Do you absolutely hate not having a girlfriend? When you think about not having a girlfriend, do you get upset and angry or frustrated and depressed? Do you feel negative in any way? If you do, then you may be affecting your mental and physical health negatively.
I’ve talked about a guy who wanted to kill himself because he couldn’t get a girlfriend. In that article, I talked about why it is important to gain confidence and understand that some women are just plain mean.
But in this article, I want to talk about why resisting the truth (reality) of your present circumstance is pointless.
Resistance Is Futile
Resistance: the refusal to accept or comply with something.
Resisting the fact that you are single is ridiculous. Talk about doing something pointless! It doesn’t get you a girlfriend. It doesn’t make your life any better. It only brings about a whole host of negative thoughts and emotions. It really has no point – expect to make you be hard on yourself.
If you hate not having a girlfriend, then – yes, you are resisting the reality of your life. You are refusing to accept your life as it is, and you are wishing to have your life as it is not. Moreover, you are not positively wishing for your life to bring you a girlfriend, you are focused on your lack and the negative aspect of not having a girlfriend.
Common things that you may say to yourself are:
- I should have a girlfriend by now.
- I have blown my chances with so many good women.
- The only thing that will make me happy is a girlfriend.
- I’m a loser because I don’t have a girlfriend.
- I’m lonely because I don’t have a girlfriend.
- A girlfriend would make my life better.
All of those thoughts are putting up resistance to the reality of your life. You are judging your reality (no girlfriend) as bad, and you are not accepting that it is okay to be single (or exactly where you are right now). You are attaching negative thoughts and feelings to your current reality of not having a girlfriend.
The worst part is that you are affecting your life negatively by resisting your reality. All those negative thoughts are taking up a lot of your time that could be used in a much more productive way. And, the emotions like anger and frustration that come from those thoughts are causing stress on your mind and body.
You are not able to relax and be present (a very important part to being happy) because you are so focused on not having a girlfriend and all the reasons why you don’t have a girlfriend.
Sure, there may be fleeting moments, hours, or days when you feel good – but if you really hate not having a girlfriend, eventually you will turn your focus to the lack of a girlfriend in your life and stir up all those old, negative thoughts and feelings again.
As you think these negative and self-defeating thoughts, your body is paying the price for your mind’s inability to relax and just be present. It is proven that stress causes problems in the body.
And, all of this is occurring because you cannot accept reality – the reality that you don’t have a girlfriend.
In reality,
- You are alive.
- You are breathing.
- You have many other aspects of your life.
- Your life is fulfilling, even without a girlfriend.
- You don’t have a girlfriend (have I said that already?)
Accepting What Is: Your Life Without A Girlfriend
You don’t have a girlfriend. That is the reality of it. Don’t label it as a bad or good thing – just accept it as part of your life right now, because it is a part of your life right now.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t expect a girlfriend in your future, or desire a girlfriend, or work on yourself to become a man that women will be drawn towards, but it does mean that you don’t judge the lack of girlfriend in your life as a negative thing.
You can start accepting ‘what is’ by living in the moment. In the moment, you don’t need anything. You are doing. You are living. You do not need something or someone to make this moment any better than it is – you simply need to enjoy it and be present in it.
It’s when you start thinking about the future or the past that you start to get into the ‘I hate being single’ mode.
Yes, it might be nice to share this moment with someone special, but you don’t need to share it with someone in order to feel good. Your awareness of the moment is enough to make this moment good.
Happiness Without A Girlfriend Can Be Reality
Don’t let media, TV, or friends influence how you feel about your life without a girlfriend. Anything that anyone says is purely opinion, not reality – and your goal is to be in reality.
For example, when your friend says that the best thing in life is having a woman to love – it is his opinion, not reality.
When TV makes it look like single guys are sad and lonely – it is the opinion of the writers, not reality.
In the end, it is all about how you judge your life – the perception that you put into it – that affects how you feel about any situation. When you stop judging things as good or bad, you remove the resistance against it and help yourself feel content with whatever is happening.
So, stop hating your life without a girlfriend. Don’t judge it as bad. Accept your life as is, and work towards getting a girlfriend if you really want one.
Bill says
To the decent nice guys out there: Stop chasing women. If they are not sending you signals that they are interested don’t fool with them. Invest your time where you see a return: Further your education and your career. When I was dateIess I went out and earned my MBA, gained additional experience in my private sector job and landed a high paying job in the Federal Government. Guess what? Women suddenly were interested and I also found a good wife. Don’t agonize over the girls who turned you down to date scumbags. It used to bother me but I found out where some of these women ended up…alone and not doing well economically. Guess whose laughing now. And don’t let society make you feel bad. Society (meaning parents and friends) don’t know what you are going through and the truth is they really don’t care about you. Parents want you to get married so they can have grandchildren and friends don’t like to see you uncoupled. But it’s really none of their business. Hope this helps.
Don't Know My Name says
u made my day dude. I wish I could just shut my conscious mind as it keeps talking shit about this.. and never shuts its mouth up.
Prav says
Thank you, Bill. You made my messy mindset back to normal. I was so depressed for not having a girlfriend. But now I feel so much better staying single and working on my Master’s Degree that helps for my future career.
Eoin Brennan says
Great point Bill. Get on with your life, follow your dreams and it will come to you. Its only when you stop hustling and settle for a job you hate, that you try to fill that hole with another person. I honestly believe this is why so many marriages go south. Because its two people who never followed their dreams and instead looked for marriage and kids to fulfill them. Get the dream first, then get married.
Brad says
So, live your life as though having a girlfriend is irrelevant to you life happiness….
Franc says
This makes me feel so good about myself. Cause I started focusing on my goal when I was 17. When I was younger I always had doubts that I didn’t try hard enough get a girl in my life, I have 2 sisters and im the older brother. mom and dad never got along threw there hole marriage. They got married at age 20 and 21, there love was so powerful they desided to have me. Scene then there love was not the same. Anyways I’m getting closer and closer to what makes me happy in life(not relationships), and that’s myself and my sister’s. When I finish everything in my list, then maybe I can work twords having someone in my life. If shit dont work out i have friends and family and my fufill life.
peter name says
Hi, friends and family wownt make you happy, when i was 17 i was ok with being alone too, but now im 39 its truely terrable ! if you dont worry about having a woman maybe you wownt ever get one to get a woman if your not naturallly good with women will take a monumental effort ypu might have to change your life entirely, because women dont go for men unless they are good with women ! chances are if your not getting them your not good with women, dont expect a woman to just come along and chat you up and ask you out, it just doesnt happen , women have so much choice and so many people who want sex and love they will NEVER do anything to get a man !
peter name says
Is this sensable ? if you dont worry about not having a girlfriend like i did despite wanting one, then maybe you will be like me at the age of 39 still with noone and no chance to start a family and living and dying alone forever, we are social creatures and we need love, or at least 99.99999999% of us do, you cant live alone forever and be happy, i think this article is to releave angsty teenage boys who are underconfident, but its not good advice, i was always told dont worry about it someone will come along, but they never did, and they wownt, truth is if your not getting women now chances are you never will unless you either change or get a lot of power and money, yes some nice guys eventually get a woman if they have a decent job, but these women have been around so much that they can only provide you with jelousy and an old used up oversexed body, they will also be bitter beyond belif and hate men for all the pain those abusive ones caused her, she will also likely cheat on you because 1 your not abusive and 2 she doesnt respect you or her ! Not good !
TheMarcSide says
I don’t know guys, I think it’s important to keep one eye on a potential partner, and the other on your dreams when it comes to life. Ultimately if you do find that other person, she is going to be more important than some goal. After all she’s a human being. On the other hand if you don’t find that special somebody, don’t sweat it, pursue your dreams and live your life. But always keep yourself open to a partner. In my life I find that people thirsty for love sometimes drive themselves mad and begin to look for it in all of the wrong places, leading to more pain and heartache. But if you have a close relationship with Jesus, your needs will be fulfilled (if actual love is what you’re looking for and not just sex) and you’ll wonder why you never looked to God to fill you with love in the first place. Personally I’ve been told that God has someone in mind for me, so I try to keep an open mind and look for a girlfriend PRAYERFULLY and THOUGHTFULLY. Which prevents me from rushing in too fast or beating myself up. In a way, we as males have an advantage when it comes to relationships. With females, guys are usually lined up all around them and are eager to start a relationship. So it can be harder to choose which guy is best amongst so many options, and several things could go wrong there. They could end up with a terrible guy, they could miss the right one, they could get confused, or they could never experience a platonic relationship with a guy. For us on the other hand, we look for a partner and most women are either spoken for, are not interested, or are just plain unpleasant. This leaves us few options to choose from, but also less confusion, it makes it easier to choose the RIGHT one because you don’t have to choose as much. We have much more time to ourselves to improve ourselves, reach our goals, and even spend time bettering the world. Plus we don’t have to waste so much time worrying about our appearance in the eyes of others, no one cares!
Dipo Pridyasmoro Putra says
Honestly right now, i feel like happiness come’s from money or relationship(girl friend). But as i read this article, my mind became more rational and pushed me towards what’s right!. And that rang a bell on my mind about something i red before which is everyone has the rights to be happy!, don’t let anyone steal that rights away from you. Hope everyone has a good Monday and always try to be happy!. Remember you are not alone too!.
Del hunter says
Very nice cant blv what i got today… am so happy. Thanx..
Gary says
Both this article and the related comments are exceptional. Very, very encouraging (to a 65-year-old who TOTALLY married the wrong woman at age 25 and then blew a relationship with an incredible woman around 12 years back while still struggling to break away from an extremely toxic woman who had caused me incredible pain and misery. Anyway, I’ve got a great son and daughter-in-law and 2 awesome little grandsons who live in the same city as me. Deep down, I’m very happy with my present life. It’s time for me to let go of this tormenting obsession regarding the need for a girlfriend. Thinking about this makes me feel off-the-charts HORRIBLE, when I have so much to feel great about. Time to let go of women and romance and be HAPPY! 🙂