How to make her miss you? When we are in a relationship or are hoping to be in a relationship, we all hope that we will be missed when we are not around. It is just human nature to want to feel needed. You might find that you are romantically interested in someone or you might already be in a relationship.
Maybe you are in a relationship where the two of you seem to be drifting apart and maybe she no longer seems to miss you anymore. Either way, you want to make her miss you.
In this article you will find quite a few methods and strategies that will help make her miss you. With some perseverance, thoughtfulness, and dedication, she will be hooked and she will surely miss you when you are not around her. You will almost feel like a drug or a candy that she craves because of how good you are to her.
Whether you are just starting out a relationship or have been in one for years, you will always want to make sure that your girl misses you. How exactly do you do that? By giving her something to miss! While you should more or less be yourself, you can also follow a few good tips to help you ensure that your crush, girlfriend, or wife will miss you when you are not around.
How To Make Her Miss You
1. BE A LITTLE MYSTERIOUS
When you are first getting to know that special someone, you will want to let her get to know you. Be sure to let her know enough about you to make her interested in you, but do not tell her everything all at once.
By saving some of your good stories for a later time, you will make her want to stick around and find out even more about you.
When you intrigue her just enough, she will want to stick around longer to hear the rest of your stories. She will want to know who you are. At the same time, you have to share some things about yourself, otherwise you will come off as distant.
2. DON’T TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF
Do not be afraid to let her into your life, but do not treat her like your personal therapist either. She does not need to know every little detail right away.
Also, if you reveal too much about yourself at once, you will be talking about yourself a lot. Talking about yourself too much can come off as self-absorbed.
3. SLOW DOWN WITH THE TECHNOLOGY
Give her some space every now and then so that she has enough time to miss you. If you are around at every moment possible, then how can she possibly miss you? This is not limited to being physically present. You should also refrain from bombarding her with phone calls and messages. While it is thoughtful to check in with her and respond to her calls and texts, you should not be glued to her.
If you are around too much, then she might feel smothered and suffocated. Sooner or later, she could get tired of having you around if you are around way too much.
4. SPEND SOME TIME APART
Even if you care about each other and love spending some time together, it is still a very good idea to give each other some alone time apart every now and then.
Whether you spend one hour a day apart or a day out of the week apart, you should make it a point to find some time for yourselves.
Try your best to take advantage of your alone time. As a result, she will be so happy when she sees you again after you have taken a short break from each other.
When you do this, you will both feel refreshed, recharged, and more than ready to see each other again.
5. SHOW HER A FUN TIME
When you want somebody to miss you, it is a great idea to take some initiative instead of being completely passive. If she barely knows that you exist, then how will she miss you?
Take your crush, girlfriend, or wife on a bunch of great dates and give her plenty of wonderful experiences that she will remember.
You can try to take her to the movies. You can also go dancing, attend a concert together, or you can even just have a romantic picnic at the park.
You do not necessarily need to spend a lot of money on dates in order to leave a good impression. When you show her a good time, she will keep missing you and she will always look forward to the next time that you two can spend time together.
6. DON’T TALK TOO LONG ON THE PHONE
Whether or not you live together, talking on the phone is a necessity for most couples. It helps you stay on the same page and gives you a chance to catch up with one another.
While it is good to talk on the phone, avoid having phone conversations that go on for hours and hours. Doing this every single day will give your girlfriend little time to miss you if you are already so available to her.
If you are still getting to know someone that you are interested in, do not be overbearing.
Show that you are interested without coming on too strong. There are a few ways that you can avoid coming on too strong.
7. DON’T ACT DESPERATE
You don’t always have to pick up her phone calls on the first ring. Sometimes you can wait a minute or more to call her back. At the same time, do not act like you do not care.
If she thinks that you do not care about her, then it will be hard for her to miss you. If you have been seeing each other every day for a few days, it is okay to take a break for a day or two so she has time to miss you.
Just let her know that you are busy but look forward to seeing her soon, otherwise she will think that you are blowing her off and she might end up moving on from you.
8. DON’T TRY TO KEEP TRACK OF HER ALL THE TIME
These days, technology is how we keep in touch with our significant others. From texting or talking on the phone to using Facetime and Skype, we have plenty of ways to keep in touch with our romantic interests.
When you use technology to reach out to your love interest, it shows that you care. At the same time, you will also want to be careful that it does not look like you are stalking her.
Give her some space and some time to breathe. That way, she can have some time to miss you.
9. GIVE HER SPACE TO BREATHE
If you are really into her, then your first instinct will be to spend every waking moment together. She might want to spend all of her time with you too.
While it is good to spend a lot of time together, you also do not want to rush things way too fast. If you spend every possible free minute together, then things could possibly fizzle out right away.
10. TAKE THINGS SLOWLY
Take things nice and steady. You do not have to take things too slowly, but don’t rush into things either. You do not want to rush and build unrealistic expectations for your relationship.
Whatever you do, make sure that you are not needy, clingy, or desperate. Coming off that way will only serve to repel her and she will be less inclined to feel an attraction towards you.
11. FIND SOMETHING OF YOUR OWN TO DO
You might feel guilty at the thought of spending any time away from her. There is actually no reason for you to feel guilty about this.
Spending some of your free time alone is okay. In fact, it is a really good idea. Not only is it healthy for you to get your alone time, it gives her a chance to miss you too.
If you do everything together, you might find yourself wishing that you had your own activity that you could just do yourself, whether it is reading or watching your favorite shows.
12. DON’T TRY TO MAKE HER LIKE EVERYTHING THAT YOU LIKE
Try to go and find something that you can do alone so you can also remain in touch with yourself. It is good to be able to be alone by yourself every once in a while.
If you try to pressure her into doing everything that you like, even if she is not that into it, then that could make the relationship boring and a little bit suffocating. Allow yourselves to do your own things once in a while.
13. BE RELIABLE
While it is good to give her some space, do not flat out ignore her. If you ignore her, then she will think that you are an unreliable person. If you make yourself too unavailable to her, then she might go from missing you to thinking that you are unreliable.
If you are too unavailable to her, then she might think that you are too busy for her. She might even begin to think that you are not interested in her or she might conclude that you are talking to other girls besides her.
These thoughts will turn her off to you and she might even stop missing you after a certain point. Your special lady should still feel like she is an important enough part of your life. You do not want to neglect her.
14. SURPRISE HER
When you try to treat her really well, she will be able to miss you more.
Little gifts, surprises, and kind words will make her feel truly special. If you make her feel special every day, then she will always be waiting for your next move that will make her feel like a queen.
Give her some nice surprises every now and then. Some thoughtful surprises include flowers, chocolates, or a sweet love note that will make her heart swell and skip a beat. If you can’t think of any sweet notes to write her, check out our list of love letters.
She will always have something to look forward to if you continuously treat her this way. As a result, she will be sure to miss you when you spend some time apart.
If you are apart and send something sweet to her, this will be a reminder of how thoughtful you are and she will definitely miss you and think of you fondly.
15. GIVE HER SOMETHING THAT REMINDS HER OF YOU
If you are long distance, do not live together, or sometimes have to travel for work, you should give her something that will help her remember and miss you when you are gone. What makes this different from a gift is that you should give her something of yours that will remind her of you
Examples of things of yours that you can give to her include your favorite book, one of your t-shirts that is sprayed with your cologne, or the body wash that you use. She will then be able to feel close to you.
Give her something that will make her feel close to you when you are apart. It will make her miss her and when she is missing you, she can find comfort in that thing that reminds her of you.
16. BE A FUN PERSON TO BE AROUND
When you are spending time together, make sure that she is having fun and enjoying herself. She will be sure to miss you, especially when she is bored and you are not around.
If you can make her smile and laugh, then she will miss that when you are not always there to make her crack up.
Take her on great dates and adventures that she will really appreciate and look back on fondly, especially when you are not together.
Try to be fun and creative when you think of dates that you can take her on. From picnics to the movies to street fairs, there are so many wonderful outings that you can plan for her.
If you would rather stay in, you can build a blanket fort together, watch a movie, or cook a meal together. You can even play your favorite board games if you think that it will be fun. If you don’t have any board games, check out our 21 questions game.
While you should not spend every second together, you should make every second that you do spend together really count.
17. GIVE HER GREAT MEMORIES
When you work hard to fill her life with plenty of great experiences and romantic memories, she will surely notice how much better, brighter, and more exciting her life is with you in it.
When you are occasionally absent, she will pine for you and miss you. She will miss the romance and positivity that you bring to the relationship and she will start to associate you with fun experiences and happy memories.
Regarding your crush, girlfriend, or wife, it is important that you make her feel safe and protected. Be sure to give her lots of attention so that she feels like she is very important to you.
Listen to her when she talks to you and be sure to pay attention. When you make her feel special, she will really appreciate how much you listen and pay attention to her.
18. BE SWEET TO HER
It also goes without saying that you should always strive to be sweet to the woman that you care about. If you are constantly rude to her or don’t show enough interest, then she might end up not missing you at all when you are not around.
A lack of respect and attention towards her will cause her to drift away from you. You have to give her a reason to miss you whether it is because you are a good listener, a sweet guy, or know how to show her a good time. If you treat her well, she will miss you.
19. DO SOMETHING PERSONAL FOR HER
There are many other little ways that you can get her to think of you and miss you. You can play a romantic song for her and dedicate it to her. If you have a knack for words, then you can write her a short poem that she can hold onto.
If you have a nice photograph of you and her together, then you can get it printed and framed. You can even get it put into a locket for her. Anything to help her remember you fondly is a good idea. Even when you are not right there in front of her, that photograph will remind her of you.
20. CALL HER EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE GOES TO BED
Here is another good strategy that will help get her to miss you. If you do not live together, try calling her every night before bed. Texting is not as good because she will not be able to hear the sound of your voice.
When you say goodnight and hang up the phone, she will go to bed with you on her mind because you have just talked to her. This is a great way to get her to miss you and she might even have sweet dreams as a result of your nightly phone calls.
21. WRITE HER A ROMANTIC LETTER
While people can often have a tendency to almost always communicate through technology these days, you should never underestimate the wonderful art of a handwritten note or letter. You can even give her a nice memento box to store your letters and other small gifts in.
When she finds herself missing you, she can open up that box and go through the items that remind her of you. A memento box is a wonderfully romantic idea especially if you plan on building memories with that special someone.
22. KISS AND HOLD HER
The best way that you can get her to miss you is to give her so many good memories that she will have no choice but to miss you. There are so many ways that you can do this.
You can take her on amazing dates, make an effort to call her every night, dedicate special songs to her, shower her with little thoughtful gifts and love letters, and so on. Don’t forget to kiss her and hold her hand.
When you are gentle and loving with her, she will miss your touch even if you are only apart for a few hours or a day. The brighter you make her life, the more she will miss your presence.
23. NEVER TAKE HER FOR GRANTED
Remember to never take her for granted and always make the effort to treat her like the special lady that she is. She will appreciate being respected by you.
Never be afraid to go the extra mile. That is the surest way to make sure that she never stops missing you when you are not by her side.
24. TREAT HER WELL
If you treat her well, she will feel special. You might notice that as a result, she will start to miss you if she hasn’t already.
If there is a strong enough mutual spark there between the two of you and if you treat her well, then she will be sure to respond well to your gestures and efforts and she will miss you when you are not there in the room with her.
You may also like our article: How To Tell If A Girl Likes You.
FINAL THOUGHTS
These are just a few of the many romantic things that you can do for her to ensure that she will really miss you when you are not around. Try out a few of these strategies to see how she responds to them. Notice how your efforts, both little and small, can affect her to the point that she begins to feel and develop a strong attachment to you.
Joejoeknght says
I really love this stuff .thanks so much
vee nta see Lee nie says
This is so great❤..
Jesse says
I have a question. So my GF wants to go and hang out with other friends and it’s been 2 months and we haven’t even talked other than at school. She says that since we’re not married we don’t have to spend time with eachother alot.
Nhlonipho warren mathebula says
Married isnt a big deal, i think she’s not into you.
Scotty says
My gf and me been together 5 years on and off we have a 2 year old together. My gf wants to break up cause she wants to enjoy her life and see other people but wants us to still be together and love on one another like ntn has changed. Should i do this wih her or would not giving her anything make her miss me.
Kat says
Hi Scotty,
Is this the type of relationship you want? If not, then you shouldn’t let it happen. You should do what is right for you.
DEEJAY VEEKAY says
Leave the b*tch Scotty
Bob says
Scotty, she belongs to the streets.
Stanzer says
Don’t do it if you still love her Scotty
Anonymous says
I have a very big crush on this girl in my secondary school and i love her so much I want to get married to her! What should I do?
Plz give tips to make her like me thank you
Dwayne says
Talk to her and be yourself ask her on a date or for coffee get to know her better be nice and be yourself
Tony says
I’ve known this female friend for 20 years. We rekindled our friendship 3.5 years ago. For the first 3 years we were basically phone friends. I set up those boundaries for myself knowing if I spent time with her that I would fall for her again.
Well, I broke those boundaries. She has invited me over a few times for dinner, then we’d go out for drinks and play darts. I can honestly say I wasn’t attracted to her as I used to and than things changed and here is my dilemma.
3 months ago she was diagnosed with stage 3 to borderline liver disease. She has been a functional alcoholic for a long time. It was heartbreaking news, especially knowing she won’t seek help and still struggles with her drinking.
I went over to her place last weekend and she just wowed me. She looked so beautiful. We enjoyed dinner and again went out to play darts, its something we enjoy but sadly she wanted a few drinks also. I know, I am an enabler, but while at her place I do not drink even if she does.
I do love and care about this woman and selfishly don’t want to lose my friend to someone else or to her disease. She knows how I feel thanks to a mutual friend, she says she loves me also but we are still just friends. She called me her best friend and her rock as we talk a lot on the phone. I think we do because she no longer has any girlfriends in her life. If she did I know in my heart we would we would talk less.
My dilemma is that I know one way or the other that I will one day lose her. She says it would be selfish of her to be in a serious relationship or even marry someone due to her health.
I would be willing to have more and be with her to the end but she doesn’t want that with anyone, or at least not me. I just don’t know if I should be that good friend and be supportive to her until she finds someone else or succumbs to her disease or just slowly back away and drift away from her life which would be hard to do because I do love talking with her.
I don’t know exactly how she truly feels about me inside. She mentioned one time that she wanted to push me down on the couch and lay on top of me to cuddle, of course this was the next day after I had left when she told me this.
She has complimented one day on my new scruffy facial hair look and then 3 weeks later tells me I need to shave off the scruff. Why would that even matter to her? I did respond that I wouldn’t shave for her or any woman (unless it was a serious girlfriend or wife) to which she said “well then I won’t shave my legs for you and will grow arm pit hair. It was all funny, she later told me she couldn’t believe how firm I was and that I was always clean shaven…blah, blah, blah…..I love this woman and want to spend the rest of her time on earth with her but am afraid to protect my heart I might have to drift away.
Kat says
Hi Tony,
You may want to have an honest talk with her. Otherwise, it’s just a guessing game. Have you told her how you feel about her? Ask her if she sees you only as a friend or you two could become something more.
She may already know how you feel and she is just stringing you along out of a fear of being alone, since you are her only friend. Or she may be confused about her own life and feelings. It’s hard to tell.
At the end, it’s your decision. If she wants to be friends only, you need to think about what you want. Do you want to continue the relationship as it is right now or do you want to walk away? Usually, when feelings are involved, it’s hard to stay friends. You’ll be just hurting yourself.
Shannon says
Kat, thank you 🙂
Anonymous says
Kat,
My gf and I have been together for slightly more than 2 years. She lives in a different part of the state now as we both go to different schools. Everything was going fine, even when she moved to her school, she he visited me and we both had a great time. Then, all a sudden she started to reduce talking me, stop saying she loved me and everything was not the same. She lost many of her sense of humor with me, stop laughing and pick arguments with me over silly things.
It started when she told me when someone she knew felt that she was not genuine. From there on, she constantly told me she is very detached from herself. She was not in-tune with her emotions and feelings. So she started to bring up the times we fight or argue (we probably had like less 10 fights in our 2 years) during the time we lived together, she constantly say I am not a man she wants (when I cook meals for us, wash clothes, do cleaning, be a supportive of her whenever I can, etc.) Sure I have my bad moments, but when I simmer down I try to improve myself. She told me she wanted space, so I said I am more than happy to do so.
I visited her one time and we both had a long conversation on what we want from each other. She felt really better after that visited and started saying I love to you once again. We also had a great time doing fun things together. A couple weeks later, she stopped saying it again. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she still had resentment towards me over things that occurred months and years ago. She brings up things such how we sometimes stay indoors and lay in bed all day (We have done this now and then, but most of the time we did something very productive), she felt like I was stopping her from doing stuff. I told her, I wish we had communicated better but it never too late, as we can improve from the past. So, I told her just focus on herself, and when you are ready come back to me.
We are both seeing counselors to improve ourselves. I feel like she has pretty much given hope on us now and then. But I have been very supportive of her in every way possible and stayed strong for her. We are still together in a long distance relationship. She sometimes tells me she loves me and don’t want to break-up with me but she feels like she can’t the person I want right now. She feel the right things to do is to break-up with me. But I told her don’t worry about me, just focus on yourself and the person you want to be in life.
She has told me many times, she loves me and if she wanted to break-up with me she could have done that. So I know she does loves me. But right now, she is getting over some issues she has in herself, as well as some of the bad times we had together. She has clearly stated the issues she has is beyond what I can do and she has to figure things out. I made it clear that she can have all the space she needs. In the mean time, don’t worry about me.
I am happy here, and love growing up everyday. Nevertheless, I still fear now and then of losing her. I know I can focus on myself and priorities, but the feeling of never having her back is unbearable to me.
How do I deal with these feelings/ insecurity? What can I do on my part to help with her healing process and getting over some of the resentment she had for me? How do I win her back?
Thank you so much in advance for being so supportive!
Kate says
Hi,
Long distance relationships are hard and your love will be tested. You guys need to have good communication and be honest with each other.
If I were you, I would simply ask if she would want to be in a fully invested relationship with you or not. If she answers: “I don’t know”, “Maybe”, “I’m really confused…”, “I have to figure out things first” etc.- her answer is “No”. She might just want to drag you along til someone better comes into her life.
Would you really want to be with someone who doesn’t love you fully? When people love each other, they make sure to show their love and appreciation, and they will do anything to fight for that relationship.
You might also want to give her some space. Don’t contact her for awhile. If she really loves you, she will start missing you and wondering where you are and what you’re doing. If you don’t hear from her, then she doesn’t really care and you may want to move on.
ISHMAEL mensah says
I really love my gf alot….we had a terrible fights and later broke up…well I come to realise that it was a big mistake and tried settling things with her only to realise that another guy came in the scene whiles I was gone….she claimed to love her and that the two were dating after our breakup but was able to settle down things….she told me she loves me and need time but she is always around this new guy ….What should I do…please try and reply me earlier
….Thank you
Kate says
Hi,
Seems like she wants to see how the relationship is going with the new guy. At the same time, she doesn’t want to burn the bridge with you in case it doesn’t work out with the new guy.
You have to have an honest conversation with her about your relationship. Either she is with you or with the other guy but you need to know where you stand. Unless, you are okay if she dates both of you at the same time and then chooses which one she wants to be with.
Also, give her some space. Don’t contact her, or “like” her pics or messages on social media. If she doesn’t hear from you, she may start missing you.
stanley flomo says
hi Kate ,
me and my gf…..been for a one year plus, i give all she needed, like everything..
and now she been acting differently lately. she take her time to reply to my text, she don’t visit anymore tho..When i go and visit her ,she don’t take that time to stand with me like before..
I kindly need your advised tho..
Saad says
Hi Kate!
I met this Chinese girl 5 months ago at a club in Beijing and we became friends instantly. with time we became best friends and i started falling for her and she knew it too where as she fell for another mutual friend of ours who was from Yemen. But that guy never wanted a relationship and was always insisting on how good we look together and all the laughs we share.
In October i had to go back to my home country so i asked her to stay with me for a few days before i left and she agreed, the same night we went to a club and had our first kiss came back kissed a little more and went to sleep. Next day we went to a club again and i was enjoying a conversation with a random girl and she got pissed and went out. I followed her and asked what the problem but she being how she is never talks when she is mad. I told her what do you want from me you say we are just best friends and then you act like this if i talk to a girl she leaned over kissed me and said we are not just friends anymore. We went back to the hotel and made-out and all.
Two days before i had to leave ( we were still living together) we went out to enjoy with our friends and in the club i see that she is kissing the guy she liked and that pissed me off and i dint talk to her and she got mad and went with that guy to stay with him. Next day my friends invited me for dinner and she was also there and after some time she texts me that we need to talk alone so we head out and she says you stopped caring for me after making love with me and i was like thats not the case and then she says you are leaving tomorrow i want to live with you and not that guy so we went back together.
I went home the next day she went crazy, confessing her love for me and how she took me for granted and how she wanted me to be back really quick and all that. I came back we started dating officially. Now what happened is that i could not talk to girls who were my friends, i couldn’t strike a convo with girls in the clubs, i could not go alone anywhere. Where as she could still talk to the guys who were her friends. It was only me who was trying to communicate, the replies i get from her are “yes, no, better, okay”. We met the guy whom she liked before and he had alot to say because we were meeting after three weeks and she tell me why are you not talkative and funny like him, the feeling that i get with him i dont get with you. Im like to myself how can i do that when the other is not communicating at all.
Im really feeling hopeless i have given her everything but the way she is treating me its like Im worthless. here it is also to be noted that her previous relationships just lasted at an average of 2 to 3 months which she admits its because she is strange. What should i do i dont want to lose her but i cant stay too
Kate says
Hi Saad,
Seems like she doesn’t take you seriously at all. She might not know what she wants yet or she just doesn’t want to be exclusive with you. You guys need to communicate and both figure out what you want out of this relationship. If you are unhappy with your relationship, you need to speak up.
Henry says
Hello my name is Henry I have this female friend that we have been together for a while, but she has a boyfriend outside of the country and she claims she loves him and we were friends all of a sudden we started doing things that only in relationship do, and I proposed to her and she accepted but she is now finding it difficult. To break up with her guy,. And d last time we talked she said she needed space….after I gave her space.. she called me the next day and said she really needed my help, financially and I helped her with it and she thanked me…so I don’t know, should I give her space even if she needs my help? Or should I end everything with her completely, I really care about her she does same but is her boyfriend that is the issue
Abdul wahid says
don’t do that just be with her
van says
hi Kate. Been in a long distance relationship for like two and half years. knw her since childhood, she was my sisterz best friend in primary school. since we started dating, we only meet 3 times. it was my first relationship, so I was fully committed to it. I later noticed shes been liein to me about her past, but despite that I accepted her that way. I also noticed she is bn dating numerous guys. since she’s gained admission to university she’s bn acting strangely to me and i noticed shes bn seeing a guy their. The last time we met (that was December 31st, 2017). she told me that she had sex with the guy 5times. i begged her to stop, but her reply was that she can never stop having sex or stop kissing (she gt high sex drive). i later asked her did she wanna break up. Her response is she doesn’t know and she doesn’t want to talk about our relationship right now… i need an advice.
Jorge says
Jesus Christ dude are f@#kin’ serious?!… You need advice on what to do with a girl you’re dating while she is gojng off having fun with other men?…
Move on with your life! Don’t ever look back to this girl! She clearly has ZERO respect for you.
van says
kindly rep
Kate says
Seems like she doesn’t take you seriously and she’s not committed to you. She may want to keep her options open and date other guys too. I’m not sure what she wants, only she can know that.
It’s up to you what you would want to do. If I were you, I would not put up with this and I would move on.
van says
what if she tries to rch me via calling or sms….. do i need to pick it… or ignore her. the last time we talked was 8days ago
Kate says
Well, if you want to move on and break up with her, you should pick up the call and end your relationship. Tell her it’s over and why you are breaking up with her. After that, you can ignore her calls.
Matovu Isma says
hi kate am isma, just i have my girlfriend we’re now 7yrs together but she doesn’t want to visit me and don’t want to be taken out but she say that love me so much and promising me for marriage even if i call on phone shows me that she mean it but my heart tells me that she is lieing me what can i do kate
Kate says
Is this a new thing that she doesn’t want to visit you? If yes, then something might have happened. You need to ask her why she doesn’t want to visit you and be taken out? Try to get to the bottom of this.
Qasim Ali says
Hi there
I’m with a girl for the last 7 years. We have spent a great time together. Unfortunately she got married with someone else as I wasn’t settled yet.
Thay have a good financial family background and I’m from a middle class family. She got divorced after six months of her marriage. She contacted me again and I stayed with her in that crucial time. It’s been 1.5 year now we are together.
She tried again to convince her family to get us married but again they aren’t willing to do so.
She might get married in next two months again and I don’t want that happen.
They are looking for a guy to get her married and I think she’s in conversation with one of them.
I just wanted to know that how i can make her more attracted to myself like never before.
She’s replying me late and that kind of stuff which i hate the most. I just want to be on her senses all the time.
Need your sincere tips
Regards
Kate says
Hi, you are in a tough situation. Since her family is not accepting you, I’m not really sure what you should do. Even if she loves you and finds you irresistible, her family may pressure her to get married to someone else. Maybe if she gets divorced again, her family may finally accept you.
In the meantime, try not to reply to her right away, wait some hours or even a day. Make her wonder what you are doing and who you are with. She may start missing you more. However, if she’s getting married soon, her thoughts are probably somewhere else and she’s not really thinking about you.
Anonymous says
So there is this girl who used to like me, but ‘priorities’ like school combined with a long distance make it almost impossible to see each other. Eversince our ‘connection’ has been in decline and yesterday she stated she really thinks I am a cute and nice person, but right now she doesn’t feel like we can become something because of her life situation. Should I just go on or give her some time and space and try again after? I really do like her aswell and it feels like a waste to give up on her after a month pretty well spent. (Sorry for the English, I am Dutch myself)
Kate says
Yes, you can give her some space and call or text her from time to time to see how she’s doing.
Ali says
Hi Kate!
So I matched with this amazing girl on tinder. Not only is she pretty, she also has a great personality altogether. We literally kicked off from day one and started to talk non stop on our phones for a little over a week.
However, she told me that her past relationships were not so pleasant and she is trying to get to the bottom of why they didn’t go down as planned. Hence, she got onto tinder just to meet new guys and see where things go. I kinda already got attracted to her because she seemed like an amazing person who I had no trouble talking or opening up to and she felt the same about me. She would keep telling me how she has never opened up to any other stranger like she has with me, the connection we shared and how we both understood each other. I started taking these as signals that she is sort of into me.
On the other hand she did also mention her ex who had bailed out on her and claims that she she might have a little feelings for him or maybe a little nostalgic but would not want to date him again because she didn’t love him, just a little curious to why he bailed out.
So after talking for a few days she did ask me out on a date, which was planned for the following week and in the meantime we continued talking as we were, in fact we had gotten even more closer. Just a day before we had to meet she told me, her ex is back in town, I was confused, as to why she brought up her ex like that? I did ask her a few related questions and she goes like she has no feelings for him but would want to meet him still just for old times sake, only if he asked her to though.
We then went on a date, it was great and I had instantly fallen for her, it was the last nail on the coffin for me, kept telling me how she usually takes a lot longer to go on date with guys she didn’t meet before. While we were on a date, she brought up her ex again and at that moment I thought she was doing that on purpose just to make me feel jealous/insecure so that I would make a move, although I didn’t. Later that night she told me she had fun and also told her friends about me. I did start to kinda act weird at that point because I just wanted to tell her how I really felt about her, I gave her a few signals and she acted along. The next day her ex was again brought up by her and she told me that he wanted to meet her. At this point I was confused, either it could be a signal to not rush into things or to make a move. However, I went with the latter and did make a move, told her how I really felt about her. To which I got a reply ‘I am so confused, I literally don’t know what to do, I still might have feelings for my ex or might not, I want to know you more, I didn’t know you will fall for me in a week’. However, she did keep stressing on a point that her ex is leaving in a few weeks which makes her confused as to what she wants from him, which made me think I kind of rushed into things and should have waited a little longer because she also didn’t tell me how she really felt about me.
I took that response on the chin and acted normal, with a tiny bit of hope that she could later change her mind. Since then we have been talking normally with no awkwardness, although I have stopped giving her that much attention as I did before, like replying late and keeping myself busy but she would try to talk to me all the time and reply instantly. She also has told me now that she met her ex and it was really awkward and she wouldn’t wanna meet him again.
So did she play the ‘ex’ card just to steer our relationship in a certain direction where she has time to think about us or to keep me in arms length because she isn’t entirely sure what she really wants at the moment?
Kate says
Hi, most likely she is not completely over her ex. She wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted so she kept you close, and maybe she still doesn’t know. A girl who is really interested in you would not bring up her ex. It’s a major red flag when a girl brings up her ex on a first date or when they start chatting with you online.
Sampson says
Hey Kate,
I got a problem. It’s a long story. A while back I met this girl who I work with and she showed major signs of interest. She was always flirting with me and people told me that they saw a real connection between us. We’re both in school so we didn’t have time to see each other outside of work until winter break. We went out twice as a group when the time came, however, things changed. She blew me off on New Year’s Eve after we made set plans for it about a week in advance. I was mad at first but got over it because women flake all the time. After that instance she would ask me out again, only she’d end up bailing every time. This occurred several times and I got to a point where I told her I didn’t appreciate what she was doing. Ever since we haven’t been the same. I’ll text her once in a while but when we see each other at work it’s just so awkward now. I ended up deleting her on my social media, and I feel good about moving on, but I can’t help but feel that I might have overreacted. Something tells me I should’ve handled the situation better, but at the same time, I don’t deserve someone who’s constantly playing this game with me. What do you think about my problem and what should I do? Thank you.
Kate says
You didn’t overreact. Who likes to be flaked on and not only once but many times? Seems like she’s not really interested in you. If a girl truly likes someone, she will make time to be with that person.
Yes, it can be awkward now since you guys work together. Just try to get along and move on, forget about what happened.
MOMPOLOKI KGOMO says
Hi Kate
i have a girlfriend and we have been together for about 3.9 years till now and we used to spend time together day and night giving each other the love we deserve together…..but things changed last year September when i was accused of cheating, she was told by one of my friends who has issues with me but when i tried to prove to her that i am not cheating she refused to listen and she wanted to break up with me because of that. So i kept on proving my self until she forgives me, but the problem now is she told mi that she doesn’t want us to see each other everyday but if i am trying to give her what she want she keeps on making an excuse for me to see her, but if i tell her i miss her when i’ m at work she says “don’t worry”but when i’m asking why she always say that she says its because we always together that’s why she don’t say those words…but when she is in the mood she can say all kind of words so i don’t know what to do please help me.
Kate says
Seems like she wants some space to do her own things or hang out with her girlfriends. It’s healthy to have a little time apart in a relationship. It keeps the relationship fresh. I would recommend you to give her some space if she needs it.
Todd says
Thanks Kate. These are great tips!
Piumal says
Kate hi,
We are together like a year now and we do call each other a lot but she is so different from what i see in real,I mean she looks tired to talk or show any emotions at all,so after sometime we strated calling I gave her more space and her own time, she do miss me and calls me back right away but stil not the enthusiastic,loving person i see in real.We sure have moments and here and there and then in no time she go mysteriously silent and that keeps me wondering is it me or something else. I tried asking her if something keeps bothering her and she do tell some stuff and sometimes she doesnt,how can i get more close to her to show me I m reliable person and i am willing to do better to grant her happiness in every way possible.thank you in adavne for your help
Anoymous says
Hey kate. My ex and I were together for around 3 years but during that time i was in depression and i treated her very badly. And obviously she broke up with me. Now i am completely fine and right now i am the guy she loved me back then. She got 2 boyfriends during the time and she broke with the first one and she said me few days back she dont love him anymore. (Second one) she did realised that i am the guy she loves. After a time she said she will break up with that guy and propose me. She is very good at heart. I dont know if i should believe her or not. Is she good for me? And how do i make her value me in relationship? How should i make her realize that she can lose me anytime. She actually doesnt values me in relationship as she thinks she cant lose me. Please help me if i should trust her with relationship this time and how do i make her realize my value.
P.S- we do talk since past 3 months. And her feelings for me were developed a month ago.
Kate says
Seems like she really cares about you if she is willing to date you again after you treated her badly. She’s not going to value you if you are not going to treat her good. You need to show her that you have changed.
Thomas says
Hi Kate,
My fiancé and I have been together for almost 2 years. We have an 8 month old. We had our own place together after about 3 months of seeing each other. Then we found out later that month she was pregnant.
We have always been back and forth with arguing over silly things and serious things. She has a mother that is toxic in the case of giving her advice and how she is there. Her mother hates me and doesn’t want her daughter to have anything to do with me. She is 21 and I’m 25. My fiancé has always ran away from her feelings and problems or anytime it got tough. She would run to her mom. Whether a few days or a week. I always told her I would work on things and had to talk her into coming back. She had put a restraining order on me in the hospital for exaggerated reasons. It was a mess. This was right after our son was born. The day we were supposed to be discharged! Security escorted me out. She wouldn’t talk to me. Told me she couldn’t believe me and was done with me. A couple days later the restraining order hit. She tried to reverse it right away, admitted she messed up and wanted to be with me. Eventually after the order was lifted 16 days to the hearing. She never showed up, we got back together. Much hesitation and cold feet. We were off and on arguing every week up until her birthday right before the first of the year. So about a month and a half after her coming back. It was bad. She told me she hated me and what not. Argued from 1:30 am until 3 am. It was tough. I thought it was over but we worked through it. I’m always the one that apologizes.
Then about 3 weeks later we got into one of the worst ones yet. Told me it was all a game and that she didn’t love me. She was done with me. Cops involved and all. It all settled down the next day after I left with our son for the day/night.
We moved into my parents 2 weeks after. I was always trying to get her to talk to me about why this and why that, but it was like talking to a wall. She would never open up. It caused lots of arguments every week. I was a real jerk. We both did things wrong. Well around 4 and half months later we got into another huge fight. Terrible. She said she was done. It cooled down the next couple of days. I bought her a car last Monday. This last Friday she left after a disagreement about going to see her great grandma that is sick. She wanted to take her car and put him in it. She took the car seat and all and put it in there. I told her no since the car didn’t have insurance. Well she left and was pissed yelling at me. Cussed me out over the phone, screamed at the top of her lungs. Threatened to be done with me if I didn’t let her have him and go to her great grandma that was dying. I held my ground. She left Friday last week. Now it’s thursday, 4th of July and she is still telling me she is done. I have seen her 3x since Friday. Once Monday, and twice Wednesday. We went to the counselor and she refused to talk abou anything other than a parental plan. I tried to talk about us and she was extremely upset and pissed off, she walked out of the counselor because I didn’t sign the plan so she could have her son. She ended taking the car seat out of my car and went to my moms to try and take him. My mom said no she didn’t hear from me. Brittney was furious and said she was done, see you in court. Her mom is constantly in her ear and doesn’t make this easy. She wants Brittney and carter to live with her.
We have our son and are trying to figure out a plan together. I say she left us. I want it to work, I want to be a family. I took a step back from everything and realized everything I was doing. It’s different this time. She says she doesn’t believe me, and has been pushed away and hurt.
She has been staying at her moms. She has gotten stuff from my parents. She is planning on getting the rest Saturday. In 2 days. We are going back to the counselor tomorrow finish the plan.
During this whole time she has told me she has been hurt, she misses me and loves. Wants to stop the back and forth! Said she feels less restricted at her moms, free and able to get back to herself. I can’t force her to talk or come back. So how do I get her back. She is set on needing space.
How do I get her back. We both messed up, but I realized all of the crap. My eyes are open for the first time. I was a real jerk.
Help, what do I do?
Angye says
Omg… how old are you? You behave like a complete moron. Whatever Kate wrote here doesn’t apply to all women. Leave the mother off your child alone and do something better and productive with your life. It’s not her mother.. it’s you!
JustBn says
Hi Kate,
There is this lady I met in 2011 and we have been dating since. We have had alot of good moments together. I stayed with her for around 6 months sometime back in 2016 and during that moment she used to keep off ladies who would call me at night or text me. Same to me I would also harass men who tried to hit on her. We were so happy and we did everything together. Things changed when I moved to another town, which is many miles away. For the 4 months, I was busy and we could talk at night and share loves words. As days went, I realised that she did not want to talk more on phone, instead she could say she is sleepy. I could believe her and would let her sleep. One day she told me she was tired and wanted to sleep, that was around 2200hrs at night. I allowed her to sleep. At around 1150hrs, I tried to call her and I was shocked she was bjsy talking on phone. I asked her later on who she was talking to and she said it was her aunty. The following day same trend continued late njght, this time she told me it was her friend. A week passed and I got so mad at her and demanded to know who it was she was talking to. Instead she started questioning me how I did not want her to talk to friends. The following month i decided to pay her a surprise visit and I she was happy to see me, though she did not allow me to access her cell phone. One day she called me to apologise for her behaviour. She said the reason was that she had found out that the guy she had been talking to had another girlfriend and that she was furious he had lied to me. (I am also suprised coz I am the boyfriend and thats the news I am hearing right from her).
When I ask her to stop talking to him.. She says she will stop in a gradual manner so that the guy does not get angry at her.
I am confused what to do. Is she planning to breakup with me?
She stills shares personal things that happens to her.. like when she is going through a painful menses. Does this mean she still loves me?
Kate says
Well, seems like she is not really serious with you if she has been talking to this other guy. She was keeping you close enough so if the new relationship would not go anywhere, she would still have you. It also sounds like she has developed feelings for this other guy since she still keeps talking to him. I don’t know if she’s going to break up with you or if she still loves you.
swasher says
hey….i have a girlfriend who we talked like 5 weeks ago when she told me she loves me but from that day she doesnt speaking to me….we used to talk and txt each other before we met…..am confused coz i dont know if she doesnt like seeing or talk to me….what can be the problem?
Kate says
How did you respond when she told you how she felt? Did you tell her you loved her too?
swasher martin says
yeah i had tell her earlier…but she told me she will say face to face where she did but from that day she is not talking to me
Kate says
Does she seem upset? Ask her what happened.
JustBn says
Hi Kate, its JustBn again.
I went to meet my girlfriend acouple of days ago with an aim to know the guy she had been talking to late night. I managed to get her phone no. and I asked him who my girl was to him. I was suprised he said that my girl and him had been dating for alomst 2 and half months while I was in a different town. I was pissed off and I confronted the guy. My girl admitted to me that she had feelings for the guy but she was not ready to break up with to me. I feel my girlfriend is confused because the guy has another girl whom my girl is ignorant to find out about. I also proved to her that the guy has someone else but she would not listen to me. I once asked her to make up her mind if its me she wants to be with but instead she joked that she can date both of us. I got mad and told her that only breaking up was the onky solution, then she cried and said she will never allow me to leave.
I am in a big dilemma.. She keeps telling me I am her man and the guy is just a friend, but they continue to talk on phone late nights. She even refused to quit talking to the guy.
What should I do?
IP says
Hi, I met a girl on a kibbutz in Israel about 30 yrs ago. We were so in love; so much so that I moved to her country after 1 yr together. We moved in together and it lasted about 3-4 yrs. She wanted to split up to study (apparently). I loved this girl with all my heart but she wanted to split. She broke my heart !! I was wrecked for years.
I managed to stay in the same country and carried on working and sort of got over her. Although I’ve thought about her SO MANT times. She was my first big love. I never heard a WORD from her in about 23-24 yrs. I got married, had 2 kids, got divorced and have been living alone for about 8yrs.
Jan 2018 i got a text from her sister whom i was friends with for yrs on fb. She wanted to give my number to her sister. I thought wtf for !! I’ve never heard a thing from her…BUT, I thought…I still have her in my heart. Even my ex wife said go for it. You’ve always loved her more than me 🙁 ! Anyway…we met up 13th jan 2018 and I was SO NERVOUS about meeting her. I heard Ed Sheeran in my car driving to the train station. I cried my eyes out. Got train and almost fell apart when I saw in in the town where we arranged to meet.
I sort of fell right into her again…I told her of all the times I’d thought of her, missed her, longed for her…she had also not stopped thinking of me….told her 2 kids about me and her then husband !…..my love just came out for her….couldn’t stop holding her hand, cuddling her. I didn’t go home that night as we slept in a hotel. (she was also divorced). We had about 6 hectic weeks together…meeting her n there. She lives about 3 hrs from me BUT, she has just legally got a divorce, papers done. BUT, she still stays in the same house with her ex and kids. She stays way out in the country.
We mets one of her old friends (not seen in 25-26yrs) one night in my town and had a great night. She drove home. That night I got a call from her. She needs a pause ! She needs some time to sort things out….I was broken again…why…! I asked her and she said i hadn’t really listened to her. Meaning: I told her som many times the 5-6 weeks that I stil loved her so much and she couldn’t understand it. She even told me she loved me too so many times. We had it great.
Now she wants a break, I was not to contact her, take a pause. I agree I was too full on, a bit too much, but she never really said anything against it; she was all for it ! What had I done. She told her sister she had a wonderfull time but need space…..I am gutted….have basically not heard a thing from her in 3 weeks although I did phone her last week and asked if we could meet sometime and eat something and got an ok on that. But I haven’t booked anything yet…
I am a little broken just now, but feeling ok even if she dumps me..(i’m just over 50 now 😉 ) What should I do ? Should I leave her alone ? Let her come to me ?
Kate says
I would leave her alone. Couples don’t just break up if one needs to study, they’ll try to make it work. Especially if they have been together for awhile. That was just an excuse. If a woman truly loves a guy, she’ll do anything to be with that guy. Seems like she stopped loving you and she’s not really into you right now either. Maybe she needed to feel loved and wanted again after her divorce and contacted you. We won’t know for sure, but that is a possibility.
Genesis says
Hi Kate , Am Genesis and I would like you to advice me on my love life issue . Am a guy who kinda saved a girl in school because I heard my friends wanted to date her for sex sake and the girl has some character that I like ,like she’s kind and beautiful (she’s a Nigerian) so kinda told my friend to back off that I have feelings for her and they did after that I started asking her out and she agreed after 3month I got into a relationship with her but one of her friends keeps disturbing her I don’t know what he wants but that her friend can club and have fun so I told her to stay away from him but she keeps on lying to me as if I don’t know the truth that she still use to meet him . Okay she has a problem about lying always lying and am tired hearing sorry from her all the time , we even have an uncountable argument in just 11month then almost you our anniversary we broke up and now it feels like I need her more than ever because I miss her motivation and a lot of stuff maybe because she was the second girlfriend I have ever had. And when I asked her out she said I met a new guy that likes me for who I am and after sometime she texted me and asked me to give her 10 reason why we should get back together and I have her 10 she was impressed and she said she will think about it . It is 3 days She hasn’t given me an answer and all she talk about is why I broke up with her in the first place ? What do you suggest Kate should I be waiting or be straight ( tell her to give me answer)
Kate says
Yes, you guys should talk and she needs to figure out if she wants to be with you or not.
Nada says
Hi
I met this girl on internet a year now and we been amazing but I can’t get off of my mind the fact that she don’t want to be my girlfriend until we meet and it sometimes bring me down but we say I love you and talk all the time… Recently I feel like she don’t miss me like before she works but I’m studying so I don’t really get busy and it kills me that I don’t get to talk all day like before cause she had a less hours job before this one, I try to be positive and read stuff on internet but I end up crying, we got into couple fights were I be missing her and end up fighting and now she don’t seem to miss me or talk like before and every time I mention it she says “I have a job, I can’t be on my phone all the time” and then I wait for when she leave she says she is tired and wants to sleep and I wait the next day cause she takes 2 days free every 3 days work and she gets busy and we are not talking all day long and I don’t know what to do… am I a person can’t be with anybody cause I wanna be with them all the time?
Kate says
How come you guys haven’t met each other yet? Are you living too far from each other? Try not to be so needy, give her some space. If she’s working long hours then she probably doesn’t have time to respond to your messages.
Bwaaraiti says
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Oladapsy says
I really love this… but I also need your help, There is this lady I really love so much, Tho she has a boyfriend, But she keeps telling to be patient. we once stay together in the same environment but presently am far away from her.. I love calling her sometimes three times a day not until she tell me to reduce my calls.. I need you to advice me.. because sometimes when I decide not to call.. I will be having the feeling that, she will think am not serious about her… And sometimes I won’t want to chat with her on whatsapp even when I know she’s online….. But I don’t know if am doing the right thing. need your advice thank you.
Kate says
If I were you, I would move on. She has a boyfriend and looks like she loves her boyfriend more than you since she continues being with him. Would you really want to be second in love? It’s not right for her to lead you on like this. If she has second thoughts about her boyfriend, she needs to choose whom she wants to be with.
Anonymous says
Hi Kate, great stuff. Was wondering if you can help me with my difficult situation. I apologize in advance, it’s kind of long, but I tried to add the main points. No rush with a response.
My girlfriend or 7 years and I are going through a very rough patch. I noticed a few months back that she started to become more distant with me, and to top it off, decided to move in with one of her girlfriends. After talking with my sister about the situation, she pointed out that its most likely because I would ignore her attempts to talking about taking the relationship to the next level (getting engaged, moving in, etc), and actually taking the relationship to the next level. I addressed this to my lady, and it turns out my sister was right, on point actually.
Upon addressing this to my girl, she began to cry over the phone and pretty much let all her emotions out, saying she felt she was never good enough and that she never knew where our relationship was going. To make matters worse, she said if we had only talked about it, it should’ve been you I was moving in with! I felt so bad, because deep down, I knew I took potentially one of the best things that has ever happened to me for granted. She was right, I would always attempt to avoid her conversations or “hints” to taking things further. Because I was still in the process of getting my career together, and didn’t want to commit without being financially stable. I apologized, and asked her what I can do to make it better, and from there, she requested a break.
Fast forward, about a month later, we both got our careers going for us.. She ended up going out with her friends and got super drunk, and was calling my phone. I was sleeping during the time, so I called her the next day and we ended up meeting up. It turns out, during that break, she went on some dates. I just talked to some girls but felt to bad to do anything, but was in a way hurt about that. Few days later I then wrote her a letter about how I felt about the whole situation with us and how I regret being the way I was to her and pretty much emphasized how I still want to be with her and make it work, but understand if she’s wants to move on. I also bought her 25 flowers(her bday was during the break), and each flower had a reason why I loved her(personality traits only). But as I did this, I still felt she was unsure and felt that she was just focused on her new place and even stated that I’m not important or priority to her at this point. Weeks later, we start talking more and she invites me to some of her family events, which I go and have a good time without bringing any relationship stuff up. Funny how most of this began to happen more when I didn’t text/call as much after all that. I feel like we’re slowly making progress, but keep in mind, there is no intimacy at all at this point. I’ve been trying to take her on dates, and nowadays, it’s a hit or miss with her schedule, but when we go out, we have a good time. We kiss, hold hands and all that, but I notice towards the end when I try to make a move and get intimate, she pulls away. It’s been a while since we actually got intimate.
So my question to you is, should I keep trying at this point? I love her and want to be with her and be committed, but I’m running out of motivation to try and be with her again. The lack of intimacy and her showing emotional support at this point is taking a toll on me, and I find myself always stressing about the uncertainty of our future. I try and communicate this with her but at this point, she always says she “feels” pressured about me bringing up relationship stuff, and when I try to bring up the next level talk, she gets defensive and says something like, “oh now you want to commit when your ready on your time? What if I’m still trying to get things with MY life worked out still?” To say the least, it’s very confusing and mentally draining. I’m really not sure what I should do. I just feel like we’re in this weird phase of uncertainty, and lack of intimacy. Not sure what I should do to make us better at this point…..
Again great advice and I hope to hear from you soon!
Kate says
Hi, it’s always a bad sign when someone wants to take a break from the relationship. Usually, when a person loves someone, they want to work things out. However, a break often means he/she wants out but is not 100% sure. Moreover, they may even want to date and see who’s out there before burning the bridge. Or there is some sort of relationship conflict that’s too overwhelming or frustrating. I suggest you guys have an honest talk. Additionally, set a timeline for the “break” and then you guys need to make a decision. In the meanwhile, don’t text and call too often since she’s the one who wanted space. That way you can also see if she starts missing you or she doesn’t care.
I’m not sure about the lack of intimacy, she either holds it off to make you want her more or she’s not really invested in the relationship anymore and doesn’t want to be intimate. I don’t know for sure, only she has the answers. This is why you need to talk. If she doesn’t want to talk about the relationship stuff at all, I’m guessing she has kind of moved on and she may just keep you arms reach until she finds someone better.
So my suggestion is to have a talk with her and set a timeline for the “break”. That’s only fair to you. One month or two months, whatever you guys decide but after that, she needs to make a decision.
Mez says
Gooday kate. My name is Mez. I ve been in love with this young girl. She has paid prices to be with me. Like, sleeping out with me against the sisters wish. Not until I helped her get a house. But due to my constant spending of nights and day with her in her house. My brother asked me to leave her house even when he knew I have no place to go. So I moved in with my girlfriend pending when I would get my own house. But due to her Christian belief she has always asked me to leave her house that we are not married yet. She even threw my things out one certain day and locked me out b4 later opened the door . Sometimes he tells me I should leave her alone and go anywhere I want. But later she will apologise and tell me that she is sorry just that she does not want us to stay together when we are not married. She will always say that I should not burge her around. That she is tired. Sometimes she says she does not want my kind of person. She quarrels and disrespect me with words such as ; go and make money like other men. Then come back and marry me. She also said she cannot leave her church for my church if we must marry! What should I do ?
Kate says
Seems like she wants you to make more money, become a member of her church, and then marry her.
justin says
Hi kate, i meet girls and have a good convo with them and eventually get their contacts but my problem is i dont know how to how to engage them in a fun conversation via chatting on whatsapp then conversation just die a slow death and this doesnt make us go on dates so how should i go about the chatting stuff
Kate says
You need to write down some conversation topics if you can’t figure out what to talk about with girls.
M. says
Hi Kate,
I was googling around and realized that I went on your website before, reading this exact same article, and that I send it to my boyfriend. I totally forgot that I did that. Funny thing is, that I send it to him in the hopes that he would change things, but things haven’t really changed, because I obviously have been here before probably googling the exact same thing. Maybe you can offer some advice on my situation? I’m sorry if my comment is a bit lengthy.
My boyfriend and I have a LDR. We both study, but after our classes are over we spend most of our time together in an online call (sometimes with webcam) when we are home. We never run out of topics to talk about as we have a lot of things in common. We have healthy alone time too. No problems there. That part of the relationship is awesome. The part that I do have a problem with are his actions… or lack thereof. Before we became a couple we knew each other for a year. We were online friends for 6 months, and after that became really good friends which evolved into something more. We became official when we met in real life. We hit it off really well, but while I was there we didn’t do anything special (no dates). We would either hang out in his apartment or in my hotel room. I am not the type of person who needs to go to expensive restaurants. I enjoy hiking, sight-seeing, exploring new areas. When it comes to relationships I just want to see a person putting some thought and effort into doing something for me every once in a while. I don’t ask for much. I was very open about him about my previous relationship and where it went wrong (my ex would become lazy halfway through the relationship) and what I expected from a boyfriend. So he knew what I expected from him. He told me that he wasn’t experienced with dating, so when I came home I confronted him with all of this and decided to visit him two months later so he could redeem himself. I blamed it all on his lack of experience with dating. I researched all the possible fun things we could do while I was there (with or without money) and made a list which I send to him one month prior to my arrival. Fast forward: Out of my list we only ended up doing one thing, so it became a redo of my last visit, except this time I was there 2 weeks instead of 1 week. When I came home I confronted him again and told him I needed him to put his words into actions (you can’t just say “I love/care about you” – I need to see it) or otherwise I wouldn’t visit anymore. I gave him some ideas he could do while we were away from each other. I told him that I love receiving silly postcards or handwritten letters; as this is a very low-key thing to do and costs next to nothing and I generally get super happy when I receive surprise physical mail! Three months flew by and nothing. I asked him about it and he assured me he was working on it. Working on what? Just send me something, ANYTHING!! I really wanted to see him again and he told me he wanted to see me too, but for some reason he couldn’t send me a postcard or letter? More months passed and I got a birthday package. Which was really nice and made me happy, but I still didn’t get any casual surprise postcards or letters as I had asked (I told him before that any holiday cards and/or packages don’t count). A month after my birthday I told him that I had given him enough time and that I was going to break up with him. He begged and pleaded not to do that. He told me that he had taken me for granted and that he had been lazy and he would do better. As I really do love and care about him a lot, and this is the only problem in our relationship, I gave him another chance. I did tell him I was going to take some distance from him. I now talk to him less, do more stuff on my own, and I don’t say “i love you” anymore. I want him to prove himself before I commit myself fully to our relationship again. Unfortunately, not much has changed. He does have a therapist now to mainly talk about his insecurities. I was hoping that would help, but the “action” problem still remains. I don’t bring it up anymore as I don’t want to sound whiney and I’m scared it might demotivate him, but it still does bother me. He knows how I feel. He has all the information he needs to prove himself (like this website), and nothing has come of it.
Do you think I can somehow still motivate him or do you think this is just the way he is and things won’t change? One of my ex-boyfriends started to become lazy halfway through our relationship, and I gave him a lot of time to fix his behavior (1 year) but nothing came of it in the end. I don’t want to repeat the past, but I also don’t want to give up on this relationship as I like everything else about it, but this behavior is really a deal-breaker for me if it continues.
Please be honest in your advice because I really need it; as I have no friends that I can discuss this with. Thank you for your time, Kate.
Kate says
Hi, it’s really hard to tell if you can motivate him or not. However, he’s being like this since you guys started dating, then most likely things will not change. You didn’t go on dates, only did one thing on your list, and never received your card/letter even though you made clear that this was very important to you. Perhaps, this is just the way he is.
Ndawo says
woooow i really lent a lot form this and i have problems with my girlfriend i hope this is really gonnna help us. thank oyu so much
Alex says
How do I get my ex back I lied to her a few times and now we don’t talk and we haven’t spoken for 4 days and she snapped me once in those four days I love her so much I want her back tho
Giovanni Miah says
Hi Kate, in the first place i saw that you are the one of one hundred people who actually give importance to the people seeking for advice, and you have all my respect in this.
I simply hope in a great advice from you. i will try to be short but clear if i can.
You see, i’m in this distant relationship from january 16 2018, i met this girl from lithuania the 3rd january til today, is almost 9 months together and it’s my first serious relationship.
during our conversations i showed to be (as she USED to describe me..) smart, cute, really mature, a passionate lover , sensitive and thinker, and due to her struggles with her being still immature and childish, i had to help her to figure out how to control herself about things the she thought were funny (like drinking, which i don’t appreciate) and to control the environment because her communication issues with her mother were low, unclear and disrespectful (from mother side). time goes, i love her, i care for her even in the distance and finally i get to meet her, she helps me with one of my traumas in my past relationship, which i told her (it was difficult as i really can’t stand dirty minded jokes and she were doing them really much. up to a point i couldn’t stand it, that day she cried because i did not want to tell her what ws wrong with me, she felt i didn’t want to speak with her, the same night i told her that kissing for me was a real issue, i couldn’t because of the treatment received in the past relationship. i tried to kiss that girl and i was really excited and i was shaking. and because of that she made me feel a person without any “skills” i can say and embarassed me by pushing me back. it was so hurtful that i had nightmares.) once i told her she was angry on that girl, really much, she asked me “so, i can’t kiss u” and i said, that she will need to give me the time to build the confidence if i wanted to kiss her.
well, once arrived in lithuania she tried to kiss me 3 times during the day and i noticed it. she respected what i asked her about and is one of the many fantastic things that she did for me.
of course, i coulnd’t let her unsatisfied, and i kissed her the first day i met her.
time goes, the first week gave me the opportunity to have my first time with her before going back to england (i’m italian but those r external details) and it was new, and it was strange, and she was shaking like it was the first time for her…. and the last sentence, is not an affirmation.
once i came back i asked her about her past… not nice. nothing extreme thanks god, cause if not i would leave her after knowing something worse than what she told me already.
and that made me feel confused, as it made her feel ashamed.
my consideration for her went down, but my respect, love and care increased. (things that other people apart her family never gave to her. apart one family member, which probably is bringing us to one of the issue i will tell u about. so she never knew what was being respected)
it was a hard struggle for me. is a constant suffering because, im far away, she still has contacts with some of those ex’s, and i never felt i could trust her fully. and it settled my love in a really big chalenge for my mind which i never went trough before. i was and still I AM unprepared for things like this. but im learning and really about her past, i think about it sometimes, rarely when im with her, but i think on what i want to receive and apprecate today. which i know, i not easy to learn and train the mind for it.
time goes again, i am sensitive, emotional, overthinker and analyzer, anxious, i struggle with my father and with the acceptance that i’m still building for her, maybe i got depressed, i miss her. and i start to feel that i don’t receive enough affection during the distance. and i’m in a point where i’m “dried” of any kinf of mental energy i suppose to ave when i’m in love.
you see, she told me that she was romantic and she was sharing feelings but none of the previous boyfriend ever appreciated it, respected it and replied it probably. so she stopped opening her heart, feelings, thoughts… and one of the things i still don’t understand is why she doesn’t try to do the same for me. as in the distance the only thing it works is the communication.
i’m super romantic, im sensitive, im poetic and sweet, i give her all the attentions she might need. and she started to build up confidence on her beauty because she never had fully, and simply now, my words are not replied back, and my compliments don’t have any value anymore…
it feels like i’m saying things for nothing.
but lately i gave up. i might need to accept her for how she is and i did it actually if i endured 9 months and i’m still trying to communicate my feelings to her wether all i get is.. nothing. not even an opinion…
and is starting to hurt me…
i go to lithuania again for a long time.
in this period of time there was tension in my mind as i went against my father and i went to see my girlfriend (as nothing will stop me) and simply i didn’t want to go back to him cause i’ve been kicked out. i was crying in front of her few times and she felt less comfort and less trust to talk with me. she thought that i wasn’t enjoying the time together and i was emotional and anxious all the time. well, after all that happen, all i got to know and the previous distance, it’s obvious that i might look insecure all the time. it’s normal i guess…
she simply closed up and didn’t want to talk with me as she used to do. she says (i don’t know if is an excuse) that she felt stupid and she didn’t know what to say and if she should be quiet because of my moods, she felt i was judging her way to think, which both of us know that is not mature enough for a high understanding of the situation, but i never judged her for her way of being. she might be joking and laughing most of the time, but i never said i don’t appreciate it even if i’m different. more calm and focused.
suring the summer she’s in england and i have the opportunity to see her. she clearly says that she came to work and save some money, not to just spend time with me. and i never asked her so much as just to call longer and be a bit more together after a wokr day. maybe to cheer up each other.
(and she might was stressed and nervous. i left home and i would be homeless if not for her. she saved me and she didn’t mind about money. so during the summer we had many problems to think about. not so much time to relax and love. unless… from her side…)
her mom, or better EVERYONE who’s giving her opinions can manipulate her way to see the things… she started to think why i don’t earn more money, what i will be in future if i will not be succesful in a career, why am i lazy because i’m not asking for more jobs (when actually is not up to me, i cant change that) and just before going back to her home country, she realised she did a mistake. and of course, back to her help for me, she did it when no one else would. i dont have family here. and she took care of me without giving up.
now, we are distant again. our communication is almost buried alive (maybe i’m exagerating)
we passed to “let’s talk about our lives” to “hi, how was our day? you feeling ok? you sure? what did you do today” and then silence…
she never speaks out her feeling which is bothering me. i stopped giving her so much like writing poems and let her know about my feelings too… i’m constantly scared that if i say i miss her i look weak as she represses the feelings and the missing so she “won’t suffer the distance” when actually she’s hurting me… my mom suggested me to stop telling her my feelings and enjoy the relationship as we are young and simply enjoy until is possible because we never know how long it will last… the problem is that i’m trying all the time to communicate with her and i’m such a bad liar… i can’t not tell her my feelings and what’s going on with me and most of the time i feel like she’s getting tired of me because what she wants is a normal relationship witout problems, what i want is true commitment and to feel her feelign so i can feel her close. i’m fighting to keep the relationship long as possible and i don’t want to force her to stay. but when i promise to be with someone til the end, i make sure i do.
we talk and chat every day, but i’m losing the hope, she doesn’t miss me so much, she barely says what she feels for me. she looks tired of me, but she can’t leave me. i wanted to break up lately, but instead i tried to speak out and see if she’s willing to do something for the relationship.
and she did, she, from the beginning, stopped doing dirty minded jokes, she opened up abour her self and her struggles and past. she is more responsible, more serious, more aware of things, more passionate, all thanks to me. she tires to change all she can, for me. and couple of time i heard “the old me would break up with u straight away but there’s soemthing that is keeping me with you because i can’t wihtout you. i need protection and someone to show me that this life is not just about wasting myself with the wrong people.”
i’m just tired. i’m expecting too much from her and i give her all my feelings and i just feel is not worth anymore… (and yes, almost 5 months i’ve been trying to make her understand this. i spoke up with her openly, but nothing really changed…) i’m slowly giving up and still my eyes and my heart thinks that she’s amazing. but soemtimes i hate her. i’m full of anger and i wanted to stop talking to her for a day, or a while, to make her understand that i’m trying way too much…
i don’t know if all this is the result of the distance, her lack of communication or my being sensitive… i don’t want to think this is the result of a unhealthy relationship because she really keeps trying to be with me even if it looks like i’m just a bother for her… and this is not the result i wanted in this relationship. i want confidence, trust, and simply seeing that all i say and try to do is truly appreciated… and i hope that me willing to not talk to her won’t bring more problems (her leaving me and find another guy) and at least showing that she looks for me (as she asked me why i stopped to write her my poetry. she needs it daily because it makes her feel good she says.) but what about me?
i relly don’t want this to be and unhealthy relationship… so i seek advice.
Kate says
Seems like you have confidence problems. You constantly need her to tell you how she feels about you. It may come out as being really needy. If she’s still with you, then most likely she cares about you, she just doesn’t feel the need to say that all the time. Perhaps, she thinks you should know that already and not question it. Some people are just not so romantic. You have to take them as they are. You can’t completely change someone. People are different.
Rain says
Hello Kate,
I courted a beautiful girl this was last 2013-2014. We were both studying while I courted but were on different universities . We had such great time together, we loved each other, we go out and celebrate the good day’s and special occasions we have, we laugh and smile, we accompanied each other anywhere, we lean each other in any problem, she is honest, loyal, thoughtful and has majority of the good traits. It’s like we were perfect match for each other but we don’t have label as Bf/Gf because she’s not allowed to have boyfriend until she is graduate from a university. And I understand that because we are still studying I respect her decisions and waited her until she graduated. But suddenly a few weeks after she graduated there, he let another man to court her. What I did is get mad on the first because It’s like there’s no one waiting for her to be allowed to have boyfriend. Until I respect her decision and just leave him.
After 2 month she got a boyfriend, this man is the man who courted him the reason why i leave her.
After so many year I still love her even of what happen, Still I did not look to any other girl because I really love her and I want her back. That’s why after 3 years I communicate again to her, then she let me courted her again even though she has boyfriend, she loves me I know that because I feel it.
But again she just disappeared she ignores my calls, my text and completely ignores me.
Another year passed by 1.8 years pass again I still want her back to me, I really love her every night and days I always thinks of her, never in my life I forget her. I communicate Again to her, again she let me courted again I courted her 2 months and counting .
this time she said to me that he cannot leave her boyfriend yet because his boyfriend might be in bad shape if she leave her with a reason that she love another man which is me, plus the situation is complicated because his boyfriend and her are on the same job company with the same department, so everyone knows that they love each other.
but she’s telling me that she loves me more than his boyfriend, she also said that if I can wait 2 years then she will leave the company and her boyfriend to be with me…
I know that she loves me more than his boyfriend because of the attention and time she gave to be, and she’s very honest with me and loyal. she never lied to me that’s why I have some kind of edge to the other man that courted her.
She even let me kissed her on the lips, and Hug her. We dated so many time I even meet her family, and until now we are dating but in secret with her boyfriend.
Don’t take this girl bad, she is so good kind-hearted woman who have fear to God.
She is someone worth fighting for, she is just too good that I can even get mad to him.
If you are on my part would you wait? what are your thoughts about it? please take time to read and give me some piece of advice…
Sorry for my English grammar
Thank you in Advance
Rain
Kate says
You ask if I would wait for her and my answer is no. You have waited enough, you have no guarantees that you will be with her in the future. She might find another man after two years. It seems like you are the second choice for love. If she would have truly loved you, she would have dated you in the first place. You said she is loyal. Loyal to whom? Definitely not loyal to her current boyfriend and she wasn’t loyal to you either. She asked you to wait and then ended up with another man. You say she is honest? Honest to whom? Definitely not to her boyfriend. Are those the traits you love in a woman? I would hate to see you one day in the same shoes as her current boyfriend right now. I think you are so in love that you don’t see the whole picture here. However, the decision is yours, no one can really tell you what to do.
Omarion says
I always chat with my girlfriend but it takes a while to reply me,even if she is online. Last time I called her on the phone and we were having a conversation. But later told me that someone is calling her on the phone and it was 9:30 pm. She quickly told goodbye and cut me off. I don’t know what to do now.
cole says
Hey so i’ve known this girl for a few years and we have been together for 2.5 months…but just tonight i told her i dont feel comfortable with her hugging other dudes and she said she still is and she doesnt like feeling controlled…im worried
cole says
can you help me
Emmanuel says
hello Kate am pretty down right now don’t really know what’s going on between me and my supposed gf. she talk to other guys like she’s single and sometimes lie about me to them..when she is with me she’s fine but when any of the guy calls and I talk about it she’s always cutting me off..we’ve had lots of fight cos of this and sometimes she threatens to break up bt later wen we talk she says she won’t ..like every time we quarrel it always come to break up..she z a very wild person who probably wants to av lots of fun BT am a very calm person who is scared of losing her…please what can I do to make her see things through cos I was planning to ignore her for a week…
Mike says
Hi Kate,
Interesting Q&A. Well I have decided to ask you this tricky one. We are both very confident and successful professionals, live lives on a plane. We met over tinder and so far have meet her in her home country, she came to my own, meet part of her family and she meet my parents and family too. We intensively love each other like it never had happen before to any of us. We match our lifestyles. My family love her, she love my family as I do to her. She is been willing to move when ever I am (country wise) and I am willing to do the same. She would join me in an around the world sailing trip, and road trips in South America. She can perfectly fulfill her dreams with mine as well. This is like wow! Perfect!
Now this is the thing, as she likes to feel free to do what she feels, some recreational stuff. We put ourself in the position of what about if you feel to have sex to someone else (I question her). She said she doesn’t know. Her current mind set is to feel as a free soul (my assumption). She explained to me that she felt very controlled and restricted in her last marriage (1year ago) and trying to deal with it with therapy. I am a loyal guy when in love and loyalty is a moral value to me.
I am a very confident, but I want to give it a try. She is really struggling with this right now and she went through all the process of suffering thinking that our relationship might not be possible. She said she need time so she can put herself together and she is very confuse herself. But she still want me to hold on this and ask me to work on the issue with her.
She never wanted a relationship again after her second marriage until she meet me.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do as my feelings are also really strong and we miss eaxh other big time.
Would you please be so kind to give me you honest opinion?
Kate says
So you are in love with her but you also want to get intimate with someone else too? I have different morals and values so I can’t really give you advice on this.
Marcos says
Hi Kate
Thank you for your replay, I will try to summarise to make it easy:
No, I don’t want to be with someone else, I have strong morals and I only want to be with her.
She said that she is not sure if she can promise to be loyal in a sexual point of view. This happen when I mention that those skirt of behaviour are unacceptable to me.
Many thanks again.
Mike says
Hi Kate
I forgot to say! I am a really hearted person… would you be so kind to get back to me or should you provide me a number I could call you will be great
Thank you 🙁
Mike
Scott says
Thanks it really help me alot thanks
Rahul says
Hi
Me and my gf are togeather its been one year I love her way too much as she is beautiful people say that she is very pretty but i have never loved her for her appearance the person she is inside I love that girl I am available for her everytime when she needs me whenever she calls me up I pick up the phone immediately I take care of her smallest of things I am very expressive in our relationship she is not I will always say I miss you very fewr times she say ,she says she will call me but forget to call me I never did that I think I am way too much into her my world revolves around her that’s the problem she takes me for granted I want to make her realise my importance what should I do..?
Adrik says
Hi Kate,
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 8 months and the moment I saw this girl for the first time my heart sank and I fall for her more and more everyday and and we are both in high school and go to different schools that are a few minutes away from each other and we have done so many incredible things together and every second I spend with her is the best moment and moments of my life. Whenever I am down she always makes me smile with here smile. But I can never make her smile when she is down, how come? Why is it that I always have to ask my gf multiple and multiple times to do something before she does it? Why is it she never posts things about me or us unless I post about her or us or ask her when she is going to post something of me or us? Sorry in advance if I am asking a lot of questions but I just want an expert to help me.
Also the other day this guy told me my gf sent him videos of her in the shower and saw part of certain things, like I trust my girlfriend but something inside me is telling me she did do this, how do I know or find out if she really did or not?
Also my other question is the other day I called my girlfriend, it was a super short 10 min call because I needed to go do something and I called her and asked her how her day was and if anything fun or exciting happened at school today and she answered those questions, and then we talked about other things but not one time in that 10 min FaceTime call did she ever say how my day was or any of that not once or even close to that topic, I don’t ever remember the last time she has ever asked me how my day was or any of that, she use to do it a long time ago but not anymore like to me for my gf to do that feels like she doesn’t give a ….. about my day or how it was and also feels like she doesn’t care about me enough.
What do I do? Do I point it out to my gf that she does this? Do I ignore it? What can I do moving forward to hopefully getting her to do this stuff again?
Thank you so much for your time, I need some advise really badly. Thank you!!
Cjloha says
Hi Kate,
So my girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 10 months now. Things seemed to be going great. We took a trip out to California to meet my father and while we were there she said she couldn’t wait to be my wife. Then from January-February she got back into school and work and helping take care of her three younger siblings. So she started messaging me and finding less time for us. I started to freak out a little bit but realized it and bought a book that helped me get over the fears of abandonment. Fast forward two months to the 17th of February we were at the spa together and she broke up with me but then got back in the same day. Her reasoning for initially trying to break up was that she wasn’t happy, that she didn’t know what she wanted out of life and she needs to learn to love herself and that she doesn’t need my love. She wanted to remain friends however. I tried to reason with her but she was pretty adamant on the subject. So I accepted her wishes and we continued our day together as friends. About 1.5 hours later, we were lying in an area where you can relax and she turns to me and says “she’ll give us another chance” wanting to make sure it wasn’t out of pity I said “I only want to do this if it’s what you really want” she said yes and that she still loves me. For the next week things were like old times. But then this current week, she’s back into the same habits, lack of communication, not wanting to hang out, not saying I love you back or using babe. She did all that right before we broke up the first time. Everything we talked about that I had been contributing negatively I’ve been consistently working on daily, but I’m not sure what to do when she’s very closed off and I want her to talk, but I also don’t want to push her away more by bombarding her. Currently I’m about to try the giving space tactic mentioned above so that she will miss me a little since I usually make it a point to at least say good morning and goodnight to her. I’d greatly take any advice that can be given because I truly love this girl.
Joe says
Classic mainstream article.
Just be really really nice and she’ll miss you.
If she doesn’t miss you, be even nicer.
If only real life was that simple…
Abas Akpan says
I’m very glad for this article. The writer is a great and an experienced lover. But please I need an assistance. The girl I’m loving now is so much in love with me. I haven’t been in love for ten years now, but girls have been coming my way. Girls like me but I’m not always interested, even when I would feel lonely sometimes, a move into a relationship had given me tough time. I met her January last year. She didn’t give me a time to talk with her, she rejected me and refused to give me her phone number. Her female friend likes me, and knew I loved her. She finally responded positive few months ago, she shared most of her secrets with me, and always need my advice. Sometimes she would tell me “you’re a great man”, “you’re talented “, you’re good at everything. But when I asked if she loved me would say she doesn’t know. She doesn’t need gift from me nor money. Meanwhile, she finally accepted me last week. She is deeply in love with me now, but wanted me to promise marrying her. She says she has seen everything she needed in a man in me. I had to promise her because for long I’ve not loved a woman but I love her so much. She attempt to tell her mother about me. She tells me nothing in this life will make her disappoint me. She came to me yesterday, she gives me all of her, kiss me, laughs with me but DOES NOT WANT S*X WITH ME. I attempted, she repudiated and swell she can never make a mistake to give a man s*x again until she’s married. But she’s not a virgin, why would she deny me s*x when she truly loves me? Meanwhile, we are going to be far from each other by June /July; she’s going to her brother to further her studies while I’m leaving back to my home which is far away from hers. She’s giving me five years before we can marry because of her plan to further her studies. Now it’s obvious that it may take years before we can be meeting ourselves. Please I need advice. Will this relationship work, or should I disturb her for the sex or I should bear.
Roinuj says
So in 2017, my cousin hooked me up with her childhood friend that stays about 8 hours drive from where i stay. At the time she had a boyfriend but we vibed to an extent that we developed feelings for each other. Initially, she asked my cousin not to tell me that she had a boyfriend but I later found out myself. Even though I have never met her physically, we both felt so attracted to each other but eventually she loved her boyfriend more than me. So we stopped talking up until a month ago. She visited my town for a few days and met my cousin and asked about me, my cousin gave her my numbers and we started talking again. About two weeks later all those feelings that i thought were gone came back and i expressed myself. She told me she felt the same and we hit it off. Because of the distant factor, we got jobs so we can have money to meet up on a regular basis, but ever since she got her job, she has been scarce. She only greets me in the morning and doesnt reply to my texts…then she greets me again in the morning_and again the sweet messages i send to her dont get any reply. I know she will be probably tired but Im starting to feel like shes losing interest in me. She does’nt chat to me the same way we used to before she got the job. And its not like shes the only one working, I also have a job but every chance i get to check up on her_I take it!
fhila says
tanx
fhila says
but how can I treat a guy who really wanna snatch my gf
James says
Hello Kate,
I want your advice about something… My girlfriend and I have been together for half a year.
I’m the type of guy that gives her literally everything, but for the past half month she replies after at least 5 minutes and whenever we chat, she does something else on a regular basis… For example, we we’re talking yesterday and I sent her that I love her, then after 10 minutes and she said that she was watching YouTube, while we had a very romantic conversation before. This means that she skipped the conversation for something that is not important… She does that a lot lately and I think that I have to do something about it, and quick! Also I am sure, that she is not committed on me. Furthermore, she says that in the future she would like to have a break, but I know that I can’t allow that happen. Can you give me some advice? I’d appreciate it a lot.
Thank You,
James
Candan says
Wow, after reading this list and the comments from a variety of boyfriends on here, I’m beginning to realize the guy I’m dating isn’t that interested in me after all…
Jackson says
Hi kate . I met this pretty young lady on social media. We got talking and we agreed to be just friends , as i didn’t really see the possibility of getting to meet her soon. This id dur to the fact that we stay miles alart from eachother. Eventually, i got interested in her . On the other hand it seems she got guys trying hard to impress her , to be in a relationship with her . But she has once told me she was single and not interested un a relationship , when i asked her about a male friend she spoke about .
I try to act mysterious sometimes , by showing interest and disappearing, by giving her space. she knows i somewhat like her .
The thing is i want to have something special with her . that would make me arrange our first meeting . should i tell her how i feel about her before meeting eachother ？I think shes amazing .
Shay Kepler says
What do I do in this situation?…
I wrote her this and then she responds with this.
“Idk how else to say this but I’m never going to be over you… And I know you may think Oh sure whatever, in 3 or so months I’ll be over you but I just won’t be. I know you focused on the negative towards the break, but I honestly don’t believe we never will be well together, yes I get that the two of us at times were explosive but love is hard it takes work, especially me.. I needed work… Since you’ve not been in my life I realise every single day the things we did that hurt us, different ways we could’ve communicated or certain things we let go to far. Things said and done from hurt an anger. And everyone handles pain and hurt differently. I believe with all my heart that this break is all it is a break.. you’re probably thinking that if we were to fix things with us it would just go back to the arguing and fighting a few months later, I disagree. There’s nothing in this world I want more to wake up with you next to me and make you coffee cause you’re still tired, I think I’ve matured in the point of understanding the love you deserve. I don’t want you to carry any burdens feeling like you’re doing it yourself, I want to take the weight and help you carry it, when one of us are struggling we reassure that were not only one and be there for one another not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. Build one another together not down but up.. One of us is having a rough day, well that’s fine honey I’ll take care of it just relax I got it covered. Love isn’t just physical attention it’s ALL attentive. Being alone knowing that the woman I love so dear to my heart, is in pain and I can’t do anything about it makes me want to break down.. I didn’t show you that like I should have. I’m not saying I’ll change cause that’s preposterous, I’m saying I’ve grown, had life altering realizations. I value your love above all else and it’s you who picked me up while down and you carried me way longer then you deserved, being sober helps me think clearly and since I don’t smoke anymore I’m not relying on a crutch. Day in and day out my mind races thinking of ways I can grow in our relationship. I feel like you’ve felt alone and isolated and that’s not going to happen anymore. I told a week ago you’re going to see big changes in our relationship and life with another. I have a self system to help guide me. I’ve never been so light weight and clear minded.. I fought demons for 6 years losing a battle to addiction, and most of all… excuses. There’s absolutely no excuse to the past but im owning up to all the blame. You are so fucking special, the most in this world. Humanity doesn’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you…. I don’t deserve anyone cause of how I have been, I’ve been a freaking scrooge, but most of all I’ve been a jerk to you.. I pulled my head out of my ass and I’m becoming the man you do deserve. I crave your presence more then any drug I’ve done or known to man. They say you don’t know what you have till it’s gone, well I agree. I’ve been a foolish boy not cherishing what he has, I’m done being a boy. I’m YOUR MAN. And I always will be, love grows together not apart. I feel like a empty dark hole without you and I tried to fill it with anything i thought would make me feel better but I realized that.. no matter what I did, it only dug me deeper until it was so pitch black I couldnt see the light above my head. That feeling is so hallowing. All the while you were only trying to love me and do your best…. so I’m sorry if I don’t believe that we aren’t well together, I feel in my soul all the things to fix us and can prove it with actions not just words… I would sell my soul to the devil himself if it meant I’d get to spend even one day longer with you as your partner. I just love you so much, so so so freaking much. We are amazing together when we work as a team. I beg you If you could please just give me a chance to show you you’d never be disappointed, hurt, or treated anything other then my other half of my lifelong symposium..”
Her response: “I can’t give you a chance.. I need to do what I feel is right and right now that’s not you”
Vaibhav singh says
Me and my gf has now in relationship for more than 3 months. She was in a relationship with a guy for 3years. She said to me to do not contact her past friends, when i asked her why she said that she don’t like me having conversation with her old friends just because of her previous relationship.
She is in instagram. when i followed her first time she said that she doesn’t follow me or accept my request either because if she follow me then my name can be seen on her mutual friends which will lead me to make friendship with her past friend.
One day we have an small argue and she said that she is going to quit insta and only be in calls and whatsapp. She deactivated her account for a while then she started it again after a week and just blocked me thinking that i am not going to know about it. I trusted her but after a month i accidentally found her using insta so i called her and talked to her about it. She lied to me over and over. She said to me that she has just started the insta account and when i asked her to give me her insta account password she first refused then after some time she gave it to me by deleting some chats with their friends. They deleted the chat with 2 boys i thought. But when i asked her why she deleted she refused and said that she haven’t deleted any of her chat. She just said to me that she is using it from today but when i checked her notification page i found the activities of previous 3 weak. Then i directly contacted her to ask her why she lied to me she again lied to me. She first said that her id is been used by her brothers. But when i checked the notifications i became sure that she had used insta the when i asked her about it she again lied and that she had just started instagram 3 days ago which leads my trust off her. Then the conversation lead to an argue and we argued for an hour then i said to let the think go and make a new start. I put a condition in front of her that she will never lie to again then she agreed but didn’t apologized about her mistake. I asked her that why she had lied to me around 10 times but she didn’t tell me instead. Then after 4 or 5 hour i put a status for her saying that “i don’t care” on whatsapp then she messaged me and apologized after seeing the status. If its all about trust then i want to tell you one more thing that she had also agreed to have sex with me.
Now my questions are
1. Is i am in a good relationship?
2. Why she lied to me and haven’t accepted her mistake cleary?
3. Should i carry on this relationship or not?
4. Is she using me?
5. Should i have to give her more time to get comfortable with me?
6. How can i make her to tell me the reason why she lied to me?
Or
7. Am i overreacting about a small topic of instagram?
Buddy i am so confused about what to do further. Please reply me as soon as you can.
Please i really need help about my relationship.
Anso says
Hi, my gf break up with me at latenight saying i need some space,iam bored, want to be single and i need some time and distance but she tex me the next day saying ‘morning’ but i ignore her cuz m angry with her but she tex me often that day,next day i text her she reply my message very Fast but it seems like she doesn’t want to talk to me, she ends the conversation first what should i do
Jacks Anod says
Thax
Maximus says
I have been in a relationship for 5 months now and is my first relationship. At the start we used to talk for long, she calls me text me and other things but lately she has been reluctant to call and text me often. She claims she loves me so much and I do love her but her behavior of late has changed. Please what do I do for her to miss me all the time?
Khan Arthur says
I really like and appreciate this impressive tips
Danre says
My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years. I know she loves me and I her. The past couple of weeks she has been spending alot of time with her friends. So much that I don’t get to see her at all or talk to her much. She keeps asking me if it’s ok and I keep saying it is but I really miss her and alot has happened to me the past few weeks that she hasn’t even realized or asked about. I don’t know if I should keep telling her it’s ok she can spend time with her friends or tell her no we need to spend time together but look selfish. I don’t know what to do.
Waseem says
She is independent women, support her family, and we linked together from 7years, I love her so muxh, and she also love me, but in some situations she show me like that she is not love me,she also said to me I get back my my proposal, if I’m I don’t do that she also rude with me, recently I send her a romantic video, believe me she blocked me, and never talk to me again till that time, what I do?
Jaydan says
Im doing everything i can to prove that i care i wanna talk to my girl all the time cz im afraid if i dont she will lose feelings or start to think im bussy with someone els i want her to messege me and miss me like i do with her love her so much and i always say id rather be to much than to little but im afraid constantly wanting to talk to her is pushing her away😔
J.S. says
High maintenance b.s. Not worth it.
Richard says
Kate,
My girlfriend and I started dating in college when I was a sophomore and she was a freshmen, today she’s a Senior and I’m graduated. I’m busy with work and grad school, but still make time for her 2-3 days a week. She is always busy with school work and her sorority as she’s Vice President. We always make time for each other. We both sat down and talked for 2 and a half hours over the fact that she’s losing feelings for me. She said she doesn’t miss me as much as I miss her anymore and feel as there are days where she just doesn’t want to see me and that I annoy her sometimes. This is the first year I haven’t been with her during school and she said that me not being with her all the time has shown her that she doesn’t “need me”. Like she’s not so dependent upon me, which I explained is not necessarily a bad thing as independence is a good thing; however, she says that sometimes she just wants to be alone. She also has said that she doesn’t want me romantically very much anymore and sometimes she does but most of the time not. She has lost that spark and we want to work on the relationship and see if it gets better but we don’t know what to do. I feel as though I have maybe pushed her away by being too much for her lately but at the same time I feel like I need to be with her because I don’t see her very much anymore and the distance may be driving us apart? This is a girl that I planned on proposing to in a few months and we’re literally best friends. Please help. Thanks.
Mihail says
Kate,
I had been with my gf for almost a year. At the beginning it was hard cause i hadnt gotten over my ex and i didbt truly love her but she loved me a lot and stayed by me. Then we broke up because of my ex who i decided i wanted to talk to and who i still had feelings for (dick move i know please dont blame me i have felt too much shame for what i did). We got together after a couple of days because this girl really loved me and wanted to forgive me and things started going well. I fell in love I got attached and for 6-7 months it was awesome. We had a lot of arguments over silly things because our families are very different and we see the world differently but we always ended up saying sorry and making everything ok. A couple of months ago tho she started being a bit distant and more hostile towards me. She started to threaten me that shed break up with me (she had never done this before) and when i talked to her about it she said that she just keeps thinking of that time when i was still thinking about my ex and she didnt trust me as she did before. We talked it trough and decided to go on together but 3 months later she just broke up with me saying that she doesnt love me as she did before and that she only sees me as a friend. That she deeply cares for me but doesnt feel true love. I tried talking to her and telling her that its just a crysis and that i had gone trought the same period in the beginning and we cant get through it but she refuses to let go of the past and keeps thinking of all out problems even though we hadnt argued seriously for months and it was all going ok.
She wants to be friends with me and she says she wants to “rediscover” me and that she believes that things may work again after a while. Question is do i stay close to her and always be there for her like i want to because i love her? Or do i distance myself so she may miss me?
Derek McDoogle says
I like how you said that treating your wife really well, she will be able to miss you more. My boss told me that I will have to travel for a couple of moths and my wife is a little bit down for that news. I will try to do my best to make her feel ok and maybe sending her a box of fine chocolates so that she can see that I care for her.
rohit aggarwal says
thank you luvze for giving me wonderful information
Andy says
My gf used to talk to me very much some time ago but now she don’t even notices me. What should I do? I am very very upset
Omar says
My gf was sooo good and she was soo good when we was in a start of our relationship we are in 7 month relationship but now she is not same like before i can see the changes in her i want that she love me more and miss me and give a same reaction that i am doing for her the most i need that she to miss me and love me 😭😭 please help me and tell me what should i do i will be very thank full to you .
thank you !!!
Lostboy says
What if I as a guy do all of this and she doesn’t do the same back at least 40% of the time and it’s just me giving too much of my time, emotion and heart away ?
Joseph says
I feel my girlfriend who I want to marry is leaving me. I suspect she is charting another guy, so one night I picked her phone to find out whats going on, there I realized she is charting a guy about love. Since then the trust has fad away. She is behaving strange this day, she now have password on her phone. But first was not like that we go through each others phone. And she take gifts from the guy she chart with which she said it’s just friends. How do I make her miss me. I truly love her.