Not all guys, but some guys are taught to ignore their feelings – or at least suppress them. You’re not allowed to cry, act upset, or throw a tantrum…that’s all womanly things – right? Well, then why do I see so many comments on this blog full of feelings?
For instance, I got this comment today. It’s totally unedited by me.
“Im not suicidal but im frustrated with so called self help experts like u that feeds bs information to guys for not attracting women. A person has to like u the way you are. Ya right work on ourselves to be comedians or actors. It takes 2 to have a great conversation. And it is about looks btw. It starts with that. The more she or he likes you the better the conversation. Work on ourselves for what ??? If your shy thats who you are it doesn’t contradict confidence. If you get to know a shy person you might be surprised. If your a talkative guy thats good too. Everybody gas is personality and its WRONG to change just to please the other sex. Why don’t you have a website on how to attract men ? Cause its always the guys fault i guess. By the way a guy that has confidence dosent need to change.”
This comment talks about a ton of things that I’ve never even said! It is so random that it’s ridiculous. And, by the way, my husband is a shy guy, I do have a website for women, and I have never said that it is always the guy’s fault.
In short, that comment is totally based of this guy’s feelings – fear, anger, resentment, or sadness.
Every day I get comments like this FULL of feelings. Not always an attack at me or the article. Usually I just get a lot of messages from guys who feel depressed and like giving up on love. For instance, one article I wrote called, ‘Don’t Kill Yourself Because You Can’t Get A Woman‘ has guys sending me messages almost daily.
For the rude guys, I suppose they feel like they can’t say this kind of stuff to their friends or women in real life, so they take out their frustrations on me – whether what they are saying makes any sense or not.
They don’t know me or my values with this blog. They don’t read my articles all the way through. Instead they twist my words up, complain about things I’ve never said, and then rant and rant and rant.
At Some Point, You Have To Own Your Past Mistakes
In short, many guys who come to this website blame others for their problems.
It’s not their fault that women don’t like them.
It’s not their fault that they keeping making the same mistakes over and over again.
NO! It’s everyone else’s fault.
Here’s the thing: At some point you got to stop making the same mistakes if you want something different in your life.
That applies to dating, business, swimming, driving, walking, and anything else that you do in your life.
I’ve learned this the hard way, but I learned it! I kept making the same mistakes over and over again in many areas of my life, and until I learned from them, I repeated the same crappy experiences over and over.
I still make mistakes, but I learn from them. That’s pretty much all you can do if you want to be happier and more successful in life.
- You admit that you made a mistake
- You learn from your mistakes
- You grow and become better
- You have more success
I once heard someone say, “I wouldn’t erase any of my failures in my life because that would mean I would erase all of my successes too.” Success comes from failure. You live and you learn.
BUT, when you complain, rant, blame, and stay stuck in a miserable state, you don’t learn. You just keep repeating the same old thing over and over again and because you don’t want to admit it, you blame other people.
When guys tell me that they don’t have to change, I cringe. Change is the only thing that gets you from where you are to where you want to be. Everyone has to change in order to experience new and better things.
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Acknowledge Your Feelings And Do Something About It
Again, I’ve been there, so I know. When you complain and blame, you don’t acknowledge your feelings. You don’t take a look at yourself and your contribution to the problem. Instead, you rant away at other people and stay stuck in the same place.
Your feelings are a direct result of your thoughts. If you are feeling shitty, then you are thinking shitty.
When you are thinking shitty, how can make decisions that benefit you and your dating life – or any other part of your life?
How can work on yourself, find solutions, and stop making the same old mistakes that keep you stuck where you are?
It’s time to admit that you have feelings.
You’re a man, but you are also a human.
You are allowed to get upset.
And, if you pay attention to your feelings, and acknowledge that something must be totally wrong for you to feel that way, then you can work on solving your problems and becoming happier.
Still Don’t Want To Acknowledge Your Feelings?
Interestingly, I found this article today that talks about how constant exposure to negativity impairs your brain function. In fact, being exposed to negativity can affect your ability to problem solve.
Wouldn’t that mean that living in a state of negativity would limit your ability to get out of it?
So, next time you are going to complain to yourself, to your friends, or to me, look in the mirror and remind yourself that negativity is no good for your brain. Then, ask yourself why you are feeling and thinking so negatively, and how you can fix your situation and feel better.
How can you stop the little complainer in your head and make him happy? When you get an answer, act on it!
The Bottom Line
If you want a better life, at some point you are going to have to stop making the same mistakes.
Nobody else can make you feel like shit. The only person who can affect the way you feel is yourself by your actions, choices, beliefs, and habits.
So, acknowledge that you feel like shit and that you are the reason why, then figure out why and try to fix it. That’s the only way to move forward to happiness and success in life.