A change in behavior from your significant other can be upsetting and confusing. One of the worst feelings is when he acts distant all of a sudden.
You are then left not knowing what to think and not knowing what you should do. Do you talk to him or do you leave him alone?
Another aspect you are wondering is what this means for your relationship. Is this something you can patch up or does this mean that your relationship might end soon?
Below are possible reasons for your guy’s mysteriously distant behavior. Think about his recent behavior and read the signs below to figure out why he has been acting differently lately.
Then, when you are ready, try to talk to him about what has been going on so you can either find a solution or move on.
Why Is He Acting Distant All Of A Sudden
He is stressed out
It is not uncommon for guys to put up a wall when they are going through something stressful. Many times he will not even realize that he is doing it. It is possible that he does not want to pull you into whatever he is going through.
Unless he is telling you what is going on, then he could be going through anything. Maybe he has family or personal issues going on, or maybe there is a situation at work that is bothering him. There could be even something in the relationship that he is stressed out about.
He could also want the support, but not know how to talk to you about it at all. Guys can have a hard time understanding and expressing their emotions and it can be hard for them to be vulnerable even around their significant others.
Before you confront him about his distant behavior, ask him how he is doing and if anything is going on that he would like to talk about. Try to be supportive and remind him that you are there for him if he needs someone to talk to.
Something in the relationship is bothering him
Another possibility for his distance is that something in the relationship is troubling him. It could be more to do with you or him, or it is possible that it is not really anyone’s fault. There are more detailed reasons below that will explain what could possibly be bothering him in your relationship.
You are being too needy
It is nice to need other people, but what if he feels like you just need him too much? Are you always sending him messages or calling him, texting him way more than he texts you?
Do you want affection and attention from him all the time? Are you always the one having to instigate any intimacy and affection?
What about your boundaries? If you have none, then that is unusual, even in a relationship.
If any of these things apply to you, then he might think that you are being too needy. If this is the problem, then you have to remind yourself that he is only human. He might need time to recharge.
It does not necessarily mean that he does not care about you, but he might feel like you are spreading him out too thin.
If this is the reason that he is acting distant all of a sudden, then you can talk to him to find out what he needs from you to make the relationship better.
You can try letting him come to you instead of always clinging on to him at every chance you get. Remember that you do not want to smother him.
It can also help if you have your own life that is separate from him. Try finding a TV show that you can watch alone. Or you can take up your own hobby or hang out with your friends.
He needs space
There is a saying that absence can make the heart grow fonder. While he might be crazy about you, most people value their alone time.
In fact, many people cherish their relationships more when they carve out alone time for themselves. Giving yourselves some time apart, even if it is for a day, can give the two of you a chance to miss each other.
He is jealous
Have you been spending a lot of time with another guy? Or perhaps talking to a guy friend of yours more than usual? If he is acting strangely, then he might be jealous of the extra attention that you have been giving this other guy.
Does he get upset when you talk about other people? Does it bother him when other people call you attractive? What about showing off? Does he try to impress you?
When you go out, does he ask a million questions? Does he check in with you constantly? Those are additional signs of him being insecure or jealous.
At the same time, he might be jealous of other people in your life like friends or family, especially if he feels like you are neglecting him to spend time with them.
While you should reassure him that he has nothing to worry about, you will need to address his behavior if his jealousy really is the cause of him acting distant.
He is busy
Sometimes, in spite of the best of intentions, our busy schedules can get the better of us. Whether he is busy with work, school, or personal matters, you have begun to notice that he is not nearly around as much as he used to be.
Is he always glued to his phone because of work or family matters? That type of thing can keep him busy.
If he is extremely busy, chances are that you already know this, especially if you have been having trouble making plans to spend time together lately.
If his busy schedule is something that is bothering you, then talk to him so you can figure out how you can spend more time together anyway.
You will also have to be patient if he cannot always spend as much time with you as you would like him to. Be understanding while letting him know what you want out of your relationship. Together, you can try to make it work.
His friends are getting into his head
Does he have friends who do not like you all that much? Or are they all still single and partying all the time?
If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then they may have voiced their concerns about the relationship to him. And it is possible that they have gotten into his head.
Have his friends or family members expressed concerns about you before? Do they dislike your personality or have an issue with something from your past? If so, then they might be trying to “talk sense” into your guy.
If his friends or family do not like you for some reason, then that will be tough for him, especially if he cares what they think.
At the same time, you and your significant other are the only people in the relationship, so what matters ultimately is what the two of you think.
It can be difficult to be in a relationship with someone if the friends and family members do not like you, but he either has to stand up for you or he will choose them over you. If this issue is causing him to act distant towards you, then something needs to change.
He is afraid of commitment
So everything is going well and then all of a sudden, he is confusing you with his sudden, distant behavior. One possibility is that he is afraid of committing to the relationship.
But how do you know that he is afraid of commitment? He might be less intimate with you lately or maybe he is hesitant to define your relationship when you try to bring up the subject, which is a big red flag.
Has he been seeing someone else? If he is cheating on you, then that is a definite sign that he is not ready to commit to your relationship.
Maybe he has been sending you mixed messages. Have his actions with you been inconsistent?
If so, then it can possibly mean that he is conflicted about committing to the relationship, or it can mean that he does not want to commit but does not want to hurt your feelings either.
Another big sign that he is afraid of commitment is that he does not want to talk about the future with you. If he is afraid of commitment, then that could easily explain his distant behavior.
He thinks you are rushing things
Even though you and your guy have a great relationship, he might be acting distant if he thinks that the relationship is being rushed.
If you and your guy have recently moved in together, said “I love you” for the first time, gotten engaged, or have done another big relationship milestone, then he might be acting distant all of a sudden because he thinks that you are rushing things.
Maybe you were the one who wanted to move the relationship to the next step and he did not want to let you down, or maybe he was really into it but is having second thoughts about it now.
It is also possible that he is very happy with the relationship as it is and he is afraid that big changes might put too much stress on the relationship.
He could feel like you two are in the honeymoon stages and he does not want to move onto the next stage or chapter of things because things are going so well.
Either way, if he thinks that your relationship is moving way too fast, then you both need to sit down and talk it out.
He needs his own identity
If he does not know who he is without you, then he might be feeling a little lost, especially when you are not together. Maybe he is trying to figure out his identity outside of the relationship.
Do the two of you spend a great deal of time together? Do you share all of the same hobbies and hang out with all of the same mutual friends?
Not having something of his own could make him feel smothered or lost. He might feel like he needs his own space so he can have his own sense of self that is separate from you.
He is having doubts
One possible reason that he is acting distant is that he is having doubts about the relationship. The reason behind these doubts can be just about anything.
The cause for his doubts can range from having feelings for someone else to not feeling satisfied in bed. Or maybe he does not get along well with your family. Or maybe he just wonders if you might not be the one.
Have you done something in the past to hurt him? This could give someone doubts about a relationship as well.
If he is having doubts, then talk it out and try to recreate that spark that you used to have. Give him the reassurance that he needs. And as hard as it may be, try to give him time to figure things out as well.
The fire is gone
The honeymoon phase in a relationship is great and full of passion and bliss, but what happens when the fire has gone out? Here are some signs that the fire has gone out in your relationship.
Have the two of you stopped being spontaneous in your relationship? That is the sort of thing that makes the beginning stages of a relationship so passionate and fun.
Do the two of you not spend much time together anymore? That can slowly make the flame in your relationship go out.
The most obvious sign that the fire is gone is that you are no longer passionate anymore. Maybe you have stopped holding hands or you no longer sneak spontaneous kisses anymore.
Are you less intimate than you used to be? That is the most obvious sign that the fire is gone in the relationship.
If any of the above sounds like your relationship, then it might explain why he has been acting distant. If you make the effort and he tries as well, then you can work together to put the spark back in your relationship.
He wants to break up
If he is acting distant, then you might have wondered if he wants to break up with you. Here are some signs that he wants to end the relationship.
Has he stopped texting you and calling you? Has he been avoiding you? If you have answered yes to either question, then something is definitely not right.
Is he less affectionate lately? Does he seem to prefer the company of his friends over you these days? Does he seem disinterested in you and what you have to say? Has he been picking fights with you?
Did he forget an important occasion like your birthday or anniversary? Have his friends and family members been treating you differently and not in a good way?
These are all signs that he might want to break up with you. But before you jump to conclusions, talk with him first to make sure that you are on the same page.
He is cheating
Just because he is distant, it does not necessarily mean that he is cheating on you. However, this is one of many possibilities that could explain his change in behavior.
Before you jump to conclusions, think about if there are any signs of him cheating first. Does he guard his phone like a hawk and is he always on it, messaging someone? Or maybe he has been adamant that you do not see his spending history because he might be spending money on someone else.
Maybe he needs more privacy than usual. Does he disappear without notice and is he inconsistent about what he does when he is not around you? If he acts paranoid that you are watching him, then this could make cheating a possibility.
Has he been incredibly busy lately? While it is normal to hang out with friends a lot or to be swamped by work, have there been any hints that he could be lying about what he is really doing?
Have you found another women’s item among his things? Perhaps a piece of clothing that is not yours? Have you found a gift for a woman that is not for you? This is a big red flag that makes it very probable that he could be cheating.
Has his behavior been unpredictable lately? Has certain things about him changed drastically such as his style or what he likes to do in bed? This could mean that there is somebody else in the pictures besides you.
If you have any suspicion of cheating, then the only way you can really know the truth is by asking. While he may or may not be honest, at least you will know that you tried to communicate your concerns to him.
He is depressed
One possible explanation for distant behavior in a relationship is that he might be struggling with depression. Depression can affect anyone regardless of whether or not a major life event has happened.
He might not even have a history of depression. Does he not want to do anything with you anymore? Does he stay holed up at home? Here are some signs of depression for you to look out for.
Is he more tired than usual, fatigued even? Does he sleep too much or too little? Has his appetite drastically changed? Does he have a hard time concentrating?
Certain emotions can indicate possible depression as well, such as anxiety or fits of anger or sadness. Substance abuse is a possible sign of depression too.
If he is acting distant and is depressed, he might not know what to do with his emotions or he might not know how to seek out for help. Let him know that you are there for him and encourage him to get the treatment that he needs if he is in fact dealing with depression
He thinks you are judgmental of him
Do you find that you criticize your significant other quite a bit? Are you always on his case and do you always try to tell him what to do or how to do things?
When taken too far, those actions, while well-intentioned, can come off as judgmental and controlling. If he is acting distant, he might not feel like he can be himself with you without being criticized.
Have you shut him down before when he has tried to open up and talk to you? If he vents to you, he might just want you to listen to him so he can let off steam and he might not always be looking for advice.
If he feels like he cannot talk to you, then, of course, he will watch what he says around you. He might even begin to act differently.
Find out from him if this is the reason that he has been acting distant all of a sudden. And if it is the reason, then you can work together to figure out how he can feel that you are not judging him all the time.
Conclusion
What his reason for acting distant is, it is important that you do not spend all of your time worrying too much about it. While it is good to figure out what is going on, you cannot fixate on it too much.
When trying to get to the bottom of why he is acting distant all of a sudden, avoid mothering him and smothering him. He needs a partner, not a mother, so avoid being overbearing.
Just try to communicate with him that you have concerns about his recent change in behavior. Hopefully, he will be okay with having this conversation with you and you will be able to figure out something together.
Hayleigh says
Hi, I actually have a question, So I have been seeing *Kit* for nearly 5 months, and while we call each other either by pet names or our actual names and have said I love you, he has only ever said it while drunk, he used to be so thoughtful and attentive but now it feels like he doesn’t even want me around, I am always the one to ask to see him and he never ever says no, I am with him from a Thursday evening all the way to a Monday, he answers most of my calls or if he misses them he almost always calls back but hardly texts me properly and when we are apart he doesn’t greet me either, keep in mind that he hasn’t even made it official with us yet but we act like a couple, I have met most of his family and actually have a relationship with them, he has not met mine and has had opportunity to*Kit* and I are friends on Facebook and while he does not acknowledge anything i tag him in he tags me in something once in a blue moon, he also constantly makes new female friends on Facebook that he does not even know yet as far as I know they do not private message, he has not put anything about me or our relationship on Facebook or whatsapp (Photos and relationship status etc) except a few days ago on whatsapp status he wrote never ending love but took it down soon after. He has no passwords on his phone and he does leave his phones with me and I am allowed to answer them etc. I am beyond confused and he occasionally gets quite rude with me, we never ever do what I would like to do and it is always about him, sex has slowed down a lot. He is hectic at work as he is part of 3 businesses and his household dynamic has changed that he does not like. When we are together it’s like he doesn’t want to be and 80% of the time is on his phone, we have not gone out on our own and done something nice together, we have not even had a proper 1st date. There have been times where I have asked to do something, he says yes and then i get excited but it never actually happens, there is always an excuse and we land up doing nothing or what he wants on that day. Please help… I am scared he is losing interest or wants me out of his life.
Kate says
Seems like he doesn’t really care about you. I don’t know if he has lost interest or he wasn’t really interested in you in the first place.
Keeva says
Hi I’m keeva, I’m dating Curtis for 2 months now we never been intimate…90 day rule here lol….
All of a sudden he’s acting different and distant and it feels like I need to put in all the work and effort. The lovey dovey is gone and when I’ve confronted him about it he said nothing is wrong please help I’m confused
Undra says
So basically is is most of the “females fault “that these men are a complete jerks and don’t have balls to say how they feel and just walk away?
Mya says
Those are the ones that you need to look out for. They are the ones with the most issues
Poojitha says
Hiii i need some advice for my next step towards him..he is my friend. At beginning he shows me so much intrest makes me to feel special.. I thought he has feeling for me but later i feel the same for him but suddenly he ignores me completely for 8 months but he ask about me to my friend.. Later i talked with him and asked for the reason he said that he doesn’t knw y he ignores me for that past month. Later he makes me to show others like im his girl like that.. Then he ill be possessive while i talk with boys. And i thought he is loving me but his action shows he wants me to confess my love first so he is playing hard like that… I confess my love but he said he wants me as his friend he doesnt want love or commitments but his action shows that he is loving me… He is not stable, he is confused…After one month he talked with me… later he starts to distant himself by not texting or talking with me properly. Plz give me some advice wht shld i do for the next step..?
Rebel says
Not sure anyone is still reading this but hey, I’ll try!
Male best friend and I feel for each other even though he has a Gf. We have kept things on the down low for 10 years. We only hooked up once, but always had PG 13 times but we also just had fun watching football, working on my house, and random breakfasts. He moved away to be with his Gf and he has not been happy. His flirting has amped up a lot and he has told me how badly he wants to see me and “chill”. He’s told me he can visit once in awhile but it never happens. The last text I got was a drunken one about 2 weeks ago, and nothing since. I have learned over time to let him text me. I don’t like to crowd anyone , especially him. He’s a very private person so if something’s bothering him I let him tell me – and he usually does. We have shared many things that we would never even tell a therapist so I know his does care about me. In fact he told me he loves me about a year ago, and always have. Sadly though , he can’t truly show me that because I am just the female best friend in everyone’s eyes. So here I sit not knowing what to do with this. I hate not hearing from him, and want to see him to ask him what’s going on but I fear that I have lost him. Maybe he got scared if his feelings for me so he has backed off ?
Mehek says
Hey I’m mehek.Im worried about a friend who has been with her man for over five years but she recently broke off the relationship cause she felt like the guy lost interest in her due to her health issues which he was Okey with not until she started noticing afew changes in him but he still remained sweet and caring.so two days after the breakup she called him and apologised about what had happened and asked if he could take her back but he only said to her that it would be so hard.and he added saying that the past two days helped him reflect on things.so he just told her they would talk about it when after he finds out wheather he is sick or not as well and that is like three months from now.to cut the story short she is worried that she might have lost him for good this time cause he deactivated and deleted his accounts which she had done before he did.And before they used to breakup and get back together infact the girl broke it off and whenever she asked for him to take her back he would and Infact most of the times it’s the guy who pleaded with the her not to end the relationship..
Emily Carleton says
Okay so I’m best friends with that guy that I love sooo muchh and I always felt that he likes me back but I was never sure. He randomly tells me “you know that I love you soo much but I don’t know why”, whenever we are speaking alone. He always tells me he treats me differently than any other girl. I was never sure because he’s a bit flirty so he always flirts with girls. I changed with him for a while and from that time he’s been treating me differently. So I spoke to him and we fixed things and he came back to complimenting me and all but I felt like something is wrong. And yesterday was the first time ever he doesnt compliment me in a party although I really looked the best I’ve ever been and everyone complimented me a lot. Is he losing feelings?? Or maybe he got jealous because what I was wearing was a bit extra??
Broken-hearted says
I’ve been in love with my boyfriend ‘Simon’ since I met him in 2015! We started started seeing each other and he used to stay some nights and some weekends. Then in 2017 he said he has to meet his ‘betrothed’ (he’s Korean) so I asked him what he meant and he said he’s arranged to get married. He does like skinny women, he likes slightly bigger women. He’s told me he’s Vietnamese but he told my cousin he’s Korean. I asked him when he’s birthday is and he gave me 2 dates and 2 years and then said he couldn’t remember. I then asked him to tell me things about him so I can know him better and he replied “there’s nothing to know”. He flirts with every big woman that comes into his work place and he asks some of the male customers to set him up with a big woman (I’ve witnessed it and so have my friends, my heart ached and sank)
I told him I love him and he replied ‘ditto’ and then said watch Ghost and I told him I’d seen it already. He’s changed a lot since I got back with him in August. He doesn’t seem as interested and wants to do things in bed he never wanted to do before. He wants 8 children. I’m pregnant and he came out “what are your options” and then added “I’ve been with 66 women in my life don’t you think I’d have had an accidental child already?” And he said “that’s impossible, I’m shooting blanks”.
Now I’m 29 and he’s 49 (or so he says) I can’t believe anything he says and I can’t trust him.
I love him but I don’t know what to do.
He shows he cares in his own ways (brings food to me sometimes, made me an origami rose) but he never actually says anything.
What do I do?
He doesn’t like talking.
Broken-hearted says
Also he’s ex wife got hold of my number and sent me 2 pictures of them together and I couldn’t help but notice he looked really happy with her (even though she is skinny) I’ve never seen him look that happy with me
When I asked him if we could take pictures together and if I could some of him, he’d respond with ‘I’ve not taken pictures since I was 15’ which is obviously a lie!
When I asked how his ex wife got hold of my number he replied ‘I left my phone at home and my mum still lets her in’ and I thought that was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard!