The other day, I read about a ‘technique’ that was meant to teach women a lesson and gain control over them. Sometimes I go through the PUA forums and see some advice that is harmless and even helpful, but sometimes, like the other day, my jaw literally dropped to the floor as I read this stupid and downright abusive advice. I can’t remember what this ‘technique’ was called, and I’m not going to go back and look it up because the name the guy gave it is inaccurate. It already has a name, and it is a childish and abusive way to deal with a casual or monogamous relationship.
Walk Away And Don’t Come Back For A Week
The advice is given by a man who refuses to be in a monogamous relationship. I’ve read a little bit about him, and it sounds like he’s had an open relationship for years. That’s fine, and I’m totally for having whatever kind of relationship works for you, but it doesn’t make his advice right.
He started off saying that this technique may not be easy in a monogamous relationship, but it will help the relationship a lot if you do it. And, he said that it would be impossible if you live with the woman. But, as we all know, that’s advice that will go over many people’s heads – especially if they are struggling in their relationship – because all they hear is the technique and why the advice giver thinks it will work, and then they go out and try it.
This technique is all about removing your attention or, in other and more accurate words, giving a woman the silent treatment, so that she stops acting too emotional and you don’t have to deal with any ‘drama’.
The advice giver says that the silent treatment works on women because you remove attention, and they crave attention from you more than anything. So, if you were to engage with a woman who is upset or acting irrational, you are just giving her more attention and adding to the drama, but if you give her the silent treatment, you are denying her what she craves and (in my words) you are teaching her that it’s not okay for her to be upset or emotional around you.
You are teaching her… like a parent, or a teacher, or a narcissist who likes to control other people.
So basically what you do is give her a few seconds, like around 20-30, to vent and if she keeps going on past those few seconds with her ‘drama’ then you are supposed to get up and leave without saying a word. It doesn’t matter if she asks you where you are going or tries to keep you from leaving, you just ignore her and leave. Or, as the advice giver says, ‘be a man’. Because that’s what men are supposed to do apparently.
Then, you ignore her. Don’t answer her calls. Don’t look at her texts. Don’t explain that you learned this technique from a douchebag and you are not willing to put up with her drama. Just ignore her, ‘be a man’ and give her the silent treatment for up to a week depending on how emotional she was. If she wasn’t that upset, then maybe you can give her the silent treatment for 3 or 4 days. Use your judgment, according to him.
Then he adds in that you should possibly go have sex with other women – unless, he says reluctantly – if you are in a monogamous relationship. Then you can’t. But, he continues on that having sex with other women will help you increase your confidence and help you feel more independent.
Lastly, when you do decide to contact her, pretend like nothing ever happened. Ignore that she was upset. Ignore that you gave her the silent treatment. And you will find that she forgets everything and becomes the fun, happy, grateful, and good little girl she’s supposed to be while she’s under your control.
By The Way, You’re A Pussy If You Are Not Sure About Using This Technique
One of the things I noticed was that any guy who had questions about this technique was instantly called a ‘pussy’ by the guy who handed out the advice. It felt like he was trying to bully guys into thinking that treating women like this was a manly thing to do and if you weren’t willing to do it, then you were obviously gutless around women and were being controlled by them.
What a bunch of bullshit.
Just because you treat women with respect, and are not willing to be a narcissistic jerk, doesn’t mean you are a wimp. It means that you have compassion for other people and want to govern yourself in a way that doesn’t purposely hurt other people. That doesn’t make you a wimp. It actually makes you someone who has the strength to deal with things in life (even things you don’t like) in a controlled way.
The Silent Treatment Is Abusive
I’ve been in open and monogamous relationships, and I’ve had this ‘technique’ done to me during a time when my self-esteem was low.
For instance, one guy had always been pretty honest with me, but all of a sudden he started lying to me, and I caught him in his lies. I confronted him and he took off for over a week. After he started talking to me again, I DID pretend that nothing was wrong, just like this guy says a girl would do, but not because nothing was wrong. Far from it.
I was scared that he was going to just up and leave again. I was questioning whether my emotions were valid or not. I felt like this guy had some insight into me that I didn’t have, thanks to my insecurities. And, I didn’t want to come across as a woman who had emotions and struggles and needed to be treated with respect.
Now I can see that I was letting this guy affect my self-worth but at the time his confidence in himself and what he was doing outmatched my lack of confidence.
A friend of mine recently had her husband give her the silent treatment for just over a week. (I wonder if he read about this ‘technique’?) He literally walked out of the house and left her and her three kids behind. He wouldn’t answer her calls. She nearly lost her mind. It wasn’t just about the issue she was having with him anymore – it was about feeling out of control and not being able to work through the problem with her husband because he wasn’t giving her access to him. When he came back home and pretended like nothing had happened, she had cried as much as she could cry and had given into a victim mentality where she felt like she deserved to be treated like that and didn’t deserve to work through her emotions.
That’s just how guys are, she eventually told me. That was how she had decided to deal with the silent treatment… she had come up with a bullshit belief so that she didn’t have to suffer anymore. Thinking that guys were ‘just like that’ allowed her to stop struggling with the pain of what was happening and accept it.
There’s only so much pain a person can take and eventually they will find a way to stop struggling. We just aren’t built to feel that horrible and stressed out for a week, and as human’s we are capable of finding explanations, good or bad, that give us relief.
The Silent Treatment Will Affect Your Relationship Negatively, Casual Or Not
Anyone who gives someone the silent treatment views that person as beneath them. They view them as someone who needs to be taught a lesson, and they just happen to be the wiser one in the relationship who is capable of teaching them that lesson.
You can’t get up and walk out on someone, ignore them for a week, and then pretend like nothing happened without believing that they were wrong in their words, actions, or behaviors. You obviously think you know them better than they know themselves at that point, and that makes you better than them.
And if they put up with you treating them like that, then their self-worth is not intact. I can guarantee that if a man did that to me, he would not be in a relationship with me anymore.
I deserve much more respect than that.
So, when you come back after a week, she may be quiet and pretend like nothing happened, but that doesn’t mean she has forgotten what you did. She is hurt by it. She is affected by it negatively. And it will be an open wound for the duration of your relationship because you are not fixing it.
The advice giver told a commenter who said that women would not just pretend like nothing happened that he had obviously never given a woman the silent treatment like this before because it works for him almost every time. And, of course, he told him to stop being a ‘pussy’ to reverberate just how much of a man he was. But the fact is that this guy’s confidence about himself is through the roof, and it makes sense that a woman wouldn’t challenge him when he comes back. He simply won’t allow it because he’s too much of a narcissist to allow someone else to have feelings, bad days, or drama in their life.
Another thing to know is that this guy, who is giving the advice, is intelligent. He’s excellent with his words. He’s articulate and comes back with points that can be hard to argue. So, when a woman challenges him, he has a good chance of being able to shut her down with an argument that she literally cannot win.
I wouldn’t doubt it if he uses his words and behavior to belittle her and make her feel like she is doing something wrong. Just guessing, but I’ve have had experiences with guys like that, so I think it’s a pretty good guess.
What The Silent Treatment Really Does
The silent treatment makes you feel in control, but it makes her feel like she has no control over the relationship… no input into the relationship. It makes her feel scared to express herself because you might up and leave again. It makes her feel like she’s being punished for wanting to communicate with you or for being who she is. It makes her feel like she is with someone who doesn’t validate her. In short, it doesn’t strengthen your relationship, it weakens it.
Eventually, she will either gather up the courage to leave the relationship and find someone who treats her with the respect she deserves, or – and this is just as bad – she will let you be her teacher or controller, and you will be in a relationship with a woman who acts from a place of weakness, which means she will not be a truly happy, fulfilled, and loving woman.
Casual relationship or not, wouldn’t you rather be with a woman who feels confident in herself, confident in you, and is able to be herself? Wouldn’t you rather have an adult relationship instead of a parent/kid or teacher/student relationship? Wouldn’t you rather be a person who treats people you are in a relationship with in a respectful way?
Casual and monogamous relationships have a lot of good lessons to offer you, even during the bad times. If you don’t ignore situations that you don’t like, and you don’t stomp your feet and walk away for a week, you get to face situations head-on and, because of that, grow as a person. That’s how I think you become a real confident and strong man, not by ignoring the things that you think are beneath you or avoiding things that aren’t up to your standards.
We All, Man And Woman, Deserve Respect
I’m not saying that you should let a woman act irrationally and disrespect you. I’m saying that you don’t need to abuse her mentally just because she’s being irrational or is not treating you with respect. You don’t need to become worse than her.
If you think a woman is acting irrationally or treating you in a way you don’t deserve to be treated, tell her! Don’t give her the silent treatment and leave her to stew in her own misery and confusion. Be a decent person with self-respect and tell her that you won’t be treated that way, and if she wants to talk to you then she needs to treat you with the same respect that you give her.
If she can’t or won’t, she may be too caught up in her emotions. Give her a few hours to deal with her emotions. Let her know that you will talk to her in a few hours about this and then give her some time to calm down and think things through as you do the same.
Don’t just pick up and leave for a week. That ridiculous! That doesn’t solve anything. It just gives you control over her, makes her feel weak, and sets you up for future problems.