We all have a past, even that beautiful woman who you want to date or are dating. A past is what makes up who we are now. Mistakes are made so that we can learn what we want, what we don’t want, and who we want to be. If you are judging a woman’s past, then you are not going to be happy in your relationship – at all.
“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy
Judging A Woman’s Past Makes You View Her (Unfairly) Negatively
It is interesting how you can absolutely fall in love with a woman, but when you think about her past she becomes someone uglier or non-attractive in your eyes.
She’s still the same person, just your perception of her has changed.
Therefore, when you are judging her, YOU are making her into someone she is not. You are holding her past over her head as if she IS her past, and you are not seeing the fact that her past is just her past, and she is not the woman she once was.
The biggest thing that men judge women on is how many men they have slept with. I’ve heard many guys talk about how they hate their woman’s sexual past, and how much it disgusts them. Yet, in the same breath they talk about how they have never met anyone so kind, gentle, loving, and beautiful.
Well, which one is she? A disgusting human being or a loving human being?
The answer, to me, is quite clear. Once you make it clear to yourself, you can stop judging her and start seeing her for the person she is today.
Is It Human Nature To Be Judgmental?
Absolutely. I don’t know many people, including myself, who are not judgmental once in a while. However, it doesn’t really serve a positive purpose for us, and when the judgement enters our heads it should be just as quickly released. It should not be held onto and given the power to affect our emotions and thoughts,.
Sure, it can make us feel better about ourselves as we talk about how other people’s morals and actions are wrong, while ours are clearly right. But, it doesn’t make us feel better about the people and world around us; instead, it makes us squint our eyes and view the world as a dumb, wrong, and ugly place.
Being judgmental is not an attractive quality, and it promotes unhappiness in any person who practices it.
The Past Is The Past
You were not in her past, so you don’t know why she did what she did, what she was thinking, and where she was in her life. She did the best she could with the knowledge she had, and if she is a good person now, that means she learned a lot from her past about who she is and who she wants to be.
If you understand that she didn’t do anything in her past to hurt you or anyone in her future, then you may have an easier time accepting that she was living her life and it had nothing to do with you or your expectations.
Try looking at your own past decisions to understand why some circumstances happen in life and how the decisions we make are not always the smartest ones, but they are always the ones that teach us the most about who we are.
Accept that she is who she is (and was who she was). You cannot change her past, so accept that she is the woman she is now because of it, and be grateful that you met her at a time in her life when she had moved past many of the struggles she went through earlier.
In the end, if you are going to be with a woman, you have to accept her unconditionally – past, present, and future. If you cannot stop judging her past, then you are going to label her as someone she is not, and that will cause you to have a rocky relationship with her and, eventually, a breakup.