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What Your Breakup Will Tell You About Your Ex-Girlfriend (No Matter Who Broke Up With Whom)

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What You Can Learn About Your Ex From A Breakup

In a relationship, you learn stuff about your partner, but you don’t learn everything. You don’t usually learn about their really ugly side, or how far they are willing to go to hurt someone or get back at someone until you break up with them and experience it for yourself.

For instance, your ex-girlfriend may have been a loving and kind person to you in the relationship, but after your breakup, she may have turned into your worst enemy. She may have taken revenge on you, tried to destroy your life, or just made your life downright miserable.

Or, she may have seemed strong and independent in your relationship, but texted you 1000 times per day after you broke up with her.

When you break up, you get the rare opportunity to see your ex’s true nature at the worst of times. She may have been sweet and loving throughout the relationship, but when she stopped being her best self or caring about what you think, she became angry, vicious, or revengeful.

Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but broke up with you by sliding out the back door and never showing her face again.

As Shae Baxter says:

You think someone has integrity, but when they want out, and do so in a very cowardly way, it becomes a real disappointment.

You Can’t Really Know Your Ex-Girlfriend Until You Breakup With Her

When you are not looking, what is your ex-girlfriend really like.
Was she a complete bitch behind your back?

How people act in tough situations says the most about their character. And a breakup is definitely a tough situation. In fact, it can be downright devastating.

Getting over a breakup is like getting over an addiction to cocaine. That isn’t just my personal viewpoint; it is also the opinion and the scientific finding of researchers at Stony Brook University. – Huffington Post

During a breakup, a few things happen:

  1. All behaviors, attitudes, and habits that were adjusted for you and your relationship usually come back in full throttle. This is pretty natural. Most people don’t change too much because of a relationship, so after the breakup they revert back to their old ways. I’m sure you do too. This is a great chance to see your ex-girlfriend for who she really is when she is not responsible to anyone but herself for her behavior.
  2. You take your rose-colored glasses off. You may not have seen what a bitch she was when you were getting laid, having fun, and felt nothing but love for her, but when you break up and take a step away from the relationship, you can easily see what other people saw in your ex-girlfriend and didn’t like.
  3. You get to see her at her worst. The breakup brings out her true colors. A woman who is not naturally vengeful will NOT take revenge on you after a breakup, however, a woman who feels the need to take an eye for an eye will definitely do something to hurt you after the breakup. It really shows you what their true character is like, and it SHOULD be a deciding factor in the future if you ever want to get back together with her.

In other words, if you are going to get back together with an ex-girlfriend, get back with one who doesn’t act poorly after the breakup because, if you are honest with yourself, you know exactly who you are dealing with.

Some people may argue and say that a good woman could lose it for a while and do something horribly out of her nature. But speaking from experience, when your moral compass is on right, you may think about doing something evil, but that’s all it leads to. Obviously it could happen, depending on their mental state, but very rarely does someone act on their evil thoughts if they strongly believe that hurting others (physically, mentally, or spiritually) is wrong.

You Can Also Get To Know Your Ex-Girlfriend When She Breaks Up With You

If she broke up with you, then that is a good opportunity to see what she really thinks of you and how much compassion and empathy she really has.

I knew one woman who broke up with her boyfriend of a year and treated him like dirt during the breakup and after. He didn’t really do anything wrong in their relationship, they just weren’t meant to be together. Needless to say, she obviously thought very little of him and was a woman who was capable of being mean.

Of course, I’m talking about a normal relationship here with normal problems. If you beat her or abused her in some way, then she may need to act tough or be bold to get out of the relationship. Some common sense is required.

Your Ex-Girlfriend Will Learn About You Too

Lastly, it is important to remember that your ex-girlfriend is going to learn about the real you too.

So many guys don’t understand why their ex-girlfriend won’t take them back after a bad breakup, but the truth is that your true colors have been exposed – and she did not like what she saw. That can REALLY suck if you want her back in your life.

That’s why it’s important to act mature during a breakup, or at the very least learn from your relationship so that in the future your true colors are a little more endearing!

 

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Mark Stone says

    Hello Bellaisa, this was a nice read. However, I have some other perspectives about ex-girlfriend behavior. My ex still talks with me nicely and we are like best buddies. She shares everything with me. So, its not always that the ex will be worst after the breakup. Many a times both the partners understand what’s best for them and they move on with their life without hurting each other. However, your research might also be true! 🙂

    • Bellaisa says

      Did you read the article? I never said that the ex will be the worst after the breakup. I said that how she and you act during the breakup says a lot about who you really are and whether or not you would want to get back together. So, a girl who is rational and still treats you well after a breakup is obviously a good person who realized that you were not the love of her life in that way – and vice versa.

      • Siddharth chunduri says

        Mine treated me so badly, it still hurts. What i learnt was she couldn’t give a toss about emotions of others. Pretty cruel person, who acts as if every mistake or cruel she does is just a misunderstanding.

      • Aaron says

        Hey,I am new to this sort of thing so had no idea where to post. My fiancé just split up with me 2 days ago, we was together for 5 years and just bought a flat together and was going to get married in South Africa next year. For most of the time we was inseparable and so in love. We loved being around each other all the time, I always made her laugh. We had some amazing experiences like gong to Las Vegas and Hiking the Grand Canyon, we did sky diving together and also went on Safaris together in South Africa. We have so many special memories together and was both looking forward to the future. However, as I had insecurities such as a low self esteem and trust issues I let it get in the way and every time guys showed her attention I would start asking her questions about it. I would say I trust her but don’t trust the guys snaking on her, I ultimately understand that I should have not said anything as I knew she would never do that but I couldn’t help myself and after 5 years of me wearing her down she decided enough was enough and ended it. It seemed she lost respect for me and probably fell out of love and it was a huge shock. I was sure that no matter what we went through we would come out stronger than ever and she always told me that we was soul mates and she can’t wait to have kids with me etc.. she is a lovely caring person but the last couple of weeks there was no closeness anymore. The last 3 days is when it all fell apart. We was a week away from moving in to our new home and she started to become very distant very quick. She wasn’t looking at me as much, not kissing or cuddling me and this made me more needy and insecure. I kept trying to kiss her and give her extra cuddles but all this was pushing her away more. On Friday being she looked at me and said “come here” and gave me the biggest cuddle and squeezes so tight and wouldn’t let go for about 5 minutes. I was thinking this isn’t just an ordinary cuddle this is a goodbye cuddle. Anyway on Saturday morning she was awake at 4 am and she said she couldn’t sleep and I knew something was up. So I said “look I know something isn’t right, I know 100% and you need to be strong and tell me” she said that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that she didn’t want to move out and get married have kids. That day I move to my mums, I asked her before I left of this is what she want and she said yes without a flicker of an eye lid. So I left and didn’t message her all day. Then I receive a message asking if I am ok and I replied “I will be fine, I am in shock but I promise I will be fine, you are free lol” I got no reply. Later on I was really thinking about all the things I have said to make her feel bad about herself In the past. How many times I left her in arguments then came running back saying I’m sorry and that I know how disgusting it is to leave her and say hurtful things because that must really hurt and I could tell it did. She forgives me about 3 times for doing that then finally I stopped. How I didn’t appreciate the meals she cooked for me and I never said thank you. She used to buy me presents and surprise me she was so thoughtful and caring. When I had things on my mind I would stop talking to her and ignore her then finally spill out what was on my mind and it would hurt her that I wasted the evening just because I couldn’t speak to her. I got too comfortable thinking we would last for ever and stopped making an effort. Anyway I messaged her letting her know I realise all things I did and that I regret it so bad because she was my everything and still is. She sent a reply within an hour saying she can’t read it at the moment but she promised she will. Anyway I managed to get an hours sleep and woke up at 2am. Again thoughts running through my head and I couldn’t help it I sent her another message saying how I regret taking her for granted and that I realise that eventually she lost all respect for me and stopped being in love with me. She replied “No I will reply to them, I just can’t deal with it at the moment.
        Sorry but I will reply!” A part of me thinks she waiting to clear her head so she can tell me exactly what’s going and why she fell out of love and that she has no interest in getting back together with me. And the other part that is clinging on to anything is saying that she needs to clear her head and really think about what she wants wether to end it with me completely or maybe with space she if she misses me and decides there’s been too many good times to just throw away and give me a chance. I suppose I just want an outsiders opinion of what they think as I can’t really think straight and hanging on to anything I can. I am and will be ok o know but hopefully I get closure and it will be easier for me to get over her. Many thanks I’m advance.

        • Amber says

          Hi Aaron

          I was saddened to read your post. Its been 6 weeks have things improved? My advice is to allow her some space. And let her respond to you when she wants. Good luck .

    • Danny says

      How can I get back with my ex-girlfriend, which she has a restraining order on me, she is married with two boys. She doesn’t want to talk to me and hates my guts. But I really miss her and throught that we had something good going for each other. She didn’t wanted to do anything I wanted to do and with my friends. I was very confused and very hurt when we broke up, all I wanted to do was to work things out and stay together. I think that she moved on with someone else. We were living together, but she wanted to live with her sister instead. Now I still totally miss her a lot.

  2. john lopez says

    My Ex girlfriend blamed for everything, things that I did four years ago, little things. She was mean, didn’t want to talk to me. Blocked me, She treated me badly after we broke up. We had a four year relationship and were engaged. She told me she was disappointing because I did not get married the at the time she wanted. Her family was pressuring her to get married. Anyway she was always sweet and caring, a beautiful girl but when i saw her after we broke up, she was a completely different person as described. Not sure if its possible to get back since she holds so much resentment and hate. what to do? I loved her but feel that I lost her.

    • admin says

      I think, John, that she is showing you how she feels quite clearly now. She’s probably still that sweet and caring girl, but just not to someone that she resents, and if she can’t get over those things, then you will never have a loving relationship. In short, I’m not sure what you did, but, obviously, she hasn’t let go of it, and when that happens, she’s probably made up her mind to move on.

      • john lopez says

        I hurt my girlfriend after she missed a flight to spend Christmas with me and my family. On December 18th I paid for my girlfriend to take a flight to my hometown to meet me there. I traveling from a different city. we had a long distance relationship of four years. she was engaged to me but the last three months she was cold and distant. On December 18th she was supposed to take the flight, but was distant and decided no to take it at the end. She sent me a message that she tried to catch the flight last minute but was unable and wished me merry Xmas and god blessing. I got so mad, and yield at her over the phone. I unfriend her from Facebook, I said many hurtful things and told her I wish no to see her again. I used profanity and call her dumb ass. I was so mad because she didn’t even tried to change the plane ticket she just told me she didn’t feel like flying. I broke up with her. I called her a week later to say sorry but she wished no to see me, she did even wanted to take my calls, she send me a six page email with lots of drama, with issues that I tough we fixed three years ago. She was about to move in with me and get marry, but she told me she didnt wish that anymore. I took a flight a month later to see her, we didn’t talk during that time, she blocked me of everything, whatsapp, facebook, she wouldn’t take my calls. i know i said lots of hurtful things but she left there waiting, it was a one thousand dollar flight too. When she saw me, she was very hostile and asked me to leave right away. we managed to talk but she was still very hortile, blamed me for everything, for little things and big things that happened in our four eyar relationship. i sucked, i left but came back three days later to talk to her. She was more calm, but told she wished nothing with me, that she was going to unblocked me but that doesn’t mean nothing. she did unblocked me but blocked a week later, any way two weeks ago she send a face message to a cousin of mine wishing my family the best, and that she was thankful at the time we haven’t spoken for six weeks. I am trying to move on, going to the gym, painting, traveling but it still hurts. she was mean when she unblocked me and posted a group photo with a guy holding her six weeks after we broke up, anyway that do you thing. i wish I could get her back but i feel so dumb doing so, I love her but I am not sure if it worth it. It is a lots of pain. She disappeared from the first moment we broke up and told me she holds a lot of resentment against me and herself for not concluding all of her dreams in our marriage. Never explained her reasons for missing a flight. She disappeared never confronted me until I traveled to confront her. There was no negotiation, she just said NO to everything. I get the feelings she had somebody else.

        • admin says

          Ok, so yeah… she has DEFINETLY moved on. Sounds like she had moved on when she decided not to take the flight. Stop trying. Stop telling yourself that you are going to win her back. She’s made it very clear you are not. Once you accept the fact that it’s over with her, you will have an easier time moving on.

      • Rohan katta says

        We were together since 4 yrs she loved me a lot surprisingly she was one behind me for 2 yrs then we were together then the day comes she left me 2 weeks ago leaving a text saying uk my parents won’t accept us so love move onn….this created such a big scene tht their parents got to know tht we were dating for long period her father told to both of us to never contact each other in future life..
        Ur story ends here both of u move onn .. and ended with if he finds out some1 contacted each other he ll harm them badly since 2 weeks there is no contact between us…how should I win her back

        • Kate says

          If her parents are pressuring and threatening her not to contact you, then I don’t know how you can win her back. She probably still loves you but is not allowed to date you so she’s keeping her distance.

    • Rohan katta says

      Same situation fellaa going through hell she left me 2 weeks ago…just saying move onn there is no future my parents won’t accept us same caste..just problem is money barrier how should I win her back 😔😔

  3. Tom says

    My exgf of 4 years cheated on me and then left me for a richer older man..she didn’t confess at breakup bit I dug and found the truth a few months later then she cofessed..she uncompassionate,lacked empathy,lacked any remorse or guilt not so much a s single tear over what she had done..I didn’t blow up but did say I was terribly dissapointed..we have chanced by eachother a handful of times and she behaves as tho I’m invisible except this one time when I spotted her and the rich guy together she imeadiately thru herself all over him and kept looking back to see if I was watching even throwing something at me..at the time I wasn’t sure it was her as she was in a dark area but I was in the light I kinda figured it was from silloette once I was sure I just up and moved elsewhere..
    I find it difficult to understand how she can hate me when I did nothing wrong..I should add that I was verbally abused and drunk at least weekly during last year of RS this is when she was cheating but of course I had no idea and despite me asking what was up with her behaviour she didn’t say anything she left me with these words
    “your not worth the financial convienience”
    “I can’t believe I had to contribute financially to RS”
    “Your going to grow old and fat” ( I was only 5kg over weight unlike the obese rich guy)
    I could go on and on she was downright horrible not the girl I fell in love with.
    Anyway 2 Years later I’m still in counselling for the abuse and cheating while she lives it up on rich guys wallet..
    I’ve maintained indefinite nc and if and when I chance by I behave indifferent even tho deep down it still hurts..I would rather she had not cheated broke up like an adult and kept her immediate new RS private rather than splash it all over social media
    All this from a 44 yr old

    • DX says

      Very sorry to hear of everyone’s pain. I know the feeling. However isn’t it interesting how everyone has 4 years of relationship before it breaks…hmm something tells me the 4 year mark is particularly precarious.

    • eika says

      I understand what you are talking about, got the same thing. She got a job through someone else and texted her boss to get her check. So she decided to read the text out loud saying hey baby I didn’t get to pick up your check cause Sarah has my keys. Wow really. Just selfish and ignorant. But she wanted me back to do what listen to bs. So now this boss asked her and her daughter on a trip that he’s sponsoring. Like ok enough is enough. She thinks the weekend went well but it was a lot of toxic energy….so I told her she will never have to worry about me texting. I gave her what she always wanted that was the reason I left so she could be free and happy….

  5. eika says

    I dealt with a female for 7 years. In the first year she cheated and I must admit it went down. Nothing was the same. I forgave her but then things couldn’t get back on track. When she lost her job I was supportive. It was a lot but I hung in there. Now that her only child, daughter, has made her a grandmother at 38 things have changed drastically. I care but not much. She has made me to feel different towards her. She wants me to do what I used to do. I can’t. She always told me she doesn’t need or want me. So I left. She kept calling begging me to come back. Yes I took my things back and cut the cable. All she did was talk about the cable. I notice she’s always talking to or about doing things with her daughter. But I caught a guy in her house and she lied about it. I was at her place and saw that someone else was sleeping in her bed with her. I like her but don’t love her. I pretend just to see where it goes. She’s always saying she doesn’t have help from friends but if you have someone else then why call me. I’m not understanding. I left and she begged me to come back was it real or just for financial support.

    • admin says

      Who cares what it is about. You said you don’t love her and you are pretending just to see where it goes? Get out. Find yourself someone who treats you right – someone you love.

  6. Tyrese says

    Good read!
    Ex broke up with me recently – of course the same old bullshit reason everyone uses “It’s not you it’s me. But no really, it’s actually me. Really.” We were dating for roughly 5 years or so. Super close, or so I thought. Clearly not close enough.
    As such, I have sense then subscribed to the RedPill state of mind and have been improving my life. I don’t know much about what is going on in her life. I have accepted the fact that it doesn’t matter.

    However, recently we have been going on dates. Been very clear about these being dates because why else would I invest time into her or any other non-platonic female friend if it Wasn’t a date? Suppose at this point I’m just keeping her around to have an easy person to practice dating techniques on that won’t cost me that much time or money. We’re both having fun so I see no fault. Well, at least I’m having fun and thus that is the most important thing.
    Of course still running game and dating other girls as well – why not? I’m enjoying it.

    Don’t exactly know if I’m asking for advice or just stating my experience.
    I suppose the question would be – If one is no longer emotionally invested in their ex girlfriend, is such a good reason to even have her remain in your life – regardless of how close you two were or weren’t previously? Unless she’s my girlfriend, or anyone for that matter, can’t find a compelling reason to be committed to / emotionally invested in them. Too much give for very little gain.

    • admin says

      You answered your own question. For you, it’s too much for too little to stay committed to or emotionally invested in your ex. Because of that, I would just cut her out of your life. Then you won’t have to spend time worrying about her or thinking about her and you can get on with finding someone you want to be emotionally invested in. Don’t use her to practice anything. She may have a very different perception on what you are doing and it could make it really hard for you to distance yourself from her. It’s just not fair to her. You having fun is important, but being a compassionate human being who doesn’t hurt other people is also important. So if she sees it as more than just fun, cut her loose.

    • John says

      Me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up I told her I wasnt happy but I didnt mean it but I still broke up with her then tried getting back with her and she said no maybe in the future then a couple nights later she brought up a girl that sent me stuff that I didnt ask for and she messaged the girl then the next day I found out she was talking to 1 of her guy friends that she has known for lik 8 years and is staying with him for the weekend and she keeps saying we could get back together in the future idk what to do

  7. Claire says

    Hi

    Me and my ex have an ugly break up. It was a four years relationship so I’m Have hard time to let go. He wanted to end quickly by saying hurtful things to me. So we started the ugly fight. We both have emotionally destroyed each other. We’ve deleted each other from Facebook and contact. Everyone told me he will come back later as I was really good to him, which I’m highly doubt. However, I would like to know your opinion. Thank you.

    • admin says

      Who is telling you that he’s going to come back to you because you were good to him? Man, that’s annoying. My sister-in-law just left her abusive husband, and people are telling HIM that she will come back to him, which gives him hope and motivation to stalk her, annoy her, and make her life miserable.

      The fact is that you may not get back together. If he was looking for a quick way out, then he had probably been wanting to leave for a while.

      Good people lose their partners all the time. Just because you were good to him (which I don’t know, that’s only something you and him know) doesn’t mean he’s going to come back. And if he does, do you really want him to come back?

      Give it some time. Don’t try to make something happen if he’s not willing to make it happen. After your emotions die down, you both will be able to see what you really want, and only then will you be able to tell what direction it’s going to go.

  8. Mikey_PH says

    My girlfriend and I recently broke up (a couple of days ago) I cheated on her 2 years ago with a common friend of ours. I was too guilty about what happened and tried to forget and hide to her what happened. Last January, I proposed to her and she said YES. We were in a long distance relationship after the proposal since she needs to work overseas. It was hard for us to cope up with the relationship since we are both not used of long distance relationship. We argue alot with non sense things. September of this year we had a minor argument and she said she knew about the cheating 2 years ago. I was very shocked and confused how she knew all along. She broke up with me after that. I tried pleading and asking for forgiveness to what happened. I want her back real bad. She’s mad as hell and sometimes still talk about the cheating i made. As of the moment, we still make small talks thru Facebook. I’m still too depressed and look miserable. Our common friends she talked to said I will need to pursue her if I really want her back (my ex girlfriend said she might give me a chance if i do more effort of getting her back). I don’t know if that’s a good sign or not. I still feel sad to what happened. She still sends me messages but I tend to reply in very short messages. She’s sending me messages saying that there’s someone chatting her and trying to court her (which is seriously breaking my heart everytime). I’m scared not to talk to her because she might accept the other guy and just leave me too broken. I’m scared that if I give her time to think and be back after a few weeks or months, she might not love me anymore and wouldn’t want me back in her life.

    I would also like to get your opinion on this. Is it okay to still talk to her even if she’s still mad and the break up is still fresh? Do I still continue talking to her? Thanks!

    • admin says

      It sounds to me that she brought up the cheating out of nowhere because she was waiting to use it for something big. I’m not sure what your ‘minor’ fight was about, but for her to bring up the cheating, it was either about something she did (and she wanted to take the focus off her and put it on you) or it was about something you did (and she could no longer hold back on the whole cheating thing because she wanted you to know that you’ve done too much to her). Those are my guesses. I don’t know because I don’t know what has been going on in your relationship.

      But what I do know is that if her friends are telling you that you might still have a chance if you put some effort into her, that’s a good sign. It’s also a good sign that she sends you messages. What’s not good is you replying in very short messages. That could easily tell her that you are no longer interested.

      As far as her telling you that someone is courting her, it sounds like an effort to get you to fight for her.

      I think she wants you to fight for her. She wants you to tell her that you love her and want her back and want to work on things. She wants you to admit what you did wrong in the past and tell her that you are never going to do it again.

      I think if you don’t talk to her and tell her those things, you have a good chance of losing her. So, by talking to her, you really have nothing to lose.

      • Mikey_PH says

        Yesterday, she begged me to not give up on her. She sent numerous voice messages and messages saying she still loves me. I did not reply, I was giving her time to think and focus on what she really wants. Today, she said she’s ready to give me another shot at our relationship and fix things. Thank you very much for your advise on not talking to her in very short messages. I will give you updates soon!

          • nothingforever says

            I met him a year ago, whenever he had problem his girlfriend, ha came to me then he disappear again. He left her on april and came to for sure to be with me, we started to date end of May then he wanted to break up with me and he tried to explain reason, I did not want to listen this time. I texted her nicely and said, I appreciate for everything, thank you, i accept you that you wanna leave me. Good luck etc.
            I love him but i don’t know what to do really. I really was nice to him and I tried to help him for everything when he needs it. I wanted him back but he told me before he doesn’t love me. He still was stalking on his ex gf. They have no future but he still love her. He broke up with her.

  9. Sum Guy says

    Good article. My girlfriend of a year and a half ended our relationship and now seems angry at me that I am not pining after her or spending all my time texting her about the stuff going on in her life. It is very weird how she betrayed me emotionally (thrice actually, I’m not hating her for it just have no trust we could or should be boyfriend-girlfriend). She ended things but now wants me to be her emotional punching bag. That is, if I don’t respond to her text quickly and with the length and words she “needs” she chastises me and is condescending. She never was like this when we were together, maybe because she knows I won’t be anyone’s emotional punching bag. It’s getting past 2 months now.

    Any insights on why she is acting this way? We both agreed to some space was needed. She lives an hour away. It really seems she is pissed I’m not chasing after her.

    What she doesn’t realize (she didn’t ask, I didn’t tell), is I’ve started seeing someone else since we broke up and believe it is not a good idea (or want to at this point) to have regular contact with the ex-gf. After all we did live together for almost a year. I think the new gf would be legitimately concerned if I was really “over” the ex-gf if I was hanging with the ex-gf as much as I hang with my new gf.

    I just wonder what is going through my ex-gf’s head. Her texts saying I don’t care (especially after all I did for her and what she did to me) are just pushing me away and I don’t even want to be her friend now.

    • admin says

      There could be a lot going through her head. I would guess that she’s used to you responding in a way she wants and because you are not doing that anymore, she’s not happy. So she’s going to try to get the reaction out of you that she expects/wants because that’s how your relationship goes.

      I think it’s a good idea to distance yourself from her. Doesn’t sound like she’s a healthy person in your life – as a girlfriend or as a friend. Plus, you’re right, the new girlfriend won’t appreciate it, and if your ex ever finds out you are dating someone, I just get the feeling she is going to try to ruin it for you very quickly.

  10. J says

    My ex of 17 months ended it last week just ripped it off like a bandaid. We were both un experienced in relationships i tried my best to communicate but i guess i didnt pick up on what she was holding in. Initaially i felt like the the rug was pulled out from under me she said she didnt feel the same as before about me. She seemed sad at first then very cold which she wasnt before. Was left with so many questions . Then just yesterday had to pick up some of my stuff from her place and i returned some her personal belongings. She offered to help but i picked on so much passive aggressiveness like just shoving the boxes in the truck and closing hatch it seemed like she resented me and i dont know why. I accepted it told her i forgive you and wish you the best she said likewise she hugged me i gave a semi hug (not much feeling) Then she almost seemed gleeful and relieved to see me go. Kept thinking if she put on a face or was genuinely spiteful.

  11. Peter says

    Hi

    My ex gf is Thai I’m English

    My ex gf ended our 4yr relationshp for the 2nd time in April 2016 she said let’s be friends she told me after I pushed her that she met a new guy who was on holiday for 2 weeks in august 2016 and has now gone back home so she in ldr
    When I found out about her new bf I immediately told her I’m not interested in friends. I’m in UK since Feb 2016 not seen her since split.
    She called a few times until in September we exchanged a few mails and both of us said some nasty things. She blocked me so I ignored her for 5 weeks then sent her email saying I’m happy with break up, apologised for anything I said, I’ve moved on hope ur happy. NO REPLY
    Waited a few weeks then sent e mail asking for my friend (girl just friend) to collect my stuff, I have car, money, clothes, furniture, computer, iPhone etc NO REPLY
    I said that she obviously didn’t want to see me again so this good way, no reply
    I know she is using my car,
    I have moved on as she wanted me to so why won’t she return my stuff and what should I do next
    8 won’t be going back Thailand maybe January
    Thanks

    • admin says

      You told her that you were happy with the breakup and that you’ve moved on, but then a few weeks later you asked for your stuff back? She already believed you were going to move on and then suddenly you got back in contact with her. I think she feels entitled to ignore you, and probably wants to ignore you because then she doesn’t have to deal with you. I know it’s not right, but I think that’s what she’s doing.

      Sounds like if you want your stuff back you will have to take her to court – or at least threaten to do so. You have to give her a good enough reason to act on giving you your stuff back otherwise she won’t feel like it’s necessary.

      • Peter says

        Hi
        The last email she sent me she said who will get your stuff.

        I told her I will

        when I get back to Thailand I’m going to turn up unannounced and just take it. I don’t want to do it this way because it could cause a problem

        I can not take her to court as its Thailand the court will side with her no matter what that’s how it works there

        I told her I moved on I’m happy, I apologised for my actions so I’ve done what she wanted so why would she not want to give it back

        I’m past bothering with her, she has a house I built which she can keep, fully furnished by me, she’s had car bought, engagement ring, jewelry and many other things she can keep I don’t care.

        She has told countless lies and been very deceitful, it is relief I feel that’s its done because I can never trust her again. She is very selfish, which I always knew but put up with as everyone has faults.

        Why would she say who will pick up your stuff then ignore it when I have someone who can look after it all?

        I’m happy never to see her again and I thought she was too which is why I suggested a friend collect. But she knows she has to see me again so could be holding my stuff hostage so she has to see me again.

        Surely she left me, moved on to a new guy but won’t give me back my stuff its childish and pathetic but I know there is some ulteria motive probably she using my car and don’t want to give it back. This is what I’m dealing with

        Peter

        • Peter says

          Should I get my friend in Thailand to call her or will that make it worse

          She is a girl and my ex is very very jealous

          I don’t want to cause more problems she is also very stubborn

          May e just wait until I can go there to speak to her

          Or ask my friend to call?

          what do u think?

          • admin says

            Oh, so she had previously said you could get your stuff. In that case, I would remind her that she told you that and ask when your friend could come pick up the stuff. If she has some decency, then she will admit that she told you that you could pick it up and, even if she’s miserable about it, let you come. Don’t worry about causing problems. It sounds like she’s not going to be happy either way. If your friend is willing to go there and pick up your stuff, then it’s worth a try. I would suggest that you call her and talk to her about it before your friend does.

  12. Peter says

    Hi
    Problem is she won’t answer my calls, I’ve been polite I even said I’m happy for you and your new relationship in email

    Maybe the reason she won’t reply is because she knows I will come for my stuff as soon as I get back so maybe she just thinking we talk then.

    That’s what I’m hoping, I think if my friend calls it may make her more angry and I don’t want that. I did say some nasty things, which I regret but so did she.

    I think maybe just nc until I turn up on the doorstep

    Would u agree

    Thanks for this I really do appreciate it

  13. Richard says

    My ex-wife (the breakup is 3 months old) is lost. I can’t figure out if she is lost because of our relationship. We are not mean to each other at all. When she decided to separate, she said that she couldn’t feel anything more than sympathy for me…she fell out of love and that she had lost the passion that we once shared.
    Since the breakup, I’ve been struggling but slowly picking up the pieces and putting myself back together. She’s is not: she is still lost and although I know I have to take care of myself first and foremost, I still care for her, quite a bit actually. I’m hate to see her like this and I can’t help myself to think that she needs help. I can’t allow myself to be hurt more so I try and keep a distance from her but it’s a struggle. The strange thing is that she texts and calls me almost every single day. I respond but I don’t text her first. To be honest, I wish she wouldn’t so that I can heal faster, I guess.
    I miss her but I can’t. I still love her but I can’t. I’d hold her but I can’t. It seems she is still needing me. But I’m afarid to be “used” as her first option – which I dislike.
    Let me know your thoughts.
    Richard

    • admin says

      Did you guys try counseling? It seems like she was looking for something from you that wasn’t there, and hasn’t totally let go of the idea of being together. Counselling could really help you and her sort out your feelings and what to do next, especially if you miss her and love her, but you want to make sure you are not being used.

      But you are right. You need to take care of yourself. If you want the relationship to end, then you may want to tell her that you need some space to work through your feelings and get back on track as a single man. The space may help her too.

  14. Richard says

    I suggested we do counselling but she said it was no use at the time. Last friday, she has moved out into her own appartment, I kept the house…and all of its renos to finish. She said she never felt at home in here and I tried to fix it up to make her feel comfortable; needless to say, I failed miserably. Although the house has changed dramatically in the past 3 months – and much improved – she still says that she doesn’t feel at home in here. It’s not so much that I want to make her feel at home anymore, I’d sell this house if I had to, but rather show her that I can accomplish better now – now tbat I am rediscovering myself.
    I have been consulting with a life coach for the past 2 months. She really helps me. I want to show my “wife” that I feel better and that we can work this through.
    I keep reading this text to convince myself to move on – “if she wanted to be with you, she’d be with you” and I can’t get past the fact that she and I are good for each other.
    I guess I can’t accept to have her as a “friend”. I should also mention that we have a 2-year-old precious daughter together. I also have 2 teenagers with an ex-girlfriend. They love her. She loves them. We were together for 7 years.

    • admin says

      Well, you can’t be the only one trying. That’s not going to accomplish anything. And it would suck to spend the next ten years doing exactly what you are doing with her doing exactly what she is doing. There’s no guarantee that she’s going to change her mind, just like there’s no guarantee that she’s not going to change her mind. If she moved out, it sounds like she is in the process of moving on. It’s still quite new if she only just moved out, so I understand that it’s quite raw right now.

      That’s great you got a life coach.

      I suggest you be honest with yourself. What’s best for you? What’s best for her? What’s best for your child? What resonates with you as the truth? In my experience, when you can get out of your continuous stream of thoughts, and listen to your inner self, you will be able to see things much more clearly.

      • Richard says

        I know that I have to take better care of myself. I also know that I have to listen more to my true feelings. It’s tough though. I know that people say time will help to heal but right now, time is not very helpful.
        I also know this though: You have words of wisdom. I wish I could just read more of your advices. You probably have more people to reassure though.
        Thank you so muh for your time.
        Much helpful.

  15. Vegeta says

    Well 6.5 years of relationship ending and , My Ex did modelling with other Guy(When she was my gf), and dumped me . She Changed Her Cell no. Since my parents were sincere, they got to know too. They were to much hurted from her side and my side too.
    Those days i was ill , when my sister contacted her by Finding out her new number she said she doesn’t care and Hung up.. So after 2 months she contacts me and says stuff. I Straight forwardly Say ” I am done.Leave “, after 6.5 months I get more text messages and she says she wants to meet up , like she had the Guilt. I used to think all the mistakes were mine. But there was none mine in Actual. When i met her , she showed me my text messages screenshot with her by giving me the cellphone . When i saw the cellphone. She had pictures Full loaded with the same guy and other 2-3 of that guys . …. She said they are just friends and stuff. I didnot asked any explanation since she was an EX. When i saw the pics of her being the only girl going out with 5-6 Guys.. and all that. It did felt bad.But still she was an ex. When she told me to get back , i said ok let give it a try <—- This i did Knowingly . I wanted to confirm that the Love i did , Did that love never loved me ? well actually this is where it gets U-Turn . when she said to be together. She says. "NOW WE ARE TOGETHER, YOU MUST NOT TELL ANYONE THAT I AM WITH YOU,NOT YOUR FAMILY ,NOT MY FAMILY, NOT YOUR FRIENDS , NOT MY FRIENDS. And whenever MY FRIENDS will ask me i will say I am single " …….. Welll You got the right Face now. I am Good in my Studies and she contacted me after She knew I got a Good Internship and Job. Did freelancing…. Since i am 20.5. It was the one and only love i did …… But Now after 8 months . She keeps texting me Songs Daily.Saying :""I will melt your heart,…. You said i need to change ,,, I am trying too change..". It does sound kind of emotional . But now i got emotions , i just don't deserve someone Who says HANGING OUT WITH GUYS(There was a guy with whom she dumped me ) means LIVING YOUR LIFE….. WEll I am Actually done. I texted her "GO TO DOCTOR AND GET HELP, Otherwise I will have to block you". She Stills Texting … I don't know what to do , But i am just doing it now.
    I don't know My whole family knows what she did. And now i think i deserve better. But she keeps Texting …. I Learned Alot from Love. She went after money and fame…… 🙂 To be very Honest. Coolness and stuff. Actually Long Distance Relationship tends to be like this … Though it was a Heartbreaking Experience. … You are Right You see the Truth when you break up with her .. 🙂

    • admin says

      Thanks for sharing. You do deserve better! Don’t text her back or she will think that she has a chance with you… and you will keep debating whether or not you should get back together with her. She had her chances with you and blew them. Time to find a woman who will treat you right!

      • VEGETA says

        Probably last year in my graduation so its last year :).Though I did spend a lot of time, (y) This was a very well written thing.

  16. Stefanie Kaiser says

    Hey.. I never in my life wrote a comment or message on a page like this, but at the moment I have no idea how to handle my situation.
    So I met my boyfriend last year in January in New Zealand. Before we met each other we`ve been in contact through Facebook for around 1,5 years already. We have a mutual friend, he was working with and I knew from back home in Switzerland.
    My Exboyfriend sent me a friendrequest one day, because he thought he knew me from the time he was visiting Switzerland, maybe it was just an excuse, because we never met. Anyways, we started writing sooo much. We both just went before we started writing through a heavy break up with our ex partners but we both took so much time to progress everything.
    In January when we met, it was clear we don`t want anything else but each other.
    But it wasn`t just that easy. I left Switzerland a couple of months before I cam to NZ to go on one last big trip, before I might have my own family or a dog or a house one day.. I am 29.
    I had my working holiday visa for Canada already and we both knew I am gonna leave again in October.
    We had a lot of conversations but we both said it doesn`t make sense if we can`t be together on the long run. so we fought kinda against and for it.
    I moved three hours away from in him in NZ in April, but we loved each other so much that we decided we both want to be in a relationship anyways.
    For me everything was always so much easier. I was doing a winterseason, was snowboarding a lot and had cool people around me. He was stuck in a city three hours away from me with his studies.
    He was traveling for five years as well but went back three years ago with 29 to study again that he has a solid job one day to feed a family..
    So he came to visit me nearly every weekend and he was very often sooo down and jealous and of course I understood. I had all my dreams and everything I wanted and he just had a broken heart all the time because he had to leave every Sunday again.
    Sooo in October when I flew back to Europe before I flew to Canada in November then, we spent two last complete weeks together. He was full of sadness and said he doesnt know how to handle it that I am leaving all the time. I totally understood but I was so positive about everything. I said I will come back to NZ in April again after my season in Canada, even if I wanted to keep traveling until at least autmn, and we ether look for something in NZ, Australia or Europe together, he always wanted to go back to Europe to work there.
    He also just wanted to leave with me going on a trip after his studies but he just couldnt because of the money, and the job he got offered straight afterwards.
    I was quite bad in communication.. 2016 brought so many lessons and I had to deal with a lot on my own too. I never ever in my life experienced so much love than I did of him, it was such an amazing feeling and I wanted to give all this back but while I was going through a lot of healing inside me I wasn`t able to be as empathetic as he was.
    Since I left NZ I was so heartbroken and I just wanted to go back to him, I kept telling him but we both knew I have to go to Canada, otherwise I will regret it one day and it will stand in between us.. so I did it..
    I had a very bad start in Canada as well and I just wanted to go back to him.. The day I finally decided to look forward and be happy for the next four month and look forward to the day we meet each other again.. he broke up with me.
    He was in tears and he didnt know what to say but he said he just can`t handle all this, his heart is so broken, he is so hurt..
    He didnt have time to progress all this, my bad communication, me being away all the time and now another long distance.. I am his dream girl, I am the first woman he ever thought of family and a future with.. but he just can`t handle this. He also thinks with all his jealousy and downs all the time he stopped me from smiling and blooming..
    I said nooo I come back straight away to NZ all I want is him and nothing is more important, but he said no, because he doesnt want to be the man who takes all my dreams away from me.. and if I come back now we would be happy for a few weeks or months but then at one point we get back to the same problem..
    If I don`t feel to settle down inside myself and I just do it because of him or for him it wouldnt be right.
    He said to love someone so deeple means sometimes to let go because you just want the very best for that person.
    I accepted it and hoped for the day our paths would cross again. We stayed in contact for the next 6 weeks and we didnt stop saying and writing how special we are for each other and how much we hope for the day we see each other again.. in the meantime I got a job in South Africa for 6 months, I was looking for distraction and something I can focus on to have less pain.
    Soo one week ago I found out through a coincidence that he met another girl 3 weeks after we broke up and that they sleep together. So he wrote me all those lovely things while he was sleeping with her already.
    I was really really hurt and asked him if its true and he said yes. He apologized a thousand times and said he is so sorry, he still loved me so much and didnt know how to handle all this, everything just happened, they just hung out and they got a long well and she really helps him to feel happy and good.
    He says he did so many things wrong with me and I deserve better, he hoped for so many things and the pain is so massiv.. he hates himself more than I does, but he still sleeps with her and he couldnt answer me the question if it is something serious already.
    I know he didnt do anything wrong at all, apart of sending me all those messages still while he is moving on already..
    I know I was the one who left him behind and who had “everything” and he had “nothing” I really do know this.. but what am I supposed to do now.
    On Christmas before I found out he just wrote me that he thinks I am the most amazing woman and soul on this earth and he cant even say how grateful he is that he had all this time with me and that I am still in his life. he loves me so much.
    What shall I do now.. I am sooo hurt.. thousands of questions and pictures in my head..
    contact yes? contact no? hoping? not hoping?
    I think I know the answer and time will tell I just really dont know how to handle this whole situation and all the pain.. Its so big.
    Sorry for such a long message and thank you for any advice.

    • admin says

      Awwww, this is a sad love story. From an outsiders perspective, without the pain of finding out he was sleeping with someone else while he was sending you those messages, I can see that he really meant what he was saying. He was trying to move on, knowing that he needed to in order to get out of his pain, but he still views you as special to him.

      As you said, you know the answer going forward. But it is still painful.

      Because you are following the path you think you should follow in life, you need to focus on that and live with no regrets. For whatever reason, you aren’t meant to be together right now, but that doesn’t mean that in the future you won’t be together.

      You both know that you can’t settle down yet (which is very mature by the way and something a lot of people would not admit or do), so don’t live in a state of regret. You are doing what you feel you need to do and that’s all you can ever do in life if you want to make the most of it.

      As far as contact, that’s up to you. Normally the ‘no contact rule’ is good for helping you remove strong emotions from the equation. It may be a way to help you remove the pain if you can’t get a handle on it by changing your perspective of the situation (ex. things are working out exactly as they should right now). And no contact may help him get some relief from the pain. But, if you can both accept it as the way it is right now then you may be able to lessen the pain, maintain your friendship, and move forward.

      In short, you’ve made your choices and you don’t want to be in constant struggle or pain, so do what resonates as right to you. It’s obvious you are capable of doing that.

  17. Pedro says

    I have been on a long distance relationship for 4 years with a girl whom I had met on an online gaming platform.
    we have been dating each other on and off for 4 years now. Every time something would happen and we would break up and then after a while I would make the move again and we would end up being together however this time around it has been different.
    To start with the beginning, it was by the end of last year when we broke up again that’s when she blocked me out completely on everything after I was being quite pushy. so a week or 2 passed by and I started seeing someone else in my Uni. when I was spending time with that new girl, I kept thinking about my ex gf everything that I was doing with the new girl would remind me of her. so I broke off the new relationship and started contacting my ex again because I knew that moment that she was the one for me because the happiness that every time I kept feeling whenever we were around each other was good. so I contacted her and we decided to meet couple days afterwards. we met and things got out of control for a bit, we made out etc. when I got home next day she told me that she was feeling guilty because she thought she had no self control and that she was also feeling guilty because she had apparently met a guy online whom she liked for awhile but had stopped doing so. I tried to make sense out of it and I understood that I had approached her too strong and now she was confused. anyway we still managed to have a second meeting but this time it went out of control again. and she said the same thing again. I tried to reason with her and it seemed to work for a while but then the next week I had to go abroad due to personal reasons, when I was out there I kept trying to maintain contact despite the hardship that I was going through emotionally while being on my trip but at some point she just told me to go away after I was quite pushy with how I was talking to her. 2 weeks went by without any contact and I came back so i contacted her but only to tell her the truth the same day about what I had done when last time we were not in contact ( basically my relationship with that new girl that had ended) so then she told me that she wants to move on and that I should stop making her to stop from moving on so I agreed, one week later I contacted her again and I told her if we could be at least friends, she asked do you think we can be? I was adamant and I said yes why not?
    I remember the last thing was that she suddenly disappeared from the conversation but then I got mad and told her that I could not do this anymore and that we were better off without having contact because she wasn’t making me feel good nor was I making her feel good and ever since then she has me blocked on everything it has been 2 months ago now,
    Moving forward 2 months later, which is basically 2 weeks ago.
    I managed to contact one of our mutual friends to get her to speak to me. she kept telling him that I can’t be friends with him or have anything to do with him. with some persuasion she did unblock me just to say quickly that she has met some guy and he doesn’t want her to talk to me or my other friend and that she hopes that I would understand it then blocked us both.
    After struggling for quite a bit, I finally made a decision to tell another friend of mine to start a group conversation for us to talk and then I asked my friend to leave.
    I made a promise to her that I would leave her alone if she still feels like after the conversation.
    I explained everything to her during it, how I have been struggling and how much I have missed her. And that I understood what it meant that she has found someone else now.
    During the first part of the conversation, she could actually laugh with my jokes but at some point when I mentioned that I am really sorry for the pain that I had caused her, she suddenly paused. Half an hour passed by then she reappeared and said that she had to go.
    I got this feeling that she probably asked the new guy what he thought about this. After that she became really agitated and hostile towards me. At some point she even told me that “ if you had moved on you wouldn’t need to message me and by doing this you are abusing me and messing with my emotions.
    It hurt me a lot to hear that, so I said that, last time when I was about to drive back home, we both stood there and I watched her through the back window of my car and she turned around and looked at me. And I said that, that girl is the reason why I won’t give up. Then she said really coldly ok and goodbye.
    I don’t know what to be honest, I sent a message bottle with a funny note about her delicious cooking skills on the same day, after that I have stopped trying to contact her, it has been 2 weeks now, I still think about her, I have reached a point that I just want to feel free again and let her do what she wants to do but it is not easy, I keep slipping back to missing her, even though from what I have seen past few months she is not the same anymore.
    I wonder will things ever get alright again between us or this was it. Every effort that I had made during all these years is gone to the bin.

    • admin says

      From a woman’s point of view, I understand exactly what she meant when she said you are messing with her emotions. You keep breaking it off and then contacting her again – forcefully – making her talk to you. Obviously, you know that you are not good together, but you keep trying to make something happen when it just won’t. She’s trying to distance herself from you once and for all, so you may want to do the same.

      It sounds like you’ve tried – both of you – to make this work and it hasn’t. Maybe she’s not happy/satisfied with you, for whatever reason, and that’s why things keep happening the way they do.

      From what I gathered (and I obviously don’t know the whole story because you two have a LOT of history), you caused her some pain and it placed a permanent barrier between the two of you.

      My gut instinct tells me this is it for you two. Stop contacting her, looking her up, or having anything to do with her or you are only going to make it harder on yourself.

      • pedro says

        it’s not easy, I keep thinking about her even till this day. these feelings should have been removed just as hers has.
        I broke a fundemental rule, when I started that short period relationship, but you see, I had no choice. I was in same exactly situation as I am right now. she doesn’t know how to communicate her emotions. let alone solve problems. while in this relationship, I have always been the one who wants to and has always tried to solve things.
        the fact that she also had the audacity to tell me that she has found someone has hurt me alot. I know it’s her right to do and if I were in same position I would do it too.
        I know this girl is not good for me, but I don’t know why I keep lingering along. I have fought for this girl more than anybody ever has
        I just wish, I could get her to realise this once for all but I guess I’ll never be able to do that now. she hates my existence and it hurts.
        there is no way that communication can be at least restored?
        and do you think that she is actually dating that online friend of hers. could it be that they are just in honeymoon phase and her vision is clouded, doesn’t see me as a good prospect untill the other relationship ends up facing same hurdles like ours did.
        I know it hurts me knowing she’s with someone else right now if she is but I always thought, she lacks the experience. so it maybe a good thing , it might give her the right sort of experience to appreciate what she had with me. but I know that short term relation of mine with that girl has hurt alot

        • admin says

          It’s only been two weeks or so since you contacted her right? So how could your feelings be removed? You sound obsessed with her – like an addiction – so it’s not that easy to remove your strong feelings unless you cut off contact and start focusing on different things in your life.

          You say – “I know this girl is not good for me…” Focus on THAT fact, not on what you think you could be with her.

          No, I don’t think that communication can be restored. You’ve tried that over and over again and it just doesn’t work. Sounds like the one time it would have worked, you got upset about something and ruined it. That may have been your last chance.

          Yes, I think she is actually dating this guy. And there may be no hurdles like there were with you. Maybe things are different. Maybe they communicate better. I don’t know. I’m not in their relationship. But, her experience with this new guy might just make her realize that she doesn’t want to date someone like you.

          I had dated a guy who was sweet but did stupid things to hurt me, and it wasn’t until I dated a really good man that I got along with that I realized just how more I expected for myself. In other words, I made up my mind I would never go back to the guy that had hurt me – or any guy like that.

          I know this is not what you want to hear, but from what you’ve told me, I think it’s pretty safe to say that your relationship with her should be a thing of the past. At least give it a good amount of time before you contact her again. Give yourself at least six months or so to go your own way and see what happens. You may find someone else or realize that you were not that good with her anyways. But that’s just my suggestion.

          Do what feels right to you. But just know that if you keep doing the same thing, you are going to keep getting the same results, and sounds like you’ve been getting a lot of pain.

        • Pedro says

          Yes, it has only been 2 weeks or something but in total it has been going on like this since august, so it has been quite a long time. that’s why it sometimes scares me how badly I am dependant emotionally to figure out a way to either manage this or maybe find the careless level that she had and just quit everything about all of this.

          I know, i feel like she is not good for me but, there is this side of me that remembers all those good times that we had together, but then again I think about all this bad feelings that she has made me go through. I have always been there for her aslong as I remember, I have helped her through alot of personal drama that were not even close enough to be considered one by a regular person but, she never was a regular person. which is the reason why I loved her. she was different.

          I lost my dad this summer, that’s why I went on that trip, ever since I came back, I have been trying to get back on my feet. I don’t want to blame her for bailing on me but I think she has. If she had to go through what I have been, first of all I would have never let her to go through and even if she did, I would have been there for her.

          if she is dating this guy or some other guy, I am pretty sure that she is gonna face issues like she did with mine. I literally have tried numerous times to talk to her and get her to talk about her feelings and her troubles. she is not someone easy who would open up and talk about her issues, which is one of the reasons ironically that I loved so much about her. that feeling of quest to figure her out, was always so exciting.

          I just finished my mid term exams, I have been thinking about going to London, and maybe try to talk to her in person. because let’s be honest behind a screen you can say alot of things. but then again I don’t want to be considered as an intruder.
          I understand when someone blocks u out, it means what it means that they don’t want you in their life. But I kind of deserve this treatment.

          I lied first about what I had done with that other girl and above all else, I had betrayed her with someone else. I accept my faith, that I need to suffer, despite how it sounds like rediculious.

          I feel like, I need to make a grand gesture to let her know that I really mean what I say, that I care about her even though she is with someone else.

          could you give me your thoughts about me going there to see her.

          • admin says

            I’m sorry you lost your dad.

            You can’t be sure of anything with her future relationships. She may be in a great relationship where they are able to talk things through, treat each other right, and feel connected on a level that she may not be able to feel with anyone else.

            I think it’s a very bad idea to go and see her. You are right… she blocked you, which sends a strong message that she’s not open to talking things out or working things out. If you don’t respect her wishes, then you could end up becoming that stalker kind of guy that scares the shit out of her, which is not the message you are trying to send.

            I also don’t think you need to suffer. The way I feel is that you only have so many days in this life, and you don’t need to waste them suffering. It’s such a waste of life, and you may look back one day and regret it.

            I’m not going to change my thoughts on this. I think you need to move on. From the perspective I have of being in a really good relationship, your relationship with her is very unhealthy. Things aren’t going to change just because you profess your love. A relationship is about interacting, communicating, trust, and understanding each other, and it doesn’t sound like you had any of those things at a level that makes a really good and healthy relationship.

          • Pedro says

            thank you for your sympathie.

            Yes, you are very correct, I need to move on.
            Long distance factor has never really worked for me, because I could never feel sure about what she wanted unless I was seeing her in real.

            As it is right now, there is nothing new that I can offer her to make her think twice that he has changed. I feel like I am still where I was last year, when she kept telling me that she is not sure about this relationship.
            I didn’t take her word too seriously and that was my biggest mistake. I never thought she would be able to replace me with some online guy who she will probably never see irl. But then again, nobody can stop love or nothing can stop it.
            I just wish her happiness now, and I wish that somebody if what we shared was true that our paths cross each other again. and nooo, I will not contact her ever again. I think I am quite confident that now that it is over and that nothing I can do will make the relationship get fixed again, and to be honest, i don’t wanna go back to what I have endure through out last year. that feeling of never being sure about what she wants, has damaged me alot. and right now I can’t even think of dating other people.
            I am trying to take my time, aslong as it takes to just heal and get on with my life.
            I will always cherish what we had together in my heart,
            thank you for your help

          • admin says

            I found a resource that might help you out because I have a STRONG feeling you are not going to give up on her, and you are going to do things that will push her further away. You need to be aware of the mistakes you are making that will never work. Check it out here.

          • Voiceofreason says

            He is one of those guys that doesn’t listen, or take anyone’s advice. He get on here and cry all day long, but end of day he will do exactly the opposite of what everyone suggested. I see why she broke up with him.

  18. Kyle says

    I was with my gf for a year and a half, she has 3 kids and I have 2. Every four months it seems she would feel guilty about the time I took away from her kids and she would dump me via text. We would end up talking and getting back together with me spending less time with her. On the 13th I took her to get her new car and everything was great, we spent the morning together, she initiated loving contact as did I, when we parted long hugs and I love you. The next day she went cold, only texted with me about 4 times, when I texted goodnight she told me she had been fighting with her sister all day and she was mad, I asked her if she would like to talk and she said no she just wanted to go to sleep. Sunday she texted and told me what was going on. I called her in the evening to see how she was making out and she seemed short, when I said bye I said I love you and she didn’t reciprocate. Later that night she started texting again saying she hasn’t been happy lately, she doesn’t see her kids enough and she doesn’t feel happy like she used to. I asked if there was something with us and she said she didn’t know. I didn’t push it because in the past she has gone well ( she typically withdraws and dumps me via text). She went back to work and half an hour later I said goodnight I love you and i’m sure your head will clear and the stuff with your sister will get worked out. She didn’t even open that text, until 10 the next night in which she replied “goodnight” I say that text at about 1 am and said goodnight. No contact for the next day and a half, I text her good morning, how are you doing, 2 and half hours later she says “i’m ok” then nothing all day, I called her that night and she didn’t answer or send a text and I know she saw I called because she was active on fb all night posting things. After that I thought I could see where it was going (dumped again via text) so I composed a text 5 hours later and ended it with her instead, it was a pleasant text and I told her I love her but can’t keep doing this. She saw the text around 2:30 and the following day she deleted and blocked me on fb and there has been no contact since either way (5 days now). Now I regret it and think I should have let it play out and feel lost. I really want to text her but don’t think I should. Any thoughts?

    • Voiceofreason says

      Yeah, you showed her you have balls. I read what you wrote and she has been in control since day one. You are now being punished to the point she hopes you grovel back. This chick is a headcase. If you initiate trying to get back with her, mark my words you will regret it.

  19. Kyle says

    Just read what I said and wanted to add a couple things. Even though we were together for a year and a half we only spent about 1 evening a week together and maybe a quick coffee. Two of her kids had birthdays in December, we went aND I got presents for them but she didn’t invite me to either of their birthday dinners, but her neighbor was there (she’s an older female) who she doesn’t mind spending 3 or more evenings a week with. Our main way of keeping in contact was text and when she cut that out I felt like I was being frozen out, I tried to give space so she could work through the things she was feeling and not be hounded by me. A kind of big deal was when I said goodnight and I love you and she didn’t respond or even look at it, she said very early we’d always say goodnight, so when that happened it really bothered me. And finally when I sent the last text I was in a place of here we go again and to just be deleted out of her life is really upsetting to me.

    • admin says

      I think you did the right thing! I think if you hadn’t broken up with her, then you would be playing this game with her for a long time. It doesn’t sound like you are that important to her. If you were, she would have said I love you back and made it a priority to respond to you – or at least let you know that she gives a crap about you if she was too busy to respond. Moreover, she would have replied and fought to keep you rather than just deleting you and blocking you on Facebook.

      It may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. She may have too personal/emotional/mental struggles going on to deal with a guy who wants to get into a good relationship with her.

      • Kyle says

        Thank you for your response, a little hard to read but but definitely gives me a better perspective of what could be going on.

  20. Anon says

    Hi, my ex girlfriend broke up with me and we went no contact but after a few days of talking with her friend, her friend told me to talk to my ex because it was apparently hitting her hard. So then we just started talking as friends for about 2 months every now and then because we both still care about each other. But my feelings weren’t going away and I saw that maybe hers might be so I couldn’t stay friends and I told her that I could no longer text her the way we were. This made her a little upset, she can really hide her emotions so she wasn’t extremely mad but we tend to see each other at college and we both made eye contact from a far and as we got closer I recognized that she went on her phone and completely ignored me on purpose. This is also someone who has cried a lot when we both hung out a couple times. She also keeps on assisting that there is a chance we can get back together in the future because we will be in the same area for a couple of years. This had been the most confusing person I think I have ever meant. This was a 2 year relationship by the way and I just wanted to see some body else’s perspective on this that doesn’t really have a hand in it thank you.

    • Anon says

      I was really wondering should I keep with the no contact because she seemed to be annoyed and is now talking with another person. I’m not sure if she was getting feelings back for me since we were talking a good amount and I got a little drunk and texted her because I wasn’t really feeling well and she said that the way I was talking to her really was helping myself. I’m not sure what she meant by that but she has been up and down with every thing and I don’t know if I made a mistake going no contact because now she is being really cold which I don’t really understand because she is the one who broke the relationship up. Any help would be great.

      • admin says

        Do you mean ‘the way I was talking to her really WASN’T helping myself’ instead of was? And do you mean you were telling her that you weren’t feeling well about the breakup? Because if that’s the case, then I think she was pretty much telling you that you are not helping yourself move on. Maybe she’s telling you that you could get back together some time just so she doesn’t hurt your feelings too bad. She may think it’s a way to be nicer to you as you work through the breakup. Two months seems like a long time for her not to realize that she really wanted to be with you, especially if you were talking now and then, so it sounds like she’s moved on. I think she may have struggled with her emotions towards you, but it sounds like she’s moved on and is trying to get you to do the same. I don’t know what happened in your relationship, but it just seems like she doesn’t think you are a good fit together, besides friends.

        • Anon says

          While I was drunk I told her that I couldn’t really think of anything besides her to keep my mind of being sick because we were texting and it helped. Also there are other factors you should hear, when the last time we hung out I told her at times my emotions get to me and I start to hate her and she started to cry and get very sad and as well she started to cry when I told her I had recently been with another girl. After all of this me and her made out twice. She mentions the back together thing for the future and so do I but she just recently talking to another guy who basically has the same interests as me. Maybe you are right I should definitely just move on and let things play out as they will and not force my emotions on anything but tell me what you think about this comment as well. Thank you.

  21. Nick says

    So my girlfriend and I broke up and right at the beginning of the break up she was starting to distance herself from me and stopped talking to me and hanging out with me as much. But, was also making time to go out almost everynight and get drunk with her friends. After we ended it which we ended it in the best way as both of us realized that this was not the best thing for us even though i love her and she claimed to love me too. At first I could tell she missed me and wanted me back but that quickly went away as she slowly disappeared and hasn’t talked to me since the first week we ended it. I had to get a book from her for some class. So when i went to meet her to get the book a simple transaction where I just wanted to see her and have a simple conversation but she sent her roommate down when I told her I wasn’t driving but going in person. Also what I don’t understand is that I suffer from very bad anxiety and she was always there for me and helped me throughout our relationship but she stopped caring about me as soon as we ended. She was never really caring during the relationship and I agree with what you say you actually see the real colors of someone. While we were together she put going out and being with her friends over me all the time, she even managed to blow me off on my birthday and instead went out with her friends.

    • admin says

      Yeah, sounds like she doesn’t really care about you the same way you care about her. She may have missed you at first because you were a big part of her life, and we all miss something that big that goes away – but it only takes about a week to move on from something that we wanted away from anyways, so that sounds like that is what happened with her. She realized it was better for her, and she moved on. If you have bad anxiety, maybe she’s glad that she doesn’t have to deal with it anymore. It may have been a big stressor on her. It takes a special kind of relationship to really care about someone and the struggles they go through, and it sounds like you didn’t have it if she was putting other people before you – especially on your birthday! That’s horrible.

    • Voiceofreason says

      “she even managed to blow me off on my birthday and instead went out with her friends.” This is the ultimate F-U, Her thinking is, how bad can I hurt this guy so he wont bother me anymore. Thats the truth my friend, take that hurt and do something productive. Hit the Gym or start a business, Just FORGET the B

  22. Marc says

    Hi. I am going to keep this short because I don’t really like talking about this but here goes…..
    My girl and I were together for 3 and a half years. She was loving, kind and caring. I always called her my queen. Moon of my life. We went on holidays together and had a great relationship. Then about a month or two ago I started to sense something wasn’t right. So when I finally wanted to confront her and ask her what was wrong….she said she needs a “break”. So I flipped out and went into caveman mode and lost my temper and an argument ensued. She was obviously afraid of me in that state and she left.

    She wouldn’t answer my calls or messages for days. I contacted her friends and family to find out if she was at least okay. Then the following weekend after much ignoring of my sms and calls, she broke up with me over the phone. After I thought she was ‘the one’. She knew I was dmaged when she met me and she promised she wasn’t like the other girls. But none of my ex’s ever broke it off over the phone. It was so impersonal and she suddenly became a stranger to me. She swears there’s no one else. She’s always been very career focused and she immersed herself in work. She said I was the first guy that ever “made love” to her. To her sex was just sex. Fucking. So I thought we had a deep connection that I’ve never had with a woman before. But she dispatched me like a sick dog. I’ve been trying to casually message her, ask her how she is and keep it light. I’m lucky if I get a reply. It’s driving me crazy and I don’t have any closure. I mean we spoke of marriage and children. We have a dog who lives with me now. I’m just completely devastated and I wanted to know if this behaviour is normal or is she a deranged, unfeeling bitch? Any thoughts on the matter> thank you

    • admin says

      It sounds like she was thinking about breaking up with you for a while. What would she be afraid to talk to you about? Were you two having trust, communication, or respect problems? Or did she just feel like you were? Had she tried talking to you about a concern she had, but nothing in the relationship changed? Those would be my guesses about what went wrong. It doesn’t sound like she would be someone to not express her concerns when you were doing well in the relationship. But, only you know that.

      If you can figure out what the problem was – what caused her to feel unhappy in the relationship, you may be able to fix it by acknowledging it and trying to work on it with her, but it may be too late. It sounds like she’s decided to move on and is set in that course of action. That had to take some time to come to that conclusion, so even though it seems sudden, I think she’s been thinking about this for a while.

      She doesn’t sound deranged or unfeeling, she just sounds like a woman who decided that your relationship was making her happy for whatever reason and it was time to move on. And, by not answering your calls or messages she is doing just that.

      • LarryMendte002 says

        Stay NC. Begging and pestering just reaffirms how needy and weak we are. I am going through the same thing now. Been a few weeks. I have absolutely no control over any choices she is making now or in the future.

        I got the dreaded text breakup after 1.5 years. Blocked me everywhere and put her old single/dating profile back on the site where we 1st met.

        People can’t go from 60 to 0 in the blink of an eye. My Taurus sense told me that something was not right, just a gut feeling. I held the feeling in instead of confronting and discussing it, so I am as much to blame for the breakup as anyone.

        My issues to work on: communication, jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity. All are toxic in a relationship and most of these are self directed.

  23. eduardo acevedo says

    I dated my ex-girlfriend for two and half years whom we met as co-worker. During the beginning we decided to keep our relationship a secret from our fellow co-workers, we were so much in love with one another and spending all our free time together but little did I know that I was also signing up to keep it a secret from her parent as well. During first years, she has met all my friends and family but I have not met her family because her Dad doesn’t like me and mom sided with her father. It started to bugs me as months go by that I never was introduce to any of her family member. I founded it strange since she was always with me and she was super needy and attentive. By Second year, I notices she never invited me meet her parents, or hangout with her friends, however i did meet 4 of her cousin. Slowly i started not giving her attentions or fulling her needy moods, which she decided to break-up with me saying “she need to find herself” and I was so shock that I couldn’t think. Here was girl who would do anything for me, who was needy was breaking up with me. She insisted that she need to find herself and be happy. And just like that she ghosted and I haven’t heard from her or seen her ever since for 9 months now. I am trying to move on but I miss her greatly and still in love with her to the point that I haven’t even gone on a date in 9 months. Lately, I been having hugh feeling of calling her to get in touch with her again but I keep suppressing it. I don’t know if I should call her or keep suppressing it and move on? I really do love her but I can’t go another year without meeting her friend and family.

    • admin says

      Move on! How did her parents not like you if they haven’t met you? Anyways, it doesn’t really matter.

      If she really loved you, then she would make her parents understand that and proudly show her family that you two are in love.

      Sounds like she was using you – as if your relationship was one-sided and you were supposed to give her everything while she gave you very little. I could be wrong because I wasn’t in your relationship, but your ex-girlfriend just sounds like she wasn’t as serious as you were.

      If she spent years not involving you in her life – family, friends, etc., then she’s not likely to change if you get back together. Get out there and date and find someone who would proudly introduce you to her family!

    • Voiceofreason says

      Move on. Really, just move on. You miss her because your sitting at home stroking off. Get your mind on other things. I challenge you to shoot for a 10K a month income. Watch how much tail you get then. Kid in a candy store my friend.

  24. Rogerback231 says

    My ex girlfriend of 2 years and I just recently broke up and it really caught me off guard because a few weeks ago I traveled down to see her for Valentines Day weekend. Everything was great we talked, laughed, and did everything that couples do. A week went by and we were talking and everything seemed fine until a Friday when I tried to call her she ignored my phone calls. Her friends were in town for the weekend and was attending an event together and I didn’t get any contact from her all weekend. Then that Monday Intexted her and asked why was she ignoring my phone calls and she replied that she needed space and she wanted to enjoy her weekend. I was upset with her because she did that and I didn’t talk to her until a few days went by because she told me she needed space after the fact I was trying to communicate with her. So on Thursday it was like 2 in the morning she calls and basically says that she feels like she done at want to do it anymore and she pointed out some key things on why she didn’t. And she said she wanted to be happy and when she said that I was shocked because we have been fine in our long distance relationship even though we’ve just had a few communication problems because we were busy with school. So we cried on the phone together and mutually ended it in a sense. I called her a few days later and told her I still loved her and I wanted to still be with her but she was cold towards me and I said I had missed her. So we didn’t talk until yesterday when I told her that I’m still in love with her and I want to be with her again and it was like why didn’t you say that when we first broke up but I told her a few days later I still wanted us and I still loved her. She was like she wants to focus on her and I should focus on me. And she also told me that she was not happy for along time but I couldn’t tell because I was seeing something different from her. She wrote me a card that Valentines Day weekend I was there and told me she wants us still and she wants to be there with me to see me accomplish my goals. When I brought that up about that card she gave me yesterday, she was like she just felt that way just that day so that really hurt me when she said that. I’ve always been a great guy to her and doing the right things in our relationship but I just don’t know where we went wrong. I told her that I’m sorry I could never be there all the time emotionally and physically on a day to day basis but I always was there when ever she needed something or she needed to tell me something. I’ve been crying about it for days and I just want her back even though she say she is happy right now. I don’t know what to do and I really miss her but I’m trying to rap my head around where did we go wrong.

    • admin says

      It sounds like she gave you all the reasons why she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I’m not sure if you said them all, but she did mention that she wasn’t happy for a long time.

      It also sounds like that weekend was a defining moment for her where she decided to end it… whether her friends helped her come to the conclusion, or you tried to contact her too much when she was trying to spend time with friends, or something else. It’s hard for me to say what went wrong for you, but I do know that calling her constantly and telling her you want her back is not going to help things.

      I highly recommend cutting off contact for a while. That will give you more of an upper hand in the situation (rather than being the needy one who wants her back) and it will give her a chance to see things in a different light – if she’s going to. It will also give you a break from her so you can cool down your pain and think clearly about your relationship with her and what you really want. I know that it’s easier said than done, but it really will help in all areas.

    • Voiceofreason says

      ” I traveled down to see her for Valentines Day weekend. ” When are guys ever gonna get a clue. For many thousands of years and its still true today…..Long distance relationships do not last. EVER. Was doomed from the start

  25. ?? says

    My girlfriend of one and a half years recently broke up with me on February 22nd, today is march 11th, we’ve known each other for an extra year before we dated, and we were talking for a while, she was used by past boys, ones who thought they were thugs, I came along and we healed one another’s pains, I stopped her from smoking when we started officially dating in August 2015. She’s a very smart sweet girl but let’s bad decisions enter her life at times and none of her friends tell her to stop them, she didn’t do that while she dated me because I made her cut that down, I’m a year older and a lot taller btw, we both are in good looking shape and had lots of fun, she cried on her birthday once because her dad didn’t call nor see her and I cheered her up with natural kindness and energy, we always had a touch to cheer one another up, I got jumped once and almost won still but ended up with my lip split in two and she came over with treats and love and I never felt that much care in my life. She broke up with me because things were not the same in the last month (which I find normal in couples) she says I wasn’t excited to see her anymore and all we did was lay in bed, well it is winter, and I do love her the same, I acted that way because she showed less interest, but she claims I was showing less, we still talk daily and have seen each other twice since it happened, both times she acted just like the girlfriend I dated, she let me put my hand on hers and hold her at times and she’ll rest on my shoulder, she also told my friend when asked if she’d get back with me, she replied with “maybe :)” while I was with her a week and a half ago, she’s accidentally called me baby and even mentioned my hair cut looks really nice and that I always look good, and the other day explained how perfect and handsome I was and how I made her smile and that I could easily find a new girl, but the thing is the other day she told me that she wants us to move on, she said she still loves me but she doesn’t know if it will work, she thinks things wouldn’t change like they were in the last month when clearly they would, I talk calmly but she likes to raise her voice, now she smokes again, drinks like a train and even did coke, I am a healthy boy who quit smoking years ago and does none of that, she also left me because we fought, but they weren’t giant fights, just over dudes getting close and us not being able to see each other sometimes, she got a small ankle tattoo and claimed I didn’t like her as much for it when I loved her just the same, she did coke before we broke up and also claimed I’d tell her off if I found out while we dated when clearly I’d just be there for her, she told my sister after she said we won’t work, that maybe someday we will get back together and part of her wants that, then said she’ll only find out when it happens, she even tells me I’m the sweetest boy she ever will have and if she ever got a new one she’d be in the wrong because no one will care like me around here which I agree with, most dudes here abuse girls and mistreat them I’m the more gentle giant, sweet and caring, like very caring, she also since we broke up was walking near a fight and the guy elbowed her, she hasn’t been better off without me even though she said “I’m better at handling things in my own” the original break up was just a break now she wants us to move on, she says she doesn’t want to date anybody but she still gets jealous if I have anything to do with a girl and I do if she does with a guy, I feel like deep down we both want and need each other back, but why has she requested to move on when other times she talks about getting back to others, we also had sex a lot and even did a week before the breakup and it was probably better than usual, when I was with her both times, once a few days ago the other time over a week ago, she stares into my eyes deeply and smiles, she likes to goof off and take videos of me and bump into me, what does she really want? I seem more heartbroken than her but I brought it up when I was with her and she yelled claiming she is super heart broken and it was the hardest decision of her life, what should I do in this situation? She also requested me to visit her work and walk with her home but then we argued and she told me not to, then came home and apologized for telling me not to, I really maker smile and even after hanging out a few days ago she mentioned she loves being around me and she had a great day, yes I took her for food

  26. ?? says

    My girlfriend of one and a half years recently broke up with me on February 22nd, today is march 11th, we’ve known each other for an extra year before we dated, and we were talking for a while, she was used by past boys, ones who thought they were thugs, I came along and we healed one another’s pains, I stopped her from smoking when we started officially dating in August 2015. She’s a very smart sweet girl but let’s bad decisions enter her life at times and none of her friends tell her to stop them, she didn’t do that while she dated me because I made her cut that down, I’m a year older and a lot taller btw, we both are in good looking shape and had lots of fun, she cried on her birthday once because her dad didn’t call nor see her and I cheered her up with natural kindness and energy, we always had a touch to cheer one another up, I got jumped once and almost won still but ended up with my lip split in two and she came over with treats and love and I never felt that much care in my life. She broke up with me because things were not the same in the last month (which I find normal in couples) she says I wasn’t excited to see her anymore and all we did was lay in bed, well it is winter, and I do love her the same, I acted that way because she showed less interest, but she claims I was showing less, we still talk daily and have seen each other twice since it happened, both times she acted just like the girlfriend I dated, she let me put my hand on hers and hold her at times and she’ll rest on my shoulder, she also told my friend when asked if she’d get back with me, she replied with “maybe :)” while I was with her a week and a half ago, she’s accidentally called me baby and even mentioned my hair cut looks really nice and that I always look good, and the other day explained how perfect and handsome I was and how I made her smile and that I could easily find a new girl, but the thing is the other day she told me that she wants us to move on, she said she still loves me but she doesn’t know if it will work, she thinks things wouldn’t change like they were in the last month when clearly they would, I talk calmly but she likes to raise her voice, now she smokes again, drinks like a train and even did coke, I am a healthy boy who quit smoking years ago and does none of that, she also left me because we fought, but they weren’t giant fights, just over dudes getting close and us not being able to see each other sometimes, she got a small ankle tattoo and claimed I didn’t like her as much for it when I loved her just the same, she did coke before we broke up and also claimed I’d tell her off if I found out while we dated when clearly I’d just be there for her, she told my sister after she said we won’t work, that maybe someday we will get back together and part of her wants that, then said she’ll only find out when it happens, she even tells me I’m the sweetest boy she ever will have and if she ever got a new one she’d be in the wrong because no one will care like me around here which I agree with, most dudes here abuse girls and mistreat them I’m the more gentle giant, sweet and caring, like very caring, she also since we broke up was walking near a fight and the guy elbowed her, she hasn’t been better off without me even though she said “I’m better at handling things in my own” the original break up was just a break now she wants us to move on, she says she doesn’t want to date anybody but she still gets jealous if I have anything to do with a girl and I do if she does with a guy, I feel like deep down we both want and need each other back, but why has she requested to move on when other times she talks about getting back to others, we also had sex a lot and even did a week before the breakup and it was probably better than usual, when I was with her both times, once a few days ago the other time over a week ago, she stares into my eyes deeply and smiles, she likes to goof off and take videos of me and bump into me, what does she really want? I seem more heartbroken than her but I brought it up when I was with her and she yelled claiming she is super heart broken and it was the hardest decision of her life, what should I do in this situation? She also requested me to visit her work and walk with her home but then we argued and she told me not to, then came home and apologized for telling me not to

  27. DarkStar15 says

    I dated my ex girlfriend for just about a year (we broke up a week away from our 1 year anniversary.) Everything was fine leading up to the break up, between us anyway. I had some personal issues with depression/anxiety etc. I was really going through a rough patch because I had just been separated from the Air Force in my second week of BMT due to the anxiety. She told me that whatever career I had did not matter to her, just as long as I was trying in our relationship and continued trying to better it and myself. She goes to college and her parents came up to visit her this past week. She and I had discussed some issues in our relationship and said we would work through them no matter what, but then her parents brought up the exact same issues and all of a sudden her entire mindset changed. She literally went from sending wedding ring pictures for me to look at, to talking of breaking up (and eventually breaking up) within a 48 hour timeframe. When she confronted me about what her parents talked to her about, we kinda worked through it, but the next night she told me that we needed to work on our problems separately. I did not take it well, mainly because I was extremely confused, and felt very betrayed because she would always tell me that I needed to talk to her about problems so they wouldn’t turn into a breakup. I don’t remember what I texted after that. I think it was along the lines of that I was very hurt and my trust was shaken. I know without a doubt she still cares, because she was texting a mutual friend and said that she does still love me, and hopes it will work in the future, but that we both need time to mature (she never brought that up as an issue.) As I was typing this she texted me for the first time since it happened saying she was sorry that she told me one thing Friday night, and broke up the next and said that was not fair of her. She said she still cares for me and hopes everything works out for us. I just need to know if I will ever have another shot at this. I did apologize for anything bad I said and told her it was out of anger and I had no excuse. I really do love this girl with everything I have and more. I just want to know if this is repairable.

    • Voiceofreason says

      You apologized. For what? Being angry and upset? Screw that. This is not repairable. Your beating a dead horse. She has already made up her mind to leave you. Accept it and move on, please man, don’t be that cringe worthy guy slinking back to her. UGH so disgusting that the majority of guys are like this, these days. Just move on, you will not believe how empowering it is

  28. TSgt_Flyer says

    My girlfriend waited till I was on a business trip and moved out telling me in a text. Well actually she told me she mostly had moved out she never really said good bye or broke up just that she was tired and felt overwhelmed having to come home to clean after the pets and sometimes me. She would return my texts and none were bad she even said she loved me a few times but everything was flighty. After a week of these texts I sent her a long text goodbye. I know I shouldn’t because now that I think about it probably did more harm than good. I explained to her that her drinking was making me scared. When we started dating she had liver issues and she was knocked out for a few weeks. I also knew she took ambian to sleep and knew alcohol didn’t mix with ambian. So I explained how scared I was for her and begged for her not to drink anymore.

    When I finally came home after being gone a week I saw she had consumed 2 boxes of wine a 750ml bottle of good vodka and about 15 beers of different varieties. That was just what was on top I knew she would drink a lot and it hurt me to see her hurt herself. I told her it was ok she moved out I just wanted her to be happy and clean.

    I really do love her and care for her but in the end our relationship was miserable she would cancel dates on my putting her girlfriends ahead of me we had no intimacy we didn’t fight but she would ignore me in my own home. It was so bad after she left I felt used because she had a huge debt that had just been paid off and I had paid for her phone bill and did not charge her rent she did however do a lot around the house and bought all the food and cooked when she was on the same schedule as me which was 2 or 3 times a week.

    When she left she did not leave keys for my house or the car I let her drive. She still has not told me much in ways of her feelings just that she was tired and overwhelmed. Which I could understand since she was told she was losing her job at the first of the year and she had been there for 19 years. I tried to comfort her and show compassion and that I would support her but she wanted to be alone.

    I am really not sure what to do this all hurts so I stopped contact a few days ago trying to rebuild. I do not want her back but would be nice to get my stuff back and at least be told the truth which i also doubt I will get as well. I am hurt :(.

    • Voiceofreason says

      Dude, she is a raging alcoholic, that is in the beginning stages of unraveling. Go to home depot and get new locks, call a locksmith and get your car re-keyed put this experience in the WIN category and call it a day. You may not realize this, but her leaving the way she did may have saved you YEARS of anguish, YEARS. Been there, done that. You are not going to save her, this also isnt your job to do so. My rock solid, experienced advice. Stay single for 6 months, don’t Jerk off and stay focused on work. Relationship miracles will happen after that 6 month period. believe me

      • TSgt_Flyer says

        I changed the locks 🙂 still no car keys! You are so right she is really messed up! She is having a biopsy done and doesn’t know up from down! She is way gone :(! Sucks she had someone to lean on and threw it away! I am working on moving away closer to work far away from her! Thanks 🙂

  29. Dave says

    I recently became engaged, March 2017, to my girlfriend of 2.5 years. It is a long-distance relationship, but I have seen her a lot and we just submitted her visa application a few days before we got engaged with her interview in a few weeks. About two weeks after I returned home to work, she started to get out of control again, partying every night and ignoring me for a few days at a time. I have met all of her immediate family and close friends several times and I have a very good relationship with them. Since I have seen her become out of control with her partying in the past, I told her family that it is happening again and asked them to intervene since I couldn’t do anything about it. They listened to me and agreed, but no one would talk to her, so I decided to confront her about it. When I confronted her, she decided to ignore me.

    One thing that has been an issue throughout our relationship is that she refused to add me on Facebook or other social media sites telling me that her private life is private and it is no ones business. On the surface it is not a big deal, but most of my family and friends communicate with me via Facebook and I wanted them to get to know my fiance too since it is the woman that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Despite asking her to at least let my family get to know her, she refused. Then a week ago, my friend who follows her on Facebook sent me a screen shot of her at a club with a man kissing her on her cheek and her posting a message that he is her love. Since she wouldn’t answer my messages, I asked her family about him and they said that it is nothing to worry about because he is gay. Then a couple of days later another picture of one of her friends hugging her and his head buried in her chest. I again asked her about him, no response, so I asked her family and they said that he is a grade school friend and nothing to worry about. I sent my fiance a message that her behavior was very disrespectful and if she can’t post pictures of us together and tell the world that I am her love, that she she shouldn’t be doing that for other men. I decided to contact her friend since his profile was public explaining that since he appears to be very close to her and I am engaged to her, that I wanted to introduce myself to him. He didn’t respond, but deleted the picture of them, but then blocked me and re-posted the picture.

    Feeling frustrated, I created a Facebook page to announce our engagement and sent it to my fiance and said that if she is not willing to announce it, then I will. She became angry and called me crazy and a child, then ignored me for a few more days. I finally sent her a message that we need to talk about things, but if she disrespects me again; it was over. She sent me a message that was disrespectful again, I responded to her asking her what did I just say about disrespecting me again? She proceeded to block me on everything even though she refused to add me. Then blocked my phone number; that was 2 weeks ago and we haven’t talked since. It is painful because this was the woman that I was going to marry, I stood up for myself by not tolerating disrespect, but never had the ‘official’ conversation that we should break-up, just disappeared from my life. I told her family about it, they are upset at her and were going to talk with her about things. So I am stuck in this limbo not sure if I need to move-on or wait it out. I should mention that about a year into our relationship, she lost her job so I had been supporting her by paying her rent and utilities, things like that. She found a couple of jobs, but they were short-term and when she started partying heavily again, I cut her off. It is difficult because I didn’t expect to have a fiance disappear on me like this. I am fine with a relationship ending with a mutual understanding as to the reasons why it ended, but getting blocked from everything to not get the closure I need is painful.

  30. John Riderman says

    I dont know whether this site is still active or not.My story is a little bit “”diffirent”” than all the people here.Im a 17 year old student that was in love with a girl that eventually broke up with me.At first she told me that she was in love with me and that she likes me i told her that i didnt feel the same way (although i did) because i knew it would end bad.She went full rage mode and mocked me to my friends.12 hours after that incident we talked and have gone into a mutual relationship (or at least so i thought).Anyways.We were one a relationship for over 7 months and then she started acting weird.She told me that she didnt like all my female friends and that i should cut complete contract with them and focus only on her and only her because she would become jealous otherwise.2 months after that her weirdness has evolved into a whole new level and told me that i was too good for her and that she is really sorry and blah blah blah (basic friendzone rule) i blocked her from my contracts and that was the end of story or so thats what i thought.2 YEARS after she broke up with me she decided to contact me and be friends with me (believing she will become my gf probably even though i have a new gf)i dont know what to do or whether im wrong or right…At one hand she meant everything to me and i really want to stay friends with her but at the other hand i feel like she was a manipulative controlling bitch that ruined my heart and devasted my emotions what do you people suggest that i should do?

    • Voiceofreason says

      You are 17, you will go through this over and over again. Bang her but do not get back with her. If you currently have a GF don’t mess that up. And lets be honest. You probably won’t take anyone’s advice on here, so just do what you think is right or feels good and when it turns out bad, don’t blame or points fingers, just man up about it and move on. At least you got a good story to tell in the future.

    • John says

      You are 17. You have no idea how many times this will be repeated throughout your life. Hint: MANY (assuming you are a reasonably attractive person). Try developing a serious illness (since controlled) and in the same year your fiance leaves you. That’s adult stuff junior. So big piece of advice: ENJOY YOUR YOUTH AND DON’T GET SERIOUS UNTIL 30.

  31. Gene says

    My son (20) at the time met a really nice girl. She became part of the family, they got a rental he was paying the bills and they had a great time together even buying airplane tickets together for a vacation on Saturday 1/27. Come Monday ( 1/29)she dropped the bomb, I need ” space” , it devastated him. I was totally dumbfounded , I saw her the night before she was excited about the trip and everything seemed great.

    I told my son no woman just up and leaves , he was paying the bills co signed for her to get a car and worked a lot to support her. Her only answer to him was ” I need time to decide on my life”, well that to me any way is a excuse, I ‘ve been married 25 years , sure couples have problems no bed of roses all the time, but I feel she has someone on the side, for who would spend all that money on airfare, lodging etc , just so in 48 hours kill the relationship.

    I asked him to be honest if they were having problems , he said , ” No dad, she never gave me any signs she was upset or needed ” space” . To me women , or some women get what they deserve, they want a good man , caring man, all the perks , then as she did throw it all away suddenly, then wonder why they have bad relationships. This woman fooled me and my wife, she talked of marriage, kids being part of the family, I told if she ever needed anything all she needed to do was ask, nary a word from her what a con game she played. The boy spent thousands of dollars on rent, power, food, furniture , her car , insurance the works. If she wasn’t serious she should have said so instead of leading people on, thats my complaint, sadly though the next girl that comes into my sons life will pay the price for her con game, meaning trust issues and thats not fair to the next girl that comes along .

  32. Matt W says

    The most important advice, The only advice you need to know about a woman who breaks up with you. As soon as she says it, Block and delete her from social media. Do not ask her what’s wrong, do not try to fix things, don’t apologize and do not give her anything. Not one shred of yourself.

  33. WDW says

    I dated a guy for 6 months, he was convinced that I was the one for him. He purchased a ring and made plans to propose. He convinced me to do my third year of med school near him. I moved across the country to be with him and the next day I found out he was cheating. He apologized and begged that I take him back; stating that I was the only one and he would never hurt me again or leave me. I agreed, we moved in together. My hurt turned into anger and lashing out at him. He became frustrated and ended up leaving me because I “couldn’t get over” it. I was devastated. I began drunk texting him horrible things. He blocked me from all forms of communication. I’m away from family and friends trying to stay focused on school, while he happily continued on with his life. How do I pick up the pieces? Should I ever take him back? Everything felt so right up until I found the note.

    • Kate says

      If you can’t really forgive him, it’s going to be hard to make that relationship work. And deep down, would you even want to continue a relationship with someone who has cheated on you? You would second guess everything he says. The trust would be gone. Moreover, if he happily moved on with his life then he wasn’t really serious with you.
      You need to make yourself busy so you wouldn’t have time to think about him. Concentrate on your school, find new hobbies, do online dating etc. In time, you’ll get over him.

      • WDW says

        Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate it. I have a therapist now that I meet with weekly to help me cope with my feelings and emotions during this time. I’m staying busy by volunteering, studying, and bettering myself. Even though the relationship is over, I’m slowly finding it in my heart to forgive him and move forward.

  34. Juan says

    My gf broke up with me 4 days ago. She told me she knows clearly what does she feels about me , she says she loves me and she does miss me every time and also she had a lot of proyections with me in a future but it was the best for us to break up and let things there. I was deeply confused, 3 days ago we had from my viewpoint a little fight about she didnt reply passed 1 hour or sometimes even more because she was in her job having a rough time ( i understand that), it was the very first time we did talk about that so i raged a bit and im being honest it was just a bit and told her i was going to go to a party with some friends so she got mad but sad at the same time. I didnt go but i didnt text her that night, she felt bad as she told me and she said that “actions talk by themselves” and i acted like i didnt care about her. But basically we had a good relationship, we never fought, we always had good laughs and nice talks, we were very good friends and she used to talk to me a lot about everything and everything was so ok. She was virgin but she wanted to do it with me and i was okay with that, i didnt want her feel bad about that so i didnt push her to do anything she didnt want. Her parents slowly became to be against me in terms of times, at the begining we used to hang out until late hours and everytime but then as the time passed they got very annoying towards me, they used to control her time and forced her to turn on the gps of her cellphone to track her, she is the best daugther among her brothers, they are 3 and she is the older there. I believe they didnt want me to get her pregnant and ruin her future and they were pushing her to break up with me, even though that topic never was touched by us i felt like she had a hard time with her parents, she told me she used to defend me everytime her parents used to talk about me. I do study and work and im very responsable, her parents knows me and they used to love me until one day that i stopped going to her house cause her dad said something that i didnt like. Feeling like from that point everything went down hill with them. They began to tell her that i needed to earn them confidence and it was in our 4th month. We lasted almost 5 months only, she told me that i hurted a lot that last time. Our relationship not counting any other external factor, was so beautiful, we had only happiness and she told me that but suddendly she broke up with me. She told me the first time she wanted to break up, so i insisted and she told me she needed a time to think about, she was having a hard time. At the next day via text she told me she didnt need any other time and didnt want to make it longer and sorry about end it throught text but face to face she could never do it, it was too hard, so it was for our well let everything there and i insisted again so she told me we might give us some time, everytime she texted me it wasnt her, i didnt feel her there. The last time we did talk she sent such a huge text telling me this time it was her decition and she wanted to break up and it was the end, she didnt make me suffer and also she needed to stop feeling awful about this. So we agreed to be friends and that’s it. Im feeling really well now, i’ve accepted it and i’ve asked for many other advices, i felt bad for 2 days but thats all. Now i just want to really figure out what exactly happened, our fight doesnt look to be the real reason of the break up. I know her friends so i did talk to her on purpose just in order to my ex notices it, her friend would obviously tell her before reply me so i knew it and asked about her, she asked me how was i feeling and i said im really okay and made her feel like i moved out. She told me that she didnt know anything about me and her and she didnt want me to talk about that, next day my ex started posting and liking pics about getting over a relationship, talking about she already got over me and things like that. Im feeling forced to get over her , even when i am doing it and im feeling relief, i still want her back, i miss her and i still lover her but i know i must not talk to her yet, what should i do? What did happen to her, she was never like that

    • Kate says

      We don’t really know what happened to her. Maybe her parents were pressuring her or maybe she just lost interest in you. Make yourself busy, hang out with friends, go to gym, or pick up a new hobby so you wouldn’t think about her constantly. In time, you’ll get over her.

  35. Dustin says

    So me and my girlfriend were together for 6 months and we were happy and in love. About 3 months into the relationship she lost her job and was out of work for 2 months and then found a new job that was great pay but long hours. She broke up with me a month after she started working there and told me that it’s just not fair to me if I can not see her that much but she doesn’t want me to leave her or her kid’s life and she said that maybe we could get back together down the road. What should I do to get back together with her?

    • Kate says

      If you really love someone, you would want them to be with you regardless of the long hours. She might have met someone new at work and wants to see if it would work out with the new guy. If not, well, she still has you since she’s keeping you in arm’s reach. Or perhaps she’s just not too into you. Ask her if working long hours is the real reason she broke it off with you.

  36. Daniel says

    This is a long post, and I apologize in advance, but I hope somebody will have enough time to read it and reply. I need help.
    Hi everyone, I just want to tell my story here hoping somebody can help me get some closure. I’m hurt very deeply and the mental and physical pain is excruciating. I am a specialized doctor with an academic position in a top university. I am also a researcher and a scientist. I recently came out of a divorce and I have a daughter. I am a great dad and family is extremely important to me. I am also into sports and fun activities and very social person. I respect all people and treat women really well. I take care of myself and maintain a great shape. Recently, I started dating a co-worker who also came out of a very recent divorce. We both knew that it is crucial for people coming out of a relationship/marriage spend some time for themselves and heal up and grow etc. But the love and passion between us was so immense that we were both trying very hard to take baby steps and slow down. But we didn’t! We dived in! Now, this woman was very unstable She divorced twice, has a daughter, had been dealing with a lot of insecurities due to her past. But I loved her madly. I loved everything about her. I didn’t care how insecure/unstable she was, I was there for her and her daughter and I was extremely patient and would do anything for her. I was helping her going through all those problems and would wait and be patient for the day that she recovers fully. Now, over and over I had to put up with her push and pull plays. One day she would say I am not ready and the timing is horrible so she wanted out, next day she would come back to me and say I want to dive in and I don’t want to miss the best thing that has happened to my life. One morning she would treat me like a king and in the same afternoon she would treat me like dirt and telling me I am in her way of self development and time to herself etc. Next day she would regret it and come back to me. And keep in mind during this whole time and all these psychotic episodes of hers I was leaving it up to her. I never forced her for anything. But I kept telling her, listen I am giving you all my heart and love and passion and I am 100% investing on you emotionally and I love you to death, so whatever you do please please please don’t hurt me. If you want out then do it now. Stop this pull and push play and make up your mind. She thought about it for a couple of weeks and came made up her mind: she wanted to dive in and stay there and that’s it, she has found the man of her dreams. No need to stop. And not breaking my heart is the only way she knows how to be! For the following few months we had great time together and we loved each other to the point of insanity. She kept comparing me to her ex husbands and was so happy. Here is a just a small portion of what she told me and texted me over and over and over again:
    “You are my prince, you are a complete dream guy, I can’t believe you are mine, I pinch myself everyday to believe I am not dreaming. You are everything I ever wanted in life. I can’t believe my daughter loves you this much and has bonded with you like never before with anyone. You are the sexiest and most handsome man ever (she had had tons of boyfriends). You are extremely reliable, trustworthy, I trust you with my life. I have never ever felt so alive in my life. You make me beam. You make me feel 20 years younger. You are an absolute perfect gorgeous loving caring generous dream guy. I thought I have lost my sexual desires over the years but with you I have 100 times more desires and turned on that I was even as a teenager. You have accomplished so much in life that is unbelievable. She even started looking for engagement rings, looking for the house we will buy together, venues for wedding ceremony, wedding dress, pinterest for us etc.” She was even calling me “my husband”.
    Then, here you go: she finally told her parents and families and friends about her divorce (she kept it from everyone for some time). It was over a weekend, and on Monday out of nowhere she came to work and broke up with me. She said “now that I told my family and friends and they support me I want to call things off and travel by myself and reconnect with them and you out of my life”. She didn’t explain anything, didn’t give me a chance to even sit and talk, she treated me like a dirt over the phone and made it sound like it is my fault and I have done bad things. She didn’t want to face the fact that she is responsible and there is really nothing on my part and she didn’t want to deal with her conscience. That night on the phone when she broke up with me, hence broke every part of me, she was a completely different person, like an evil. Too much anger too much resentment too much insults etc. And the worst part is that I see her everyday at work and that means complete torture every single day. The worst part is that she didn’t give a damn about me, she saw me melting down and damaged and going through a lot of pain but showed absolutely no compassion and empathy, nothing. And she has been living her life as if nothing ever happened between us, and I never existed and our love was never there. And she is the same person who told me 1000 times that without me she will hit rock bottom and will be ruined forever. A true evil. I still love her madly but at the same time hate her same amount for what she did to me.
    I have been seeking counselling, went on medications, talk to people, get help from friends, everything I could I tried. But nothing is helping me, it has been 6 months and I am still destroyed. How can a human being do this to another? When you see a dog on the street suffering from pain you would attend, but I suppose I was not even as worthy as a dog to her. She just played with me, manipulated me, and lied to me over and over. She once told me at the beginning that she can’t deal with another failed marriage and has to prove to herself and family and friends that there is nothing wrong with her. And I guess as soon as she figured she does not need to prove that to anyone (because they support her and still love her same, regardless oh her 2 failed marriages) she threw me out.

  37. Dwight Spencer says

    Was in relationship for about 8 months. I did not treat her as well as I should have for last half of relationship. No abuse, few arguments and one outburst where I used profanity but not about her. More like “get the f out”. We did not live together but she would stay the whole weekend at my place all the time 3 or 4 months into our relationship. I was unsure and kept her at arms length, not doing the things I know I should have, to show affection. I think she had some insecurity (don’t we all) and had tendency to boost herself with the “this one time at band camp” routine with ex’s. Not often, but I would get irritated. Which did lead to a couple arguments. I know she had bad overall experiences with relationships in the past (physical and mental abuse, divorce etc.) so I felt it was a way for her to boost herself in my eyes, but it pulled me away.
    She get fed up with feeling unwanted and broke up over a text. I responded angrily (in text) and told her to pick up all her stuff from my house and leave key when I wasn’t there, which she did. I actually placed all her stuff at front door for her to get. We did not see or speak after that. 2 months later I reached out to her as I miss her badly. We spoke on phone for 6 hours! Her indicating she lost the feeling because she felt she was not appreciated or cared for. I did notice the signs when she tried but she would never really say “hey, this is how I feel.” We’ve sent long texts back & forth from time to time since (2 months) about our perceived misgivings about the others actions. Nothing mean. She states she accepts my apology but refuses to see me, why?
    I did return a gift she gave me along with some videos of hers she forgot. Dropping it off at her residence, with a note telling her it brought back bad memories and hurt to look at it. In same note I told her I did care and was sorry for the things I messed up on. Also that I don’t think it is normal or respectful to one another to break up the way we did and to not sit down for a few minutes face to face. She refuses to see me in order to talk. Even though she says she is OK with everything the way it is now and would like to be friends. I’ve told her if we can’t sit down to talk how could we ever be friends. I feel there is resentment from her toward me, even though she denies it. Either that or she really never gave a crap at all. I texted her a few days ago about a job I lost, which was giving me a lot of stress while we were dating, she has yet to reply.
    As far as job I’m not that concerned, I will find new one soon. It is her, I miss and do care for. Any suggestions?

  38. Brian Logue says

    My girlfriend broke up with me 6 months after getting engaged. This was two years ago. I have a son from a previous relationship he was almost one when we got together. We were solid my son loved my GF and her family. we were part of thew family. I changed careers and she told me that if I stayed she would not be exclusive to me. she is acting strange indifferent like I’m not cool enough to be around her and her work friends. she gets a texts 2;30am on valentines night as we are leaving a show. long story short my uncle passed away and the same day I find out my friend and neighbor passes away. I call her and she is cold, she says something totally off and horrible, then she says look I don’t owe you anything “you are just some guy I met on the internet” its not like we grew up together four years of helping her with every problem! helping her crazy mother who they hide away down the road and dont visit! This is the response to what is wrong? I call her sister and cousin to get an idea I’m clueless.. I am selling her co-worker property and had to stop by the showroom where she worked to meet him. I was with my son we were across the street and she saw us and did not wave or come out to say hello. She accused me of stalking her and proceeded to rip me apart and then block me from every way of contact.
    I am in my office totally destroyed and have to spend the day hiding it from my son. He was deeply hurt and I am still hurt two years later. Ive never got an answer the whole family blocked me..ive never been blocked by anyone , We love these people and they regard me as a stalker creep joke. Mourning a relationship looking at fb page a week after it ended is normal . I’m labeled a stalker. I am a business professional but I wake up every day with this black cloud of negativity that I’m blocked banned and labeled a creep so is my son. by people the person we loved most. Nothing I can do to change it.

  39. Jay says

    Hey me and my girlfriend broke up maybe 3 months ago and it was messy she said she was going away to get help but I don’t know what’s ever happened with that and I was trying to fix things when I wasn’t even working or going to gym anymore etc but we would fight a lot and one day after we spoke about her going to get help she did leave I haven’t seen her since. so a few weeks went by I got work and was doing well in my routine and I ended up getting her on the phone for 10 minutes to explain wether we are friends or more or just civil blah blah I love you I’m sorry and I wish you the best and see what happens whenever it happens, we started to speak again but then I lost work and I was going abit depressed and she had blocked me again on Facebook but a friend showed me a screenshot of a post of hers saying “realise it was fun while it lasted, then move the f**k on” I lost it on the phone to her and said just tell me you don’t love me anymore and she did she didn’t say she didn’t love me but she messaged me saying she doesn’t want anything to do with me etc.. I have only ever texted one friend of hers and only called her household phone once and asked politely if she was home and her mother and I are fine I’ve never hurt her or anything. Anyways here’s the last message she sent me.. “I apologise that it got to this point. I understand today you felt a certain way and I wish I could have been supportive but it has got to me a lot and I can’t anymore. My family and friends and sincerely worried about this now and it’s started so much more unnessacary drama. I hope one day you can see my true intentions but right now the best thing is for us to both try and move past this situation because it’s so negative. Always wish you the best and again I am extremely sorry that it has had to get to this point I’ve never been in this position but I know in my heart it’s best for us to part ways right now. Best of luck J**l” she blocked me on everything and she said she was blocking my number but I accidentally called her the other day and i heard it ring before I could hang up and she hadn’t responded so I thought maybe it is still blocked anyway I’m waiting for another week of space to send her flowers and a note but I accidentally called her again today and left a long voicemail probably just of background noises but she asked if I knew I left it in a text and the last message she actually sent was abit more nasty and she said she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Keep in mind I have been telling her when we had arguments to tell me she doesn’t love me so I can move on…. Witch is silly I know. But yes I don’t know how to respond to her text about my accidental voicemail and I still want to send her flowers and a note.. what do I do ? do you think she still loves me and just needs time for herself.. do I reply or call her or do I still wait and send flowers etc she hasn’t been able to commit to her work in law and also physiology aswell as studies in both too she’s very skinny as she’s depressed etc but I want to be there for her and we just are having very bad communication problems I still haven’t seen her and just need some advice on what to do now that I’ve accidentally left a voicemail and she’s messaged me again after saying she didn’t want anything to do with me etc.. ??? haha sorry about the novel read !

  40. Jim Steed says

    Once there’s nothing to lose (the relationship was over, one or both of you already has the next one lined up, now someone has to ‘win’ the breakup) why won’t they be jerky to you? That’s the amusement that’s left for anyone. They’ve got a new lover, whatever you were providing to them is obviously not enough incentive for them to stick around. You’re a piece of trash for them to get rid of. Why would they regard you?

    Plus if they’re egocentric they’ll have to spin to the people they know that they ‘won’ the breakup so being cruel to you will cause you to be angry, and then they have the justification they want to get rid of you, which is all they wanted in the first place once they met someone they liked better to replace you.

    If this sounds anything like your life, snap out of it you won. You aren’t tethered to a shitty person anymore. Your ego is bruised and you realized you can be taken advantage of like anyone else, and your dream is snapped and you’re lonely and have to face yourself and the aftermath of investing in the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

    But let go of the need to ‘win’ or ‘be right’ and you’ll see it clearly, you lost a problem and moved on from a bad person that was hurting you. That’s a win! It’s just a not very fun win with less sex and you missing them while they’re banging someone else. But eventually, that won’t matter anymore.

    You only need your own validation in this life, not anyone elses.

  41. Chris says

    My ex,

    We meet out of town of a trip with some friends, Ever since then we started talking everyday and really hit it off like no other. I live down south and she lives up north. We started dating right away and it was magical traveling back and forth every weekend to see each other. She said she never had a guy take her on trips, nice dinners and never really spent time with her. We were dating 3 months and she decided to quit her job and move down her to live with me since I have kids. Things were magical but then while she was living down here the stress of being away from her parents and friends really started to kick in and so she started digging for stuff and found out that I had been married twice. I told her about the 1st marriage but didn’t want to tell her about the second marriage because I was embarrassed and was married less than a year. We were phenomenal together in every aspect she spoiled me, was crazy about me, and always wanted to be with me. She wanted to get married and have a baby, 1st guy she ever introduced to her family. She even at one point told me she tought she was pregnant and started coming up with baby names. We even got a dog together that she wanted and she fell in love with him to, was with him everyday and she felt like it was her kid, but left him as well. Her friends gave her a hard time for moving so far away and stayed at her about leaving. It blows my mind because we were perfect together and she is the woman of my dreams. I don’t know if she will every contact me again…

    please advise

  42. M says

    I feel like o became the bitter ex after we broke up. It was mutual, but he wanted it more and I felt like I had to let him go. We had a friendly breakup. Of course I was super hurt but I I was trying to just grow for it. A month later I found out I had miscarried and I didn’t even know I was pregnant. Two weeks after that, his best friend told me he was sleeping with my best friend. After that, I talked to them both and told them that they hurt me and I was trying to keep my cool but I couldn’t. Now anytime I see him, I’m just filled with anger. My ex best friend well, everyone hates her now cause she got herself into so much trouble trying to spread lies to cover hers. I kinda think my rage is justified.

  43. Jordan says

    Me and my girlfriend dated for 5 years, i went through a bit of a rough patch in my own personal life and i thought it would be best to break up with her. I instantly regretted it and after a month she decided to take me back, a year later she ended up breaking up with me because she said i really broke her heart. she broke up with my about 9 days ago she told me she will always love me but she needs time. she wont answer any of my calls or even answer her door when i went to her house. She still has on Facebook that me and her are in a relationship and she still has our picture together as her profile picture. I am going crazy because she is the women of my dreams. Is there any way i can get her back? is it worth mending the relationship? or am I just driving myself insane for no reason?

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