point, you would be getting more than just this – especially if she knows you are interested.
And if she is playing REALLY hard to get (which I doubt) she will try to contact you if you stop contacting her completely now. You guys have been on a few dates, she knows you are interested, and if she does like you she will reach out. My advice? Stop texting her completely. Wait and see if she contacts you. If she doesn’t move on.
Art Anderson says
You can’t have it both ways with your advice. In October 2014 you advised someone that not texting for two weeks was a bad move:
“Who told you not to contact her for two weeks? That’s horrible advice! ”
Now you’re telling this person to stop texting completely and wait and see.
Unless “completely” means something different, to me it’s a lot longer than two weeks.
Sure, one sounds like a game (I’ve read young people posts that they went 2 whole days with their “no contact” plan, like that was spectacular) and the other sounds like relationship advice, but they come down to the same thing. Give the other person the time and space to show their true colors, or maybe it’s “give them enough rope . . . “, especially if they were the ones that came on strong to begin with.
Bellaisa says
The advice is relative to the situation.
When a woman is interested in you, waiting for weeks to text her is ridiculous. It sends the message that you don’t like her or have no interest. Or, it sends the message that you are playing games. Either way, it won’t end well. And, in most cases, if a woman is REALLY interested, you can tell. She shows signs of interest and she is willing to go out with you, talk to you, text with you, etc…She doesn’t reject you continuously and she wants to communicate with you in some way.
When a woman is playing you (like the woman seemed to be doing above), then backing off is the only way to see if she’s interested. Texting her every day is not going to give you any insight into her interest if she only texts you back two words or doesn’t text you back at all. In other words, if she’s playing really hard to get, and you stop texting, she may reach out to you to see what’s going on, which shows interest. It’s a better tactic than sitting around texting her continuously and wondering what’s going on.
THeDOn says
Thank you! I have stop texting her. Lost another good one. Darn it!
Bellaisa says
She wasn’t good for you – so don’t worry about.
James says
Hi there, I’d like some advice please.
I have been having a casual sexual relationship with a girl for about 4 months now. We both really like each other, but my feelings are stronger. We go on dates, we hang out and we have a lot in common. My male friends tell me she’s playing me but my female friends tell me she’s playing hard to get and I need to be a bit more cool and let her come to me more often. The only thing that’s annoying me about it all is that she is going on a couple of dates with another guy and she is encouraging me to go on dates. Should I go on dates and act disinterested or keep focusing on making her mine? She once told me that she is going on a second date with a guy to reaffirm her feelings for me.
Bellaisa says
Hey James,
A woman playing hard to get likes you but wants to make it a challenge. She doesn’t go on dates with other guys to reaffirm her feelings for you, and she sure as hell doesn’t encourage you to go on other dates; instead, she makes you work a little to prove that you are committed to getting her and having a good relationship with her.
You say your relationship is casual. If it had been just a week or two, I might look at this differently and agree with your female friends, but after 4 months of a casual relationship a girl will know if she wants to get into a real relationship with you (just like you know that you want to with her). She won’t sill be debating it. And, again, she won’t encourage you to go on other dates.
Your male friends sound spot on with this one. I don’t know everything about your relationship, but I do know that she’s going out with other people and that means she is still playing the field and looking for something possibly better or more satisfying. A monogamous woman who finds a man she really likes will not need to go out with other guys on dates.
If you start to go out on dates and act disinterested towards her, then you will be making your life harder than it has to be. Games like that never make you feel good – they always promote negative feelings like anger or sadness. Why bother? Why live in a negative state like that when there could be a woman out there that will not lead you on.
And, if you keep focusing on making her yours, but don’t put your foot down about dating other people, then you are going to be unhappy because you teach other people how to treat you – and she will keep dating other guys because you allow it to happen.
Unless you want an open relationship with her, I would tell her that you want some level of commitment or nothing at all. I think that is the truth. I think that is what will make you happiest. So why not just lay it out on the table and stop wasting time? Honesty will help you feel better and get to the relationship you really want.
Hai says
Hi, im in a very difficult situation and I need your advice.
There is a girl I have class with in college, she likes me when i didn’t into her at first, she leaned on my shoulder, give me snacks…
And after our first time going out, i stated to have feelings for her. We had some dates, but yet reach to a relationship, but she still give me signals.
Until recently, I decided to drop out of college to find new opportunities without telling her. I wasn’t realized that she texted me couple of messages asking why did I skip classes. I called her to have coffee with me so I could explain to her. The night before our date, i flirted with her a little bit like we used to but she rejected me and telling we should just be friends. The next day I called her and she said she was busy so she can’t go with me. What should I do now?
Bellaisa says
Hey Hai. It is possible that she doesn’t want to date a guy who dropped out of college. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing (I did it three times!), but the you she knows has changed, and she may not be into dating the new you. Sounds like she is rejecting you and trying to distance herself from you. You can try again, but if you get rejected, take it as a sign that she’s not into you and move on.
Hai says
Thank you for such a quick reply.
I wish I could tell you more about the things between us, its so complicated that I cant tell you all about it in the comments section. The thing is she has a lot of signs of a girlfriend material you mentioned in your article. And she doesn’t like college as much as I do, she just doesn’t want to upset her parents. I really don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know what to do.
Bellaisa says
She doesn’t want to upset her parents? That’s a hard one. If she is influenced by other people, and they essentially make her decisions for her, then it is going to be very hard to convince her of anything. Some parents have a lot of control (too much) and being independent is not always easy when you’ve spent almost two decades letting them make a lot of your decisions. All you can do is let her know how you feel and see what happens. Nothing else is in your control.
Darius Siame says
I must say I’m impressed by your article, I think there is so much to learn from you. Now here is a situation; I met a girl got interested in her. I asked for her name which she gave to me then I requested for Facebook friendship and she accepted. I did this because we leave in two distant cities so I felt Facebook was the only option to use if I were to start talking to her,. We started chatting, after a month I requested for her phone number, she gave it to me via Facebook chat 2 weeks ago. I told her that I’m interested in her, we talk alot on phone when I call her but the problem is she has never called me,, its either I call her or we won’t talk if I don’t call. Tell me could this be a sign that she is not intended? It’s been 2 weeks now since I got a phone number from her. She is currently in college.
Bellaisa says
It sounds like she just wants you to chase her. If she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t have given you her number (or answered the phone). She is probably sitting at home thinking you are not interested in her anymore. When I was younger, I was too scared to call guys – even if I liked them. So, just keep taking the initiative. If she stops answering your calls, then you know she’s not interested.
bennie says
Hi Bellasia… I could use some advice. I’m 39. she is 35. Both busy professionals. We had our first date mid April. It went super well. we didnt have our 2nd date until mid may. That took a little persistance on my part. I dont know if the month between dates was our schedules of her. Our 3rd date was the end of May (last thursday the 28th). texted her on Monday back and forth a couple of times. at the end, i told her i’d like to keep seeing her. not rushing anything, but organically growing something. then i texted her a short playful text yesterday. havent heard anything back yet from either text. i dont want to give up on her yet…but i dont want to seem needy. i know she was oncall this past week as well traveling this weekend. i was thinking about calling her or texting her on sunday and leaving her a voicemail…unless she picks up… and say something like… “well, i kind of embarrased myself this past monday, but hey, i like you :). anyways, shoot me a text and let me know what your schedule looks like this week. I have some ideas perculating….” thoughts?? is this even a good move? should i call or text? when should i call???
Bellaisa says
Hey Bennie,
I know you’ve only been out a few times, but it has been months. So, she may have been totally into you in mid April, but by mid May, those feelings could have died down a bit. That is a long time to go from date to date – even for busy professionals!
Here’s the thing: She could have viewed your text about not rushing anything as annoying or frustrating. You’ve already been taking it slow, so to take it slower means you will have your next date…in the middle of July? You see what I’m saying? You can only stay interested in someone for so long with a date here and there, and then things start to move into friend territory. If your 3rd date was good, and then you waited four days to text her, that’s just adding more time to what is already a lot of time.
My point? I think you need to be a little more to the point with her.
I wouldn’t brush off what you said by saying that you embarrassed yourself. You were being honest and she knows it.
If you like her, then phone her up and ask her out again – for as soon as possible. Develop the chemistry.
If you had chemistry, then I strongly feel that you need to start getting together more and developing more attraction/sexual tension between the two of you or she is going to move on completely. I would call (not text) her as soon as possible and ask her out again.
And, if she doesn’t pick up the phone, then she may have moved on already.
Call once today and once in a few days, and then if you have to, send her a text saying you’ve been trying to call her but have had no luck, and you would like to get together with her as soon as she’s free. Then, leave the ball in her court. She may not respond – so be prepared for that.
As much as you may want to, don’t send anything else after that, because that will ensure she blocks you or doesn’t answer you from that point forward.
Let me know what happens. I’m hoping for the best!
bennie says
so it’s 9:15 pm where i am at and she just flew in to see her parents… she comes back sunday afternoonish… do you think i should call her tonight??
thanks for the perspective!!
Bellaisa says
I wouldn’t call her that late when she is visiting her parents – it could annoy her if she’s tired and doesn’t want to think about bigger issues. Also it is a Friday night, so it may be a little weird for her.
My gut says wait until Sunday when she gets back, but I think you should go with your gut because you know more about her and her situation. If you think it could do more harm than good to call today or tomorrow, then wait until Sunday. But if you think it would do more harm to wait, and you want to do it now, then call tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry, I know that’s not a concrete answer, but all I can say is Sunday at the latest.
r says
There’s a woman in very attracted to. She gave me her number,we talked quite a bit,had lunch,was very nice. Then it went for a turn. We made plans,fell through,then no real communication after that. I haven’t tried contacting her since then- a couple of weeks. I’m very busy myself & don’t have time for games but I do have time to slowly get to know her. I think she might be intimidated by me as I’ve heard people are.
Bellaisa says
If you don’t have time for games, then tell her that you want to get to know her better and ask her out for another date. Don’t try to figure out when is the best time to call. Don’t wait until you hear from her. Don’t play games; instead, do what you want to do. If she doesn’t like your or is intimated by you, then she may not want to be with you. At least you will know one way or the other if you contact her and talk to her.
George says
Ahh thank you, I was starting to think that the doubt she makes me feel is bad.
I mean doubting whether the girl is interested or is just playing you is good. But when you know she is interested but needs to protect herself (which is why she is playing hard to get), then it is maybe unnecessary to feel too much doubt. You need to overcome it.
Bellaisa says
I find that a lot of women feel the need to protect themselves because they can be viewed in a negative light if they act too quickly or display their true feelings. It sucks for both women and men that they feel this way, but it’s kind of the direction our society has taken. Women are shamed to feel too open with guys and men believe that women are bitches and cold-hearted because of it. That’s why understanding how to let women know that it’s okay to open up to you is important.
C says
Need some advice, not sure if this woman I am seeing is just interested in hanging out or would like to have a relationship. I met her the first time at a mutual place and had a few drinks and we ended up talking all night and then went are separate ways. She texted me that same night and said she had a good time and wanted to meet again. I met her a week later at the same place and we did the same thing, had a few drinks and hung out all night talking and then again went our separate ways, I did try to casually show that I was interested by touching her back or showing some kind of action telling her that I am interested but nothing to aggressive. We did go out again for dinner a week later and it went really well but I am kind of concerned because she seems like she is not showing any type of interest like showing any type of affection. Although, when I texted her she stated ” I would love to go out again. ” Just not sure on how interested she is in pursing a relationship, kind of getting mixed signals…. Any Advise would be appreciated.
Bellaisa says
Sounds like she is interested. If she said, “I would love to go out again,” that’s a good sign! Saying ‘yes’ when you ask her is even better. If you’ve showed obvious interest, then she knows you are looking for something more than just friends.
She may not be showing affection for her own personal reasons, such as fear of rejection or just being too nervous. Every woman moves at her own pace depending her past, etc. Plus women are taught not to be too sexual or else they will be judged. Trust me, there is a lot of fear of being too forward with a guy and then being used or judged negatively.
Next time you go out, look for any signs of flirting. If they are there, then that’s a good sign. If they are not, then she may just be going out with you because you are a nice guy and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
If she’s not interested, she shouldn’t flirt with you…at all. And you shouldn’t feel like you are getting mixed signals – you should feel like you are getting NO signals.
Loverboy says
Ok, let me elaborate why there has been a moral degradation of society, that leads to numerous divorces and sour relationships issue.
I know, the more I write more people will keep wondering whether I am a mysogynist, but, I strongly object to that in advance, because, I have many female friends and I have dated a few.
Now, since the dawn of civilisation, man has been considered the provider and protector. We, have always moulded and crafted social laws as it seemed fit, to maintain sanity of the society. Brothels, are a good example, to keep society sane. Now, we never treated women equal, we have exerted every means to bind them by social rules, to manipulate and dominate them, they hardly had any free will to choose. When a guy dates 3 women he is termed a hero, whereas a female is labelled as slut. Women play hard, yeah, because they dont want to be labelled as sluts. we have given women empowerment to choose freely, to decide and speak. Now, at present times, women, as we men say, cheats and sleeps with whoever, if a potential guy, who puts effort to gauge her. Here, I dont mean the whole women fraternity, but, yeah, of course, a lot of them. Now, see we, have crafted the social laws in such a way, that we cannot force a women to sleep with us, if however someone does use force that is termed as rape. So a normal, sane, male will never think of breaking the law. Now, it is proved, we guys cannot use physical force. Now, methods left are, ok, play love game with the girl. Talk sweet, use humour, shower her with compliments, excite her sexually and may finally get success in taking her to bed. Now, this girl, she is committed with a guy, may be that guy loves her and a seriously committed guy, did he ever expect, that this girl devised all sort of excuse and lies, and slept with another guy just for the fun of it??
Loverboy says
Now, guys let me give you some guidance. First thing that you guys have to know is ‘ignorance is bliss’, why? ok let me elaborate. If you put curd under microscope, you would not be able to consume curd ever. Now keep in mind, most girls will be turned on by the style of your communication, where you give subtle hints of your sexual fantasies. You have to build trust by showing your sensitive side, by showing that you care, though you know she is in a relationship with a so called mysterious friend, but, still you gotta show your ignorance as well your confidence. Dont like a girl too much, dont be obsessed. Dont be an emotional fool. Keep this in mind that that, most girls like themselves to be treated as sluts, not in public but in private. Consider this fact that, she might be in relationship with plural number of guys at the same time, and sooner or later your turn will come to take her to bed. Dont be aggressive, or abusive with women rather talk sweet and screw hard. Always remember not to ask lots of questions to a girl about her past relations. Remember, if you get an Aston Martin, would you care if its second hand. Remember, women are sensitive and attention seeking leeches, always needed to be felt secure, fulfilled, assured and made feel sexual and wanted. Guys, last thing to remember is that, though you have performed excellent still, you will not succeef always. But, if you do programme your brain in this way, you will not experience heartache.
David says
I met a girl on a dating site, after 3 days I invite her out for dinner, but a few hours before she text me telling me that have back pain and if I could meet her at her home, of course I said yes and I show up with a bottle of wine, after a couple of hours spent on the couch and with the empty bottle I tried to kiss her, and after 10 minutes she dragged me into the bedroom. The sex was great, she screamed for 3 hrs I was a bit rough and she loved it. After she hug in bed me for 10 minutes telling me that back pain is worst …and after 30 minutes I decided to go . I text he the next day asking if she was ok, and answer me back after two hours that she is not feeling well. I sent her a message the next day and she replies after 3 hours that she just came out of the doctor who has given to her three days off from work. I text her today after 3 days asking how it goes and he replies that she’s better, I’m confused, after that wonderful night in 4 days she never took the initiative to contact me. what she have in mind right now. if she is not interesting .. It’s make no sense to me
Bellaisa says
You are kidding me, right? If you are not, I’m sorry, but I can’t be super nice about this. You sound so selfish that it’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised if she never texts you back!
She was in PAIN! Yes, you had sex, but she was not feeling well and was likely spending a lot of time trying to feel better because her back pain was THE WORST. She was at the doctor! Three hours doesn’t seem like a lot of time when she’s at the doctors office. Three days doesn’t seem like a long time when you are in pain.
After sex, she told you how bad her back pain was and you left 30 minutes later? She was probably looking for you to comfort her or something, not leave. Why would you expect her to feel all warm and fuzzy about you.
In any case, it’s only been 4 days. Try to imagine yourself in a lot of pain – enough pain that you are off work for 3 days. Would you be thinking about a girl you met and getting together with her, or would you be thinking about taking care of your back pain so that you can enjoy her company again without having to feel horrible? Put yourself in her shoes. Stop thinking about yourself.
David says
Well.. I screwed it up!
David says
Bellaisa, thanks for the answer, but the problem has been fixed!
I felt so bad that I invite her to Varadero for a weekend!
Guess what?? I like her
Bellaisa says
Very good! I’m happy for you.
padaratze says
I’m dealing with a hard to get woman right now.
I met her last year at the gym and we have been taking over text because she never answer my phone calls.
When I asked her out for the first time she was dating someone and I was totally cool about that and I did not insist at all. Couple months past and we start to talk again and at this time she was single then I decided to ask her out again, at this time she said that one day she will go out with me. She said that she was very busy with work, school and the she didn’t wanna a distraction that could change her plans, she said that she was being a little selfish but she was really busy.
I played cool again and understood her.
This week she just contacted me just to say hi and how I was doing. We talked a little bit and she said how her work has going crazy and she has no time for herself.
Well, I really like her and I would take a chance on her if she let me. She is the most adorable and interesting women I ever met.
What should I do now ? Should I keep insisting or just let up to her to reach me out since she clearly know I have interest on her.
Thanks !!!
Bellaisa says
Leave it up to her, and look for someone else who is adorable and interesting in the meantime. It sounds like she’s not interested in an intimate relationship with you. She obviously likes you as a person to want to catch up with you, but even the busiest women will make time to get to know/date a man she really likes.
Obsa-boy18 says
It all started when i was hanging on the basketball court with some of my friends. Then some ladys came over i began talking to one of them in a kind of flirty manner. Later two other girls came and i went over to them cause one of them were my friend and the other one i didnt know . The other one was really pretty so i whispered to my friend that i thought her friend was beautiful. And suddenly My friend told the girl that i had said that and the girl just smiled and said thanks. Me and the girl lets call her N so that i becomes easier and lets call my friend R . So me and N started talking , and the conversation went really well. And later we went from the basketball court to the centrum of the city and while we was there R had left and the it was just me and N plus the girls i had talked to in the beginning . Later the girls went to eat something and me and N were alone so we went to a cafe and sat there talking .Then we went to the other girls and they were like were have you guys been and i were like nowhere . So after that we went to a bus stop while we was Sitting i started Dancing with the girl i had talked with in the beginning just for fun. And N was sitting there but she didn’t say anything. Later The girls had to go. N had to borrow my charger so we went in to a Mc Donalds and charged a bit but before we went in she told me : I see everything i hear everything , but i laughed and didnt know what to take that as . then i bought a mcflurry and asked N if she wanted something but she said she was not that hungry but then i told her ok but taste this mcflurry its real good so we ended up sharing it. Later she had to get something from her dad so we sat down at another cafe and talked
And i took her hand and pretended to foretell her future and i told her : I can tell by the stripes in the palm of your hand that today you will meet a handsome black guy ,She giggled and smiled at me .i commented something she did and she said she wasn’t gonna do it anymore and that she could give me pinky promise , so we locked pinkies and i pretended that she was strong so that it hurt my finger and when we let each others pinkies go she was the last one letting go and kind of had this last grip thing . And what i Noticed every time we was talking her pupils got large and she had a kind of intense but but attractive stare.She also laughed of everything i said when i was joking or being funny , something my friend also commented later when i talked bout her to him . So at the end of the night she had to go so we said goodbye but i didn’t kiss her cause i didn’t want to move to fast. Next day i met her , i was with my guys and she was with R. So we chilled at the beach. Me , R and N played some volleyball then we sat down and continued talking. Later we shared some food and then suddenly her ex were in the area some meters away and she suddenly told me that he were there. I said where and she told me don’t look but ill show you later. So she showed me and then she told me how they broke up and she told me he was a douche and to flirty with other girls. I didn’t ask so much about her and her boyfriend cause i didn’t want to make her think to much of it and i didn’t want to seem like to curious. So we had a nice day, and that was the last time we were hanging out before i had to work a whole week away and i also was traveling to LA for 3 weeks. We kept the conntact but first i waited 1 or 2 weeks before i added her on facebook. Then we talked and she responded really fast and we had a good flow in our conversation but it was always me start the conversations except from when she hasnt seen a message from me and answer late or next day. We were talking one day about going on a Cafe date and she said yes but she couldnt so we didnt get the date . I joked with her on text and told her : well then i guess i just gotta take out one of your girlfriends out , but she was like : No all of them are taken . Later on i told one of her girlfriends that she had told me that they all were taken , and she told me that it wasn’t true and that it must been because she wanted me for herself and cause she didn’t want me to date any of her girlfriends. Me and N texted and i joked with her and told her : girl if you like spongebob then let me be your heartthrob . She told me : Oohboy youre trying hard . I told her : am i trying hard , i dont know what youre talking about. She told me : youre gonna understand . I told her : I just think if you want something you gotta work hard for it. She told me : thats exactly what i mean. I told her : im ready to put in work , i even got a work shirt ( cause i sent a Picture of me in work shirt)
She told me : aww your cute .
Then we kept on talking. We talked later and she was talking bout a travell she was going on , Then i called her princess and she told me: i like that.
I also told her about a senario where we would travell togheter and she told : oh i would luv that ❤️.
one day i was talking and i talked bout how i was a one woman guy but she didnt seem to convinced and she just sent ha ha and then she told me she was tired and wanted to sleep , that was before i got to explain or answer her comment. And a bit later we were joking and then she told that i sometimes was a bit rude i think she was joking or saying that in a teasing manner but still it made me wonder but . I just changed the subject and that was the last talk til now. I must admit I’ve been some kind of a player just a bit but i decided to go all in for her , but i feel like i dont know where i got her now . Im so afraid of losing the little grip i thought i had cause we haven’t been able to meet in person but i dont really know. All i know is I’ve given it a lot of thought and i think me and N could have something beautiful if given the chance. I have noticed that when we talked about slang names we had or things about ourself that includes our friend or interaction she tells me : my friends call me that . And thats when i also wonder if thats a hint to tell that I’m not friend zoned. She likes my profile pictures and updates on Facebook. she also writes pink hearts and jokes with me on Facebook something i wouldn’t expect to happen if she was shy. But i dont know i just want to know if i should shove for it or let go of it .
Bellaisa says
Her last boyfriend was too flirty with other girls, which is basically like telling you that she doesn’t want a guy who is flirty with other girls. Then you talk about dating her friends? I’m not sure what else you have said, but if she’s told you that you are kind of rude sometimes, it is likely because you talk about other women in a way that implies you could have them or want them. Think back and I’m sure you will think of some comments – even joking, that implied that. You may be joking, but she will take it seriously.
She’s insecure. So if you like her, you have to cut out the implication that you are a player and put your focus on her. If you are not willing to do that, then she probably won’t be interested in you because she doesn’t want a guy who could potentially cheat on her.
Obsa-boy18 says
Hi thanks for the answer , i sent her a message and apologized to her and i asked to show her that im not a player . so i asked her on a date and she said yes . So now i just got to make it the best date ever so do you have a plan of what i should do .
Bellaisa says
Yay! That’s awesome. I have an article that may help: http://attractgetwomen.com/win-woman-5-dates/ I would start on the date 2 suggestion because making her laugh could be the difference between getting another date or not.
luca says
Hey belle I need you to clear up something for me. Me & this girl have history, we dated years ago we were young, she was my neighbour & happened to be one of my ex’s cousin. I did treat her right, its just that we couldn’t be seen together because of her overprotective family. After sometime out of the blur she calls me & breaks up with me, when I asked why she said things weren’t going well, i tried to hold her back, she didn’t want & when we moved from that neighborhood, I guess that’s when we lost contact. Now We met up about a month ago & she’s been on my mind ever since so I guess I miss her. We’ve started talking again but she’s not making it easy for me & i totally get that. I just gotta point out that she’s lost a relative lately & she told me she don’t think she can ever get over it. This one time we were talking & I remember her saying that I’m not straight & to be honest I’m shy, quite & i tend to run out of words. I guess what I’m trynna say is, how do I win her back?
Bellaisa says
Hey Luca,
This is one of those relationships where ‘it’s complicated’ really applies. She’s grieving and obviously she feels as though you are not being honest with her. Those are two things you have to focus on. Offer her support, listen to her, and be there for her. And, speak up! Let her know how you feel and be honest with her. That’s all you can do. If she doesn’t respond to you after a few weeks, then move on. She’s obviously not ready for a relationship with you.
Peter says
I met this girl(she is a financial analyst) on OkCupid on July 31st and we communicated and I asked for her number on August 1, which she gave me saying “I’d love for you to give a call.” In the course of our discussion, she described herself as a feminist. We talked on August 1 for almost 2 hrs and even Skyped for 10 mins. At the end, I asked her to call me on August 2 around 7 pm which she did.Now I was to go on my vacation August 3 and I called her for 17 mins on Monday before I left on Tuesday. I signed up for Whatsapp so we could communicate while on my vacation. She texted me August 5 asking about my trip. I asked if I could call her but she said no that she was about going to bed and that she will call during the weekend. She never called and I even texted her twice on Whatsapp but no reply. Moreover, she was planning to go on vacation in Italy from August 15th. But on the day I came back from vacation ( she mistakenly sent me a text meant for another guy). I replied but never revealed myself. She realized it was not me when I talked about my wait at the airport and told her it was me. She only texted “sorry about that” when I told her she sent the wrong message to me. I tried calling her on August the 12th but it went on to voicemail. I texted her but she did not reply. I want to be with this girl but it seems she is no longer interested though she seemed happy the 2 days we skyped and even the text she sent me during my vacation. By the way am “Black” and she is “white.”
What should I do?
Bellaisa says
I don’t think the black and white thing is relevant, but I do think she’s not interested in you. Sounds like there is someone else she may be more interested in. May be an ex that she is reconnecting with or it may just be another guy she met – it’s hard to say. But, if she hasn’t been texting or communicating back, and at the same time texting someone else, then it really sounds like she’s not interested, for whatever reason. Plus, you replied pretending to be someone else which is a little creepy. May have been the nail in your coffin.
Peter says
So you suggest I stop texting her and move on. Or should I try 2 more texts to see if she responds. (She tends to get stressed a lot when she has a task at hand).
Bellaisa says
It’s not going to make anything worse by texting her a few more times if she already isn’t interested, so why not. But, I would just let her know – in the last text, that you feel as though she isn’t interested so you are leaving the ball in her court. If she replies, then maybe she is just stressed, but if she doesn’t, then you have your answer.
Bogdan says
Playing hard to get is a red flag to me. There are a couple of psychological things happening when the woman plays hard to get. She somehow accepts that the guy will no be willing to play hard to get, will to play the game doesn’t make the guy a better lover/husband/man, so her interest is already diminished from the start. Another thing is that for guys this is mentally painful, the guy doesn’t know where he stands with the girl, constantly asking and doubting himself another thing is that in the game the guy has to “prove” himself and “win” her over, like being himself is not enough, this devalues the guy in the relation.
I don’t see the argument in the article why the guys should play hard to get, just that is “worth it” and that the woman is testing him. Woman don’t have to test guys these days, its easy to see which one is handsome, has money or is athletic, whats not easy to see is the personality and playing hard to get doesn’t help the cause.
Tapanshu says
Hi,
I am stuck in a serious situation. I met a girl in subway few months back. We talked and we talked a lot.On phone on WhatsApp like everywhere.
(Before going to main point I would like to tell that few months back before we met,she had a breakup as her ex was lying about drinking and talking to other girls.He even used to have Vulgar chats with other girls and she came to know about that)
Now as we came closer i told her that i like her and we went on a date…..on that day all went very good….the day after the date she told me that this all remind her of her ex.And it would be difficult for her to develop feelings for me.I gave her time to think.We continued calling each other and after some time we again went out like before.
But one day her ex planned something with his and her mutual friends(as they both were from same college) and met her for like two hours.
When she returned she first called me and told me all what happened and told me that she felt good.Even though he hurt her with a lie.
Again I gave her time but this time she said that it wont work out with me.
One day her ex called and asked if she wants to get back with him.After a week she replied him with a YES.She told me everything……I dont’ ask what is going on between them but now she sometimes seems to b sad….and its all becos of her ex.
I asked her why doesn’t she leave him.She says “I know that u will make me happy like no way any other could,even my ex could not make me feel so happy as u can but i cant develop feelings for you as I still cant get my ex out of my mind.”
I still talk to her,she still calls me every night.
What to do?I don’t just want to be her friend. I Love her.
I know its a really long post but I am in desperate need of help.
Please reply fast.
Thanks.
Bellaisa says
This girl is stuck in a victim mentality. I’ve been in her shoes. I wouldn’t want you with her mentality. I would want the ex that makes me feel bad about myself because I want him to see how great I am and love me with everything he has! He won’t, of course, but that’s what she’s thinking. She’s told you a few times that it won’t work out – believe her. Trust what she’s saying and move on.
Grock7 says
So I met this girl some weeks ago
we started texting then I invited her for lunch and it seems fun. Almost after the first time going out she asked me if I could go with her to the gym at least four days per week so I accepted. After that, she said that she was busy so she couldn’t make it to the gym as promised.
We still hang out and text, but sometimes she takes forever to text like hours. Then she asked me for all of my social sites. When joking about why she was still single she said she liked somebody, but was in another school and he liked her back but nothing serious was going on
She didn’t say the name of the school
I’m kinda confused because she always accepts to go out with me just the two of us and even texts with me
I am not sure what she really wants
I have no idea if this is playing hard to get or she is just very sociable to ask me to go out with her
Bellaisa says
I’m assuming you are at a different school than her? If not, then you are in trouble!
Hours is not forever. She may be busy with family, friends, or school. I know people think that because we see a text instantly means we have to respond back instantly, but that’s not the truth. People shouldn’t have to drop everything to text someone back.
It doesn’t sound like she’s playing hard to get. It just sounds like you are getting to know each other and haven’t make a romantic connection yet.
If she goes out with you and you guys have fun together, then she likes you. Romantically? I’m not sure. You are the only one who can tell because you can see how she acts around you.
Next time you are together, talk about some intimate details in your life and get her to share some with you, then make a lot of eye contact with her – this is the formula for falling in love because it releases all those chemicals that make you feel excited and focused on someone. If she acts different around you, then she’s probably attracted to you. If she starts to get uncomfortable, then she probably just views you as a friend. But, again, you are the only one who can see the signs of interest, and that’s what you need to watch for.
heyyaaa says
A very good article, and by answering all these questions you are doing a really cool job Bellaisa.. I could also do with some advice, I have known this girl from almost 3 months. Very shy girl, she knows i am interested and says she is interested too. We talk for hours on texts, a little flirty too. Although we are both quite shy but I did make an attempt on a good bye kiss, but it always ended on her cheeks. She shows affection after a few drinks. She said she is single at the beginning, but according to her friend she has got a boyfriend. I am just going by trusting her, she clearly knows my intentions and she seems like are really nice girl. Now when we are both gone back home for Christmas and her apparent boyfriend is from her hometown, we are not texting as much. I really like this girls, my instincts are telling me I am being played but at the same time her messages leaves me confused. I really cant decide whether to move on or to stick around. Please help!!!
Bellaisa says
Trust your instinct! If her friend says she has a boyfriend and you feel like something is wrong, trust it. You will kick yourself down the line if you don’t. Anyone will show affection after a few drinks – you know that. And, her boyfriend and her may not be that serious or she may be upset with him right now, so she’s dating other people, but that doesn’t mean they won’t reconnect in the future and kick you out of the picture completely. I wouldn’t trust the situation at all.
P says
Hi there, i would like some advice please
I have been dating a girl i like and we have been on 4 dates, we text and chat quite a bit, however on 2 occasions she has blocked me on social media, the first time was my fault as i hung up on her the 2nd time she got upset at some video/text she saw on her tablet whilst we were talking on her phone, i could hear her being upset but didnt say anything, so she hung up. So now im blocked on her phone, but shes still friends with me on fb and blocked me on fb messenger. She said she does not want commitment as she has been in a 5-6 year relationship. We havent slept together but have been intimate. Shes away until the new year. I have tried calling her on witheld as it lets me leave a voicemail. She admitted that playing hard to get isnt easy when we went out on the 4th date which i didnt not question. She can’t receive my texts in blocking mode either. What do you advise please?
Bellaisa says
A woman who plays hard to get does not block you. She either does really like you or she is playing GAMES (not hard to get), and you don’t want a woman that plays games – trust me. You will spend your life being miserable. I would move on and find someone who doesn’t block me, play games, or ignore me.
Carey Francis says
I really didn’t understand at first but after reading the above, I believe it’s time I walk away. She made me feel her presence in just not being a friend and it continued for a while, then one evening I confessed my feelings.
Since that day she plays hard to get, wen I asked her why she ain’t picking my calls she blundered by saying she wasn’t there when the phone rung and that her phone also has mouth piece problems yet her phone is a week old; pity pity excuses.
I am fed up with the drama.
Anonymous says
Me and this girl have been friends for 2 years, I liked her and she and I texted for about 3 months until randomly she asks me out and says she’s liked me since about a year ago. So we date for about a week everything is going well and suddenly she texts me and I quote “it’s not fair I don’t like you like that” and she breaks up and ignored me for 3 weeks. My friend tells me she likes someone else and asked him out. I don’t know what happened if he said yes or something but now she finally talks to me and says she’s sorry and that we can’t be friends anymore. Then a day later she says she is playing hard to get. I am really confused please help.
Bellaisa says
Yikes, that is NOT playing hard to get. It sounds likes she’s confused, or (more likely) she’s keeping you around just in case things don’t work out with the other guy. I think she started dating you, realized another guy liked her – a guy she liked better than you, dated him, and now is not sure if it is going to work out with him so she’s keeping you on standby. I wouldn’t bother with her. She will dump you again the next time she finds someone she likes.
Robert says
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’m in an interesting situation. I was with a woman for 2 years. We were engaged, but never got married. I wanted to post-pone the wedding until we fixed some of the trust issues that we had. She didn’t want to and so she broke up with me. I moved on with my life and 8 months later, she tells me that she’s pregnant. At this time, I was already with someone else. Fast forward to my current situation. My kid is 10 months and it is my son. We are trying to co-parent our son, but it’s really hard. Both of us are single now. She really confuses me. I”m not sure what to do. I text her and have been trying to set up a date with her, but she ignores me, or takes a long time to answer. But then, a week ago she texted and said, “Do you think we should go to dinner for our anniversary? Or would it be weird?”. Our anniversary was February 3rd. I replied to her text message and said yes. But then she texted back a couple days later and said, “Maybe it’s not a good idea. I apologize for bringing it up”. At this point, I replied that we could just try and see how it goes. Then I suggested a day. She never got back to me. I texted back asking her why she didn’t respond and her answer was, “I don’t like texting while I’m at work, and we’ll leave dinner for another day”. I’m super confused. She ignores my texts or my approaches, but she still gives me hope. THAT’S FUCKING WRONG. I decided not to text her anymore. Maybe this is the wrong approach but I feel that she’s just hooking me and leading me on, but with no real commitment to try to get back together, or even to go out with me. But what does she have to do that? I wish people were straight and honest about their feelings. If she doesn’t want anything with me anymore, she could just tell me and I would move on with my life just the way I did when we first broke up. I know that she texts all the time regardless if she’s at work or not. She’s always on her phone. I have to disagree with you article when you describe a hard to get woman as a confident and worthwhile woman. I think that makes them insecure, shallow and arrogant.
Bellaisa says
Yeah, but she’s not playing hard to get. She does sound insecure and arrogant, and like you said, she’s not being straight with you and honest and that’s not right on any level. She shouldn’t be playing games with you like that. And you are right, we all text at work, no matter where we work.
Robert says
Thanks for your reply. She just texted me today and started making conversation about different things. I replied to her messages. The conversation ended in Valentine’s day. I asked her if she wanted to go out. And guess what, she didn’t reply after that. Hahaha. Damn i think she’s arrogant and a bitch. How would you deal with it? I’m sure that she’ll text me on the weekend, but should I answer her?
Bellaisa says
I would let go of the idea of getting together with her and just treat her as the mother of your child. I think once you settle on the fact that you’re not going to get together with her, the way you interact with her and co-parenting will be less of a struggle for you, and you won’t have to stress about what she is thinking or how she acts anymore.
Korede says
There is this girl I like from High school but could only woo her 2 years after High School, and her response is “For now is “No”, but she can’t say maybe that would change later” I have been patient with her hoping she changes her mind for the past 3 years. She introduce me to her Mom as her friend and she once told me her Mom wants to see me, probably for something else, don’t think it’s about us. What do I need to do, should I keep trying? I feel like a fool waiting this far, and I feel like a fool that I’m being played, and I fear to back off. I really love her, wish she could see, I have tried all my possible best. Need advise only please.
admin says
That is way beyond playing hard to get… you are just being played. She knows she can string you along because you will let her. You taught her how she can treat you… what she can get away with.
You’ve tried your best, and it’s time to give up on her. You can be friends with her, but get out there and date some girls! Find someone else to love in an intimate way. If you don’t, you are going to be 50 years old still waiting for her to say ‘yes’. If she hasn’t said it in 3 years, then she won’t say it.
sault_n_pepper says
The advice you get here is to keep playing women’s game by women’s rules. It’s simple: a woman is a prise and you HAVE TO prove you are good enough for her and you swallow her lurk enough so she can manipulate you later at her will. All these tricks (hard-to-get) are set to spot a potential admirer. Why women need admirers? Social proof. More admirers => higher status to show off to her friends and, AND to get spotted by a REAL man who plays HIS RULES and not hers. What are HIS rules? He doesn’t give a shit about hard to get. He can cold approach her with CONFIDENCE because he KNOWS it is a PRIVILEGE he gives to a girl to talk with him. REGARDLESS the outcome he approaches to QUALIFY the girl he spotted around. She’s got some guys around her ? Hmm, there must be something interesting for me. He puts the girl to the TEST. Can she stand the teasing? She goes blank, stalls? Not cool, qualified, test failed. Guys, treat them like a little naughty manipulative child not knowing what they want. “A good girl who behaves will get her ice-cream”. QUALIFY CALIBRATE ESCALATE. Provoke her, tease her. Make her invest emotionally into conversation and in you. CALIBRATION: is she ready to get to another more intimate level? ESCALATING: Touch her, calibrate her reaction. Too early? 1 step back from saved game. Try again later but not too late. That’s calibration. Escalate as fast as you can, no 2 weeks waiting.
AND AFTER THAT YOU TAKE HER PHONE NUMBER BECAUSE YOU WANT TO TAKE HERE SOMEWHERE SPECIAL. DON’T F***ING ASK HER. Dont tell her too much. Bluebeard. She doesn’t have to know everything. Feel the power? They do. Then you will have your date. Yes she may freak out. Too bad FOR HER. But she will remember you.
If you took her phone too early or did not built the frame I described, and she gives you no response NEVER GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE or you land in her fanzone. Get your rules. Get respect. Be a MAN. Guys, don’t play girls games. Dont become their fanboys in line. Dont nourrish arrogant b*tches. Respect sincère ladies who have enough self-respect to treat you with dignity.
Ryan says
Dude you talking about hooking up with not dating this chick. You have to be equals not dominant. Too many women can manipulate guys easily nowadays but that’s no excuse for not being a gentleman. Whether your intention is to bed or wed said chick you should do it with class. Your speaking of a mentally demoralization of someone to exert your power to lash back at women who have hurt you. Grow up
Abdullah says
It’s quite interesting. There’s this girl that I’ve been trying to get. She’s studying Law and all she that she says is that; she’s got no time for now that all that matters to her is her finishing her course. Though, she gives me green light that she’s interested but she couldn’t say yes. Is that an excuse for we not getting to date?
admin says
I don’t think it is an excuse. I’m assuming it takes up a lot of her time and it is her main focus right now. If it’s important to her, then she may feel like dating a guy that she likes will cause her to lose that focus.
paul says
please help. i met this girl online… we met up for a drink and seemed to hit it off.. we had great conversation etc… im 42 and she is 28. she has a 3 year old daughter which she has the majority of the time. Her ex gets the daughter 2 weeks to her every 4 weeks. so anyway… we been talking just over 2 months now… this is a weird situation for me and i am very confused. she calls me on the ph everyday and we talk about 20 minutes. we text each other every day . but in 2 months we been only on about 5 dates. when we are together we have so much fun. we went to dinner a few times. concert another date and an all day hike another day. our dates have been fun. but it
seems to me she doesnt really show me any affection when we r together. we have kissed a little but thats it. sometimes when i text her i tell her i miss her and that i wished she was next
to me.. so doesnt resciprocate any affection. i dont know what to do.. this is just over two months now. but she calls me everyday. i never call her it is always her initiating contact. i get very
mixed signals. i really
like her. but i just cant read her ?? i told her that i like her and how i felt. that we talk everyday but we only see
each other about once a week and lately once every two weeks. she says it is challenging finding a sitter . i met her daughter once now. she also says she is really careful about bringing someone new around her daughter that she can trust. is this just an excuse? is she just
stringing me along until maybe someone better comes along? u just dont know what to do. should
i play it cool a little
longer and just see if it develops ?
admin says
Is it an excuse that she is careful bringing someone new around her daughter? Doubt it. That sounds like a very intelligent thing to do as a mother. (And it can be challenging to find a sitter. Considering she has to give her to her ex for two weeks, she may not want to always leave her daughter either. Why would she want to give up precious time with her 3-year-old daughter?) Two months is not very long in motherland. Her focus is her kid, and days go a lot faster than when you are single.
Plus, if you really want to be sure that someone is sane, you take your time. You get to know people face to face, and 5 dates is not a lot of dates. A lot of crazy people can hide their crazy for months as they try to win someone over.
I’m not saying she thinks you’re crazy, I’m just saying that taking her time shows a lot of maturity on her part, and it suggests that she’s making sure you are right for her.
The fact is that she’s calling you and showing interest. She’s taking the initiative. She must like you. This is obviously the pace that she’s comfortable moving at. Also, everyone moves at a different pace for affection. I saw my husband much more than 5 times in two months and we didn’t get affectionate until a few months later.
Taking into consideration the kid, how young she is, the fact that she has to separate from her for two weeks, and probably the fact that she’s got other things in her life going on, it sounds like she is giving you a lot. If I were you, I wouldn’t try to rush it. I wouldn’t read anything into it that isn’t there. I would be understanding that we all move at different paces and enjoy the attention she’s giving me and the process of getting to know each other better. If you can’t do that, you will probably say or do something that will scare her off.
paul says
thank you bellaisa for yr quick reply. i really appreciate yr advice.
Chris says
Hey, before starting to explain my story I have to apologise for my english, I’m not a native speeker.
So, I met this girl in a trip with my group of friends (we needed one more person, so a girl from the group invited her) and she acted really nice around me. she seemed to want to stay near me and was laughing at all my jokes (I have a pretty dark humour, so the fact that she enjoyed my jokes was kind of surprising). We only met twice and I didn’t really look for other body language signs that suggest she likes me (stupid me) A week after the trip I added her on facebook. Every time I posted something on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram etc., she was the first to like it. Now here’s where it gets complicated… I started texting here and everything seemed alright at first: she always answered fast and also asked questions about me, until last week. It always took her lot of time to answer my messages and two days ago I she told me she has to learn for a test (minor test, not that important) and that we’ll talk later that day. I then told her to send me a message when she’s ready. Guess what, she still hasn’t texted me after 2 days and I don’t know what to do now, It would be akward to ask her why… Any advice?
(forgot to mention that I’m 17 and she’s 16 years old)
admin says
It’s funny that people who apologize for their English are often the clearest with their writing! You are a great writer for 17 and not a native speaker.
Anyway, it sounds like she got busy. But, obviously, there could be a number of different reasons. I would just ask her if she has been busy. It wouldn’t be awkward to ask her because you’ve been talking to her on a regular basis. It would only be awkward if you had NOT been talking to her through text.
If she says she’s been busy, then great. If she says no and doesn’t elaborate, then there may be something else going on. But I wouldn’t read anything too negative into it until you know more about what she’s been up to.
Chris says
Thanks for the advice and fast response!
Peterson says
Just reading this comments,i feel for many of you men out there.I don’t know what I’m gonna share could make an impact on someone’s life out there.
I haven’t had a GF for years and I’m in my 30’s.But I’ve had many sexual encounters with women that for some reason either,I didn’t show much interest in her or i didn’t open up to her.
Keep this 2 crucial keys here.Even my Guy friends that have GF’s or married wish we could trade places to have more rampant casual sex without strings.
I’ve started to analyze this consistent rhythm.Also,I’ve discovered that I’m a Man that is more attracted to a person by their PERSONALITY draws me to them and that’s rare and between when I’ve come across a woman and dig her for her personality.SADLY, I always end up in their FRIENDZONE,it never fails amaze me and I end up hurt,wanting that particular person in my life.
Observe this:
When i meet women specially social in outings,clubs,events,bars,college campus,daily social civilian interchange,etc…I rarely meet women from the Internet
I could draw attention by being genuine,making them laugh, whatever I did right I’ll eventually could get their number.
I don’t consistently call them or text them non-stop-I don’t do that.But I’ll keep their number,I’ll text a hello here and there.Eventually, I’ll invite them in a blue moon to “hang out” (not official date. To a social event,club,free concert,bowling,zumba class,wedding,etc.Do something fun.I don’t open up much, i go with the flow of the moment,show the confidence in me and be secure in myself.I don’t talk too much and I don’t ask too much,but they’ll ask wanting to know more about me, but I won’t say much or tell them alot about me.I even tell them,let’s just go with the moment of right now and have fun.Other women,will go along with the fun without asking much either.It never fails to amaze me that this women will sleep with me afterwards.Which alot of times could lead to be casual sexual friend (aka Friend with benefits) which sadly,end of the day or the long run they get hurt.Some tried to continue having more sex thinking that will lock me in.Other women they just had sex and got it over with it when they figure it wasn’t going anywhere or figured we have nothing in common and moved on,or I cut them out when their crazy side came out once we were intimate,they became themselves..
But let me go back to having something in “common”.DON’T get me wrong,Ive asked few questions in small conversation hoping we have something in “common” or they ask me questions,but if i felt the conversation was gonna go awkward when she figures out my different point of view or different interest.I just pushed them away with we’re here to have fun maybe another time we should talk about it, this is not the place to get into this type of conversation.
So we just went with the flow,they had a great time,and either at the end of the night she’ll sleep with me or she’ll call me few days later to come and hang outwith her and one things leads to another.Again,we haven’t talked much or connected well personality wise.But SEX will take place.
Now,here is where things get twisted and things take a dive for me.
When I meet that women and i found out we have similar interest either in history,politics,music,goals,etc. And I begin to dig her to talk more about certain subject and somehow she sparked interest in me.Well,i dunno if I send strong interest or show too much interest or she sense it.But our topic has nothing to do with sex at all,or sending wrong sexual signals.But somehow I get feeling good I’ve met a smart woman that’s into the same stuff I’m into,and we had a great conversation.Even though i didn’t want to start a conversation, she somehow expressed something that caught my attention.Well I’m there texting and calling her,but sadly i end up sabotaging that girlfriend/wife potential.She don’t wanna hang out,she begins to distance herself,hardly responding to my messages or not taking my calls….
Again,alot of times i didn’t even talked about sex/intimacy but i felt i met my twin partner and brings me tears when i finally have to accept that i had sabotage my connection.That somehow she felt i showed her alot of interest.I opened up,that I WAS ME,MYSELF AND I WITH HER.BUT SHE DONT SEE ME MORE THAN JUST A FRIEND OR SHE ENDS UP JUST IGNORING ME.
Then I regret opening up,I go and analyze my past experience in how I’ve gotten women in bed that i wasn’t so interested in them,or didn’t dig them or somehow i didn’t connect with them.Yet they put the effort to try to win me.But the moment I met that woman I developed A deep connection and i wants us to get tofet
Peterson says
Continued.(Peterson post)
sorry, my text was long.I ve had to make another post.
I end up going into a depression that I will never ever meet my best friend and lover.That every time,i opened up i get shut down and when I go with a don’t care personality,just for fun moment, and not serious frown.I’m rewarded with sex.Which it kills my interest or challenge.I hope women are reading this.This is nothing to do with Nice Guy syndrome.Does best friend and lover evn exist??.I aske myself all the time.
I Have women that text me but I know a little about their life that they’re struggling,single momma,women with too Many problems that I avoid a pitfall that will text me to hang out and i don’t show any interest that i want to get to know her and they suffer because i don’t invest my interest and love for them,yet when I opened up to that person that sparked my interest at a deep PERSONALITY level and I feel we have so much in common-I’m rejected????….Sometimes i want to go back to the past and not have opened up and have sex with her,and then hopefully I could of got to know her,then i would of met the love of my life…lol..But the right away sex kills the vibe in a man to not dig a woman around,or subconsciously i don’t value her when she’s slept with me without much any effort.Help!!!..
Jason says
I have a question this is the situation I met a girl at school I think she will fit me but I can’t or I don’t want to read her . Cause first time we talked it was nice after that i tried to get her number while she was in a group with others I failed miserably but that was stupid of me how ever after she denied that I asked why she said cause I am a stranger and she doesn’t want to get stalked. So I stopped contacting her for a while except short verry short moments of contact after a week or three I tried again and we spoke for a short moment and I said “I want to go chill with you ” she says I don’t have time so I tried to get her number again but this time I failed to she said you know how I think about giving my number so I said am I still a stranger than ? She said well no you are just a class mate right I said exactly but she still wasn’t willing to give her number so I said give me your Snapchat then and I grabbed her phone that was on the table after that she got verry shy and tried to get it back directly and wasn’t willing to give her snap either but she was willing to hang out in the future the conversation went like this I said she are going to hangout sometime she was like I don’t have time I’m bussy with studying so I said look at me I have time she said yeah but you do this study over a period of 2 years and I want to do it in one so i said you have time I don’t believe you don’t have time and she kind of agreed to hangout in the future by saying oke we will but “not now ” after that the conversation got disturbed by a friend of us and i left with the other person to get something to eat but back to the girl that I want is she playing hard to get or just not intressted ? Cause she was willing to talk to me and does laugh at my jokes but a friend figured out East Asian people aren’t her type but she is East Asian to we are even from the same province back in our country and talk the same dialect also we where getting to know each other a little before she said I don’t have time now like it is an indirect agreement to hang out in the future I just don’t know what to do … do I approach her again soon or wait is she intressted in me or not if not how could I make her like me enough to be her boyfriend ? Please i need advice … the sooner the better cause i just don’t know what to do I’m thinking to let it rest for a while and try to get a hang out day again in December but I’m not sure what to do I’m actually desperate at this moment cause I think I really like this girl….
admin says
First of all – PUNCTUATION! Use it. It’s really hard to read a huge paragraph of words without punctuation.
If she is willing to talk to you, then that’s a good sign that she’s interested. Sounds like she has some strict beliefs and it may take some time for her to open up, give you her number, and go out with you.
How do you make her like you enough to be your girlfriend? Be yourself. If she doesn’t like you for who you are, then you don’t want to date her anyways. If you pretend to be someone you are not, the relationship will be full of upset, hurt, and eventually a breakup.
So, keep trying. From what you wrote, there doesn’t seem to be any outright signs that she doesn’t like you. She laughs at your jokes. She talks to you. And even telling you that East Asian guys aren’t her type doesn’t mean anything. I would be more worried if she said that YOU weren’t her type.
Bottom line: She may like you and just be letting fear hold her back from showing you that she likes you. It may just take some time for her to relax and go for it.
But, if she keeps rejecting you, and you can’t take it anymore, I highly suggest moving on. There’s only so much you can do to try to win over a girl.
Jason says
Thanks for the advice =].
And if I understand correctly I should just continue what I do and wait a while before I try again and just have patient about the whole phone number and going out thing?
Also I don’t know or I should just go to her when she is alone and give her a piece of my mind and after that going to let it rest or just keep chasing her… Also I saw her today hanging out with her friends so she has time to hang out with them ,but not with me should that be a clear sign I just don’t want to see or is it hard to get again? And just to be clear ,what is it that i should keep on doing or should I just try to have some conversations with her without any expectations for a hangout ? Also should I ask her after a while or let it rest and try later?
admin says
I wouldn’t wait to long again to try to get her to go out with you. If you do, she could start to think you are not interested and lose any interest she has in you.
BUT, I would definitely pull back a little bit for a short time – say a week or two. Often when you pull away, she will start to wonder what’s happening and find herself more drawn to you.
Show her interest, but don’t act like you NEED her to show you interest back. Talk to her if the opportunity arises, but don’t ask her out. Don’t ignore her because that could send negative signals to her. But don’t act like she’s the center of your world.
It’s not about playing games, it’s just about balancing out the energy between the two of you and not sending a message of desperation or neediness.
So, yes, conversations without expectations. Just get to know her more.
And, within a few weeks, ask her to do something with you – just you. Maybe a movie. Maybe a walk. Maybe an event. Something specific that you think she will like (hopefully you know a few of her interests) and see what she says then.
Jason says
Thanks I know What to do ^^
But one thing dont want to be rude or anything. But you didnt awnser the first part of my reply =|. So if you could Still do it I would appreciate it ^^
admin says
Sorry, what didn’t I answer specifically? If you could make it clear, that would be great so I don’t have to keep answering over and over again as I miss the question you really want to know. Thanks.
Jason says
She was going to hang out with friends ,but said to me she didn’t had time to hang out is this ,because she doesn’t want to hang out with me. Or does this mean she wants more time to hang out with me . So she wants spent more time with me instead of just grab a bite to eat like she did with her friends?
admin says
If a girl really wants to hang out with you, she will usually ditch her friends for you – or, as you to come along.
We all (you, me, her) make time for the things that matter most to us in our lives and pretend we don’t have time for things that don’t matter.
If you start to matter to her more than other things, she will make time for you.
Bottome line: It meant she didn’t want to hang out with you at the time, but, maybe in the future she will.
Jack says
Dear admin there is a girl where I got in contact with. When I walked up to her I said I saw you over there and I thought you where beautiful but and she responded a bit shy. So what I did after that is I stupidly asked her if she got a boyfriend she kinda hesitated and said yes. I chose not to believe her at that verry moment. So I tried eventually talking about something else and we had a few moments of conection after that I said we need to hang out just to get to know each other a bit better . She first said I don’t know if my boyfriend would like that but I didn’t awnserd that I kept on the fact that we needed to hang out and she should give me her number after a few words she agreed to give her number. Where should I go from here cause I already asked her for her Snapchat but she doesn’t have that she says . She also reply my apps after mid night so I don’t think she has a boy and if she does she isn’t serious right? And what is the appropriate time for me to respond and ask her to hang out ?
admin says
Yeah, she must not be too serious about him if she does have one. Obviously, she finds you interesting. But, if she’s replying after midnight, I would say that’s more of a sign that she’s replying at a time here boyfriend won’t see. I think if you keep pushing it, she will probably hang out with you and things will progress from there. Unless her she suddenly feels guilty and backs off.
But ask yourself this: Do you want to date a girl that would give you her number knowing that you are interested her even though she has a boyfriend? What kind of relationship would you have if she does end up leaving her boyfriend? What if she meets someone she likes more than you? Just something to think about.
Jack says
Honestly Im not that type of guy=. I just wanna know how to figuur out if she has a boyfriend. So that I could make the choice rather to progress of keep her as a friend /conection .
Ryan says
Dear admin,
Particular situation here but should be a pretty standard case. I’ll be very specific as not much has happened yet. First date went well, took almost two weeks to get her out, we even discussed how she thinks I have an ego and need a real challenge from a woman. That was pre first date. Since the date she’s been distant and relatively cold however when I asked her to hang out last minute she was busy (no big deal) but I ask her if she’s down for another time. She said sure and I left it at that. From your previous comments I think you’ll say this is good and she’s atleast willing to go out again. She did mention she wasn’t sure what she was looking for (exact words) which might just indicate I need to give her space let her decide when she’s ready. I want to stay available without coming off needy or clingy. Haven’t texted her in a day and I want her to come to me. I will say happy thanksgiving and then try to initiate some convo next week but I wanna see if she’ll come to me over the next three four days first. Do you think this is too much time with zero contact?
admin says
The fact that she said that you have an ego and need a challenge makes me think that it’s going to be hard to get her. She seems to feel like she needs to teach you something from the sounds of it, and depending on what her current beliefs are and her history is like with men, she may just feel like leading you on instead of just playing hard to get to teach you a lesson. So I’d be careful because you could spend months trying to get a woman who is never going to give you the satisfaction of getting her. Do you get what I’m saying?
It’s hard to say if you should wait or not. If she is testing how big your ego is, she may feel like you think you’re too good to contact her if you send a small message and then you wait a bit to contact her. A week doesn’t seem like a long time, but when you are thinking about someone and a situation, it can feel like an eternity. So if she is waiting to see if you are going to contact her again, then a week may give her the indication that you are busy with other girls because you think you are so great – or something negative along those lines. But, it will definitely send the message that you are not needy or clingy, and she may appreciate it.
Honestly, it sounds like she’s pretty straightforward. I would just send her a message in a day or two saying you would like to get together after thanksgiving if she’s available and see how she responds. Be direct. Don’t beat around the bush if you want a direct answer.
Ask her to pick a day that works for her and ask her to go out somewhere that you know will interest her. (You must have some idea of what she likes from your first date conversation.) If she’s not down for it, then she may not be into you. If she declines with a less than reasonable reason, I would let her know that you really like her, but you aren’t going to continuously ask her out if she’s not wanting to go out with you, then leave the ball in her court. If she’s really interested, she should come around. And if she declines for a reasonable reason, then ask her again in about a week. If she declines for any reason after that, she’s most likely not interested.
Jay Jay says
Playing Hard To Get or Not Interested?
I am a guy in my 30sand have been friends with a female co-worker for about a year. We go to lunch, dinner, and hiking. There have been times when we didnt communicate for several weeks, but we always reconnect. We touch, but I never initiated a kiss or other overtly sexual move. Lately, there is a lot of sexual tension between us. She is awkward and nervous around me at work, She no longer initiates contact with me , but always responds when I text her. When I invite her to go out, she accepts or ssuggests a different date. We end up spending lots of one on one time together, but she still says she is not interested in dating me. Is she stringing me along, playing hard to get or not interested? Thanks. Jay
admin says
It sounds like she’s not interested in you that way. It’s been a year of going out together, so playing hard to get would have ended a long time ago. It may not be sexual tension for her. It just may be tension because she’s uncomfortable about how you feel. I think she likes you as a person, a lot, but for whatever reason, she’s not interested in dating you, just like she says.
mackmoney says
My honest opinion, some women don’t like dating men they work with, its harder to close the deal with women you work with, it’s not impossible but it takes alot of work. I noticed the secret sluts and part time crack whores are willing to jeopardize their income for sex.
Philippe says
Nice article. There is some good advice in there and a lot of it actually makes sense. Or at least that’s what I think, because after being together with somebody for over fifteen years, I’m a dinosaur when it comes to dating to say the least. I’ll tell my story and be as brief as possible, but I think decent advice needs details, no?
Here goes: I met her 5 days ago at the football club of which I am a fan. She works as a volounteer there. A real looker. She made my heart skip a few beats, but then I thought: “Ok, forget about it, her league resides about half way around the globe and there’s tons of guys chasing her”. But, at half-time, a few beers made me brave and I was like: “If I don’t ask her number now, I’ll probably regret it the rest of my days – you’re 36 for cryin’ out loud”. I would attack a grizzly bear with a broom stick so to speak, but pretty girls scare the hell outta me for some reason. But I overcame that fear and asked if she is seeing someone. She responded “half and half”, so I asked for her number. And to my utter amazement I got it too! I could hardly have a conversation with her because she was busy serving drinks. I probably would have suffered from a complete conversational meltdown anyways.
And here’s the part where my straightforward and logical world descended into a mix of confusion, fear, anger, complete happiness, and some more confusion. All thanks to WhatsApp:
I tried to call her the next day, she didn’t answer. So I texted the day after that with the question if it would be ok to call her that same evening. You guessed it right: no response. After wondering myself what the hell is going on (and landing myself in 2017 and reading some of “hard-to-get rules”, I thought “my god, if she makes me gonna dodge landmines for a few weeks, I’m done for”. I expect a yes or a no (when I ask to go out doing something nice) but apparently I am a naïve fool – but working on it. The next thing I tried was to send a text with WhatsApp, so I can at least see if she read the message. I got a hold of her Tuesday morning (we met on Sunday), oh joy! She was sorry and she was busy for work and she would ‘check her shedule’ (WTF??). I said “oh great, so maybe you got a few hours to spare in the weekend?”. Wrong. “Maybe, but I can’t plan something like that ahead and I urgently need to spent some q-time with my little nephews – so I don’t plan too much ahead on weekends and see what’s coming my way”.
So I responded (being completely astonished). “Ok so how would you want to meet up in practice? Do you rather want to let me know?
After that, silence. F*CK. More reading on this site and others. More confusion and all that. I kept silent too the rest of the day, and the next. Because apparently showing too much interest in a girl could and would be bad. What do I know? I’ve only living with a woman all these years and I still feel like a todler in science class. Unbelievable.
Luckily (I think), I got the great idea to sent her a text this morning wishing her a good day at work combined with a (funny) football club related nickname. 5 hours later all I got was the laughing smiley face with one tear at each eye. Great.
For those who took the efford to read all this: thanks! The thing is: I have absolutely no idea
Santokh Singh Saggu says
Can a woman get easily into relationship with other guy but play hard to get with a particular guy ? What type of Woman she is ? Is she worth pursuing ? She neither says yes nor says no ?
Josh says
Hi I’m in high school and I’ve talking to this girl for like at least 7 or 5 months and she said to me that she is not hard to get but I think she is so like I ask her out on dates but she said she will think about it because her parents are very strict so I told her I feel about her on Valentine’s Day and she said that she likes me too but she is not ready for a relationship and I respected that so now we’re slowly getting closer. It’s like we are parallel lines.. always close but not together. What should I do?
abraham says
hi josh, the truth is you shouldn’t have told her you like her in a direct way via verbal, ladies are used to those frequent sweet words from men, better still indirect way,don’t talk but try show in ur actions and when u do that don’t try and act u are so desperate or mad in love with her. just act normal, avoid talking to her for long, possible twice or 3 times a week, try and act busy, and hang out with ur friends as well, and let her miss u. let her try doubt ur moves, don’t be predictable and don’t make her believe u cant do without her. I bet u she will notice the changes and try to wonder ur moves. and before u knw she will be the one chasing u. ladies needs to be chased slightly at 1st, to show u have interest, then once she notice the interest, u try withdraw little to create respect if not she will take u for granted. I hope dis help. Goodluck.
MysticNebula says
Hi ive dated this girl 2 years ago and i want to be with her again because we have a connection better than anyone weve ever been with and its so obvious.. she wants to hangout with me and she talks about all the good memories we shared and how much better i treated her then her ex’s but when we text she doesnt seem like shes interested. I feel like she is trying to play hard to get but i dont know, she did get out of a relationship around the same time as me, maybe i should give her time. She doesnt want to be with him but ever since they broke up and he found out i was hanging out with her hes been begging for her abck and actually trying to be sweet because he knows i can treat her better and make her happy. She gives me mixed signals. I dont want to be used and i dont want to be played with. She wants to come over and see my family and she says im really good boyfriend material. Is it worth to continue trying or should i give up? Im 100% in it for the long run i will do whatever it takes, i just want to know if its the right choice
Forge Pham says
This is stupid. Girls play games, women don’t. I’m an officer at the base and expect people to be respectful and honest inside and outside out of work. If a lady goes for weeks without responding or cancels plans last minute, I cut ties with them.
Salami Oladayo says
HI, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THIS TOPIC, I HAVE A CASE IN WHICH I WAS MATCHMAKED WITH HER THROUGH MY COUSIN, WE BOTH HAD THE INTENTION OF GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP, BUT JUST TO MAKE IT SLOW AND IN OTHER FOR US TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER, SHE SUGGESTED WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS FOR SOME TIME,AND WE KEEP SEEING ABOUT TWICE A WEEK, SHE CAME TO MY OFFICE AND WAS ALWAYS COMFORTABLE WITH ME, SO I GREW THAT SERIOUS FEELINGS FOR HER AND I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT SHE FEELS FOR ME,BUT UNFORTUNATELY SHE TOLD ME SHE STILL WASNT READY FOR A RELATTIONSHIP AND I ASKED HER IF WE COULD STILL GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP AND SHE SAID NO,IN WHICH MADE ME FEEL VERY BAD AND BUT RIGHT FROM THAT MOMENT SHE BECAME NICER EVEN WHEN I TOLD HER I WAS FEELING BAD, I SPOKE TO HER ALL NIGHT AND SHE TOLD ME I AM VERY CARING AND SHE DOES ANNOYING THINGS TO ME, BUT I DONT SEEM TO SHOUT AT HER…BUT AFTER THE WHOLE THING WE ARE STILL TALKING AS USUAL AND COMMUNICATING BETTER, PLEASE DO YOU THINK SHE’S STILL INTRESTED IN ME AND PLAYING HARD TO GET.
OBSERVATION:
HER PAST RELATIONSHIP WAS A BAD EXPERIENCE FOR HER, AND ACCORDING TO MY COUSIN SHE HAS NEVER DATED A CARING GUY AND MAYBE SHE WANTS SOMEONE THAT WOULD ALWAYS COMMAND HER.
PLEASE ADVICE ME ON THIS, I DON’T MIND HAVING YOUR NUMBER FOR MORE CHANCEL, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO SLEEP AND ALL, INSHORT TOTALLY RESTLESS.
Roudz Collen Boka says
hi there disqus cult
i have flirted with girl for a week and she came to my house where i did a footlicking, pussyeating and face sitting and no sex though. she works nearby a 4km away and she says she cant see me again be cause im too close to home.
at first she has been reading my charts on app then when i called her saying we have to meet and rearrange for a decider date she then blocked me.
however i got my female workmate to call her and tell her that she must stay away from her man. she paniced and started apologizing saying he”‘ he told me he is single yada yada but i like him but i dont like him he is a nice guy””‘
then this chick my workmate said you guys should continue as usual until your flame dies cause there is no way a woman can vist a man and gets her pussy eaten and clain im over the guy.
so Admin this chick hasnt unblocked me yet but if i send her airtime credit she uses it up. what am i uppose to do then.
i was thinking of making a police report claiming a mouth infection so that we get talking once she is summoned at the station by the coppers.